Monday, September 30, 2013

Mary Worth 1,688

Wait a minute! Iris Beedie lives at Charterstone? Wilbur and Iris have been dating for nine long years, and we've only seen her once since her son went to prison. I thought she lived in Fresno and the distance made getting together difficult. But, no, one lunch in nine years, and Wilbur calls it a relationship. Of course, for Wilbur, every lunch is a relationship.

For those who need a recap on the Tommy/Iris story from nine years ago, visit Josh's Sunday post at the Comics Curmudgeon and you'll be up to speed in about one minute.

Today's Full Strip


KitKat said...

After all that time, wouldn't you think Iris would have appeared at a Charterstone pool party? Maybe she didn't realize that she and Wilbur were in a "relationship."

From the look of Mary's right hand and arm, she's going to hurl that brown square item ("dessert"?) right in his face. Losing "Ask Wendy" and gaining a resident felon is more bad news than she can handle in one lunch.

heydave said...

Fabricate a story line from the thinnest of supporting material? Check!
Turn the expected return of column-sitting into high drama? Check!
turn eating a sandwich into a never ending story and now throw in some pointless utensils for extra padding? Check!

kathyo said...

Wilbur's coffee mug and dessert plate have magically switched hands during his walk from the table to the sofa.

Anonymous said...

What is up with Mary's face in the second panel?!? It looks like she just got tazered or suddenly started passing a kidney stone!

birdie said...

I wonder if Mary ran into the kitchen and made that chocolate pie using the special recipe from "The Help"? She can be pretty vindictive.

It's pretty sad that Iris is embarrassed to be seen with a prime specimen of manhood like Wilbur in front of her loser kid. Life is brutal.

It's even sadder that his response is to reassume the name Wendy and write an advice column. Exactly what is it about Wilbur's life that would make anyone want to take advice from him?

How does one get in on this story-writing racket? It obviously doesn't take talent, and Moy is rubbing that in our faces.

Nance said...

Mary is having just as hard a time keeping up as we are. She is scrambling to take notes on her cake.

Thorpnotized said...

It may be nine years since Iris' son went to prison in REAL time, but in Worthiverse time, it's probably been about three years, at most.

Anonymous said...

The "break-up" probably consisted of Wilbur calling her to invite her to a second date (at Jerry's Sandwich Shoppe) and her saying, "Wilbur who?"

meg said...

While Mary was away..

During the 70-odd days when residents of Charterstone and Santa Royale had to endure their bleak lives without the wisdom of Mary Worth, life kept right on happening.

Wilbur, who is currently repossessing Dear Wendy, was this (-) close to changing his life for the better. He slimmed down drastically, friended the Hair Club for Men, bought a suave new wardrobe (aviator specs,safari jackets, desert boots, ascots worn with windowpane check shirts) and reinvented himself as Will Burr, Danger Seeker. He was signed up for a reality show by Discovery Channel, and was well-positioned to put paid to Bear Grylls' career.

His show was to feature Wilbur, ur, Will Burr, in various dangerous situations and show his pluck and luck in escaping. Things did not go well. When surrounded by a forest fire (of his own careless campfire-making making), the famous smoke jumpers had to parachute down with giant fire extinguishers in order to rescue him. His overturned raft on the raging Colorado River rapids swept past him, and the excecutive producer had to throw him a life preserver. Finally, when cornered by a moose in rut, "Will" required assistance by a group of Boy Scouts who were hiking nearby.

After that, a decision was made to refocus the series and retitle it "Willlll-burrr! You Ignorant Klutz!". Network executives were very high on the comic possibilities and offered Wilbur a season-long contract.

However, the famous Weston pride kept Wilbur from making a public fool of himself, and he decided to go back to the arms of Wendy.

meg said...

Toby and Ian's fears came true, and his hours at Santa Royale State were drastically reduced (Ian is only an adjunct professor, his ability to become tenured having been eternally crushed by his messy divorce in order to marry a blonde grad student).
In fact, Ian is only teaching a single course this semester:
Hedonism, Foreshadowing and Imagery in Minor Scottish Cities in the Early Twentieth Century.

The text for this course is, coincidentally, Ian's self-published novel:
Thin, Ill-kempt Laudanum Addicts in Dundee Buy Raffle Tickets for which the Prize is a Crossing on a Big White Star Liner Sailing in April 1912.

In the meanwhile, Ian lounges around the Charterstone pool cabana in his tartan mankini and shouts at kids to "Git aff mah common area, ye rotten wee kids!"

Toby is trying to supplement the family income by selling her clown paintings, and she's had a stroke of luck. The night manager at the Santa Royale Hilton (a friend of retired hotel manager John Dill) has offered her a spot on the night clown-painting shift, catering to convention attendees, and she's been remarkably successful. All the conventioneers pay in cash, and each morning she returns home with a purse-full of cash.

The Beth, Tom and Elinor household has collapsed under its own weight. Beth got very tired of hearing her spouse and parent talk to each other in baby-talk (Is my Tommy boy weady for his din-din? Ooh, yes, Mommy K!) and has gone on the road to promote her latest romance novel, The Old Lady Who Liked Younger Men, and How She Died.
Her recent book tour has taken her to Goleta, Lompoc, Orcutt, and Pismo Beach.

Dr. Jeff has secured an ad hoc position as Night Doctor to Conventioneers at the SR Hilton. He frequently encounters Toby as they each go about their appointed rounds; occasionally a conventioneer becomes ill when Toby is painting his clowns.

Dawn is currently studying for her MVHTV exam, and when she has passed, she will be assigned to the heavy gray book cart team, supervised by a twenty-something volunteer. She and Jim have discontinued their platonic friendship, and Jim can frequently be seen (sans prosthesis) in the cafeteria, telling his tale of woe to other girls who look just like his sister (whose name and picture change often- this week, she's Daria and has blonde hair, the Merry meme having been retired).

The bad blood between Sr. Allora and Mr. Alora continues, and property maintenance has suffered. The pool is full of kelk leaves, and the grass is full of dog waste. (What? You thought Chester was the only dog in the neighborhood?)

So, as Mary mourns the loss of the job she did both intermittently and poorly, there are still plenty of opportunites for her to nose around and try to put things right, according to her definition of right. "Let the games begin." Mary Worth, 2013

heydave said...

Stand back, meg is on fire!

fauxprof said...

As Wilbur and Mary enjoy their dessert of sponge (not sponge cake, just sponge), Mary recoils to hear that not only does Iris still live at Charterstone, miscreant ex-con Tommy may be moving in, too. Is he still a druggie? Does he still have that stupid sausage-curl ponytail? Will this situation be beyond her meddling powers?

Stay tuned.

hekates said...

I, for one, am grateful that Not is taking on the meth fueled storyline after the finale of Breaking Bad. How many residents of Charlestown will meet their demise?

meg said...

hekates: Ironically, and conveniently for Tommy, the smell of cooking meth is identical to that of cooking kelk.

This could lead to a series of merry mishaps, with Mary being arrested instead of Tommy. I kind of love the visual of Mary being frogmarched out of Charterstone, shouting, "Toby, call my lawyer!"

Dave in Parma said...

Wilbur left the door open, and Tommy ensured he got sent away to prison to get away from what he saw.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

I expected more than a brief appearance for Chin Napkin. How disappointing. I will never understand why Moy fails to feature this compelling character who consistenty adds "gravitas" to her dismal plots.

Chester the Dog said...

This could be fun...then again it couldn't.

@Meg: Cjhester here does not go on the grass, he goes right in the pool!

Carlye said...

Mary is obviously thinking, "there goes the neighborhood!" We're going to have a felon for a neighbor? Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

Jack Worth said... Mary clutches her purse to her chest she mentally inventories her jewelry, her Precious Moment figurines, and her Franklin Mint "Faberge Eggs"!

Anonymous said...

All those weeks at Pak, undone in a moment... Mary has never looked worse....

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

OMG, Dad! You're really harshin' Mary's mellow! I'm lovin' it!!!

By the way, I'd rather read Meg's strip. It's much more entertaining! Thanks for that!

jack said...

And now Iris and Tommy are back, and Mary is willing to help them.