Friday, April 12, 2019

Mary Worth 3106

"But his name IS connected to pizza delivery in Goleta, California. Also, his mothers' maiden name is Wontotree, and his social security number is 444-44-4444. He was born January 3, 1975. His first roommate was Charlie Forfife, and his favorite teacher was Mrs. Sickseven. Toby was able to trace his location to a cruise ship in Maui and make a significant withdrawal from his offshore bank account. Here's your $10,000 back, and two grand more for your trouble."

25 comments:

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Wow, just as I predicted, Estelle is still in denial about her "beautiful man". He should be "shy about his looks". He looks like a cross between a downmarket Danny DeVito and Bluto.

As for "being famous", you don't have to be famous to be in Google. Trust me, I've googled my name and I'm in there and I'm far from famous as you can get (Infamous, yes, but famous, no.)

Estelle is such a moron, she shouldn't be allowed to have an ant farm, let alone a cat. She is pathetic. Now I understand why Jim died. He died to get away fro her and her endless stupidity. sadless, she's spending the money he left her on some creep that sits around in his underwear, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

Bill the Butcher said...

Did Mary think to Google Arther Zerro? No? There you are, then.

RobC said...

Even Libby with her one eye can clearly see what's going on here.

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Pride Goeth Before A (Big, Dumb, Stupid) Fall".

Shy looks!
Care! In love personality!
Name? "Arthur Zerro,"
Nothing engineering!
He never said he was famous!

KitKat said...

Another boffo BFH title, @Nance! Huzzah!

Hey Mary, why didn’t you (or Super Sleuth Toby) Google “Ted Miller”? Maybe that character has a lengthy rap sheet for attempted assault. Meddler, heal thyself before “helping” others.

Tim said...

I hope Artheur put half of his I'll gotten gains in a sound investment or he's going to have to go back to Estelle for more.

Anonymous said...


"Oh Arther, my beautiful man, I'm so glad you called. The most horrid thing has happened. My snoopy buttinski neighbor Mary tried to tell me that you're not who you say you are!"

"WHAAAA . . . uh, I mean, heh-heh, I wonder where she got a cockamamie idea like that. Uh . . . what did you tell her?"

"I told her you're just shy. I'm so mad at her I could spit. Oh please hurry home, my love. The waiting is killing me."

"Oh, if only I could, I'd leave today. Unfortunately, I won't receive payment for my job for another week or two. Air travel and moving expenses are going to cost me at least another ten thousand or so. Otherwise, I'd rush home to you this minute."

"I could lend you . . ."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you, my beautiful queen. Send it and I'll be on my way!"

Delilah said...

"...a cross between a downmarket Danny DeVito and Bluto" Ha! Ha! Excellent post today, Regina Wolfe-Parks! I think the Worthy Awards should have a new category: "Best snarky comment."

Anonymous said...

Nice job, Wanders! ha ha ha ... won to tree for fife sick seven!

Garnet said...

Hold on now. Did Arther use a picture of a male or female model? It's unclear.

I'm not at all famous (I teach at a community college in the middle of nowhere), but if my name is googled, my LinkedIn page comes up, as do a few other things.

I think Libby is the brainy one in Estelle's household.

LouiseF said...

I just read that the name "Estelle" came back into fashion after the publication of Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. As you may recall, the main character in GE, Miss Havisham, was left at the altar by a suitor who conspired with a heel named (ahem) Arthur to deprive Miss H of her $$. Miss Havisham adopted a daughter she named "Estella", and went on to great mental instability, wearing her wedding dress for the rest of her life and leaving her wedding cake to rot on the dining room table. Coincidence? I think so, but I just wanted to remind us all that there ARE, after all, great works of literature out there that have actual plots that now and then might come within light years of Mary Worth. I predict a week of Miss Havisham-like behavior out of Estelle...

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Aww, thanks Delilah. Snarking is easy when you have a dim bulb like Estelle to work with.

I love what anonymous 10:37 said. I can totally see Estelle falling for his silver tongued charms again and sending Stinky another 10K. The next time we see him, he'll be laying on the beach in Monte Carlo, having a butler feeding him lobster.

Louise F: I am convinced that KM does read the classics and tries to make them into modern day stories. However, she fails miserably. She will never be the 21st century Jane Austen.

LouiseF said...

Regina, I agree that KM sidetracks these stories into failure. At least Miss Havisham had likely laid eyes on her groom-to-be before being stiffed by him at the altar, and "Arthur" was her half-brother. Estelle has no excuse, but I sure would appreciate seeing her keeping those flowers "Arthu/er" sent her, maybe pasting them into a scrap book as she sobs over the loss of her beautiful man. Also, Miss Havisham limped around with one shoe. Estelle just has a one-eyed cat...

fauxprof said...

@Louise F: Thanks for the memory—I think “Great Expectations” was the first Dickens novel I read as a kid, starting a lifelong love affair with his whole canon. But as to the wedding cake, in Victorian times (and up to the present for Royals, except for Harry and Meghan) a wedding cake was a horrible, dense fruitcake that could probably last for decades, if not centuries. The royal icing might deteriorate, I guess. But there are still gift boxes given to the guests at Victoria and Albert’s wedding containing pieces of the cake that come up at auctions today. At any rate, I appreciate thinking about something other than Estelle and Arthu(e)r.

P.S. I do remember seeing a film or TV adaptation of “Great Expectations” that showed a family of rats living in the cake. That was pretty creepy.

LouiseF said...

fauxprof, I think you are referring to the 1946 version of "Great Expectations", complete with cobweb covered wedding feast, the clocks stopped at the moment Miss Havisham learned that she had been jilted, and a sagging cake that has been tunneled by mice who are maybe more confident about the tunnels not collapsing due to the solid wedding fruitcake (ick..). I remember seeing this movie and I can't wait to see if Estelle will point to her heart and say, "You know what I have here?", "Your heart", says Mary. "That's a broken heart," Estelle will wail... I know it's a fantasy, but it would be as funny as if Estelle's clocks stop at the moment Mary told her about Arthu/er. I'm finished now.

Bill the Butcher said...

"They aren't red flags to me! That could only happen if he was Chinese or Vietnamese, and he isn't! So there!"

Bill the Butcher said...

“What if he needs the money to have plastic surgery to look like this Ivan Inghem, and a legal name change to Arther Zerro? Did you think about that, Mary? Huh?”

KitKat said...

If Libby had a thought balloon today, it would say, “Blah blah blah, these two humans bore the heck out of me.”

Anonymous said...

Mary, puleezzzzz change your clothes!! You've been wearing the same blouse for nearly two months! You probably smell as bad as Arther/ur.

Tim said...

IIRC Miss Havisham raised Estelle to never be hurt by a man the way she was, and, in fact, to be the one doing the hurting.

Bill the Butcher said...

"I'm all right! I'm just reverting to my natural noseless living mummy state before your very eyes! Did you know the ancient Egyptians preserved every organ except the brain, Mary?"

Doug said...

It looks like that Official Mary Worth Website is now redirected to a Comics Kingdom Mary Worth page. Karen Moy’s infrequently updated blog is gone now. She used to Share things like the fact that actor Benjamin Bratt was the inspiration for Derek Hoosier (of the cruisin’ Hoosiers).

There’s been lots of monkeying around going on over at comics kingdom for the last week.

KitKat said...

SUNDAY
In the last panel, it's unclear whether Estelle's body is shrinking or her head (and that hair!) is enlarging. Is that what happens to a person when Mary squeezes his/her hand? Yikes.

I still think things would be more interesting if the photo of "Arthur Zerro" was of an amateur female model.

@Doug, you're not kidding about Comics Kingdom.

Steve G said...

Libby is becoming concerned that Estelle will blow her inheritance and it will be back to the shelter...

Downpuppy said...

Alas, I've lived in Union Square/Spring Hill. Now if you've had yer breakfast poured into a mug at the Glandore...