Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Mary Worth 2787

"Muffins! Dad, I haven't had muffins since I broke up with my married boss!"

Judging by the look in Dawn's eyes, I'm starting to wonder if the muffins are Mary's mind-control drug of choice. Just the perfect "recipe" for solving everybody's problems. Heaven knows it isn't her advice that makes them happy.

27 comments:

Dana Casale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dana Casale said...

Muffins are going to be a real gateway drug for poor, beleagured Wilbur. In 2 weeks (2 months in Mary Worth time), he'll no doubt be a hardcore meth user, hit his lowest point (lower even than hiding out in parking lots with wilted roses for Iris the Cougar), and reunite with Tommy in rehab.

KitKat said...

Someone needs to alert AG Jeff Sessions about those muffins!

Dawn wasn't this excited when her dear old dad returned home - sheesh. There's no doubt that she inherited the Weston "life is brutal, but there's always food!" tendency. Judging by their calendar, neither Weston has a busy month ahead, so there will be plenty of time to eat. Since neither of them can cook, they'll either be visiting Mary or Jerry's Sandwich Shop.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Wanders, Wilbur in his infinite wisdom (?) suggested a song for the Charterstone jukebox: "Alone again, Naturally".

What is in Mary's muffins that gives Dawn a crazed look in her eyes? I expect Wilbur to start growling like a rabid pit bull if Dawn even attempts to grab one of his precious muffins.

Perhaps they'll both commiserate over the loves they lost. (Yet another song for the jukebox-"The Love I Lost" by Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes")

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Today, On The Sad Sack And Goofball Show..."

(Alone again...
Naturally.)
Muffins!

Smooth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Smooth said...

Gilbert O'Sullivan's 1971 hit will be in my head all day long!

Anonymous said...

Kelk muffins with Splak nuggets. Who couldn't resist?

Anonymous said...


Wow, there is so much in today's strip that is just plain sad.

I'd like to suggest a quote from Thoreau for next Sunday's strip: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. . . . A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind."

-- Scottie McW.

Anonymous said...

Our Sunday paper arrived the morning of Jan 7. (Yes, we read the newspaper) But the comics pages inside were dated next week Jan 14, 2018. And all the comics inside it are actually from next week. So -- we have been able to read the Sunday funnies a week into the future! Including Mary Worth.

Spoiler Alert -- I know for sure whether Wilbur actually shares muffins with Dawn.

On the down side -- Next Sunday's story is a whole week from now, but apparently so LITTLE has happened between now and then.

KitKat said...

Nance: "Sad Sack and Goofball" - you nailed it again. What a perfect name for this duo.

Scottie McW., the Thoreau quotation would add gravitas to a Sunday MW strip. Thus, we shouldn't expect to see it in a million years, especially since Karen Moy still has Nicholas Sparks books to mine.

LouiseF said...

So, Scottie McW, are we to infer that Mary's muffins are "the games and amusements of mankind"? Just further evidence that they will be eligible for nomination as Recurring Characters in next year's Worthy awards..

Anonymous said...

Next Sunday's Mary Worth quote of the week -- I figured I could check my copy of next Sunday's strip. But it turns out the Lakeland Ledger doesn't publish the FULL Mary Worth Sunday strip. They exclude the extra panels with the weekly quote. Nuts.

meg said...

Little does Wilbur know that Mary’s muffins are chock full o’ anabolic steroids and Dexatrim. Within minutes, he feels a surge of energy and ambition, and off he runs to the Charterstone gym and weight room, where Ian is participating in a spinning class (sure he is).

But Wilbur has slipped into a rip in the Worthiverse’s time space continuum. Within the next 30 seconds he has bench-pressed his considerable weight hundreds of times, developed a magnificent 12-pack, and increased his height to an impressive 6’2”. The steroids have restored his formerly magnificent hair to its original Jerry Lee Lewis style coif, and an unexpectedly luxuriant mustache not unlike that of Tom Selleck has sprouted on his sensual upper lip.

He speed-dials his tailor, arrives there (driving the new Rolls Royce Phantom Ghost he just purchased at Santa Royale Luxury Wheels) in less than a minute. The tailor rapidly fits him in a Giorgio Armani tuxedo (the George Clooney model), and Wilbur is off to save Iris from Zak’s shady clutches. But where is the wedding taking place? The Santa Royale Whig Democrat has tomorrow’s paper all printed, thanks to the Worthiverse TSC, so Wilbur hits the highway, heading North, once he has speed read (sped read?) the Society Pages and Police Blotters.

Meanwhile, back at Charterstone, Zak starts his shabby little car, and Iris settles in. “What’s this? She moronically asks, picking up a small gift-wrapped parcel. Zak: “Well, Duh...it’s a wedding gift. I gave them a special edition autographed copy of my ZAKIKS game. There’s another one in the glove compartment if you’d like to take a look at it, dear.”

Iris eagerly grabs it and examines the cover. There’s a caricature portrait of Zak superimposed on a large green leaf, and the full game title: ZAKIKS the ass of anyone who goes near his GROW: this means you!

To be continued...

meg said...

Correction : “What’s this?” she moronically asks.

Tim said...

What kind of drugs is Dawn on? Those eyes don't look natural.

MissScarlet said...

How lazy can they be? It's the 9th already and they still haven't written in the dates on their generic calendar.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

AAAUGH! I took a much-needed break from Mary Worth and ... gosh darn it! ... I missed the Worthy Awards! Sheesh! Well, thanks, Wanders, for putting on such a fantastic production! I'm proud of my Dad for sweeping the categories! He really deserves it after the way that traitor Iris has been treating him! ... And, DAWN, I would have voted for you in every category that you appeared in, but ... that ship has sailed ... hopefully off on another cruise with Entertainer Esme!
XXOO

Nance said...

@KitKat--Thank you. Some things are just Meant To Be.

@ MissScarlet--LOL! Great comment.

meg said...

Even though Dawn only ate one muffin, it was sufficient for her to finish her college education with honors and to stand outside Harlan Jones’ office for several hours chanting “ME TOO!”.

Anonymous said...

Is Wilbur planning to eat that muffin or snort it?

Yahoonski said...

One Sunday back in October, our local paper also featured a whole set of COMICS FROM THE FUTURE! I had already started reading them when I realized this, so I continued, but it was weird and unsettling. I felt a kind of guilt because it just seemed wrong somehow. But then it occurred to me: what if the sports pages are from next week, too? I could make a FORTUNE betting on today's football games! Unfortunately, much of the page with the results was obscured by printing errors, and the only outcome I could see was that the Browns were going to lose again.

Chester the Dog said...

@Dawn: What other Mary is in your life except Mary Worth? Why do you have to say her last name? And you're supposed to take the paper off the muffin before eating it.

Delilah said...

It would have been more appropriate if Dawn had said, “Shiny!"

Gina said...

Just a week and a half into 2018, and we've already got a strong contender for Panel of the Year. Impressive.

TimP said...

Yeah, this muffin thing is getting a little too intense - at least insofar as things related to the Mary Worth comic strip can get intense.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

@Chester the Dog: That's exactly what I was thinking! I always just call her "Mary"!

At first glance, I was expecting Wilbur to say, "Dawn, don't talk with food in your mouth!" ... But I guess at the Westons' talking with your mouth full is A-OK! ... Also, June Brigman really picked an unflattering angle for Ole Wilby in panel one! Sheesh!