Monday, July 9, 2018

Mary Worth 2917

I've eaten at restaurants a few times, actually... at least twelve times. Maybe even more. But I don't ever remember a server saying, "We have some great beers." That being said, it is important for us to remember that Brandy is named after the song, not an alcoholic beverage, because she would make a fine wife, not because she is intoxicated.

I had a wonderful Fourth of July break, but I'm back. The problem has been that Tommy Beedie is back, too, and I just haven't had much motivation to blog about him. I'll give it my best shot this week, but please forgive me if my posts are sparse.


Tim said...

I also don't recall ever telling a waitress why I didn't want a beer. No thanks. I'm not going to get wasted in front of Brandy here until a little later in our relationship.
Is Tommy aware there are no happy relationships in Worthverse? Happy couples don't need Mary.

Gina said...

Welcome back, Wanders, and hang in there! We're with you through thick heads and through thin plots, through Tommy and through Iris, through Brandy and through Zak.

KitKat said...

It’s great to have you back, Wanders, though I regret you have Tommy Beedie waiting for you - not the way to pick up after a pleasant holiday break. You were sorely missed by all of us. I see you’re sharp as ever!

In my experience, people who don’t consume alcohol usually simply decline and/or ask for a different beverage. They don’t usually add, “I don’t drink!” or, for Pete’s sake, “I don’t drink either...anymore.” However, these are not normal people, they’re KM knuckleheads. Borrowing from Ricky Ricardo, “Brandy and Tommy, you got some splainin’ to do!”

Switching to a much better take on the T name, Mr. KitKat and our oldest son had a fantastic time last night listening to the Cleveland Orchestra and Roger Daltrey perform The Who’s Tommy.

TimP said...

I guess I could see the waitress mentioning the beers if, say, this was a gastropub or brewpub or whatever. That would beg the question why these charmless teetotalers would want to dine there however. At that point, I realize I shouldn't think about this stuff so much... Oh, who am I kidding? Barkeep! Another Ginger Ale for me and my lady!

Tim said...

Actually I've always liked The Beedles starting with I Want to Hold Your Hand.

fauxprof said...

Welcome back to the fold (and the blog), Wanders. I join in your disdain for all things Beedie, but hang in there with us!

Sandi Ego said...

We're all in this together. If we can survive John Dill and his cakes and that ridiculous child with the tummy brain, we can get through this. Dealing with Tommy and Brandy will help build character and hone our snark to a fine edge.
I am wondering if the waitress moonlights as a prison guard. She looks like a tough broad. And I really wish Tommy had spoken that thought bubble out loud. That would've been awesomely awkward.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Welcome back Wanders! We were worried that you had deserted us in our hour of need!

Like you, I have never been told right off the bat "We have some great beers." It's always "And what will you have to drink?" Here in Maine, we have a lot of brew pubs, but "we have great beers" has never been on the server's lips up here.

Sandi Ego, I thought the same. She's got big arms as if she lifts weights on the side. She could definitely take on Tommy and make him buy that beer. I still think she looks like Curly in a dress though.

Magdalena Buttonpants and Fifi Trixibelle said...

I’ve been reading for a long time but have never commented. The time has come. This is long, so bear with me. My daughter recently turned 12 and I felt that she was old enough to fe introduced to Mary. I told her I had something important to talk to her about. Once she realized it wasn’t a rehash of the sex ed talk that left her unable to look me in the eye for a week, she was curious.

“It’s time for you to know that in this house, we judgmentally read Mary Worth,” I told her. Of course I had to explain what Mary Worth was. Once I did, she asked, “Well, if it’s that bad, why don’t you just not read it?” I was afraid that maybe I’d made a mistake and that maybe she wasn’t ready. Then she asked, “Is it like when you read Family Circus and always tell them to shut up?” “Anyone with a soul can see that Billy is an asshole”, I mumbled. “Yes, it’s like that. And now, I want you to take this pile of comics (thank you grandparents for getting the paper) and read Mary Worth so you can understand.”

She looked at me like she thought I was nuts, her go-to look lately, but she took them. There was silence at first. After about ten minutes I started to hear her talking to herself and me. “How long can they keep talking about the same thing?” More reading. “No one’s food is that color. That hand isn’t attached to anything. Why does everyone’s hair look like it’s been chewed on by rats?” More reading. “Wilbur is taking that shower radio hard. How long are they going to keep talking about this?” More reading. “Is Tommy transitioning?”

Finally after about 30 minutes, she comes back into the living room, reads all the bold words aloud from the Sunday comic and says, “I now understand so much and so little.” Welcome, my child. Another one of us is born.

Delilah said...

Wanders! You're back! Huzzah! It just seems like the most excellent snark is even better when you're on-shift.

Anonymous said...

Hey, you don't drink and I don't drink so let's go to a bar and not drink!

Anonymous said...

@ Magdalena

Terrific post! Welcome to the Snark Tank.

-- Scottie McW.

Maxwell Bacon said...

Wanders, you're back! YAY!!!

What direction is this plot going in? I think it will either end up really badly like it did with Tommy and "Tina, baby" -- heartbreak and drug addiction ... but we already had that, so that would be repetitive. Or it could peter out in a really boring, typical MW fashion in some way that we can't even imagine yet. Or it could end up with a really happy ending: a beautiful relationship that ends up with A DOUBLE WEDDING ... Tommy and Brandy and Iris and Zak. That would be AWESOME and also AMAZING!!!

KitKat said...

Maxwell Bacon, I bet Tommy would find that double wedding especially awesome and amazing if Zak the Amazing Millionaire pays for everything.

Magdalena and Fifi, I cracked up reading your post! We're delighted to have you in the group.

Scottie McW., "Snark Tank" is brilliant!

Jack said...

It appears that YARD HOUSE doesn't have it on this window (unlike EAT, DINER, etc.). That's why Harpino Marx asked.

Chester the Dog said...

If Elinor Kinley were dining with them, she would have said "I'll just have plain water".

r u ok? said...

We have some GREAT BEERS, a few good beers, many mediocre beers and some really BAD BEERS!

Anonymous said...

"We have some great burgers."

"I don't eat meat."

"I don't eat meat either . . . ANYMORE."

"Oh. Well, woop-de-doo. Okay. We have some great fish."

"I don't eat fish. It's cruel."

"Uhhh . . . yeah, I don't eat fish either . . . ANYMORE."

"Hooo-kay, so what the hell do you eat?

"I'll have an asparagus bisque."

"No you won't. We we're all out of bisque."

"Okay, I'll have an arugula salad."

"Sorry, we don't serve arugula . . . ANYMORE. Hahahahahahaha! Look, this is a flippin' diner, capiche?" . . . Why don't you just go to Whole Foods?"

-- S. McW.

Sandi Ego said...

Magdalena & Fifi, welcome! I LOVE your post. My kids (2 are grown, one is 16) keep up with Mary Worth, too, and are always in disbelief about the plots and dialogue.
Fifi Trixibelle -the name of Bob Geldof's daughter <3
Don't hesitate to comment again :)

Magdalena Buttonpants and Fifi Trixibelle said...

I know! My daughter’s name is Fiona but I call her that because of Bob Geldof’s daughter. We’re dating ourselves for sure.