Thursday, August 30, 2012

Mary Worth 1,393

Views like, how long should I grow my hair? Maybe I should just let it grow out for a change.

Today's Full Strip

23 comments:

birdie said...

Mary is going to drive "Ask Wendy" into the ground. It's supposed to be advice for people whose mothers in law have decided to join them on their honeymoon. People expecting to read that kind of stuff won't be reading her boring lectures.

So when the gleeful firsthand reports that Wilbur's writing start to fizzle, he's going to find he doesn't have a job.

And with all those vacation bills to pay.

I guess he can sue the cruise line, though.

fauxprof said...

While the ghost in the machine talks to her, Mary can only manifest basic visuals in her thought balloons, in the form of giant floating heads. The only way she can distinguish between Dawn and Gina is the hairstyles.

Nance said...

Dear Wendy:
What can we learn from tragedy?

Dear Inquisitive:
Oh, I., so many, many things.
1. Life is brutal.
2. Except when it's not.
3. That People are helpful.
4. Except when they're not.
5. That bad things happen to good people.
6. Except when they don't.
7. That tragic incidents bring out the best in People.
8. Except when it doesn't.
9. That even when you are far away from those you love, you still feel close to them.
10. Except when you don't.

So glad you asked, and so glad I could help. Except that I couldn't.
--Wendy

Anonymous said...

Bravo, Nance! Your comment turned the queasiness I felt after reading today's strip into a smile.

Chester the Dog said...

She reminds me of Dave...

KitKat said...

"Aside from the obvious safety checks, each of us takes away different lessons." What kind of non sequitur is this, for Pete's sake? Mary's drivel bores me to death. I'd rather see Wilbur's jazz hands high-fiving Mr. Editor in the office of the Daily Planet.

Nance, you hit the bulls eye.

Thorpnotized said...

Get with it, Mary. You can get more in product placement kickback money by plugging Santa Royale Bank's debit cards rather than an online check printing company...
[From secure.checksinthemail.com -
"Blue Safety checks are the most recognized checks in America!"]

Moy should try using grammar-checking software on her text before submitting her work. Obviously her editor doesn't look at it.
[In panel one, "take" should be "takes", to match the singular noun, "each". Kudos to KitKat for using the correct verb form in her post!]

heydave said...

Like a laser shot to the gag reflex is today's strip. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Because I must not be as intelligent as the brilliant and talented Karen Moy, can someone please explain what the "obvious safety checks" are?

phoebes in santa fe said...

I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this strip. I lost the storyline a couple of days ago.

Dave in Parma said...

Now reading Mary's platitudes in 'Ask Wendy' may be boring, but they avoid the issues like I ran into yesterday when reading the comics in my local paper (The Plain Dealer) to my 4 year old (a.k.a. Runner Girl).

The inner two pages of the comics have Ann Lander's advice column embedded. Yesterday's column was from a Transgender person. Inevitably, each Wednesday, there's some advice question (affairs, etc.) that i really don't want to have to explain. Luckily she can't read yet. Unfortunately my two boys (a.k.a. The Thin White Luke and The Cheeky Fellow) love the comics and do now read.

All that said, the Mary worth Strip would be much more interesting if Mary stepped in for Ann Landers apparently!

Anonymous said...

If Dawn wants to truly change her life all she has to do is start wearing a pony tail.

meg said...

Obviously Moy is trying to attract the all-important freshman philosophy major demographic.

Toots McGee said...

Mary has already killed "Ask Wendy". Nobody is even writing in anymore. Seriously, who would ask:

IN THE WAKE OF TRAGEDY WHAT CAN WE LEARN?

Mary wrote that herself and now she's answering it.

Those new numbers of readers are negative numbers.

Shmoopie said...

I thought we finally had it made through this story with Toby and Chinbeard and Mary watching the incident/disaster/tragedy on TV and the promise of a new story for the new week. HA! Didn't see this new form of recap coming: a newspaper report by Wilbur - with plenty of Mary platitudes thrown in from the sidelines.

Mary Worth stories are reminding me more and more of a cow's unique digestive system. Just when you think a story cannot possibly go on, it's shunted into yet another stomach for further processing.

I found this interesting website (http://pubs.ext.vt.edu/400/400-010/400-010.html) and couldn't resist including a small excerpt here, somewhat adapted to our situation, of course:

"When Mary Worth ruminates, or chews her cud, she it regurgitating a bolus of incompletely chewed story. In order for the microbes to digest her sentences and all those exclamation marks rapidly and efficiently it must be in small pieces, so Mary re-chews her stories several times. Mary also eructates or belches giving off carbon dioxide, methane and platitudes. When Mary "loses her cud" or stops ruminating, it is an indication that she has a literary upset, and her rumen is not functioning properly.

Bloat is another condition that occurs when Mary Worth can't eructate..............."


OK, it gets pretty gross at this point, so I'll leave it at this. You can read the rest of the information for yourselves and dream up your own comparisons. Like what happens at the VERY end of the digestion process!

Dave in Parma said...

@Phoebes--don't worry if you've lost the story line. You should be able to catch right up on Summary Sunday, Fill-in Friday, Make-up Monday, Tell-it-Again Tuesday, or When Will This Plot get Moving Wednesday.

phoebes in santa fe said...

Forget it, Dave@1.21p. I won't have my wits to understand any of those strips. Will someone let me know when the next "story" starts?

TIA

Anonymous said...

One thing that may be learned from a tragedy of this magnitude is that it may be prudent to equip ocean going vessels with life jackets.

KitKat said...

Thorpnotized@10:22 AM, the verb tense correction was unconscious on my part. Karen Moy's real editor, if such a person exits, must be a drooling, slack-jawed mess by now.

LouiseF said...

Dave, you forgot "Thrum on My Head with a Bromide Thursday" and "Sink into a Soliloquy Saturday". . .

Shmoopie, your post is inpspired! I can never read Mary Worth again without thinking about a cow's stomach. You've really done me a service, since now I won't get impatient with a slow-moving strip. I'll just buy some gum and get chewing. . . . Thanks!

Anonymous said...


The cow's stomach analogy is way too generous for Mary.

Punky said...

I agree with Louise that Shmoopie's analogy is inspired. However, this is ruining the word "ruminative" for me, which I've always thought of a thoughtful process. In Santa Royale, though, quiet contemplation has clearly given itself over to "regurgitating a bolus."

Ben said...

Wait.... so they're talking about DAWN? The storylines have intertwined in such a subtle way that I am only now discovering the similarities between the life-advice and the trials of Dawn Weston. Moy is a genius.