Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Mary Worth 1782

"Wilbur... let me make something clear, and I really can't repeat this enough. I wore my most flirtations pink pants tonight because I want you to understand. Even though it's a buyers' market in the big city of Santa Royale, I thought it would be best to live in the same building as my ex-boyfriend so I can concentrate on my classes at Local University and my adult ex-con son. Now please walk me home, but don't get any ideas, handsome."

Today's Full Strip

69 comments:

Muscato said...

The only thing I took away from today's strip is that polo shirts do Wilbur no favors. Unless he's actually trying to emphasize his more-than-passing-resemblence to the later incarnations of screen great Shelley Winters.

KitKat said...

Iris must have changed into those fuchsia pants in the hallway. Yesterday's first panel shows no evidence of them, unless she had her yellow top pulled WAY down.

I saw the Great Lakes Theater (Cleveland) production of "Deathtrap" this past weekend. The play is set in 1978, and the lead actress sports a hairstyle just like Iris's. Now we know what era Mr. Giella is stuck in.

Nance said...

Iris is energetic and athletic. In Panel Two, she walks backward to be able to look Wilbur in the eye as she makes her point.

Wilbur has gained a great deal of weight since the Italian cruise. He could benefit greatly from daily/nightly walks with Friend Iris.

Shmoopie said...

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!

fauxprof said...

Tight pink jeans and Botox will not help Iris fit in at University. And, Wilbur? She's just interested in being friends. You should know what that means by now.

LouiseF said...

It's unsettling how unsuccessful the men in Mary Worth are at communicating DIRECTLY with the women. . . What message are we supposed to get from this?? Does Karen Moy think men are always as tongue-tied or clumsy as Wilbur?? Dr. Jeff?? ARe they just destined for unhappiness?? The women have lives. These guys are in pre-stalker mode. . .yikes.

Dave in Parma said...

First Iris finishes Mary's sentences. Now she's using her relationship strategy. Might we be witnessing the torch being passed?

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

If Wilbur had a twin, his name would be Tweedledum.

KitKat said...

Wednesday

It's the PLACE. Tommy was arrested for shoplifting there when he was a teenager! So, he doesn't know if he should list that as 'previous experience at this company' on the job application."

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

That Iris is a real catch! Way out of your league, Daddy-O. Sorry!

KitKat said...

THURSDAY

Wilbur can help Tommy make some good mistakes for a change.

Fascinating details in both panels today. In the first panel, it's fun to climb a tree and peer down at Wilbur and Iris, and some of John Dill's pink icing surrounds the bottom of that utility pole. Then we're whisked to the deep, dark jungle in the second panel!

heydave said...

In panel two for today, our young lover/friends/cafeteria pals look across a parking lot, only to see Tommy supplementing his non-income by selling baggies to school kids.

Dave in Parma said...

Maybe Wilbur can have Tommy take over his 'Ask Wendy' column, or if Mary doesn't want to part with that, perhaps the 'Harrowing Escape from Death' column.

Anonymous said...

Poor Wilbur... first, he's saddled with that silly name. Then, he is destined to have the physique of a meatball with appendages and male-pattern baldness. On top of all that, he has Dawn as a daughter. Can his luck be changing now that Iris is back in Santa Royale? Nah...

Gina said...

Apparently the gravitational force of the moon directly above him is squashing Wilbur's head. Or something.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

It's finally gotten soooooo bad that there really isn't anything left to say.

Schmacky Scmenge said...

Hello? (Tap, tap, tap) Is this thing on?

KitKat said...

We're in a holding pattern as Tommy wrestles with inner demons. "Some demons" showed up on Saturday, and they progressed to full-fledged "demons" yesterday and today. I hope when Iris opens the door tomorrow, the apartment will be filled with outer demons because we badly need some excitement.

heydave said...

Maybe those demons would like a little kite flying or fishing with Wilbur! Maybe a nice ham sammich, too.

Sandi Ego said...

Tommy appears to be wrestling with World Magazine and his own hair. Perhaps he could get a job as a Manny for Frannie.

Dave in Parma said...

Monday:

If Iris liked Wilbur the line would "I'd ask you in, but Tommy may be awake" and not "I'd ask you in, but Tommy may be asleep." (I shudder at what might awaken him, but I digress). Instead we get, "I'd ask you in, but Tommy may be awake, and he's already had a hard life. Seeing me still with you might be enough to push him over the brink."

fauxprof said...

TUESDAY

Tommy seems to be reacting negatively to the idea of working for the Post Office. Perhaps he was caught shoplifting there, too. Given the current problems the postal service is facing, are they even doing much hiring these days? And what about that felony conviction on his resume?

And what the HECK is that stuff on their plates?

KitKat said...

A search of the USPS Careers site shows no openings for Santa Royale, but there is a posting for a City Carrier Assistant 1 in Santa Rosa, California. Maybe Tommy can look into that, although there is an exam requirement. And, as @fauxprof at 9:45 AM notes, that felony conviction may be a problem.

I'm guessing the stuff on their plates is kelk kippers. And, isn't it admirable that Iris can speak while drinking, and without saying "glug glug"?

Should we issue an APB for Wanders?

Anonymous said...

Naturally, Moy hasn't bothered to check out how competitive post office jobs are. I guess she thinks Tommy would fit right in, because he always looks like he's about to go postal.

WakeMeUpWhenItsOver said...

Boy... that Wilbur. He's just FULL of useless ideas! (Gives a good insight into how well he must have done as "Ask Wendy" though we could've figured that out without this extra tidbit.) I'm surprised he didn't suggest Tommy looking into SantaRoyAlcoholHut for employment.

Sandi Ego said...

"I think you can manage the work". Wow, there's a solid vote of confidence. And based on my own neighborhood postal carrier, yeah, I totally see Tommy delivering mail. My mail lady races down the streets, small children be damned, regularly misdelivers crucial packages and documents, and once took all our mail from the mailbox because we didn't collect it quickly enough to suit her, forcing us to pick it up from the post office. She is surly and incompetent. Tommy seems to have perfected that demeanor.

Delilah said...

Maybe we should notify the Santa Royale PD that Wanders is missing. Oh wait, it would take about a month for them to respond...

Anonymous said...

Wanders - hope you're okay, man.

Delilah said...

Me, too!

KitKat said...

Wednesday

I second the comments of @Anonymous and @Delilah - Wanders, I hope all is well with you. We more than miss you.

Iris (and Wilbur, apparently) seem to be laboring under the misapprehension that job seekers simply apply at the local post office. (Memo to Karen Moy - it's the United States Postal Service.) "Behind the scenes" may be just the ticket for Tommy considering his prior "job skills."

fauxprof said...

Wanders, we miss you. Your Worthiverse family hopes all is well with you and your actual family. I'm hoping that you're all at some fabulous resort, somewhere warm, with no WiFi.

As to Tommy's prospects at the "post office", I looked up the USPS employment requirements. There's a stringent criminal background check plus mandatory drug screening. Tommy needs to concentrate on today's task, eating his soup with a tiny doll fork.

KitKat said...

The comment of @fauxprof at 10:58 AM prompted me to compare yesterday's strip with today's. Yesterday Iris and Tommy had plates with unidentifiable food substances (Iris even seemed to be picking up a piece with her hand). Today they have bowls, and, as noted by @fauxprof, tiny forks. What meal is this, and is there an invisible cook and footman in the apartment?

meg said...

I didn't realize that there were still grown men who call their mothers "Ma."

Nance said...

@Meg--Despite my best efforts to get him to call me "Mother Dearest", "Goddess Of All", or even the simpler "Wonder Woman", my 29-year old son will sometimes bellow a simple "MA!" at me when he is looking to be irksome. Normally, I am "Mom," but every now and then, he changes it up.

WANDERS COME HOME!!!

Anonymous said...

I think that Moy may be paying homage to the "Ma" Kettle era in honor of Mary.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Wanders, I hope you are well. Please come back. Love and kisses.

Does anyone read Judge Parker? It was hilarious today!

M. Trail said...

Any guesses as to what Tommy will find when he looks at the browsing history on Wilbur's laptop?

M. Trail said...

Wanders, come back to us!

Yahoonski said...

Tommy looks quite fetching today. I don't like to think about how popular he must have been among the inmates. Speaking of which, I hope Wanders isn't languishing in a cell somewhere, falsely imprisoned on charges trumped up by Moy and Giella.

Dave in Parma said...

How many bottles of Mabels Mark, John Daniels, or Western Comfort do you think Tommy will be able to buy after he hocks Wilbur's laptop?

Nance said...

THURSDAY

I see Eleanor Dill is visiting the Beedie household. I hope she has a calming influence on Tommy.

Tommy will probably get engrossed in all the "I Survived" stories he reads on Wilbur's computer. He'll realize how fortunate he is. He'll go to SantaRoyCuts and get a proper men's hairdo, stop at SantaBoyWearhouse and get a nice, inexpensive suit, and go get a good job. Afterward, he'll stop at Diner, meet a nice waitress, share his Triumphant Story, and inspire her. As to what happens in July, I don't know.

Anonymous said...

Where's Mary? We haven't seen her since March 3rd, after the lovely dinner at her house. Someone should go check on her.

KitKat said...

@Anonymous at 1:05 p.m., I'm concerned about Wanders's whereabouts. Mary is sure to surface soon. (Maybe Wanders's daughter is on spring break, and the family is vacationing somewhere warm without access to the Worthiverse.)

How old is Wilbur's spare laptop? Does it run Windows Vista? The keyboard is probably clogged with sandwich crumbs.

Laura Canon said...

I have always feared that sooner or later the blandness that is Mary Worth would break Wanders' spirit.
I hope they have long walks in the desert and basement group therapy sessions wherever you are, Wanders.

KitKat said...

Friday

Maybe Wanders took his family to the Pax Wellness Center. Pax has no WiFi to distract visitors from yoga and talk sessions. Shannon Brown is probably running the place by now. I am hoping fervently that Wanders returns on Monday. Never mind Godot, we're waiting for Wanders!

Well, we missed Tommy borrowing Wilbur's spare laptop. In tomorrow's strip, I hope there is a thought bubble illustrating Tommy's idea of mail handling. Last year the then-closer for the Cleveland Indians got in legal trouble when a package of marijuana addressed to the family dog was detected at the local post office. That may be the kind of mail Tommy's looking forward to handling.

Nance said...

FRIDAY

Ha Ha. I see what you did there, Tommy.

heydave said...

Um, they don't mean that kind of mail handler, Tommy.

Wanders, we're getting fidgety here!

Ken's Orange Overcoat said...

Hi Wanders,

I hope the hiatus isn't due to something bad. Let us know, m'kay?

Thorpnotized said...

I hope Wanders soon wanders back to the Worthiverse...

Dave in Parma said...

Hopefully Wanders just made an escape under the cover of Moy and Giella and all is ok.

Do you really need to take an exam to be a mail handler?! There probably is a civil service test actually, but all I could envision was an Iowa basics reading test (like my kids are taking now).

KitKat said...

I located Wanders's Twitter feed, but the last post was from late November. Oh Wanders, where are you?

Saturday's strip
Mr. Giella must have climbed into the WayBack Machine to draw a college classroom circa 1966. And, the guy sitting behind Iris looks like the young Milton Smith at the time his dad kicked him out of the house.

Anonymous said...

Okay Wanders. This isn't funny anymore. Even I'm getting worried about you.

Lurker Patrice said...

Something's very wrong here. I'm worried.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to go with the Spring break idea - hoping he's soaking up some sun somewhere. Trying to keep positive! What would Mary do?

Louise, NJ said...

So much is happening in Mary Worth, I know Wanders would comment if he could. He does live in MaryLand, after all.

I don't worry easily, my sensibilities having been dulled by 60 years of reading Mary Worth, but I'm very worried now. Wanders, I hope you and your family are in the best of health and enjoying a wonderful holiday. I can recommend the Spam Museum in Austin, MN.

However, a quick word to your friends would not go amiss. We'd all feel better knowing you're alright.

kyapiphi said...

I almost never comment- too intimidated by everyone else's wit - but am also weighing in with concern. Hope this is spring break and you forgot to tell us ahead of time. Hope everything is okay and we hear from you sooner rather than later.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I have an idea! Why doesn't someone post something really vile. You know what I mean. Maybe that's what's needed to bring Wanders back. I'd do it but I can't think of anything that's both funny and vulgar... well... I'll leave it up to you witty types.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Sorry, Wanders, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

meg said...

At the Grand Budapest Hotel, perhaps?

meg said...

Anonymous, please remove your non-family friendly post.

Anonymous said...

It's not me! I should pick a name so as not to be confused with the other anonymous!

Wanders - we can't wait to welcome you back!

Regina The NY Diva said...

Poor Wanders. I think the stress of having to read Mary Worth on a daily basis finally drove him over the edge and he's taking a well needed break. Or maybe, like Gina's family, she had to go into witness protection. Seriously, I hope everything's okay. I miss his daily observations. It makes my day a little bit brighter.

fauxprof said...

I'm worried about Wanders, so can't manage much snark today, except to mention that they sure grade civil service tests quickly in Santa Royale. Too bad, Tommy, but the background check would have been a problem, anyway

RJoy said...

This is it for using "Anonymous" to post. I'm the one at March 15, 2014 at 12:37 PM.
Hope you and yours are okay there Wanders.
Hi everybody, I,m RJoy.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Dear Wanders, Santa Royale misses you. Please come back.

Hey, everyone, Wanders's e-mail is listed to the right of the latest post. Maybe someone could e-mail him and see what he's been up to? I would do it, but I don't want to give away my secret identity.

Love and kisses...

Anonymous said...

Meg.... you obviously missed my point in posting a non-family friendly entry. I'd remove it if I could but I don't know how to do that. And, anyway, what is the point? I posted those words to see if Wanders was still around to moderate comments, and apparently he is not. I think we have to accept the fact that Wanders has wandered off and we have been left to our own devices. Good Night and Good Luck...

meg said...

Anonymous, I never miss the point. Click on the little garbage can symbol to remove your post.

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