Sunday, October 14, 2012

Mary Worth 1,434


Dear Wendy,

My boyfriend has a 100-year-old tortoise named Lenny that he lets roam around his apartment. When friends are over, he likes to put a dish towel over Lenny's shell and set drinks on him and use him as a serving table. I feel this is exploiting Lenny's innocence and cheerful disposition. Plus, the drinks sometimes topple over and make a mess, which makes me angry. What should I do?


Readers in Ohio.

P.S. Do you believe in reincarnation?


Dear Readers...

It's been said a long life is good. A short life is also good. What matters is what we accomplish while we are here... for ourselves and others. One day we'll look back on our lives and take stock of everything we've done. Why not make the view worth it? Bad things happen to innocent and guilty alike. We wonder: Why? We can't control what happens to us... only our reaction to what happens. We must do good while we can. It was Goethe who said, "Choose wisely. Your choice is brief, yet endless." Throughout the ages people wonder... why do bad things happen to good people? Some say we are the sum total of all our experiences... present and past lives. Who knows? What matters is what we do to improve ourselves and the world with our actions. HERE AND NOW.


Ask Wendy

Copyright Santa Royale Gazette. All rights reserved.

"Ask Wendy" is a weekly column written by Wendy, a fat bald man. You may write to her care of the Santa Royale Gazette.

Today's Full Strip


Punky said...

Apparently Mary needs the World's Largest Keyboard to be able to communicate with her talking monitor. My favorite part is when Monitor replies, "Who knows?" - kind of like the Magic 8-Ball replying "Ask again later."

And I find it especially fitting for today's regurgitation of empty platitudes that we are apparently viewing Mary's apartment window from Charterstone's garbage cans.

fauxprof said...

If Jim and Dawn are becoming a couple, they need a celebrity nickname, a la "Brangelina". So, let's see...Jawn? Appropriate, sounds like Yawn, the sound most of us make while reading Mary Worth. Or, even better: Dim. Yeah, that's the one!

Mike in Cleveland said...

I notice that Dawn and Wilbur live directly above Mary. Compare and contrast the panel Punky referred to with the Sunday, September 30 strip. An identical scene.

Anonymous said...

I had an Aunt Merry who was born on Christmas Day,

Anonymous said...

I had an Aunt Merry who was born on Christmas Day,

Peggy Olson said...

This couple is definitely "Dim." It describes them perfectly.

Mary at the giant keyboard reminds me of an Outer Limits episode. Perhaps the voice from the huge monitor is from an Alien trying to communicate with Earth.

The Alien's going to think mankind only speaks in trite phrases!

Thorpnotized said...


fauxprof said...

Mary's torso seems to be jammed into approximately three inches of space between her chair and desk top. Her hands appear to be growing directly out of her chest. It's just painful to look at, but it's hard to look away.

Nance said...

Is Moy setting us up for some kind of strange "Dark Shadows" turnabout to the storyline? Merry/Mary; a thinly veiled reference to reincarnation; the odd similarity of Jim to Mary; the fashion morphing of Dawn into Mary...ARE WE ABOUT TO CROSS OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE?!

(and are we to infer some sort of hint from the title of Wilbur's new column? IS he alive???)

Kiteflier said...

Dear Wendy,

My parents are long-time readers of your column. However, with the recent new style of Ask Wendy I have noticed my parents displaying disturbing new behaviors.

Before the new style, my parents would chastize me for not setting a table correctly, tell me to be nicer to my sponge of a brother at Christmas, and other tidbits of advise they read in your column.

Now they are continually telling me to review all the decisions I've made in my life but not to regret any choices, and constant quoting of philosophers, especially Friedrich Nietzsche (e.g. That which does not kill me . . ., God is dead . . ., etc.).

I'm quite upset with my parent's new attitude towards the world and their own lives and would ask you kindly to revert back to your old style before irreversible damage is done.



katyb said...

Mary doesn't know it, but her editor condensed her "column" to this:

Life is good. What matters is ourselves. One day we'll make the view worth it! Bad things happen. Our reaction happens. "We good!" Goethe (who?!!) said, "Choose wisely. Your endless!" Throughout the ages some say we are. Who knows? What matters is ourselves. HERE AND NOW!!! (Exclamation points added by an enthusiastic copy editor).

katyb said...

Also, Mary, in the words of Lucy and Violet... Nyahhh!

Mary's Old Lady Smell said...

Dear Wendy,

I am currently stalking a one-armed Ken doll. Should I be disgusted that he blows boogers into his only remaining hand?

Whining Stunted Brat