Ian survives a head on collision with only mussed hair and a loose tie to show for it. On the positive side, the accident has freed his speech center. These are the first words he has uttered in eight years.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Hanna Dingdon! Hanna Dingdon, who? Hanna Dingdon the doorbell, and she Dingdon the doorbell, and she Dingdon the doorbell some more. She sent me to see if you were alright or if possibly you might need to get your hearing checked.
Just when I thought this story line was getting stale, a rich vein of material to comment on comes along. . . .Personally, I would like to see one MORE reason besides Hanna's eyesight or preoccupation to blame her bad driving on. Maybe she was ALWAYS a bad driver . .How about if she just gets referred to AARP's Mature Driving program? These schmucks at Charterstone sure are intolerant.
Just when I thought this story line was getting stale, a rich vein of material to comment on comes along. . . .Personally, I would like to see one MORE reason besides Hanna's eyesight or preoccupation to blame her bad driving on. Maybe she was ALWAYS a bad driver . .How about if she just gets referred to AARP's Mature Driving program? These schmucks at Charterstone sure are intolerant.
The Scene: the crowded confines of Mary Worth's apartment
The Guests: Ian, Toby, Wilbur, Iris, Dawn, Tommy, Elinor Kinley, Marie Benedetto, and special attendee Chester the Dog
Mary speaks: Thank you all for coming. This is a day I hoped would never come (but I'm secretly thrilled it has), but we must now implement the double super secret Charterstone Removal Plan. Tommy, thank you for bringing the Jerry's sandwiches- I hope you didn't make them yourself. Shall we begin?
In unison: "Yes, Godmother."
Mary: Here are your assignments: Wilbur, you and Iris will provide the torches and pitchforks.* Dawn, you will be in charge of social media and crank phone calls, assisted by Tommy, using his deepest voice. And I want you to set up a profile on the Groovy Grayhairs dating site- I'll leave the details up to you, but use the phrase 'must be over 90 with own car'.
Elinor, since you live just across the hall from u-know-who, you have a very important and time-consuming job. I want you to visit several times a day for at least an hour each time. You'll use one visit to discuss your lumbago, one to discuss the grippe, one for flatulence, one for agita- you get the picture; I know this is something you can do.
Ian, Ah knar yas a geet busy blurk, but Ah, er, I want you to stand in yon parking lot and stare up at her window for at least an hour a day. And don't forget to scowl. Toby, I'll depend on you to have pizza, Chinese food, SRFC (Santa Royale Fried Chicken), and so on, delivered to her apartment several times a day.
Marie, you live right above her, so I'm counting on you to play your collection of Ted Nugent's Worst Songs as loudly and as often as you can- clog dancing is good, too, if you can manage it.
Chester the Dog, you'll meet Tommy on her doorstep. Tommy will bring the paper bag and the matches; he'll ring the doorbell, and I'm sure you know what you'll have to do, yes, boy? Good.
I will be in charge of calling DFC, the health department, Senior Services, the DMV, etc.
OK, let's clasp hands and shout Victory! at the count of 3!
15 comments:
Ian survives a head on collision with only mussed hair and a loose tie to show for it. On the positive side, the accident has freed his speech center. These are the first words he has uttered in eight years.
Today we are treated to a cameo by Foster Brooks!
Ian's royal blue brocade sport coat makes him the envy of The Santa Royale University faculty.
Tomorrow, a band of angry Charterstone villagers, led by Ian and brandishing torches, march on the Dingdon apartment.
Hanna Dingdon! Can I borrow a cup of sugar?
Hanna Dingdon! Are we early for the dinner party?
Hanna Dingdon! Will you turn down that Rogers and Hammerstein? We're trying to go over our paperwork!
Hanna Dingdon! Do you smell that odor in the building? It smells like a tidal basin. Oh, no thanks...we already ate.
Poor Ian! Doorways at Charterstone are painfully small for him. He bangs every single part of his Manly Frame just coming into his home.
(I don't think Knock Knock Jokes have anything to worry about. Hanna Dingdon, while catchy, takes too long to say.)
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Hanna Dingdon!
Hanna Dingdon, who?
Hanna Dingdon the doorbell, and she Dingdon the doorbell, and she Dingdon the doorbell some more. She sent me to see if you were alright or if possibly you might need to get your hearing checked.
Just when I thought this story line was getting stale, a rich vein of material to comment on comes along. . . .Personally, I would like to see one MORE reason besides Hanna's eyesight or preoccupation to blame her bad driving on. Maybe she was ALWAYS a bad driver . .How about if she just gets referred to AARP's Mature Driving program? These schmucks at Charterstone sure are intolerant.
Just when I thought this story line was getting stale, a rich vein of material to comment on comes along. . . .Personally, I would like to see one MORE reason besides Hanna's eyesight or preoccupation to blame her bad driving on. Maybe she was ALWAYS a bad driver . .How about if she just gets referred to AARP's Mature Driving program? These schmucks at Charterstone sure are intolerant.
Dingdon is an anagram of "nodding." Maybe this story is really about undiagnosed narcolepsy.
You would think Ian's exceptionally large second brain in his tummy would have alerted him to that dang Dingdon dame before she plowed into him.
Dang Dingdon dame! Another phrase to work into a sentence today! And possibly tomorrow! Thanks Sandi Ego!
Sent from my iPad
Charterstone, We Have a Problem
The Scene: the crowded confines of Mary Worth's apartment
The Guests: Ian, Toby, Wilbur, Iris, Dawn, Tommy, Elinor Kinley, Marie Benedetto, and special attendee Chester the Dog
Mary speaks: Thank you all for coming. This is a day I hoped would never come (but I'm secretly thrilled it has), but we must now implement the double super secret Charterstone Removal Plan. Tommy, thank you for bringing the Jerry's sandwiches- I hope you didn't make them yourself. Shall we begin?
In unison: "Yes, Godmother."
Mary: Here are your assignments: Wilbur, you and Iris will provide the torches and pitchforks.* Dawn, you will be in charge of social media and crank phone calls, assisted by Tommy, using his deepest voice. And I want you to set up a profile on the Groovy Grayhairs dating site- I'll leave the details up to you, but use the phrase 'must be over 90 with own car'.
Elinor, since you live just across the hall from u-know-who, you have a very important and time-consuming job. I want you to visit several times a day for at least an hour each time. You'll use one visit to discuss your lumbago, one to discuss the grippe, one for flatulence, one for agita- you get the picture; I know this is something you can do.
Ian, Ah knar yas a geet busy blurk, but Ah, er, I want you to stand in yon parking lot and stare up at her window for at least an hour a day. And don't forget to scowl. Toby, I'll depend on you to have pizza, Chinese food, SRFC (Santa Royale Fried Chicken), and so on, delivered to her apartment several times a day.
Marie, you live right above her, so I'm counting on you to play your collection of Ted Nugent's Worst Songs as loudly and as often as you can- clog dancing is good, too, if you can manage it.
Chester the Dog, you'll meet Tommy on her doorstep. Tommy will bring the paper bag and the matches; he'll ring the doorbell, and I'm sure you know what you'll have to do, yes, boy? Good.
I will be in charge of calling DFC, the health department, Senior Services, the DMV, etc.
OK, let's clasp hands and shout Victory! at the count of 3!
This meeting is now adjourned.
"Thank you, Godmother."
*KitKat, please stop reading my mind.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Hanna Dingdon!
Hanna Dingdon, who?
Hanna dinged on my fender and she is gonna pay!
"Dingdon the witch is dead." We can only hope.
someone could spike her Snapple with antifreeze to, uhh..."do something" about Hanna Dingdong!
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