No, Zak, I told him I have hair growing on the backs of my hands, my toenails have all fallen off, and I have a tail growing out of my lower back. Whatta you think I told him, you dope?
I have a feeling that this doctor’s idea of a prescription involves limes and coconuts.
To digress from the riveting storyline, I’ve been doing a little decorating—hanging a wreath on the door, pinning a Santa hat on the acrylic pumpkin that’s been out since before Halloween—so I’m feeling festive. Besides, I watched Rudolph last night, which led to composing my annual carol.
To the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas” (with apologies to Burl Ives)
It’s a Mary Muffin Christmas Time to feel a chill of fear You know they’re bad And make you sad They’re worse this time of year
She’ll get out her rock-hard raisins And he kelk and Splak and yeast Are those carrots? No, The orange stuff, though Is salmon Fancy Feast
Oh, no! The doorbell goes What are we to do? Have the Pepto ready And the Kaopectate too
It’s a Mary Muffin Christmas The solution now is clear With those awful muffins We’ll be dumpster stuffing Until the New Year
Bravo to you, @fauxprof, for kicking off the holiday season in authentic Worthiverse style.
@Nance, your BFH high style remains - yay! Your mention of Geritol jogged my memory bank regarding something called Serutan - I recall seeing commercials for it when I was a kid. The slogan was something like, “You can trust Serutan, because Serutan spelled backwards is ‘Natures.’” Maybe Iris can locate some Serutan to stop Father Time from stalking her. Good luck with that, Cookie.
Zak’s looking porkier to me. Life with Iris is aging him, too. And for Pete’s sake, buy and use a razor, buddy.
Nance, how prescient of you to reference Geritol in your BFH title! I, of course, had to refresh my childhood memory of the Geritol commercials that accompanied "Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour". The commercial that ought to bring a frying pan wielding Iris to smack Zak upside the head includes the, "My wife. I think I'll keep her.", presumably uttered following said wife's use of that noted elixir. Seems right in line with the 1950's attitudes of KM. And, fauxprof! thanks for the holiday inspiration!
There's an upside to this conversation : If Zak makes Iris dump Dr Ned for a better doctor, then we don't have to spend a week having Mary get to the same point. Or maybe we will anyhow, but I don't want to think that way.
KitKat beat me to it with the Serutan reference (I was out raking a foot of snow off the roof and I could use some, or maybe Geritol) but I must say it's good to have Nance back rockin' the BFH. And I especially loved Fauxprof's Fancy Feast rhyme! Y'all are special.
15 comments:
"And yet you seem worried about it. What's wrong, honey?" Zak would have said if he had the slightest bit of awareness.
-- Scottie McW.
No, Zak, I told him I have hair growing on the backs of my hands, my toenails have all fallen off, and I have a tail growing out of my lower back. Whatta you think I told him, you dope?
HelenClark
I have a feeling that this doctor’s idea of a prescription involves limes and coconuts.
To digress from the riveting storyline, I’ve been doing a little decorating—hanging a wreath on the door, pinning a Santa hat on the acrylic pumpkin that’s been out since before Halloween—so I’m feeling festive. Besides, I watched Rudolph last night, which led to composing my annual carol.
To the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas” (with apologies to Burl Ives)
It’s a Mary Muffin Christmas
Time to feel a chill of fear
You know they’re bad
And make you sad
They’re worse this time of year
She’ll get out her rock-hard raisins
And he kelk and Splak and yeast
Are those carrots? No,
The orange stuff, though
Is salmon Fancy Feast
Oh, no! The doorbell goes
What are we to do?
Have the Pepto ready
And the Kaopectate too
It’s a Mary Muffin Christmas
The solution now is clear
With those awful muffins
We’ll be dumpster stuffing
Until the New Year
Today's Boldface Haiku is titled
"Script For The Relaunch Of Geritol".
Doctor's appointment?
Fine.
Tired, gaining weight,
Losing hair?
Yes, not worry!
@fauxprof--Fantastic! Destined to be a new Holiday Classic.
Bravo to you, @fauxprof, for kicking off the holiday season in authentic Worthiverse style.
@Nance, your BFH high style remains - yay! Your mention of Geritol jogged my memory bank regarding something called Serutan - I recall seeing commercials for it when I was a kid. The slogan was something like, “You can trust Serutan, because Serutan spelled backwards is ‘Natures.’” Maybe Iris can locate some Serutan to stop Father Time from stalking her. Good luck with that, Cookie.
Zak’s looking porkier to me. Life with Iris is aging him, too. And for Pete’s sake, buy and use a razor, buddy.
Nance, how prescient of you to reference Geritol in your BFH title! I, of course, had to refresh my childhood memory of the Geritol commercials that accompanied "Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour". The commercial that ought to bring a frying pan wielding Iris to smack Zak upside the head includes the, "My wife. I think I'll keep her.", presumably uttered following said wife's use of that noted elixir. Seems right in line with the 1950's attitudes of KM. And, fauxprof! thanks for the holiday inspiration!
There's an upside to this conversation : If Zak makes Iris dump Dr Ned for a better doctor, then we don't have to spend a week having Mary get to the same point.
Or maybe we will anyhow, but I don't want to think that way.
Geritol's TV pitch said it was good for people with "tired blood."
Tired blood???
-- S. McW.
When my blood is tired, I reach for Hadacol.
How come Dr. Jeff doesn't help anyone at Charterstone?
Boldface and Nance, you class up the joint sumptin special.
I got fat and old and tired, and my doctor didn’t say a word about menopause. And I’m a Men! It’s either malpractice, sexism, or malapropism.
Splendid carol and happy to see BFH, too. My day is made. I'd raise a glass of cheer but my blood is too tired and my arm too fat.
KitKat beat me to it with the Serutan reference (I was out raking a foot of snow off the roof and I could use some, or maybe Geritol) but I must say it's good to have Nance back rockin' the BFH. And I especially loved Fauxprof's Fancy Feast rhyme! Y'all are special.
I don't blame anybody's blood for being tired. Jeez, it runs 24/7.
I'll bet Wilbur's blood isn't tired, it's just lazy.
-- S. McW.
She is pregnant. It's not menopause.
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