So, they can get back to the spot indicated on the GPS-tracked security footage in 20 minutes? I assume they will be traveling faster than they did after Wilbur fell, so let's say he's been in the water 30 minutes. In that thirty minutes, Estelle started to worry, walked to guest services, had him paged multiple times, talked her way onto the bridge, and convinced an officer to review security footage. And the officer reviewed enough footage to see him fall. How long does it take to turn the cruise ship around? I'm sure a cruise ship has a lot of inertia to deal with... all I am saying is if that ship can overcome all the laws of physics and logic to get back to Wilbur in 20 minutes, and he only has to tread 55-degree water for less than an hour, fully clothed and drunk as a blue jay on Mary's pyracantha berries, he's going to live.
I'm devestated. My only remaining hope is that Wilbur comes back a new man. But I should be careful what I wish for.
30 comments:
He didn’t jump. We pushed him. We all pushed him.
Yep, Moy has trolled us. Like a recurring toothache, he'll be back.
That's pure evil, KM. Pure evil.
-- Scottie McW.
About an hour ago, I read that they’ve just issued a tsunami warning for the west coast; from Southern California up to Alaska. I know tsunamis aren’t funny but still… the timing!
Don't give up hope yet, Wanders! Remember that Wilburp fell from a height of close to a hundred feet, which is usually fatal!
On the other hand, perhaps the impact just broke his spinal cord, leaving him a para- or quadriplegic. In that case, of course Estelle will have to marry him and take care of him for the rest of his life. Be afraid, be very afraid!
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league sternward,
Back over the deep sea bed
Where (hopefully) lies Weelbur dead.
“Code Oscar! Code Oscar I bade!
There's a slob overboard!” he said.
Through waves like a heaving bed
Below which sinks Weelbur's head.
A failure, this cruise so staid
Would the passengers be dismayed?
(That's if they ever knew
Weelbur had floundered.)
There's a full moon in the sky,
Yellow in purple, like a jaundiced eye
Perhaps a drunk jumped off to die
Taking along his alcohol breath
(Along with a bit of meth.)
Weelbur to right of them?
Weelbur to left of them?
Weelbur in front of them?
They think he should be murder'd.
Put the crew through stress and hell,
Drunken into the sea he fell,
Didn't do the job so well
Might still be alive, hell!
So the crew hunted.
Flashed all their searchlights there,
Stabbing through the moonlit air
Looking with a little care,
Seeking a barmy, while
All the passengers wondered.
Those who were sleeping woke
Raised their heads from lines of coke;
Karaoke and fashion
Alike from their routine broke
As onward the ship blundered.
Then they changed track, but not
Not the one they wanted.
Weelbur to right of them?
Weelbur to left of them?
Weelbur behind them?
Their peace of mind he'd plundered.
Put the crew through stress and hell,
Should have fallen into a well,
"Someone make up a wreath
And someone else toll a bell
Before our profits grow stunted."
If only he'd used a razor blade
Or jumped off Aldo's Cliff, they said
As the ship's engines thunder'd
Forget the alarm Eshtelle raised
To hell with Weelbur's shade
Sodden blighter's dead!
who said he could swim ?
Well, Estelle, this IS all your fault.
I am going to flip my entire wig if they find him and Estelle ends up marrying him.
None of this is her fault in any way.
I'm predicting that there will be a miraculous rescue followed by Wilbur writing his greatest installment of "I Shouldn't be Alive!" resulting in a Pulitzer Prize. Eshtelle will be guilted into accepting his marriage proposal and Wilbur will become more insufferable than ever.
Yeah, they’re gonna rescue him. Rats! Well, at least KM did a little research and got “Code Oscar” right,
Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go thorugh life..... but it seems to work for Wilbur.
in the water....in the dark....drunk...out of shape...100 foot fall. Oh Please
~Merry Pookster
You know what they say - God looks out for drunks and fools - and Wilbur has both bases covered.
I expect we’ll see Wilbur clinging to some flotsam and/or jetsam, or clutching the back of a dolphin or sea lion, even though the ship ran him over, which should have put him into a very poor state indeed (the propellers!).
I only know this comic through the Comics Curmudgeon and this place – I'd literally never heard of it before I found the CC, and I came here via a link there – but if Wilbur is shown to survive I will be genuinely angered.
(Any vaguely modern cruise ship has bow thrusters, so I suspect the solution is full-astern to get the speed down a bit, then pop on the bow thrusters and full rudder with main engines ahead to turn; it shouldn't take too long. But as others have said I'd really expect Wilbur to have been shattered by the fall and thus unable to keep himself afloat.)
I think I heard it said it takes an hour for a ship to turn around, though thats probably not the case for the Mary Worth Universe. I also want to mention that the Comic Kingdom's storepage is selling merchandise labeled "RIP Wilbur". It feels a little odd to sell that if Wilbur is supposed to survive, and thus wanted to bring this up.
"I'd really expect Wilbur to have been shattered by the fall and thus unable to keep himself afloat."
Fat floats.
A disturbing development.
Another relevant Sunday Nabokov quote for Ms Moy:
“Some people—and I am one of them—hate happy ends. We feel cheated. Harm is the norm. Doom should not jam. The avalanche stopping in its tracks a few feet above the cowering village behaves not only unnaturally, but unethically.”
@Ian -- my word. That quote would have been perfect. What a missed opportunity.
@Bill the Butcher -- brilliant as always.
Also, fun fact, did you know Drew Barrymore once jumped off a cruise ship because she was bored? She swam to an island I think. I remember her telling this story to David Letterman. Probably not a Titanish sized ship, but still.
This may be good news for Mary. Not only will she take over ‘Dear Wendy’, but she can now title her memoirs:
“I Shouldn’t Be Alive- But I Am!”
Jacket blurbs: Ye got that right, auld hen! (Ian Cameron)
I’ll sue your lavender pants off, Mary! (Sole heir Dawn Weston)
I’ll bring the gin right over, Mary. (Toby Cameron)
Mary, dear, you’re just a girl. Now howsa ‘bout a kiss? (Dr. Jeff)
Not tonight, dear, gotta deadline to make. (Mary Worth)
Did you fellows forget fluster floats? Whining walrus Weelbur Weston won’t die by drowning.
he passed out in the men's room --dead drunk
They are just asking us to rip Wilbur. Which we'd do cheerfully and for free!
Sadly, it looks like Weelbur has bit the dust. If you go onto Comics Kingdom "shop" there's a section called RIP Wilbur Weston. https://shop.comicskingdom.com/collections/rip-wilbur-weston
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I've seen tomorrow's strip (after midnight ET on Wash Post site) Wilbur's looking like a beached whale. So I guess he lives....
Where did Wilbur wash up? Is he washed up? Did Dawn do her wash? We need to know!
I know - comes kingdom also publishes just after midnight.
Wilbur comes back and wins the Nobel Prize in Literature for his story of survival
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