Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The 2013 Worthy Awards

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sixth Annual Worthy Awards!

Thousands of your votes have been tabulated! The citizens of Santa Royale have walked the fuschia carpet, and are now ready to congratulate themselves for their wonderfulment. They've taken their seats for what promises to be an evening of glamour, embarrassing acceptance speeches and political controversy.

So without further adieu, it's time for an opening number:

Here's a special encore performance of Broadway Legend Ken Kensington singing his classic "Some Enchanted Mugging!"

It's time to present our annual Aldo Kelrast Award. This coveted prize is awarded each year to a character who dies. And this year's winner is Eleanor Dill!

Congratulations Eleanor! We were lucky to have you as long as we did. Sorry we couldn't attend your funeral. We had better thangs to do.

And now onto our first Worthy Award!

The nominees for Outstanding Use of a Prop are:

Mary Worth for Yoga Matt-Ress.

Shelly Cohen for Bagels, Onions and Lox.

Mary Worth for Soup Pot.

John Dill for Cake Topper.

And the Worthy winner is:

John Dill for Cake Topper.

John Dill was unable to attend tonight's awards ceremony because he is in New York City studying with Chef Pierre. His trophy will be mailed to him. And as a special tribute to John Dill, his trophy is made out of pink sugar.

The nominee for Outstanding Floating Head are:

Beth Kinley for Nightmare.

Mary Worth for Beach Ball Head.

Tom Harpman for All Around Greatness.

The Girls of Pax for the Girls of Pax.

Mary Worth for Mary in the Sky with Dill.

Jeff Cory, M.D., for Heavy Matter.

Mary Worth for Patron Saint of Owed Favors.

And the Worthy winner is:

Mary Worth for Mary in the Sky with Dill.

Mary Worth was unable to attend tonight's awards because she is in New York City secretly dating Broadway Legend Ken Kensington. Her trophy will be mailed to her. And as a special tribute to Mary Worth, her trophy is made out of pink sugar.

The nominees for Outstanding Guest Character are:


Shannon Brown

Dr. Milton Smith

Elinor Kinley

Central Park Troll

Ken Kensington

And the Worthy winner is:

Dame Elinor Kinley

Dame Elinor Kinley is too sick to attend tonight. Her trophy will be mailed to her. As a tribute to Dame Kinley, her trophy is made out of pink placebo sugar.

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character are:

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Wilbur Weston

Toby Cameron

And the Worthy winner is:

Mary Worth

Well, this is embarrassing. Mary Worth still hasn't arrived... We will mail... yada yada yada... pink sugar.

The nominees for Most Beautiful Use of Nature:

The Beauty of Nature Cake

The Beauty of Nature Park

The Beauty of Nature Wellness Center

And the Worthy winner is:

The Beauty of Nature Cake

Accepting the award for his cake would be John Dill if he were here... ::sigh::

The nominees for Panel of the Year are:

Better than Carrie Underwood, but not as good as Julie Andrews.

Prestigious Names

Mary Relives Aldo's Death

Mary Never Spills

And the Worthy winner is:

Better than Carrie Underwood, but not as good as Julie Andrews.

And... accepting the award isn't Mary Worth... But I'm sure she's pleased. So far, we've got an auditorium full of losers.

The nominees for Best Hug are:

Mary Worth and John Dill

Shannon Brown and Mary Worth

Shelly Cohen and Mary Worth

Shelly Cohen and Dr. Milton Smith

Tom Harpman and Beth Kinley

And the Worthy winners are:

Tom Harpman and Beth Kinley

I don't believe it! Tom Harpman is actually here to accept this award! His wife couldn't be here tonight because she's home taking care of her sick mother. This is a new award category, and just goes to show that the Citizens of Santa Royale love awkward touching! Congratulations to the Harpmans!

And now, the moment we've all been waiting and waiting and waiting for: The nominees for Story of the Year are

The Widow June

Tom Harpman Gets a Wife

The Beauty of Cakes

Shannon Brown Means to Help

And the winner is:

The Beauty of Cakes

Thank you for voting and selecting this year's winners. Okay, okay... so we didn't have a lot of acceptance speeches tonight. But I'm sure we are all very happy for the winners! And who knows, maybe next year's Worthy awards will be held in New York City! Don't you just HEART New York? But its cold there this time of year, so I'm headed to Disney World. I'll see you in a week!


NonnyMus said...

Thanks for such an entertaining edition of the Worthy Awards, Wanders! You should give yourself one!!

HeavenlyJane said...

I bow down to you for that enchanted mugging video. We are not WORTHY.

KitKat said...

What a great way to start the day - another boffo edition of the Worthy Awards! Special thanks to the Founder of the Feast, Wanders, who deserves a Major Award for all he does. I'm so delighted to be part of the MW & Me community.

Yahoonski said...

FIVE STARS for the Worthies and their host. Tine Fey and Amy Pohler couldn't have done any better!

Nance said...

I thoroughly enjoyed the show from beginning to end. Is "Some Enchanted Mugging" on the jukebox?

Even though I only picked four of the Winners, I'm satisfied with the awards. Best line had to be "auditorium full of losers."

Thanks, Wanders. Love love LOVE coming here.

heydave said...

I choose, nobly, to believe that I had selected all winners. But aren't we all winners just for coming here daily? Huh?

And very nice vid, verrrrry nice.

meg said...

We interupt this enjoyable and self-congratulatory post Worthys afterparty to bring you a fresh plot development. Please continue to sip on your Manhattans, Old Fashioneds, and Salty Dogs while plot develops.

Dear Ken,

By the time you read this, I will be back in Santa Royale where I belong. New York is all right for some, but I prefer to live someplace where ill-dressed men in the park ask me if I am all right, and where I don't have to wear brown gloves with a pink coat because it is so cold. There are no taxis in Santa Royale, and if we have to go somewhere, we just hop right in someone's pink car.

What's more, in Santa Royale, we don't have to be on the go all the time looking at stuff. If we want to, we just sit around each other's condos drinking coffee and eating white pie. My special friend in Santa Royale is perfectly happy to eat the same food at the same restaurant week after week, and I never have to pretend I like bagels or lox or New York-style pizza.

And there is plenty of time in Santa Royale to have long gossipy conversations about other people's business, whereas in Manhattan, all we talk about is do you like New York and what do you like about New York and omigod, look out for that taxi.

Thanks for the fun. Hope you get your voice back, but I won't poach eggs for any old man.


PS You might want to re-think the style of your toupee.

Mary'sHairHelmet said...

Outstanding video!! Bravo!!!

Shmoopie said...

Oh, Aggie, your appearance was brief, and we will most likely never see you again (not even as a floating head)! I was really rooting for you in the Outstanding Guest Character category, but you were no match to Dame Elinor Kinley.
Congratulations all around, and thank you, Wanders, for another stellar MC performance.

LouiseF said...

Thanks, Meg, for such a pithy, complete synopsis of why Santa Royale is so far superior to NY. . .I think I hear Mary's volunteer responsibilities a hospital calling her. . . Perhaps Dr. Jeff can arrange a crisis need for some flower delivery. ..

Wool Worth said...

Bravo! And I loved the reprise of Some Enchanted Mugging.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

I just wish the recipiants of the Worthy Awards were more worthy.

Anonymous said...

Standing ovation here....bravo!!

Delilah said...

Lovely, lovely ceremony this year, Wanders! I would like to also thank the "little people" who have made this all possible!

heydave said...

If you scroll down quickly through all of the contenders panels, you give yourself the equivalent of ice cream brain freeze, but in a much sadder way.

Like you're watching someone's very strange life go by...

Anonymous said...

OMG! Is is any wonder I am so addicted to this blog??

Anonymous said...

Santa Royale is the place for me.
Sharing gossip with my friend, Toby.
Condos spreadin’ out so far and wide,
Keep Manhattan, just give me that old pool side.

New York is where KenKen will stay.
Fans still bringing up his old heyday.
Kenny just adores the High Line view.
“Mary, I love you but give me a plate of doo.”

… The Bum Boat wharf!
… A $10 scarf!
… Salmon Square!
… Old Times Square!

Meddling is my life!
Good bye, city strife!
Santa Royale I am there!

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Sometimes I'm really embarrassed that I enjoy Mary Worth so much. It's truly a guilty pleasure, but it makes me laugh. A LOT. Thanks, Wanders, for a fantastic gala evening. The Worthy Awards were hilarious! Now, to celebrate with some pinkcake!

Mary'sHairHelmet said...

Anon@7:07-- Brilliant lyrics!!

Such talent on display on this blog! I'd never bother with this comic if not for you guys. Thanks!!

fauxprof said...

Cheers to the Worthy Awards and all the brilliant commentators who make my day brighter! And, as the air seeps out of another pointless storyline (quite soundlessly, without so much as an interesting hiss), we can all bid farewell to the big city. I wonder what Dawn Weston has been up to?

KitKat said...

Ken and Mary appear to be using a ouija board in today's first panel, except they forgot the board.

Ken seems extremely calm about losing his lady friend of two days, doesn't he? Maybe he'll stick her with the check today, or do a dine and dash. (Ken has chest hair - bleah.)

In all her time in NYC, Mary has made no attempt to meet up with BobGina or John Dill. How can she stiff such important meddle-ees?

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

And the winner is Mary Worth, a woman who would rather fly off to Santa Royale than spend one more minute with a man who lives in a city with muggers and out of control taxis.

Jack Worth said...

Wanders, thanks so much for the awards. I am thrilled that almost everyone I voted for won. Aggie, I apologize for your loss, but maybe if we reflect on out past interactions we can find out why you are a loser.

I'd also like to thank Karen Moy for once again dashing my hopes for a good/interesting/palatable story on the rocks of dispair. I am thrilled to see that her mediocrity and shear lack of creativity is alive and well in 2014! Maybe Mary and the gang can tackle some tough issues this year. Like buying the best produce in the market or "Metamucil...laxative or gateway drug"?

KitKat said...

"It's been said" reminds me of "Mistakes were made." Knock off using the passive voice, Mary.

fauxprof said...

Why is Mary imagining a floating head of Boss Tweed as drawn by Thomas Nast?

Anonymous said...

It's also been said that Karen Moy is a talentless Hack who has a poor command of the English language and relies upon platitudes and tired plot lines. (And that aint said with a passive voice.)

Platitudinous said...

Hmmm. Why all the anger at the talented Ms. Moy? Review past interactions for possible causes.

Nance said...


I wonder how many times we've seen/read Panel Two?

KitKat said...

Mary's dull mauve ensemble looks like one of those funeral outfits for a dearly departed lady. Considering that she and Jeff are back to their predictably boring lifestyle, she may as well be dead.

Mary's holding the "I [heart] NY" mug she bought for Jeff, which she thoughtfully filled with shaving cream.

Someone gets paid to write this stuff?? said...

Writing (and I DO use that term very loosely) this strip could be as effectively accomplished by a deranged chimpanzee who just also downed a six-pack of Bud. Geez... Can't she even come up with a different activity or a different restaurant at least?!?

heydave said...

Floating head alert!!1!

Shmoopie said...

Looks like Jeff has been doing sit-ups and laying off ham samiches since we saw him last. Mary, on the other hand, looks simply crumpled today. Linen is so unforgiving!

meg said...

Why does Mary have a picture of Doonesbury's BD on her side table?
He's even wearing Jeff's shirt.

meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@ Platitudinous