Thursday, May 31, 2018

Mary Worth 2897

Truer words were never spoken, Ian. Wilbur has nothing to lose. He's already lost his dignity and his self-respect. Singing bad karaoke in front of you and 17 drunken strangers couldn't possibly hurt. Even if several of them record his performance and post the video on their Twitter feed.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...


Jeez, they're bullying him. It's like when you're kids and you goad your little brother into doing something really stupid so you can all have a good laugh. (No, I'm not proud of myself.)

So in tomorrow's strip, we'll see Toby nearly sick with laughter, as Ian snorts a big swig of Guinness out his nose. Meanwhile, Mary is doubled over in tears, with her face beet red and her hand pounding the table.

With friends like these . . .

-- Scottie McW.

RobC said...

What does Wilbur have to loose? Well, just last week he tried to loose his life....

fauxprof said...

Ian and Toby look much too eager. They are anticipating the coming humiliation with something like unholy glee. I’ve never sung Karaoke, and the thought horrifies me, even though I’ve sung in public all my life in choirs and amateur musical theatre. Wilbur, it seems, is being set up, and after my initial pang of empathy, I guess he deserves it.

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Trust Fall, The Musical Starring Wilbur Weston".

Sing you? Can't!
You can! Cheer on!
Let it out! Want!
Lose?

Anonymous said...

I think we may be in for a Susan Boyle moment; the woman who stunned the judges on that UK talent show; I've forgotten what it was called. Anyway, apparently the assumption - theirs and now ours too, I guess, is that anyone who is unattractive must sing like a donkey.

KitKat said...

Excellent comments, everyone. With friends like these...ugh.

Wilbur’s staggering his way to an appearance on “Santa Royale’s Got Talent? If Only.”

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Wilbur should switch over to alternative rock and sing "Loser" by Beck or "I'm a Loser" by the Beatles.

Toby and Ian are way too eager for Wilbur to get up on that stage. Maybe this will be like the movie Carrie. When he gets up on that stage, pig's blood will drop down on him.

So let's sum up Baren Coy's latest ham handed plot: Dawn leaves for "beautiful Italy" for three months. Wilbur pines away for her, even though he disappeared for a year, doing God knows what, claiming he was working on "Survivor Stories". He sees Iris and Zak, so in love that he leaves his bootleg Adidas behind. He goes to the shower and starts singing and using all the water in the condo. Then because this dummy doesn't realize that the radio works on batteries, it stops working. Then he's despondent that his local paper dropped his lousy columns. Off to the cliff with a bottle of Jack. Mary comes and makes everything alright. He hears from Dawn, his columns are back and all of his problems are gone. He becomes happy again, just like in real life *sarcasm*. How does Mary help him celebrate? Have him singing for a bunch of drunks." Like I keep saying Baren Coy should get out in the real world and see how things work.

Tamalama said...

Mary: You've been whining in front of us for years Wilbur, you owe us this! Now I must change my poise pad before you go on in case I pee myself.

r u ok? said...

So are we going to continue on the "Mr. Wilbur's Wild Bipolar Ride" time loop forever? Manic (I'm on an adventure for a year and I'm dating a hot Columbian) to suicidal depression (I lost everything and I'm all alone) to manic (my columns are back!) to suicidal depression (I'm so embarrassed after being laughed at and going viral on YouTube) to manic again (talent scout recruits him to audition in Nashville or something)?

This is not a fun ride.

S. Rosenberg said...

Just gotta say, the rebooted Ian Cameron does not fit his reputation as a stuffy, arrogant professor of English literature. I'm having a lot of trouble accepting Prof Cameron praising Wilbur's writing skills or, for that matter, the genre of newspaper advice columns. I'm having almost as much trouble accepting Prof Cameron as a fan of poorly-sung karaoke country-western music, at least until he's enjoyed his 4th class of single malt, and even then he'd be much more likely to shout slurred insults at the dim-witted American with the microphone than to applaud for him.

S. Rosenberg said...

...And, the rebooted Ian Cameron looks a little too much like a chin-bearded Harrison Ford for my liking.

LouiseF said...

Wilbur's top Karaoke picks... "Creep" Radiohead version; "Chicken Fried" Zac Brown Band (no relation to Zakiks); "Come Fly with Me" Frank Sinatra version; "Whatever Lola Wants" Jerry Reed version; "Once in a Lifetime" Talking Heads version. All sung in the key of A minor.

Anonymous said...

I'm kinda surprised that Mary or Karen Moy even know about Karaoke.

Bill the Butcher said...

“What have you got to lose?” asks Ian, his voice soaked with sarcasm. “After all, your girlfriend, whom you dumped, is sleeping with a young millionaire while you crawl around the shrubbery going Auuuuughhh at them; a Colombian giantess scammed you out of an emerald; your daughter is screwing her professor in Italy; your shower radio quit on you; and your car disappeared while Mary was meddling you on the cliffs and from all available evidence you didn’t even notice it. What have you got to lose? Come to think of it, nothing.”

Sandi Ego said...

There's only two ways this can go. Wilbur goes down in flames or Wilbur is the most amazing karaoke singer in the history of the world, or at least Santa Royale. Cue the talent agent in the audience.

Sandi Ego said...

When I was about 13 I was in church with my mom, singing a hymn. She turns to me with a horrified look and said "Stop singing! Your voice is terrible. I had no idea you couldn't sing!" She then told me to promise I would never sing in public. I've done karaoke exactly once, in Las Vegas, as a tipsy bridesmaid. No undue praise or participation trophies in my childhood, let me tell ya.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Sandi Ego, I was told by a nun in sixth grade that I sang like a frog and that I should mouth the words at the Christmas pageant. The song was Jingle Bell Rock. To this day, I hate that song and will walk away anytime I hear it. The only time I would even sing in public was when I had a few and I rarely sing in front of my husband.

I bet compared to Wilbur, I probably sound like Taylor Swift.

meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
meg said...

Before Wilbur sings ‘My Way’, I would suggest that all sensitive souls leave the room. Thank you.

And now, you’ll see my rear,
Because I have no shower curtain,
Although it’s crude, I’ll sing it nude,
It won’t be pretty, of that I’m certain.

My life, it might seem dull,
I drive the speed limit on each highway,
I always floss, I obey the boss
When Mary says to do it her way.

Regrets, I have a few,
And here are some I’ll mention:
I shouldn’t have bought that ring for Fabiana, and I shouldn’t have let Dawn take my credit card to Italy, and I shouldn’t have moved here from Connecticut, and I shouldn’t have come here tonight.
But to tell them all is not my intention.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
I bit off more ham sandwich than I could chew,
When Mary cooked, I had great doubt,
But I chewed it up, then spit it out!
I stood my ground and faced her down,
Some say that I’m a clown
(from the crowd: Aye, that ye are!)
But through it all, I still stood tall
(from the crowd: Nay, yer short and hae a squatty body, lad!)
And did it my waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy.
(from the crowd: stunned silence)


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MissScarlet said...

Yeah Meg!! And too right Sandy Ego. Wilbur either sings "Folsom Prison" and gets a standing ovations; or "He Stopped Loving Her Today" and drops dead. I guess we all know which one it will be. sigh.

Barbara L. Hanson said...

Britain's Got Talent

Tim said...

Wilbur will sing Suicide is Painless and head straight for the cliff.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Yay Meg, another home run. You had me laughing right up to the end. It would be interesting if Wilbur did sing your version and a lot more funnier.

Tim, I suggest Suicide Solution by Ozzy Osbourne. It's about killing yourself through drinking.

Maxwell Bacon said...

Could one of the possible options be that Wilbur stays at the table, and the group peer-pressures Mary to get up and do karaoke? That would be hilarious!

There is a new post on the official "Mary Worth" website. You should check it out. It will make you GROAN! It suggests that Mary and the Camerons are all the "healing therapy" that Wilbur needs. GROAN! Argh!!! @#$%^&!!!!

Maxwell Bacon said...

Speaking of peer pressure ... why does Wilbur have to do this by himself? The whole group could get up and sing a song together! That would be more fun and less embarrassing. ... Yikes! Now I'm taking "Mary Worth" seriously! A seriously bad sign!

Garnet said...

Wilbur ending up all over youtube (specifically all the channels dedicated to failure) would be amazing.

He looks like he's about to bolt to the shower in the first panel.

KitKat said...

I also miss Joe Giella’s Ian, and his AstroTurf sport jacket (sigh).

meg, those lyrics are inspired!

lmjb1964 said...

Sandi Ego and Regina Wolfe-Parks, it makes me sad and angry to hear stories like yours. Why would someone say that to a child? I had a friend who was chosen to play one of the kids in the musical South Pacific, but they told him not to sing, and ]had someone else sing the song Years later, when we worked together and had the radio on, he would be singing along until I started singing, then he would get embarrassed and stop singing. I told him he should sing out no matter what, but he was too self-conscious.

But hey, I know an easy solution. Go to your local karaoke bar and see if you see a meddlesome old lady forcing people to sing. She'll fix you right up!

Maureen Fisher said...

I also was ordered by nuns to lip sinc my grammar school graduation song, ironically, Sounds of Silence!!

Maureen Fisher said...

Perfect!