Thursday, February 25, 2016

Mary Worth 2255

So I, like you, have been staring at those eggs all morning, and I'm thinking it's true, I've never seen eggs prepared that way before, and I'm wondering if there's a recipe, and how much self-clumping kitty litter it requires.

Today's full strip


Chin Napkin Groupie said...

They appear to be "Century eggs" otherwise known in Thailand as "horse urine eggs". I understand that their taste is somewhere between the smell of rotten eggs and ammonia.

tkraft said...

Wanders...your Dear Readers may try and try again today, but no one will elicit the belly laughs that your comment elicits from me. My wife is still staring at me wondering if I've lost my mind. To mathematically paraphrase Evy Taylor: "Tee Hee" to the 9th power!

meg said...

1 of 2
Mary returns to Santa Royale and is eager to tell Toby all about it.

Toby, it's Mary, come over for a beverage, and I'll tell you all about the Big Apple.
Mary, I can't...
Good, see you in five minutes. I've got the tonic, you bring the gin.

Oh, my goodness, Toby, such a horrible trip I had! Jeff refused to drive me to the airport, and I had to pay $728 for parking! And there were giant heads floating around the plane!

And when I got to New York, I had a very strangely dressed cabbie and he was texting while driving! I looked over his shoulder and it said things like 'mdlg old bdy in bk st wll gv hr a ruf rid' and I had to tell him to stop texting! Then some weird teenage girl jumped in front of the cab and demanded a ride. She yammered the whole time and then didn't offer to share the cost.

The taxi driver asked if I was looking at him, and then he told me that the building I was going to was 'moneyed'. Hmmph! All the walls of the apartment were black with mold and the furniture was old and beat up and painted pink, so it doesn't look as though Dr. Taylor is very well paid. In fact, Olive wore the same outfit every day for over three months! Well, Toby, you know how tactful I am, so I wore the same outfit every day, too. It made it much easier to get seats on the subway.

And the Taylors never offered me a nickel to pay for all the treats I provided Olive. We had hot chocolate that cost $18.95 and it wasn't even hot- it was frozen. So of course, I didn't tip, and I helped myself to all the sugar and sweet and lo packets- they will come in handy (KitKat, you beat me to this idea, but I was already determined to use it! ).
Olive insisted that we do things that cost money. I paid $22 to get into the Museum of Natural History- and the last thing I am interested in is 'old bones'. I told the cashier that Olive was only 18 months old, so she got in free.
When I suggested a walk in Central Park (it's free), Olive was all, 'Oh, no Mary, I might fall in the pond there!'

Then we had to go see a wretched musical called 'Matilda' which cost $89 per ticket, can you believe it? It's all about a know-it-all little girl whose parents hate her (and no wonder). And as for the music- I would rather hear Katherine Hepburn sing the score from 'Coco' again, and believe you me, that was a traumatic evening I'll never get back.
Finally, the Taylors invited me out for dinner, and we went to a seafood restaurant, and I don't want to say the food wasn't very good, but both Ed and Evy seemed to have gotten a bad clam, and they rushed out of the restaurant at the same time. Eventually I had to pay the tab, and there were Ed and Evy in the car, tee-heeing, if you know what I mean, and neither of them looked at all ill.

meg said...

2 of 2

Next, they made me cook Christmas dinner! And I had to shop for all the ingredients with Olive. Ultimately, we wound up having nothing but turkey and round unripe avocados.
Worst of all, I kindly invited the Taylors to attend church with me on Christmas Eve- you know how pious I am- and they declined. They seem to worship at the First Church of Tee Hee, if you know what I mean.

At last I persuaded Olive to go for a walk in the neighborhood in Manhattan that has nothing but low-rise wooden buildings. It was free until she made me give money to a religious bum in an orange suit. Apparently Olive thinks that I pull money out of my armpits.
I did see John Dill in his new workplace. I'm sorry to report that he's put on a lot of weight, and he still thinks he has a chance with me. He has apparently learned nothing from Chef Pierre- he's still baking the same old pink cakes. I gave him the brush-off once again. He did give us a box of FREE huge muffins which Olive ate as fast as she could. '

At last the Taylors took us out for an exciting evening of dinner theater with acrobats. Toby, when sweaty half-naked foreigners are jumping and tumbling and flipping and casting off drops of sweat onto your pork chops, it really puts you off. I pretended to be nauseated and rushed off to the restroom and stayed until after Ed had paid the tab.
You can't fool Mary Worth twice!

Skating at Rockefeller Center is very expensive, and Olive fell many times and kept whining and complaining. I, of course, still got it, and I noticed hundreds of admiring eyes glued on my every move! People were saying, I hope she doesn't ....something..something... probably 'leave too soon'.
Then we went to the top of the Empire State Building, which cost about $60 for both of us! It used to be much cheaper, and the other buildings in New York were much taller then. And all the time, Olive keeps nattering about something or other.
Oh, thank goodness I'm home, Toby! What's new with you?

Oh, Mary, same old same old. Ian got tenure, we had twins (Lilian and Li'l Ian), my gray animals are now part of Worldwide Knicknacks, Tschotskes and Geegaws, of which I am the CEO, Wilbur came out as ambisexual, Dawn is feeling the Bern, Jim grew a new arm, Chester the Dog got rabies, Hanna Dingdon Hastings got her CDL and is driving big rigs cross country, the Bum Boat was closed by the Board of Health, and Santa Royale won the rights to the 2024 Summer Olympics.

What was that you said, Toby, dear? I couldn't hear you over the tinkling of the ice cubes.

KitKat said...

MEG!!! I didn't think it was possible, but you've outdone yourself. I had to stifle my hysterical laughs so as not to cause a commotion in the office. You are inspired to the nth degree! And, I am flattered beyond words to get a shout-out from you - you made my day!

On to today's strip...
If Evy thinks those things on the plates are eggs, she's not kidding when she admits that she's not the world's greatest cook. They appear to be either knishes or fig bars.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Hilarious postings, today!

Here's my two cents ...

Evy and Ed Taylor are going to ask the "dear lady" to stay on indefinitely as their personal chef, babysitter, and probably home-schooler (so much cheaper than private school!), unpaid of course!

Mary will head back to Santa Royale, though, enjoy a Charterstone pool party, and meet a creepy new neighbor with a secret. There's a 50% chance the creepy new neighbor will be male, and a 50% chance the creepy new neighbor will be female.

r u ok? said...

So it looks like Evy is eating at least a dozen eggs. They must be good.

Toots McGee said...

Just today, someone shared a recipe on Facebook which I took as a possible explanation for the state of Mary's "eggs". And that recipe was for....

deep fried deviled eggs.

Tee Hee!!

(Evy hopes that Olive also learned to go grocery shopping from Mary.)

Cool Hand Evy: "I can eat fifty eggs."

Chester the Dog said...

I guess "Pork Chops and Acrobats" does not perform in the morning...

fauxprof said...

My deep and heartfelt admiration for the brilliant postings today, from the inspired lunacy of meg, to Toots McGee's deep fried deviled eggs and "Cool Hand Evy". This blog has more comedy chops than all the late night shows put together.

Anonymous said...

fauxprof; I totally agree, with a special thanks to Wanders' secret message today. A classic, for sure!

Anonymous said...

That food is so tasty that Ed does not put down his fork to take a drink of coffee.

Anonymous said...

Now that Olive has learned the culinary arts from Mary, she will now be doing the cooking for the family. BTW, I believe Mary started aging the "100 Year Eggs" on her tenth birthday.

KitKat said...


Olive's summer break starts March 1.

Anonymous said...

I think they've locked Mary in the trunk for the drive to the airport, but she still won't stop talking.

LouiseF said...

Meg you have done a publc service to all us plot-starved readers..Thank you for pulling some point out of these past months. Now, for her last act of this "series", Karen Moy will sum it up in Snday's strip and receive a big payday from the New York City Chamber of Commerce, which has surely paid her a fat fee for illustrating how safe and fun New York still is for old ladies and small children.