Sunday, January 28, 2018

Mary Worth 2802

Last night, I dreamt I was Frank Zappa, and I was performing solo in my elementary school cafeteria. I was disappointed that only about 40 children showed up, sitting on the floor as I told sardonic jokes from the stage. A few of the children asked their teacher if they could leave, and I knew I was bombing. But I had one last trick up my sleeve. I grabbed my guitar and was going to play my greatest guitar solo of all time: The Muffin Man. But as I started to play, it was like I really didn't know how to play the guitar at all. It was like I wasn't really Frank Zappa. I was humiliated in front of the remaining children who stared at me bored. I left the stage, only to remember my glory days:


TimP said...

As someone who owns something like 80 FZ albums/compilations/what-have-yous, I have forborne making reference to the Muffin Man for fear it might be a bit too obscure. Thank you, Wanders!

Tim said...

Is Mary actually rolling her eyes? I would be impressed if she was.

Anonymous said...

Ted's got a point. There's nothing I enjoy quite as much as a glass of wine and a muffin before dinner. Blueberry wine, of course.

BTW, that's an interesting two-tone hair color Dr. Jeff is sporting. Not quite the distinguished touch of gray you see on many men of a certain age. Come on, Jeff, either go all the way with the Just for Men or don't go at all. Commit!

-- Scottie McW.

Dave in Parma said...

Have another of wine that is

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Wanders had some of Mary's magic muffins before bedtime last night.

Downpuppy said...

There's an odd play called bobrauschenberbergamerica
Worth catching - a lot more interesting than today's quote
We saw it at a small college production in the round. I was in the spot where an actor reached up longingly. Of course I returned towards him, much to the annoyance of the family.

Full script at

LouiseF said...

We all know where this is going, and it may involve the Better Business Bureau eventually.

meg said...

Mary: Ted- if that is really your name, which I doubt- Mary Freakin’ Worth did not get to be 138 years old by believing what every freakin’ huckster tells her, including your so-called friend, Dr. Jeff the Medical Malpractice King Cory. So here’s the deal: I’ll sell you the recipe for 25 large, and I’ll introduce you to a sucker who’s eager to spend his cash on hopeless causes, and the three of us will share the profits in the unlikely event there are any. Capish?

Ted: WOW! I accept! Now lead me to that sucker!

Jeff: (proudly) That’s my Mary!

Mary: (on the phone). Hello, Wilbur? I’ll be right over.

Steve G. said...

If Mary had any spare cash - she wouldn't be living in Charterstone.
The better "mark" is Doctor Jeff.

Ted better review the rules on "Accredited Investors". Doubtful that Mary qualifies.

Anonymous said...


You've got my vote for Comment of the Year!

I know it's only January, but of the many, many, many brilliant and hilarious comments I've read during my time here, that is absolutely the best so far.

-- S. McW.

meg said...

Anonymous/S. McW: Thank you!

Chester the Dog said...

Love the monogrammed paper napkins...Mary is one class act.