Oh, the difference a word can make. If only Tom had asked, "Will you let her know I called?" instead of "Can you." Now his love for Beth is doomed forever, all because Tom failed to say what he meant. Well played, Elinor Kinley, well played.
That Elinor is such a literalist. Poor Tom Harpman, doomed to a life without love, all because he's "interested" in a woman who lacks her own cell phone.
Does Elinor Kinley have ANYTHING going for her? She's crabby, rude, mean, conniving, and one of the most unattractive people I have ever seen. Oh, and she needs a walker or cane, too.
If anyone needs Mary Worth, it is she.
I'm awfully pleased to see the effect that Mary's cooking has had on Tom Harpman. Ever since he started eating things provided by MW, he's really gotten buff.
@Nance: how can you ask that?! Elinor Kinley is the most entertaining character to enter the Worthiverse in year (not ready to go so far as 'years' yet).
Oh, and you left 'dislikes asparagus' off your list of faults.
Mary, you've got your work cut out for you. Elinor needs to find true, reciprocated love. Who will you match her with? Wilbur Weston? Dr. Jeff Cory? Are their any other miserable, eligible senior bachelors who hang around the Charterstone pool? Work your magic, Mary!
I don't use a cell phone myself, so I don't know, but can you really hold them like that, with your fingers just arrayed across the back of it? Don't they have to curl around the edge a bit? Or don't you at least have to hook your thumb around the corner closest to your ear. Maybe these people are amphibians with sticky pads on the tips of their fingers and toes.
Gotta agree with neighbor Dave in Parma. It's been a long time since we've had a character as entertainingly nasty as Elinor Kinley. I hope Mary takes her time in reforming the old bat. It will be an epic battle between Good Witch and Wicked Witch. (But which witch is which?)
@Dave in Parma and @fauxprof have nailed it. An unreformed Jill Black might have turned into an Elinor Kinley. I'm hoping for a big flashback showing us exactly how Mr. Kinley got mad as hell and couldn't take it any longer with hausfrau Elinor.
Floyd Kinley: Elinor, I'm going down to the corner bodega for cigarettes. Need anything?
Elinor: No, darling hubbykins, but thank you for asking. Hurry back! The apple pie is almost done.
Floyd: (kiss, kiss)
Elinor: (kiss, kiss)
And that was the last she saw of him.
But in the intervening years, Floyd Kinley:
Sailed around the world on a series of tramp steamers.
Fathered a family of children with a beautiful girl on Pitcairn Island.
Entered and won the Hemingway lookalike contest in Key West. ( Key West Citizen: "Scruffy white beard, cute Hawaiian shirt, awesome flip-flops- what's not to like? This reporter is Ernest-ly enchanted and will be buying the winner a double Papa Dobles at Sloppy Joes.")
Entered and won the "STELLLLLLA!!" contest in the French Quarter New Orleans. (Times Picayune theater critic: "Never has a Stanley launched such an impassioned screech of pathos for his ladylove.")
Skateboarded down the side of the Great Pyramid at Giza at midnight on Millenium Eve.
Got to the OJ jury during deliberations. The verdict could have gone differently.
Challenged Janet Reno to an alligator wrestling contest in the Everglades. Floyd was defeated, but Janet fell deeply in love with him.
Worked as a professional Donald Trump impersonator in New York; many of Trump's associates left the Donald to work for the Floyd.
Romanced Camilla Parker-Bowles while Prince Charles was chatting with his plants.
Appeared on the balcony at St. Peter's when the new pope was being installed. (L'Osservatore: "Many in the crowd did not recognize the slight man in the white cassock, but all knew the man beside him- it was The Most Interesting Man in the World!"
@ Grammar Police: It's true Elinor would prolly never use the word "prolly" because prolly isn't a REAL word. That Elinor is such a frumious Bandersnatch!
22 comments:
Welcome back, Wanders!
That Elinor is such a literalist. Poor Tom Harpman, doomed to a life without love, all because he's "interested" in a woman who lacks her own cell phone.
Meanwhile, Elinor retreats to his small, green spaceship to contemplate his next stifling move.
"prolly" is not a word.
That Skelinor is quite manly!
I had a 4th grade teacher, Mrs Thompson, who would pull this same linguistic cleverness.
"Mrs Thompson, can I go to the bathroom."
"I don't know, are you ABLE to?"
"Mrs Thompson, MAY I go to the bathroom."
If Tom Harpman is such a great catch, why did his wife leave him?
Does Elinor Kinley have ANYTHING going for her? She's crabby, rude, mean, conniving, and one of the most unattractive people I have ever seen. Oh, and she needs a walker or cane, too.
If anyone needs Mary Worth, it is she.
I'm awfully pleased to see the effect that Mary's cooking has had on Tom Harpman. Ever since he started eating things provided by MW, he's really gotten buff.
@Nance: how can you ask that?! Elinor Kinley is the most entertaining character to enter the Worthiverse in year (not ready to go so far as 'years' yet).
Oh, and you left 'dislikes asparagus' off your list of faults.
Mary, you've got your work cut out for you. Elinor needs to find true, reciprocated love. Who will you match her with? Wilbur Weston? Dr. Jeff Cory? Are their any other miserable, eligible senior bachelors who hang around the Charterstone pool? Work your magic, Mary!
I don't use a cell phone myself, so I don't know, but can you really hold them like that, with your fingers just arrayed across the back of it? Don't they have to curl around the edge a bit? Or don't you at least have to hook your thumb around the corner closest to your ear. Maybe these people are amphibians with sticky pads on the tips of their fingers and toes.
Gotta agree with neighbor Dave in Parma. It's been a long time since we've had a character as entertainingly nasty as Elinor Kinley. I hope Mary takes her time in reforming the old bat. It will be an epic battle between Good Witch and Wicked Witch. (But which witch is which?)
@Nance: In Elinor's defense, she's also a grammar Nazi.
@Dave--Forgot that one. And I'm definitely holding it against her. Next thing you know, she'll say she hates pie, rainbows, and kittens.
@LaCieca--As a retired English teacher and current Red Pen For Hire, that's one thing I *like* about Elinor.
@Dave in Parma and @fauxprof have nailed it. An unreformed Jill Black might have turned into an Elinor Kinley. I'm hoping for a big flashback showing us exactly how Mr. Kinley got mad as hell and couldn't take it any longer with hausfrau Elinor.
Floyd Kinley: Elinor, I'm going down to the corner bodega for cigarettes. Need anything?
Elinor: No, darling hubbykins, but thank you for asking. Hurry back! The apple pie is almost done.
Floyd: (kiss, kiss)
Elinor: (kiss, kiss)
And that was the last she saw of him.
But in the intervening years, Floyd Kinley:
Sailed around the world on a series of tramp steamers.
Fathered a family of children with a beautiful girl on Pitcairn Island.
Entered and won the Hemingway lookalike contest in Key West. ( Key West Citizen: "Scruffy white beard, cute Hawaiian shirt, awesome flip-flops- what's not to like? This reporter is Ernest-ly enchanted and will be buying the winner a double Papa Dobles at Sloppy Joes.")
Entered and won the "STELLLLLLA!!" contest in the French Quarter New Orleans. (Times Picayune theater critic: "Never has a Stanley launched such an impassioned screech of pathos for his ladylove.")
Skateboarded down the side of the Great Pyramid at Giza at midnight on Millenium Eve.
Got to the OJ jury during deliberations. The verdict could have gone differently.
Challenged Janet Reno to an alligator wrestling contest in the Everglades. Floyd was defeated, but Janet fell deeply in love with him.
Worked as a professional Donald Trump impersonator in New York; many of Trump's associates left the Donald to work for the Floyd.
Romanced Camilla Parker-Bowles while Prince Charles was chatting with his plants.
Appeared on the balcony at St. Peter's when the new pope was being installed. (L'Osservatore: "Many in the crowd did not recognize the slight man in the white cassock, but all knew the man beside him- it was The Most Interesting Man in the World!"
@meg at 12:49 PM, huzzah!! (If any of these plot points appear in MW, we'll know that Karen Moy is stealing from the best.)
I still say this is Christopher Walken in an Oscar-worthy (or perhaps even Worthy-worthy) performance.
Tom should correct himself. It's not a "rain" check, it's a "nasty, ailing, angry, bitter old lady" check.
@ Grammar Police: It's true Elinor would prolly never use the word "prolly" because prolly isn't a REAL word. That Elinor is such a frumious Bandersnatch!
@KitKat, your 'hausfrau Elinor' comment triggered it, but it is now perfectly clear:
Elinor = Frau Blucher
@Dave in Parma at 3:30 PM, we'll have to imagine the horse neighing...
Apropos of nothing, I was watching "Muppets Take Manhattan" and discovered Joe's inspiration for Gina... right down to the pathetic thin ponytail!
I'm now determined to watch more Muppets movies to see if I can find other characters (yes, I'm thinking Magic Hobo!)
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