We will be right back with a special note from Wanders after this word from our sponsor:
Welcome back. Here's Wanders with a few remarks: I want to offer my special thanks to all those who bribed the judges after casting their votes. You were very generous. Unfortunately, since all voting was anonymous, I have no idea whose votes came with gratuities, so I had to keep the voting clean, but I do know who made donations, and in all sincerity, I am really grateful.
The Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award
Before we start handing out loving cups, let's take a moment to pay tribute to a Mary Worth character who died in 2022. Every year, we pause and recognize the loss of a character that we will truly miss.
This year, the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award goes to Wilbur Weston who fell off of a ship and drowned in the ocean. Wilbur was the kindest, most thoughtful and most beloved resident of Charterstone Condominium Complex, not to mention a great father and animal lover. Thank you, Wilbur, for all you have done. We will never forget you.
And now it is time to present our first Worthy Award...
Quote of the Year
And the nominees are:
"You Already Know About My Progress With Strength Training"
"Chicken Cutlet Sandwiches, Assorted Sides and a Variety of Soft Drinks"
"Have You Gotten a Good Collection of Eager Minds?"
"It's Up To The Individual to Comply or Not"
"I Have a Keen Eye"
"Not to Mention my Wonky Thyroid"
"You Really Captured my Uncommon Mouth"
And the Worthy goes to...
"You Really Captured my Uncommon Mouth"
Congratulations, Toby, for speaking your truth so well. By the way, I don't think your mouth is uncommon. I think it is beautiful. You shouldn't feel so self conscious... And I am not hitting on you.
Our next Worthy Award is for...
Outstanding Floating Head
And the nominees are...
Helen Moss
Iris Beedie
Jess Bender
Mrs. Weston
Wilbur Weston
And the Worthy Award goes to...
Helen Moss
The Worthiverse loves a good stalker, that's for sure.
Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character
The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:
Jared Mylo
Nan
Jess Bender
Cal
Helen Moss
The Worthy for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character goes to:
Helen Moss
Ian Cameron's Ex sure did win our hearts. It must have had something to do with her negative space.
Our next Worthy Award is for
Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character
The nominees are
Mary Worth
Iris Beedie
Zak
Dawn Weston
Wilbur Weston
And the winner is:
Wilbur Weston
Since Wilbur is dead, we have arranged for his daughter ... Wait a minute! Whose that coming in through the back door of the auditorium? Do my eyes deceive me? Can it be? It is! It's Wilbur Weston!! He's alive! Oh, dear. This is awkward... Wilbur, we can't take back a Kelrast Memorial Award... Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to take a break while the mob that has formed here inside the Santa Royale Community Auditorium is either suppressed or satisfied. We'll be right back...
Welcome back. I think we are ready. That was a pretty startling display and I am glad none of you at home had to watch that.
Our next Worthy Award is for
Panel of the Year
And the nominees are...
Zakie Sweetheart
Dawbur Weston
Zak had a Good Life
School Management
WORRLLD-D-!!
And the Worthy goes to:
WORRLLD-D-!!
It was a difficult choice to be sure, but the people have spoken. Of course, now that we know Wilbur didn't drown, it makes this very bitter-sweet. Or, uh, just bitter.
Our final Worthy Award is for
Outstanding Story of the Year
And the nominees are...
Code Oscar
School Management
No Bad Blood
The Incident at Piccadee Falls
And the winner is:
Code Oscar
Well, this concludes our broadcast. It certainly has been a long year, and we are already bored in 2023. I can hardly wait for our next award ceremony.
Ladies and gentlemen, get home safely, or if you are participating from home, be careful that you don't fall off of anything on your way to bed.
If you'd like to leave a tip on your way out, here's the link! Thank you!
5 comments:
KitKat
said...
Bravo, bravo, Wanders! You’ve produced another outstanding Worthy Awards show! Every year you manage to surpass the high bar set the previous year. How do you do it? Even Wilbur refusing to stay dead was only a minor blip in the festivities. Folks, let’s put our hands together, make some noise, and thank Wanders for his superhuman efforts! I will be singing “Talk Nerdy to Me” all day while wondering if Mary has one of those green-and-white Doublemint Twin outfits in the back of her closet.
Thank you, Wanders for a beautiful and very Worthy ceremony. I know you tried your utmost to get Morgan Freeman to M.C., but he had another commitment come up.
I think we’ve all learned that stalking and reckless behavior on high ledges are the keys to stardom in the Worthiverse. And as for Cal, it’s not widely known that he also created a wonderful woodcut of me that really captured my easy mouth. (That’s not an uncommon feat, so it went unremarked upon.)
Brilliantly produced, Wanders! It gets better every year! As an OG nerd girl, I salute you! I was hoping for a clean sweep for the magnificent Helen Moss, but Wilbur is unsurpassed for screwing things up.
Nice job with the Awards ceremony, Wanders! I did pretty well with my votes, but I'll admit that I was disappointed Iris didn't win for her scary Nan impression. Oh well, maybe she'll get another chance next year. There's still time for Nan to create an embarrassing incident at the reception. Com'on Nan, have another drink... or three.
5 comments:
Bravo, bravo, Wanders! You’ve produced another outstanding Worthy Awards show! Every year you manage to surpass the high bar set the previous year. How do you do it? Even Wilbur refusing to stay dead was only a minor blip in the festivities. Folks, let’s put our hands together, make some noise, and thank Wanders for his superhuman efforts! I will be singing “Talk Nerdy to Me” all day while wondering if Mary has one of those green-and-white Doublemint Twin outfits in the back of her closet.
Thank you, Wanders for a beautiful and very Worthy ceremony. I know you tried your utmost to get Morgan Freeman to M.C., but he had another commitment come up.
I think we’ve all learned that stalking and reckless behavior on high ledges are the keys to stardom in the Worthiverse. And as for Cal, it’s not widely known that he also created a wonderful woodcut of me that really captured my easy mouth. (That’s not an uncommon feat, so it went unremarked upon.)
Brilliantly produced, Wanders! It gets better every year! As an OG nerd girl, I salute you! I was hoping for a clean sweep for the magnificent Helen Moss, but Wilbur is unsurpassed for screwing things up.
Nice job with the Awards ceremony, Wanders! I did pretty well with my votes, but I'll admit that I was disappointed Iris didn't win for her scary Nan impression. Oh well, maybe she'll get another chance next year. There's still time for Nan to create an embarrassing incident at the reception. Com'on Nan, have another drink... or three.
HelenClark
This means I have been reading this blog for one year!! Thank you for running such a great site!!
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