Thursday, April 18, 2013

Mary Worth 1,578

I used to improvise. I was in San Francisco. We played lots of games. What can I call this? I know! "Five Words or Less!" All sentences have five words. Maybe less. This is a fun game. Hey Theatresports! Word up.

Watch out for man-eating plants. (Hyphenated words count as one).

Today's Full Strip


fauxprof said...

Food Team? Are the checkers and baggers dressed as cheerleaders? Or is there a nutritional team that advises customers as to their healthiest choices? Like whole fish? At any rate, it's probably the sole source of Kelk and Flak in all of California.

(As to grocery store names, I lived in Florida for a time in my twenties, and never got used to the sound of Winn Dixie--although a visiting Florida friend was bemused by shopping at Acme here in Ohio--she thought that was where Wile E. Coyote ordered his devices from.)

Gina said...

". . . And after Food Team, I'm headed to the doctor to see if I can get this face-hugger removed."

Yahoonski said...

Another day, another face touch.

Nance said...

Go Food Team! Go Exclamation Marks!

The Panel Two SuperTom is so creepy, that if MW was capable of foreshadowing and had a more adult plot, I'd be really worried about Beth. But since we all know that it's just JG using some leftover Marvel Technique, she's okay.

I'm betting some chatty cashier rings them out and comments on what a cute couple they are, and some drippy dialogue ensues which wraps that part of the plot up. Then Mary can meddle/help with the Elinor issue.

Anonymous said...

Beth and Tom's perfect date! Go to the Food Team Store! They can thump the melons! They can squeeze the Charmin! They can make decisions together! Paper or plastic, which one?! So much grocery shopping fun! Five word sentences are great! But, not enough exclamation points!

Toots McGee said...

Smells like Food Team Spirit! Their melons are the ripest!
Their chicken salad is divine!
Shall we go together?!
What's wrong with your face?!
That's what I wanna know!

r u ok? said...

Beth Visits Food Team pharmacy!
Buys Elinor's Oxycontin pills daily!
Beth hasn't written one word!
Tom hasn't done any work!
Beth and Tom job searching?

Note: - Food Team is a full service staffing company that provides hourly employees on both a temporary and permanent basis.

Nance said...

@Toots McGee--
Best Comment Today so far!
You win the Interwebs!
I honestly laughed out loud!
You summarized both panels beautifully!
I am in awe!

KitKat said...

What a great coincidence!

Tom and Beth eat food!

Anonymous said...

Come on down to Food Team! Where everybody scores!

Dave in Parma said...


"Ok, hit it.....

I need to go to Food Team
To shop for some fresh food
I didn't want to ask you
but thought I might seem rude.

I saw the fear in your eye
When you saw my tiger stripes
But just a subtle face touch
And you withheld any gripes.

We'll buy canned grub at Food Team
Asparagus cans with generic labels
We'll bring them home, cook them up
And leave them on your table.

Mama Kinley will reel from shock
When she sees that retched veggie
Before we run fast out the door
We'll give her a wedgie.

Go Food Team! Go Food Team! Go, Go, Go, Go Food Team!

Toots McGee said...

Food Team, assemble!

heydave said...

There's no "I" in team!
It had to be said, so there.
Now what's for dinner?

NonnyMus said...

Local supermarket's called 'Food Master'. For amusement, call it 'Master-of-Food'. Like "Want anything at Master-of-Food?"

My first thought today? Team of Food!!

(Talking in bursts is brutal!!)

Maude Findlay said...

According to, there are 148 anagrams for ''Food Team'', but in this case, I think ''Fate Doom'' says it best.

Thorpnotized said...

As someone mentioned in a previous post, "Food Team is a full service staffing company that provides hourly employees on both a temporary and permanent basis." So if Beth is making a quick grocery run, why would she be going there? The only thing that makes this a coincidence is they're both food-related businesses.

Peggy Olson said...

Food Team is a large conglomerate that uses ruthless business practices to kill its competition. It recently drove the local Food Store out of business.

I wonder if Food Team sells Beth's Romance Novel (next to Santa Royale Magazine and the Charterstone Tattler)?

euclidmary said...

Tom Harpman, aka Edward Scissorhead.

Downpuppy said...

There may be lions
in the scary open veldt
wild empty background

Lost in the Worthiverse said...

Peggy Olsen,

Should Diner live in fear of Team Diner forcing it out of business?!?!?

KitKat said...


Could this conversation be any more stilted? I expect Beth will use it in her next romance novel. The imprimatur of the Seagulls of True Santa Royale Love can only mean that Beth and Tom are destined for a life of bliss. However, it appears that Beth is more in the foreground, so maybe she's not gazing at Hunk Harpman (with Wilbur-style chest hair right below his throat - euw!) after all.

Won't Elinor be irate when she learns that her evil machinations have been thwarted? She'll either have a heart attack on the spot or be subject to Mary's cliche-ridden "consolation." Go with the heart attack, Elinor!

heydave said...

Go green young lady
But please, Beth, please pretty please
Just go already!

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Lost in the Worthiverse said...

Tom and Beth are pleased!
They're going to Food Team!
They're going in one car!
They are total idiots!
Why do I follow Mary-Worth?!??

That Guy on the Roof said...

I wonder if Karen Moy is trying to appeal to elementary school children who are currently reading, "Dick and Jane". Or maybe she is tweeting her scripts in ... like 'phoning it in'?

Anonymous said...

I live in Boston; thus my comment. In this world of sadness and mayhem I thank you Joe and Karen for giving me somewhere, every morning, that I can go to for nothing more than simple stupid relief from real life. Thank you too, Wanders, for starting/maintaining this blog... simple, stupid, funny, smart, an oasis...

Vicki said...

"Food Team? Oh, no...I can't shop at Food Team. Mother and I got banned from Food Team after the little shoplifting incident in the Depends aisle. It was an "accident", really...

Dave in Parma said...

Saturday: are they heading to Food Town in a helicopter? It looks like Tom Harpman left the door behind Beth open so she can jump when he slows near the Food Town entrance.

And Beth: it isn't a coincidence if you wait in your window for Tom Harpman to appear and then chase him down in the parking lot. "Oh, fancy meeting you here!"

Anonymous said...

Tom's car fits with the Total Concept Cars of the World spam posted yesterday. Or maybe it is a helicopter. Or a hybrid.

Sandi Ego said...

Saturday, Panel One. Tom Harpman is a bullfighter!

meg said...

Sandi Ego- that's not how I spell it.

KitKat said...

Tom and Beth had dinner with Beth's crabby, controlling mother and an interfering old neighbor for what, 90 minutes tops? Yet here they are, seemingly partners for life, although they know next to nothing about each other. Even the cake competition made more sense - egad.

An urge to go, Tom? Perhaps you should consult a urologist pronto.

Nance said...


These two are so horrifyingly boring.

They are excited to discover that both of them are going grocery shopping and that they both shop at Food Team. They talk about being environmentally aware. They talk again about the coincidence of them both going food shopping.


Can we imagine her "romance" novel?

katyb said...

I think you need to add "quick grocery run" to your tags.

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Anonymous said...

Uhu, I think your writing skills qualify you to write Mary Worth when Karen Moy is out on a cruise or something.

KitKat said...


I'm beginning to get a glimmer of what went wrong with the first Mrs. Harpman:

Tom: "Woman, I'm home from work! Where is my dinner?"

Mrs. H: "I just got home myself! From now on, you can fix your own *%^$#! dinners! I've had enough of this - I'm leaving you, Tom!"

Tom: "I need to find me a lonely nebbishy woman who will always be there to cook my grub. Mom's dead, so she can't help. Gee, maybe that busybody Mary Worth can assist me."

Dave in Parma said...

Hmm--Sunday's print Plain Dealer didn't have the medical update on Elinor. 'The grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day...'

What Tom Harpman?! No Asparagus from Food team?

Nance said...


TomHarpman is really starting to creep me out. He has latched onto Beth Kinley like a baby calf onto its mother. Why is he so needy and why is he so ready to walk this complete stranger down the aisle?

If it weren't for the fact that this strip is written by KM, I'd think that we were in for a deeper, more sinister plot, like SuperTom is going to get really icky and try to kidnap her.

All he really knows is
1. her name is Beth
2. she wrote a romance novel
3. her mom is a *&#ch
4. she likes a well-balanced diet
5. she shops at Food Team
6. she drinks regular water
7. she is her mother's caregiver

Holy Crap. I know more about my hairstylist, and I am not near ready to ask her to marry me.

meg said...

Tom had to shop because he had just finished eating the leftover chicken soup and the lamb.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

"By the way, Beth. Did you get the message I left with your lovely mother?"