Elvis voice: “Thank you very much.” Many times a year I look at the bit of wisdom Wanders gave us: “They call it a screwdriver.” And I’ve always wondered what it meant. Now I think I know! Just send me one $50 Amazon gift card (per person), and I will tell you!………………………………. …So, no takers? Okay, apparently it’s bar talk for the house well. If you ask for rum and cola, you’ll get the cheapest rum. Same with gin and tonic, etc. “You call its.” I may be wrong, so if there are any experts, let me know. This is the hottest day of the year, and my brain is acting accordingly.
@meg, a screwdriver is orange juice and vodka. We can assume that Toby has already poured a quart of Smirnoff in that pitcher for starters, and it looks like she'll be ready to make more after she and Chinbeard polish it off. -- Scottie
Sorry, Scottie, can’t hear you. Mr. Meg is doing his shake the metal Martini shaker hula number, and it be LOUD.
I’ve just had a terrible thought. Mary has recommended (spelled o-r-d-e-r-e-d) that Wilbur take Dawn on a trip. What if he decides to go on a trip to NYC, along with Mary? AIEEEE!
Mary’s already bought her ticket- it’s a bargain called the Santa Pass. Santa Royale to Santa Barbara to Santa Anita to Santa Fe to Santa Claus, Indiana, to LaGuardia. Maybe that will discourage the Westons. Maybe they can go to Cancun. ( trigger warning) Wilbur likes to take walks on the beach in the moonlight while wearing his swimsuit.
Boy, @meg, you are firing on all cylinders, despite (or maybe because of) the heat. I love the itinerary you described, except substitute Newark Liberty for LaGuardia.
I'm thinking KM might handle Olive the soap-opera way, e.g., an 11-year-old goes to a convent school in Ireland for a year and comes back 21 and ready to cause trouble.
So, Olive is now a teenager. Thanks for answering my question, Moy. The poor thing has entered that portion of the Twilight Zone that Dawn has occupied for some forty years now—the perpetual teenager. - fauxprof
Today's panel has what must be one of the most awkward renderings of a human hand holding a glass of (?!) that I have ever seen. Is it Mary's arm? Toby's? Probably not the (ahem) Professor, given that lovely manicure, although if it were Prof. Cameron, that would be a refreshing change, and it might indicate that he is on his back on the floor, holding up his glass for a refill......
Well, I must say, that as a teenager in the Mesozoic Era, there was nothing I would have liked better than having a sesquicentenarian old biddie , whom I hardly knew, come for a visit and share my FREAKIN’ room, the place I go to avoid all the ‘tee hee’.
I'm shocked! Seriously. I've been reading this silly strip for almost as many years as Mary has been alive and I do not remember any character actually aging.
KM's teenagers tend to be sullen stereotypes who seem to be bent on some sort of retribution for what they experience as personal injustice. Can't wait to meet Ms. Tummybrain.
I guess Mary's travel plans slipped her mind on Jeff's yacht AND at the Bum Boat. Today he's an afterthought to Mary's packing plans. Can this non-marriage be saved?
Oh, June. You disappoint me. You know you wanted to draw Mary's closet jam-packed with purple cowl-necked sweaters. You caved. But at least you have her reaching for one. That spare should be enough for a two-month visit.
@LouiseF -- Ha haaa! Yeah, Mary's channeling her inner Belle. Looks like she popped a couple uppers to get her through her to-do list, the last item upon said list being, "27. Tell Mr. Allora to Tell Jeff, Time Permitting." -- Scottie
Oh, really, Mary save a little girl from drowning? Wow! I hadn't heard that. Please tell me again. But first, Jeff, eat your little piece of yellow squash before it falls off your little fork.
Nothing to see here. Jeff still hasn't eaten his bite of whatever. Mary has stayed in touch with Olive who has a teenager. Oh, and Mary topped off her wine.
That's right, Jeff. She's heading to New York where she MAY run into John Dille, her cake whisperer or a well-meaning bum in Central Park. I'm hoping she goes to see the new Broadway show about Floyd Collins, who died when he was trapped in a cave in Kentucky in the 1920's. I can see Mary rushing the stage to save him.
Just checking in to make sure I haven’t perished from terminal ennui. I see we have clarification. Olive is fourteen. Such an uncomplicated, joyful age. We’re in for a delightful romp, provided Mary ever unloads Jeff and Ubers to the airport.
Good point, Anonymous. I see it's taken three days for Mary and Jeff to move from drinking what looks like grape juice to full glasses of wine to half glasses of red (probably) Lambrusco. Maybe Mary will hit the airport by Saturday.
"Would you like to join me, Jeff? I'm sure Ed and Evy wouldn't mind. It could be a surprise! And besides, I need someone to lug around my baggage. You could probably sleep on the couch. Or maybe down in the lobby. Although I want to make it crystal clear to them -- and to you again, of course -- that we are NOT having relations of a personal nature." -- Scottie
Gotta say, I wouldn't mind seeing the two of them traveling together. We've never seen that before. Besides, @ Scottie, Jeff carrying Mary's luggage and sleeping on the couch, would they actually eat someplace new? How would Mary introduce Jeff? Boyfriend? Partner? Bellcap? How would Olive take to having Mary bringing another friend? Really! This could be fun!
Adrian and Scott?!!! I thought they had moved away already! Or died! They must be in their 40s by now...and they still need Daddy to help them move? Watch out for your back Jeff. @Scotty: Ha! Servant!
Careful there Mary! You're coming on kinda strong there with that double arm embrace. You don't want to start something you have no intention of finishing.
Mary is acknowledging that flying is a risk. Can this comment portend an incident on the plane ride to New York?! Maybe a scene where she sees a demon on the plane wing (or worse, the specter of Wilbur chowing down on one of his rib delicacies). Sort of like that scene from an episode of "The Twilight Zone". And we know of KM's affection for the Twilight Zone....
LouiseF - I was thinking along those same lines. I'm hoping to see William Shatner, who hasn't flown in decades due to the immense trauma brought on by his famous Twilight Zone episode, boarding the plane and settling down in his window seat, only to look over and see Mary sitting next to him.
After a little family vacation in northwest Michigan, I have returned home to face...EGAD...Mary going gaga over being "kindred spirits" with her "dear girl" and "friend" Olive. This is giving me the heebie-jeebies -- it's too, too weird.
Scottie, Mary introducing Jeff as her servant is hilarious. "This is my factotum, Geoffrey. Might you have a small room for him in your attic, if you have an attic?"
I can't decide which scenario I prefer. Either Evy and Ed have become hoarders (hope you brought a lot of doorknob shining cloths, Mary), or that the "tee-hees" are long over, and they're threatening each other with divorce.
Unusual decor in the Taylors' opulent home: A pair of screwdrivers and a bowl of fruit on the mantel, and a floor lamp that barely comes up to Ed's shoulder.
Cool, Mary. Instead of shaking Ed's hand, looks like she's giving him a little dap. Ed doesn't really look like the gang type, but you never know, right?
Yeah, @ hmmm: Brigman's continuing problem with hands. Doesn't look like Ed has fingers at all, actually. And Mary and Eve aren't even bothering to air kiss, just cheek touch. Yeesh!
Uh oh! A miscommunication or a Freudian slip? When Ed says, ‘we’re glad to have you OVER’, does he think she’s staying elsewhere (perhaps with dear old Shelly Cohen?), or is he wishing the visit to be already over? Or is he just speaking the old New York doctor funky slang just to be cool?
Mary may have been refreshed by her nap, but the passengers seated nearby were annoyed by her snoring.
Yes, where IS Olive? Preparing for her grand entrance? I'm hoping that she's changed greatly since her last video chat with Mary, and that Mary is shocked -- SHOCKED! -- and immediately clutches her invisible pearls.
"You took a refreshing nap? How exciting! You must tell us all about it. Um, maybe later."
@KitKat -- Yeah, you'd think that the Kindred Spirit would have been first at the door so she could rush into Mary's arms. Let's hope that she goes all "Gram liked colors" and has a cosmic eye roll. -- Scottie
I do love how KM contrives to gin up (unsuccessfully) suspense. WHEN will we get to see Olive? Will it be tomorrow, (Thursday), or will KM wait for the big reveal until Friday, in true end-of-the week soap opera style?! I can hardly wait to find out!
Olive still looks and acts like she's 10. Please, please tell me that this story isn't going to be about her approaching "womanhood". I'd much rather it be about Olive being bullied at school for her hideous orthopedic sneakers.
Wait a minute! Isn't she supposed to be 14 or something? She looks like she's 10. I know at 5' 2" I'm not tall, but the 12 year-old who waters my plants (girl) is taller than me already. When I was 14 I was taller than my mom (not saying much, at 5 foot). And Ed appears to be plenty tall, he's a head taller than Mary.
Has Karen Moy seen a 14-year-old girl lately, i.e., sometime this century? What about June Brigman; is she clueless too, or did KM demand that Olive be drawn as an 8-year-old in 1971? It appears that the Worthiverse is The Land That Time Forgot.
Olive: Oh, Mary. I've so missed our talks! Mary: Yeah? Well, small talk is cheap, little missy. And dangerous online. You know why I'm here and what I want. And I want it right now! You need to start confiding in me, big time, girly. Dirty, ugly, disgusting little secrets. And don't waste my time. I've already been here 5 minutes and you haven't even divulged the reason why your parents keep a bowl of fruit in the living room on the fireplace mantel.
Obviously, Olive must have some sort of problem for Mary to solve in about six weeks or so. Anyone want to place a bet? Cyberbullying? Eating disorder? Mom and Dad on the brink of divorce? Wants to paint her room purple, and knows Mary will enthusiastically back her on this color choice? I find myself marginally interested, but that may just be the zero-sum fallacy talking. - fauprof
In my wildest imaginings I can't believe a 14-year-old girl would says these things. We are firmly in the MoyZone now. @Fauxprog is on the right track, but I think it may be more of a mental/personality problem. She's too innocent, too trusting, to fond of old busy-bodies, too stupid. Something along those lines.
Maybe it's an allergic reaction to the endless, awful coverage of the Epstein files, but just seeing Mary talk about Olive "confiding" in her makes me cringe. Boundaries, already! I do love everyone's hilarious speculation about what is probably the innocuous challenge that our Olive is about to be presented with. Looking forward to JB's panels in Central Park. Betting they might make Frederick Law Olmsted turn over in his grave at the park's tidy appearance.
None of us expected a rogue air conditioner about to crash onto Mary, but it's a reminder of Olive's "gifts," which I had almost forgotten about. Perhaps a psycho squirrel is waiting to pitch a branch onto Mary in the park.
I also find the "dear girl" and "kindred spirits" blather off-putting and icky. Ed and Evy are still cluless.
Good to know that Olive’s tummy brain instincts are still operating. You can never be too careful when walking through a falling air conditioner zone. Oh, I do hope that this whole arc will be a series of narrowly averted catastrophes, culminating in Coyote aiming an anvil at Roadrunner, and flattening Mary, instead. - fauxprof
Oh, hahaha! Those of us who live in caves and mud huts and single story bungalows out here in the hinterlands have no need to fear the falling ac. However, many New Yorkers do have such a fear even though it’s unlikely. I actually once dodged a nail-studded beam falling from a Times Square construction site when I was but a youth strolling with my parents. My father commented, ‘well, it could have been worse- it could have been an air conditioner.’ I’m still pondering that comment.
I can assure you, if were almost flattened by 50 pounds plummeting metal, I wouldn't be having a polite conversation in the immediate aftermath. I'd be screaming invective at the moron who almost killed me.
But not Mary. She's not even the slightest bit cross. What a gal! -- Scottie
Well, yes, Mary. You COULD have been hurt. Maybe this near miss will teach you not to leave Olive's apartment without a kevlar, triple layered helmet with a coiled spring on the top that might rocket a falling air conditioner right back to where it came from. I'd almost pay to see JB's version of that.
We will be nattering on about Olive’s gifts for days, perhaps weeks? OK, Olive, here’s the skinny: “with great power comes great responsibility.” (From a much better comic strip.) - fauxprof
Oh. No. A story about bullying? Yes, I know it's an awful thing. I read the news. I'm not discounting the fact that it's very disturbing and at times, tragic. But it's also likely a subject that's best left out of KM's nescient hands. This is Mary Worth! Does KM ever consider the demographic of her readership? All you teens and tweens out there, please raise your hands.
I'm with you, @hmmm. Also, what are the odds that a trio of classmate mean girls would just happen to stroll by Olive and Mary in Central Park? Mary's barely off the plane and has already (1) escaped injury and/or death and (2) discovered an Olive problem in which she will meddle.
Mary: “Ya know, Olive, perhaps if your wardrobe was upgraded a bit…wearing those Charlie Brown shirts make you look a bit immature. “ And thus it was that Olive’s style became more mature. After she began wearing a lavender pantsuit and white sneakers, she became the most popular girl in her class, and ol’ lady chic became the latest fad for Upper East Side prep school girls.
In other news, what are Wilbur and Tommy Beedie doing in the Big Apple?
Bravo, Mary, well done! Sage advice, indeed! I'm certain that Olive's own parents would never have thought to suggest as much to Olive. So... now that your work here in NYC is done, can we move on to something interesting?
So, Olive has both gifts and bullies. Luckily, Mary is here to make it all platudinously better before things degenerate into a full Stephen King Carrie-at-the-prom bloodbath. What a shame. - fauxprof
KM must have grown tired of watching Twilight Zone reruns. She's decided to subject us to a montage of Stephen King movies: First "The Long Walk", today "The Shining." "Carrie" ought to show up at some point. Did Olive once have a cat that made an unsuccessful attempt to cross Park Ave.?
Hope they show Mary encountering the naked Cowboy in Times Square. Not only will she have to tell Olive about the facts of life, in the future she can fantasize about the not entirely Naked Cowboy when she submits to Jeff’s biennial kiss.
Full disclosure, here. I’m a huge Sci-Fi/Fantasy fan. In that context, Olive seems to have both precognition and a delightful power, Animal Mindspeech. Make friends with the pigeons, Olive, and the bullies will be very, very sorry. - fauxprof
Coming next: Just as they are about to turn a corner, Olive senses the presence of street mimes and thus steers Mary in the opposite direction. -- Scottie
“Ha ha, Marco, you gotta hear this one! So I was working on some important stuff, enjoying the fresh air, and this really old dame approaches me and says, ‘Sir, may I pet that magnificent dog of yours, Sir? ‘ and I say Sure, and then, waddaya know, Lord Jeff lunges toward the old biddy, snarling and barking and baring his teeth! And she says, ‘Sir, I thought you said I could pet him, Sir!’ And I said, No, I said you MAY pet him, but you may also get attacked, and that’s what happened. It was hilarious, I tell you, Marco, that old crone probably wet her lavender drawers! Funniest thing I’ve seen since the last time Biden fell down the stairs of Air Force One. What a country! “
“Sir, thank you for that hilarious anecdote, sir. Dogs are great.”
Heimlich maneuver anyone? Or will Olive be able to anticipate that and insist that Mary order a bowl of gruel? Besides, what kid is "in the mood for a steak"? Pizza or a burger, more likely. And how generous of Mary to offer to pay. She is, after all, the guest here. I don't think it would be too much to expect a 14-year-old to foot the bill for a lavish steakhouse dinner. I hope Mary forgets her wallet and has to rely on Olive's prognosticating skill in order to skip out the back door before the check is delivered.
Well, this conversation isn't stilted at all, is it? Her parents "approved" this dinner request. Will they be texting over formal documents to be signed by all parties?
"I know just the place! Krusty's Steakburger Shack! All the workers wear clown costumes! It'll be fun!"
It almost sounds like Ed and Evie keep Olive on a short leash. But it may just be that they wanted Olive and Mary out of the house…to….um….er…. And they assumed Mary would offer to pay. 14-year-old girls up for steak…not so much. 14-year-old boys, you betcha!
I loved your comment about Olive's parents. The Taylors are unusual people. When Olive first appeared in the Worthiverse, it became clear that Ed and Evy were (ahem) very wrapped up in each other, with a lot of "tee hee!" going on, to the point that they seemed to forget that Olive existed.
So Mary's ready to really enjoy things with Olive! Will they use their kindred-spirit powers to prank other diners?
Oh my. This must be a very high-end restaurant indeed. Bricks instead of rocks for decor! And no goofy French name! Hope Mary brought her Amex Black Card.
I think that a 14-year-old who looks and acts like a ten-year-old might prefer Coney Island to the Hamptons. But, hey, I’m just going on information gleaned from reliable sources, like The Real Housewives of wherever… fauxprof
The steak looked like a poorly shaped, poorly baked brownie, and the sides were fries; maybe Olive ate the rose as a salad. If this was such a treat, I wonder what she usually eats.
You know @ Faux Prof, you might be onto something there. Even thought we can’t believe everything AI tells us, that’s not much different than what Moy throws at us each day anyway. I would love to know any example of Olive’s parents wishing she were “more normal”. As near as I can tell, they have no interest in her at all.
Mary and Olive rise early the following day for their trip to the Hamptons and beautiful beaches. They ride the jitney, making good time to arrive about 6 hours later (shouldn’t have gone on a Saturday, ladies). When they alight, they are confronted by the imperious Admissions Committee.
Martha Stewart: ‘What kind of sandwiches do you have in that Trader Joe’s bag- truffle and egg salad, or smoked salmon? Peanut butter and grape jelly? Absolutely not!’
Calvin Klein: ‘Where DID you get those swimsuits? At the Michael Kors’ summer sale at Walmart? Puh-leeze! Go back to town and visit my Boutique at Saks Fifth Avenue.’
Anna Wintour (puts another pair of sunglasses on and averts her eyes: ‘Nyet!’
Steven Spielberg: ‘Hello, ladies! It’s terribly hot today. Would you like to come over to my (vast, elaborate) summer cottage? I have an air conditioned screening room, and I can show you my newest film “Indiana Jones Versus Tom Cruise.” There’s a great scene where Tom Cruise rides a giant commercial air conditioner from the top of Rockefeller Center, trying to strike Indy as he’s standing in line at the TKTS booth in Times Square. And we have fruit smoothies and caramel corn…Whaddaya say?’ Olive: ‘ I’ve seen that one.’ Mary: ‘Do you have a Nespresso Machine, Mr. Spielberg?’ ‘Of course, and please call me Steve. May I call you Mary?’ ‘Please, call me Mrs. Worth.’
@meg -- Rahthah nicely done, Mahgahret. Please feel free to visit my near-by estate and indulge yourself of our fabulous libations. -- Scott T. Uppahcrust III
@meg, I knew I could count on you for providing an exclusive inside-NYC perspective - huzzah huzzah! And, how perfect to see a comment by that notable personage, Scott T. Uppahcrust! What a banner day in the Worthiverse.
Either Olive has bugged the Taylor residence or her parents are chronically indiscreet. Maybe both.
@meg -- Mahgahret, a hole in the knee??? Truly? Dear lady, Mummy would nevah forgive me if I condoned such wantonness. I'm sorry, my wayward girl, but trollops are not welcome at the estate! -- S.T.U. III
P.S. But if you happen to be at the Bum Barge at 10 tonight, I'll buy you all the drinks you want.
Uppacrust…Uppacrust…? Why does that name sound familiar (other than that it’s ridiculous)? Well, I believe I was with a Uppacrust at Maumee University, class of aught 8… Uppacrust? OMG, is that you, Stuffy? As I live and breathe, Stuffy Uppacrust!! Oh, it’s not you? Terribly sorry, old chap. Ta.
I’m not good at numbers, but bear with me. New York City is fairly populous, yes? And there are several possible beach venues within reach? What are the odds that Olive’s mean girl bullies would show up at not only the same beach, but within earshot for gratuitous insults?
Foreshadowing. Are we to have another water rescue? Mary and Olive will heroically save one or more of the mean girls, who have foolishly ignored the undertow flag. All of Olive’s problems will be solved. (Oh, if it only could be that quick and easy.) —fauxprof
Okay. So while Mr. Lifeguard stands there, wringing his hands and crying for help, Olive and Mary rush past him to save the three mean girls. Sure. Why not?
Perhaps it would be simpler if Martha Stewart made another appearance and ordered everyone out of the water: ‘You three there! There’s no drowning allowed here. Get back on dry land right away!”
After seeing Olive sprinting into the waves this morning, I think we can add "running" to the list of things that June simply cannot draw. Olive looks pretty much the same as I did the other day when an unexpected guest showed up at the door and caught me in my torn nightshirt sporting a facial mask and hair dye.
So Olive goes to rescue the mean girl. Mary goes to rescue Olive. The lifeguard goes to rescue Mary. And the kranken takes them all to the tune of “Baby Shark”.
@Scottie, nothing is too hackneyed for the Moy Zone.
Since Olive seemingly encounters mean-girl classmates everywhere she goes, she and Mary can roam the city for more rescuing opportunities. Olive will save the girls while Mary narrates.
I’d like to think that Moy is saving the BIG SAVE for tomorrow. But I doubt it. Mary will probably still be narrating and describing the lifeguard being pulled under the water.
Now wait just a golldarn minute here. You mean to tell us that the lifeguard had no idea that there was one and then two girls out there struggling in the water until Mary pointed it out to him? What was he doing up there, sleeping?
As Amanda Lindhout might have put it, "With unawareness comes a pleasant hassle-free snooze." -- Scottie
Scottie, you had me snorting water from my nose with your comments. In any case, I am about to become diabetic with the sweet coincidence of saving someone from drowning, a la Mary Worth saving Olive several years ago. Thank heaven Evie and Ed (or whatever names are Olive's parents) had the good sense to get swimming lessons for hapless Olive after the incident in the Charterstone pool. They probably didn't want to be called to ID Olive at the morgue...
I’m sure Vicky is pleased to have the lifeguard take her ‘pulsox’ level, but isn’t he the only one on duty? I sure hope Mary is keeping an eye out so she can tell the lifeguard if anyone else needs saving.
So, Mary can waltz into a NYC hospital wearing an ugly purple swimsuit and carting a huge sun umbrella over her shoulder, with two children who are totally unrelated to her, with no evidence of insurance for herself or either child, and expect the kids to receive medical attention? Sure, okay. Oh, Mary? While you're there, have the doctors take a look and see if they can do anything about those crepey thighs of yours.
Go to the hospital??? Yeah, sure, go to the emergency room because you're . . . what? Wet? Tired? Then sit around the waiting room for six or seven hours while the ER staff is taking care of, you know, emergencies. I'm sure Ed and Evie will be cool with that. As for Vicki, her mean-girl friends have made themselves pretty scarce, so Mary better foster her too. Sheesh, what dreck! -- Scottie
What Mary said: Thank you for saving…What she meant: You should be thanking me for telling you what to do while you were sprawling and manspreading in your big comfy tall chair while watching porn on your AI goggles. I saved your job!
What the lifeguard heard: ~…~…~…~…~…. What he said: It’s my JOB, Ma’am. What he thought: MYOB, you OB. You think I don’t know what to do when I see two girls drowning. Why, I oughtta slap you with a summons for child neglect, but then I’d have the freakin’ AARP all over me. SHEESH!
Ok, yeah, sure, he has to recommend they be evaluated because...you know, lawyers (MrScarlet hates it when I say that). Meanwhile, what the heck is he doing on the phone? And that must be a super duper waterproof phone too.
I hope you learned your lesson, Olive. It was so simple. If you had just gotten off your lazy duff and saved a mean girl's life years ago, you would have had to put up with only half as much bullying.
Coming next: Naomi is attacked by a shark, and Olive rushes in to pull her to safety. Unfortunately, Naomi suffers a nasty scratch on her leg and blames Olive for not reacting quicker. -- Scottie
Evy, knowing how to swim doesn't mean it's safe, or advisable, to be in the water when there are rip currents. Once again KM presents her own Fantasyland.
Next week: Olive dashes into traffic to retrieve a windblown ball cap for a Yankee fan.
Attending ER Physician: "So, little red-haired girl, are your parents intending on showing up here after your near-death experience?"
Vicki: "No. But don't worry. My classmates or that old lady in purple, all of whom are allowed to wander in and about my room and the rest of the hospital unsupervised, will be able to authorize any treatment I might need."
And while we're busy with the Thank You Olympics, how about a hearty "Thanks!" to Mary Worth for saving Olive from drowning in the Charterstone pool lo these many years ago. And thanks to Olive's parents for the swimming lessons that keep their daughter from having to depend on the swimming skills of a nearby biddy! So, Olive. It's instant popularity for you, Weirdo!
Mary used to be a volunteer at a hospital (Northview? Mountain View?), so perhaps Olive can emulate her kindred spirit by hanging out with everyone currently being evaluated, sharing her new-found coolness. What a happy ending!
And brats who are likely to come down with a case of pneumonia, given the amount of time they have been hanging out in those wet bathing suits. You'd think the hospital would have given them dry gowns to put on. Or maybe those are for patients with health insurance...
As Mary rushes Olive along... Olive: "Ouch, Mary. Stop pulling my hair!" Mary: "Stop complaining. Keep moving. Keep moving." Olive: "But Mary. We haven't even looked at any of the statues!" Mary: "Quiet down, you little weirdo. And keep moving."
Is Olive wishing she had a sex life? Don't go to Mary for info about that part of life, Olive. Mary is well past remembering anything worthwhile about that.
A "mini-vacation away from home" when it's almost September? Right when Olive gained cred with the formerly mean classmates? Shouldn't Mary have discussed this with Olive's parents first? Oops, silly me -- Ed and Evy will likely think this is a great idea.
So, Olive is going to fly back to Santa Royale with Mary—right at the beginning of the school year? Well, that’s okay, since it will give the Tee-Hee couple a chance to go on a discount hurricane season cruise. Cruises always go so well in the Worthiverse. What could go wrong? …fauxprof
Hmm....what will Mary do with a 14 year old girl in Santa Royale? Lunch with Toby? Noooo..... Karaoke with Wilbur? Noooo.... Shopping with Dawn? Doubtful.... Advanced swimming lessons? Sure, why not? What could go wrong? Oh, don't forget to have a boat trip on Dr. Jeff's magnificent masculine manifestation.
And how about checking with Olive's parents before offering a trip to Olive? Rules of custody don't seem to apply in the Worthiverse... And who is the hunk in the Three Musketeers outfit? Guessing it's been awhile since KM visited a NYC museum.
Olive’s parents will be delighted to hand off their daughter to Mary. Temporary custody, child support, and maybe we’ll give you a call at Christmas…fauxprof
Most people I have heard "remember" past lives, think they lived on the upper echelons of society. Far more likely that Olive and Mary were slaves. Maybe Mary worked as a cook or a nanny. Olive was likely a concubine. This could take a rather risque turn.
LouiseF: I believe poufy-shirted museum guy is actually a photograph of President Zelenskyy trying on a Hallowe’en costume for the White House costume party, just in case he gets an invitation.
meg, that WOULD be a change of costume for the minimally outfitted president Zelensky. At the risk of conjuring a cliche, I am Imagining Stephen Miller as Nosferatu and the other cast of White House characters chanelling those in "The Walking Dead"
Phew! That was a close call. I was afraid that today we'd be seeing Mary dressed as Cleopatra, sailing over the Mediterranean Sea in Mark Antony's golden barque, on their way to the Bondsman Barge for dinner. The usual: Tilapia for Mary; Carp Chowder & Mutton for Mark.
JB is definitely indulging in some odd illustrations of eyes since Belle Batsfry came on the scene. Olive's faraway look yesterday seems to be her reverie over her miraculous lifesaving of her classmate, but maybe she's just possessed. That's "Possessed with the strength of a trained teenager"...
I’ve been here in the Worthiverse a long time, and I think this storyline may take the prize for ennui. (Except for the brief flurry of activity with Olive’s ill-advised water rescue.) Perhaps KM is resting up after the exciting Batty Belle scenario….fauxprof
Well, moderately cringe-worthy. But if Mary were to take @Meg's advice and begin waxing rapturously about her love affair with a hunchbacked, club footed prince of the Nile - well that would bring it for sure!
Something tells me Mary was just as cagey with Prince Tut as she has been with Dr. Jeff, No kisses for Tut. I can see her and Tut heading for a dinner of mummified beef at Egypt's Elite Beef, but only if Tut drove one of the King Tut Boats.
This week's prize for most awkward dialogue is awarded to Mary for "Olive expressed a desire to travel more."
I'm holding out hope for a flashback to ancient Egypt, with Mary and Olive reprising Bert and Ernie's Sesame Street "funny statue" routine (ahh, the good old days). https://youtu.be/8yiqGtZXCmQ?feature=shared
@Miss Scarlet, time runs differently in the Worthiverse. Dawn has been 19 or so for over 30 years. Mary herself is about 160. A piddling anomaly like the beginning of a normal school year is a mere blip in this black hole of a comic strip…fauxprof
It would be great to see Ed blow up at Mary: "You know, you might have checked with Evy and me first before you go inviting our daughter to spend a week or so on the other side of the continent, you meddling busybody! Do you have any concept of boundaries, or even basic courtesy? You think you can waltz in here and say and do whatever you please? What the hell's the matter with you?"
Stunned, Mary stands up indignantly and says, "Well, I know when I'm not welcome! Let's go Olive!"
Olive: "And, please Mary, can we bring Vicki, Naomi, and What's-Her-Name with us? That way we can introduce them to Wilbur and show them what a real weirdo is."
Ed: "If it's okay with Mary, it's okay with me! She just better be paying for your airline tickets and all other expenses. Say, Evy, when exactly does school start?"
The Santa Royale Hot Air Balloon Festival?!? I smell foreshadowing. Can we picture Olive dangling from a balloon basket in an attempt to perform some kind of a rescue? … fauxprof
@Anonymous: I think you are on to something with that foreshadowing. Of course Olive will dangle from a balloon basket and fall. And then be in traction for six months - so no, her visit will not just be for a week or two.
And of course the highlight of the balloon festival is the Crowning of Mr. Hot Air. It’s a photo finish for the honor, but Ian narrowly beats out Saul. The title of Lady Hot Air has been long retired after no one ever challenged Mary for the honor.
Either Olive is a fan of Turner Classic Movies, or she saw On The Town when it was first released in 1949. One of those past lives that wasn’t as exotic as ancient Egypt…fauxprof
Whoa, I've been a little slow on the uptake here. Mary has been there "these past few WEEKS"?
Yeah, I can imagine when she asks Ed and Evy if she can take Olive back to S.R., they're both thinking, "Yeah, whatever. Whatever it takes to get you the hell out of here, we're good with. You can keep her until Christmas if you want. Just GO already!" -- Scottie
"And how are the old residents, Mary? There was that blonde woman who always had a beverage with her, and the short, pudgy guy with four hairs on top of his head and glasses."
New residents? What new residents? The only ones I can think of are Keith, (who has since moved out) Saul and Eve. Maybe Olive's sixth sense will pick up on the fact that Max needs his anal glands expressed. Or maybe that's just her sense of smell.
LOL@hmmm!! I hope Moy doesn't strain something. This is a big deal. Olive visiting from New York and introducing new characters! Whew! Of course, as I already pointed out, Olive can't mingle with any of the established residents for reasons we all already know too well.
3,600 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 3401 – 3600 of 3600Mary? Summer is 1/2 over.
Elvis voice: “Thank you very much.” Many times a year I look at the bit of wisdom Wanders gave us: “They call it a screwdriver.” And I’ve always wondered what it meant. Now I think I know! Just send me one $50 Amazon gift card (per person), and I will tell you!……………………………….
…So, no takers? Okay, apparently it’s bar talk for the house well. If you ask for rum and cola, you’ll get the cheapest rum. Same with gin and tonic, etc. “You call its.” I may be wrong, so if there are any experts, let me know. This is the hottest day of the year, and my brain is acting accordingly.
@meg, a screwdriver is orange juice and vodka. We can assume that Toby has already poured a quart of Smirnoff in that pitcher for starters, and it looks like she'll be ready to make more after she and Chinbeard polish it off. -- Scottie
Sorry, Scottie, can’t hear you. Mr. Meg is doing his shake the metal Martini shaker hula number, and it be LOUD.
I’ve just had a terrible thought. Mary has recommended (spelled o-r-d-e-r-e-d) that Wilbur take Dawn on a trip. What if he decides to go on a trip to NYC, along with Mary? AIEEEE!
Mary’s already bought her ticket- it’s a bargain called the Santa Pass. Santa Royale to Santa Barbara to Santa Anita to Santa Fe to Santa Claus, Indiana, to LaGuardia. Maybe that will discourage the Westons. Maybe they can go to Cancun. ( trigger warning) Wilbur likes to take walks on the beach in the moonlight while wearing his swimsuit.
Boy, @meg, you are firing on all cylinders, despite (or maybe because of) the heat. I love the itinerary you described, except substitute Newark Liberty for LaGuardia.
I'm thinking KM might handle Olive the soap-opera way, e.g., an 11-year-old goes to a convent school in Ireland for a year and comes back 21 and ready to cause trouble.
So, Olive is now a teenager. Thanks for answering my question, Moy. The poor thing has entered that portion of the Twilight Zone that Dawn has occupied for some forty years now—the perpetual teenager. - fauxprof
Today's panel has what must be one of the most awkward renderings of a human hand holding a glass of (?!) that I have ever seen. Is it Mary's arm? Toby's? Probably not the (ahem) Professor, given that lovely manicure, although if it were Prof. Cameron, that would be a refreshing change, and it might indicate that he is on his back on the floor, holding up his glass for a refill......
Well, I must say, that as a teenager in the Mesozoic Era, there was nothing I would have liked better than having a sesquicentenarian old biddie , whom I hardly knew, come for a visit and share my FREAKIN’ room, the place I go to avoid all the ‘tee hee’.
A beautiful teenager who sees angels and has a tummy brain. What could go wrong?
Mary arrives at the Taylors' apartment.
"Ed! Evy! So nice to see you again! And where's my little kindred spirit Olive?"
"Uh, she ran away."
-- Scottie
I'm shocked! Seriously. I've been reading this silly strip for almost as many years as Mary has been alive and I do not remember any character actually aging.
KM's teenagers tend to be sullen stereotypes who seem to be bent on some sort of retribution for what they experience as personal injustice. Can't wait to meet Ms. Tummybrain.
I guess Mary's travel plans slipped her mind on Jeff's yacht AND at the Bum Boat. Today he's an afterthought to Mary's packing plans. Can this non-marriage be saved?
Oh, June. You disappoint me. You know you wanted to draw Mary's closet jam-packed with purple cowl-necked sweaters. You caved. But at least you have her reaching for one. That spare should be enough for a two-month visit.
Uh oh.. Mary is exhibiting a somewhat wild-eyed look as she contemplates her impending trip.
@LouiseF -- Ha haaa! Yeah, Mary's channeling her inner Belle. Looks like she popped a couple uppers to get her through her to-do list, the last item upon said list being, "27. Tell Mr. Allora to Tell Jeff, Time Permitting." -- Scottie
@hmmm, today we have Mary in a purple swimsuit, though without a cowl neck.
Mary seems to be remembering diving into the pool from a water slide.
@KitKat -- And matching purple sunglasses! I wonder if she has them custom-made. -- Scottie
For crying out loud, KM, slow down, will you? How can we possibly keep up with this new story if you keep it moving at this breakneck speed?
And what tiny morsel is perched on the tiny fork that Jeff is awkwardly holding?
Oh, really, Mary save a little girl from drowning? Wow! I hadn't heard that. Please tell me again.
But first, Jeff, eat your little piece of yellow squash before it falls off your little fork.
Nothing to see here. Jeff still hasn't eaten his bite of whatever. Mary has stayed in touch with Olive who has a teenager.
Oh, and Mary topped off her wine.
That's right, Jeff. She's heading to New York where she MAY run into John Dille, her cake whisperer or a well-meaning bum in Central Park. I'm hoping she goes to see the new Broadway show about Floyd Collins, who died when he was trapped in a cave in Kentucky in the 1920's. I can see Mary rushing the stage to save him.
Just checking in to make sure I haven’t perished from terminal ennui. I see we have clarification. Olive is fourteen. Such an uncomplicated, joyful age. We’re in for a delightful romp, provided Mary ever unloads Jeff and Ubers to the airport.
Good point, Anonymous. I see it's taken three days for Mary and Jeff to move from drinking what looks like grape juice to full glasses of wine to half glasses of red (probably) Lambrusco. Maybe Mary will hit the airport by Saturday.
Will Olive have braces, tattoos, piercings, or an attitude?
Let's see; what would be my dream vacation? New York City in the summer? Sharing a cluttered bedroom with a 14-year-old girl? I think not.
Does Jeff want to be 14? No, I think he wants Mary to be 14. No good, Jeff. She would be 'jail bait' then, and she would still turn you down.
"Would you like to join me, Jeff? I'm sure Ed and Evy wouldn't mind. It could be a surprise! And besides, I need someone to lug around my baggage. You could probably sleep on the couch. Or maybe down in the lobby. Although I want to make it crystal clear to them -- and to you again, of course -- that we are NOT having relations of a personal nature." -- Scottie
Gotta say, I wouldn't mind seeing the two of them traveling together. We've never seen that before. Besides, @ Scottie, Jeff carrying Mary's luggage and sleeping on the couch, would they actually eat someplace new? How would Mary introduce Jeff? Boyfriend? Partner? Bellcap? How would Olive take to having Mary bringing another friend?
Really! This could be fun!
@MissScarlet -- You're right, this could be fun. Maybe they'll visit the NYC waterfront and dine at Da Bum Barge.
And it makes complete sense for Mary to invite him along.
After all, Jeff has long experience in putting up with all the baggage that Mary comes with.
As for introductions, Mary could just refer to him as her servant. -- Scottie
Adrian and Scott?!!! I thought they had moved away already! Or died! They must be in their 40s by now...and they still need Daddy to help them move? Watch out for your back Jeff.
@Scotty: Ha! Servant!
Careful there Mary! You're coming on kinda strong there with that double arm embrace. You don't want to start something you have no intention of finishing.
Mary is acknowledging that flying is a risk. Can this comment portend an incident on the plane ride to New York?! Maybe a scene where she sees a demon on the plane wing (or worse, the specter of Wilbur chowing down on one of his rib delicacies). Sort of like that scene from an episode of "The Twilight Zone". And we know of KM's affection for the Twilight Zone....
LouiseF - I was thinking along those same lines. I'm hoping to see William Shatner, who hasn't flown in decades due to the immense trauma brought on by his famous Twilight Zone episode, boarding the plane and settling down in his window seat, only to look over and see Mary sitting next to him.
A real nightmare at 20,000 feet; Mary sitting next to you and asking questions!
I like Brigman's work today. A floating head of a teenage Olive. Nice!
After a little family vacation in northwest Michigan, I have returned home to face...EGAD...Mary going gaga over being "kindred spirits" with her "dear girl" and "friend" Olive. This is giving me the heebie-jeebies -- it's too, too weird.
Scottie, Mary introducing Jeff as her servant is hilarious. "This is my factotum, Geoffrey. Might you have a small room for him in your attic, if you have an attic?"
I can't decide which scenario I prefer. Either Evy and Ed have become hoarders (hope you brought a lot of doorknob shining cloths, Mary), or that the "tee-hees" are long over, and they're threatening each other with divorce.
Unusual decor in the Taylors' opulent home: A pair of screwdrivers and a bowl of fruit on the mantel, and a floor lamp that barely comes up to Ed's shoulder.
Cool, Mary. Instead of shaking Ed's hand, looks like she's giving him a little dap. Ed doesn't really look like the gang type, but you never know, right?
Yeah, @ hmmm: Brigman's continuing problem with hands. Doesn't look like Ed has fingers at all, actually. And Mary and Eve aren't even bothering to air kiss, just cheek touch. Yeesh!
Uh oh! A miscommunication or a Freudian slip? When Ed says, ‘we’re glad to have you OVER’, does he think she’s staying elsewhere (perhaps with dear old Shelly Cohen?), or is he wishing the visit to be already over? Or is he just speaking the old New York doctor funky slang just to be cool?
Mary may have been refreshed by her nap, but the passengers seated nearby were annoyed by her snoring.
Yes, where IS Olive? Preparing for her grand entrance? I'm hoping that she's changed greatly since her last video chat with Mary, and that Mary is shocked -- SHOCKED! -- and immediately clutches her invisible pearls.
"You took a refreshing nap? How exciting! You must tell us all about it. Um, maybe later."
@KitKat -- Yeah, you'd think that the Kindred Spirit would have been first at the door so she could rush into Mary's arms. Let's hope that she goes all "Gram liked colors" and has a cosmic eye roll. -- Scottie
I do love how KM contrives to gin up (unsuccessfully) suspense. WHEN will we get to see Olive? Will it be tomorrow, (Thursday), or will KM wait for the big reveal until Friday, in true end-of-the week soap opera style?! I can hardly wait to find out!
Olive still looks and acts like she's 10. Please, please tell me that this story isn't going to be about her approaching "womanhood". I'd much rather it be about Olive being bullied at school for her hideous orthopedic sneakers.
“My dear girl”…Mary is talking like a dowager duchess—but without the flair and panache of Maggie Smith. - fauxprof
Wait a minute! Isn't she supposed to be 14 or something? She looks like she's 10. I know at 5' 2" I'm not tall, but the 12 year-old who waters my plants (girl) is taller than me already. When I was 14 I was taller than my mom (not saying much, at 5 foot). And Ed appears to be plenty tall, he's a head taller than Mary.
I was hoping Olive turned all Goth for us.
Has Karen Moy seen a 14-year-old girl lately, i.e., sometime this century? What about June Brigman; is she clueless too, or did KM demand that Olive be drawn as an 8-year-old in 1971? It appears that the Worthiverse is The Land That Time Forgot.
Olive: Oh, Mary. I've so missed our talks!
Mary: Yeah? Well, small talk is cheap, little missy. And dangerous online. You know why I'm here and what I want. And I want it right now! You need to start confiding in me, big time, girly. Dirty, ugly, disgusting little secrets. And don't waste my time. I've already been here 5 minutes and you haven't even divulged the reason why your parents keep a bowl of fruit in the living room on the fireplace mantel.
Obviously, Olive must have some sort of problem for Mary to solve in about six weeks or so. Anyone want to place a bet? Cyberbullying? Eating disorder? Mom and Dad on the brink of divorce? Wants to paint her room purple, and knows Mary will enthusiastically back her on this color choice? I find myself marginally interested, but that may just be the zero-sum fallacy talking. - fauprof
In my wildest imaginings I can't believe a 14-year-old girl would says these things. We are firmly in the MoyZone now. @Fauxprog is on the right track, but I think it may be more of a mental/personality problem. She's too innocent, too trusting, to fond of old busy-bodies, too stupid. Something along those lines.
Dare we hope for a mugger?
Maybe it's an allergic reaction to the endless, awful coverage of the Epstein files, but just seeing Mary talk about Olive "confiding" in her makes me cringe. Boundaries, already! I do love everyone's hilarious speculation about what is probably the innocuous challenge that our Olive is about to be presented with. Looking forward to JB's panels in Central Park. Betting they might make Frederick Law Olmsted turn over in his grave at the park's tidy appearance.
None of us expected a rogue air conditioner about to crash onto Mary, but it's a reminder of Olive's "gifts," which I had almost forgotten about. Perhaps a psycho squirrel is waiting to pitch a branch onto Mary in the park.
I also find the "dear girl" and "kindred spirits" blather off-putting and icky. Ed and Evy are still cluless.
Good to know that Olive’s tummy brain instincts are still operating. You can never be too careful when walking through a falling air conditioner zone. Oh, I do hope that this whole arc will be a series of narrowly averted catastrophes, culminating in Coyote aiming an anvil at Roadrunner, and flattening Mary, instead. - fauxprof
An air conditioner???? How lame! Come on, June, this was the perfect time for a falling grand piano! IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!!
@fauxprof -- an ACME anvil! Outstanding!!!
-- Scottie
They must be walking past Trump Tower. -- Scottie
Apparently, they're walking down the street where John Dill lives. Sorry, John, you missed. Better luck next time.
Oh, hahaha! Those of us who live in caves and mud huts and single story bungalows out here in the hinterlands have no need to fear the falling ac. However, many New Yorkers do have such a fear even though it’s unlikely. I actually once dodged a nail-studded beam falling from a Times Square construction site when I was but a youth strolling with my parents. My father commented, ‘well, it could have been worse- it could have been an air conditioner.’ I’m still pondering that comment.
I can assure you, if were almost flattened by 50 pounds plummeting metal, I wouldn't be having a polite conversation in the immediate aftermath. I'd be screaming invective at the moron who almost killed me.
But not Mary. She's not even the slightest bit cross. What a gal! -- Scottie
Well, yes, Mary. You COULD have been hurt. Maybe this near miss will teach you not to leave Olive's apartment without a kevlar, triple layered helmet with a coiled spring on the top that might rocket a falling air conditioner right back to where it came from. I'd almost pay to see JB's version of that.
So Mary's saying that Olive pushing her out of the path of the falling air conditioner was prompted by a woke gift?
We will be nattering on about Olive’s gifts for days, perhaps weeks? OK, Olive, here’s the skinny: “with great power comes great responsibility.” (From a much better comic strip.) - fauxprof
Oh. No. A story about bullying? Yes, I know it's an awful thing. I read the news. I'm not discounting the fact that it's very disturbing and at times, tragic. But it's also likely a subject that's best left out of KM's nescient hands. This is Mary Worth! Does KM ever consider the demographic of her readership? All you teens and tweens out there, please raise your hands.
I'm with you, @hmmm. Also, what are the odds that a trio of classmate mean girls would just happen to stroll by Olive and Mary in Central Park? Mary's barely off the plane and has already (1) escaped injury and/or death and (2) discovered an Olive problem in which she will meddle.
If Olive really has that many "gifts", perhaps she could turn these bullies into toads.
Mary: “Ya know, Olive, perhaps if your wardrobe was upgraded a bit…wearing those Charlie Brown shirts make you look a bit immature. “ And thus it was that Olive’s style became more mature. After she began wearing a lavender pantsuit and white sneakers, she became the most popular girl in her class, and ol’ lady chic became the latest fad for Upper East Side prep school girls.
In other news, what are Wilbur and Tommy Beedie doing in the Big Apple?
Bravo, Mary, well done! Sage advice, indeed! I'm certain that Olive's own parents would never have thought to suggest as much to Olive. So... now that your work here in NYC is done, can we move on to something interesting?
So, Olive has both gifts and bullies. Luckily, Mary is here to make it all platudinously better before things degenerate into a full Stephen King Carrie-at-the-prom bloodbath. What a shame. - fauxprof
Ohhh! Carrie at the prom!!! Yes please!!.
Hey, folks, I need a refresher here. What makes Olive "different"? -- Scottie
What makes Olive different? She is 12 and her best friend is 116!
@Chester -- AHAA, now I get it! Thanks, CTD. -- Scottie
KM must have grown tired of watching Twilight Zone reruns. She's decided to subject us to a montage of Stephen King movies: First "The Long Walk", today "The Shining." "Carrie" ought to show up at some point. Did Olive once have a cat that made an unsuccessful attempt to cross Park Ave.?
"It's just HARD to ignore the critics sometimes..." is what KM thinks every time she sneaks a peek at the comments on this blog.
I dunno, @KitKat. I've never notices Moy paying any attention to us. It would be fun if she did. So, never gonna happen.
I see the Incredible Hulk ambling by. Perhaps he can help Olive with those bullies.
Hope they show Mary encountering the naked Cowboy in Times Square. Not only will she have to tell Olive about the facts of life, in the future she can fantasize about the not entirely Naked Cowboy when she submits to Jeff’s biennial kiss.
Very good, everybody! But serially, why is Olive "different"? I'm not following this. -- Scottie
Full disclosure, here. I’m a huge Sci-Fi/Fantasy fan. In that context, Olive seems to have both precognition and a delightful power, Animal Mindspeech. Make friends with the pigeons, Olive, and the bullies will be very, very sorry. - fauxprof
Thank you, fauxprof. So she's psychic AND a dog whisperer. She ought to use her powers for evil against the mean girls. -- Scottie
@fauxprof: so impressed with you ability to diagnose Olive. Did you happen to do the NYT Xword puzzle today? Might be right in your wheelhouse.
I think it's time for Olive to star in a sequel to the "X-Men".
Coming next: Just as they are about to turn a corner, Olive senses the presence of street mimes and thus steers Mary in the opposite direction. -- Scottie
MissScarlet, you are so right! That crossword was obviously created for me. A Sunday morning delight!
“Ha ha, Marco, you gotta hear this one! So I was working on some important stuff, enjoying the fresh air, and this really old dame approaches me and says, ‘Sir, may I pet that magnificent dog of yours, Sir? ‘ and I say Sure, and then, waddaya know, Lord Jeff lunges toward the old biddy, snarling and barking and baring his teeth! And she says, ‘Sir, I thought you said I could pet him, Sir!’ And I said, No, I said you MAY pet him, but you may also get attacked, and that’s what happened. It was hilarious, I tell you, Marco, that old crone probably wet her lavender drawers! Funniest thing I’ve seen since the last time Biden fell down the stairs of Air Force One. What a country! “
“Sir, thank you for that hilarious anecdote, sir. Dogs are great.”
Heimlich maneuver anyone? Or will Olive be able to anticipate that and insist that Mary order a bowl of gruel? Besides, what kid is "in the mood for a steak"? Pizza or a burger, more likely. And how generous of Mary to offer to pay. She is, after all, the guest here. I don't think it would be too much to expect a 14-year-old to foot the bill for a lavish steakhouse dinner. I hope Mary forgets her wallet and has to rely on Olive's prognosticating skill in order to skip out the back door before the check is delivered.
Well, this conversation isn't stilted at all, is it? Her parents "approved" this dinner request. Will they be texting over formal documents to be signed by all parties?
"I know just the place! Krusty's Steakburger Shack! All the workers wear clown costumes! It'll be fun!"
-- Scottie
It almost sounds like Ed and Evie keep Olive on a short leash. But it may just be that they wanted Olive and Mary out of the house…to….um….er…. And they assumed Mary would offer to pay.
14-year-old girls up for steak…not so much. 14-year-old boys, you betcha!
I loved your comment about Olive's parents. The Taylors are unusual people. When Olive first appeared in the Worthiverse, it became clear that Ed and Evy were (ahem) very wrapped up in each other, with a lot of "tee hee!" going on, to the point that they seemed to forget that Olive existed.
So Mary's ready to really enjoy things with Olive! Will they use their kindred-spirit powers to prank other diners?
@Scottie, it was your comment about Olive's parents that tickled my funny bone!
Oh my. This must be a very high-end restaurant indeed. Bricks instead of rocks for decor! And no goofy French name! Hope Mary brought her Amex Black Card.
I think that a 14-year-old who looks and acts like a ten-year-old might prefer Coney Island to the Hamptons. But, hey, I’m just going on information gleaned from reliable sources, like The Real Housewives of wherever… fauxprof
As the old joke goes, I'm getting diabetes from this conversation. -- Scottie
The steak looked like a poorly shaped, poorly baked brownie, and the sides were fries; maybe Olive ate the rose as a salad. If this was such a treat, I wonder what she usually eats.
At this point in the dining exposition, it appears that Mary did not eat dinner.
Guess that AMEX limit didn’t hold up so well after all.
Mary to server: "And for dessert, we'll have hot gravy sundaes! Heavy on the gray, please."
That’ll be $20 for the broken dessert coupes Ma’am. And no, please don’t eat that ice cream now.
I wonder if KM should take the “I am not a robot” test. On the other hand, maybe ChatGPT would do a better job…fauxprof
You know @ Faux Prof, you might be onto something there. Even thought we can’t believe everything AI tells us, that’s not much different than what Moy throws at us each day anyway.
I would love to know any example of Olive’s parents wishing she were “more normal”. As near as I can tell, they have no interest in her at all.
Mary and Olive rise early the following day for their trip to the Hamptons and beautiful beaches. They ride the jitney, making good time to arrive about 6 hours later (shouldn’t have gone on a Saturday, ladies). When they alight, they are confronted by the imperious Admissions Committee.
Martha Stewart: ‘What kind of sandwiches do you have in that Trader Joe’s
bag- truffle and egg salad, or smoked salmon? Peanut butter and grape jelly? Absolutely not!’
Calvin Klein: ‘Where DID you get those swimsuits? At the Michael Kors’ summer sale at Walmart? Puh-leeze! Go back to town and visit my Boutique at Saks Fifth Avenue.’
Anna Wintour (puts another pair of sunglasses on and averts her eyes: ‘Nyet!’
Steven Spielberg: ‘Hello, ladies! It’s terribly hot today. Would you like to come over to my (vast, elaborate) summer cottage? I have an air conditioned screening room, and I can show you my newest film “Indiana Jones Versus Tom Cruise.” There’s a great scene where Tom Cruise rides a giant commercial air conditioner from the top of Rockefeller Center, trying to strike Indy as he’s standing in line at the TKTS booth in Times Square. And we have fruit smoothies and caramel corn…Whaddaya say?’ Olive: ‘ I’ve seen that one.’
Mary: ‘Do you have a Nespresso Machine, Mr. Spielberg?’ ‘Of course, and please call me Steve. May I call you Mary?’ ‘Please, call me Mrs. Worth.’
@meg, Brava, Maestra! All I have to offer is that I think Olive’s parents will ship her off to live with Mary—indefinitely…fauxprof
Thank you @Meg. You are the absolutely best part of today’s strip!
@meg -- Rahthah nicely done, Mahgahret. Please feel free to visit my near-by estate and indulge yourself of our fabulous libations. -- Scott T. Uppahcrust III
@meg, I knew I could count on you for providing an exclusive inside-NYC perspective - huzzah huzzah! And, how perfect to see a comment by that notable personage, Scott T. Uppahcrust! What a banner day in the Worthiverse.
Either Olive has bugged the Taylor residence or her parents are chronically indiscreet. Maybe both.
Well, believe it or not, the Committee once rejected me because my swimsuit had a hole in the knee. Hmmmph!
@meg -- Mahgahret, a hole in the knee??? Truly? Dear lady, Mummy would nevah forgive me if I condoned such wantonness. I'm sorry, my wayward girl, but trollops are not welcome at the estate! -- S.T.U. III
P.S. But if you happen to be at the Bum Barge at 10 tonight, I'll buy you all the drinks you want.
Uppacrust…Uppacrust…? Why does that name sound familiar (other than that it’s ridiculous)?
Well, I believe I was with a Uppacrust at Maumee University, class of aught 8…
Uppacrust? OMG, is that you, Stuffy? As I live and breathe, Stuffy Uppacrust!!
Oh, it’s not you? Terribly sorry, old chap. Ta.
Uppahcrust, with an H, of course. My bad.
Tut tut, Olive, maybe the mean girls are referring to Mary.
I’m not good at numbers, but bear with me. New York City is fairly populous, yes? And there are several possible beach venues within reach? What are the odds that Olive’s mean girl bullies would show up at not only the same beach, but within earshot for gratuitous insults?
And you can't see the switchblades these ladies have secreted in their swimsuits. This beach is no Santa Royale...
Notice how wise Mary and gifted Olive have carefully placed their beach umbrella so that it provides absolutely no shade at all. -- Scottie
Foreshadowing. Are we to have another water rescue? Mary and Olive will heroically save one or more of the mean girls, who have foolishly ignored the undertow flag. All of Olive’s problems will be solved. (Oh, if it only could be that quick and easy.) —fauxprof
Okay. So while Mr. Lifeguard stands there, wringing his hands and crying for help, Olive and Mary rush past him to save the three mean girls. Sure. Why not?
Perhaps it would be simpler if Martha Stewart made another appearance and ordered everyone out of the water: ‘You three there! There’s no drowning allowed here. Get back on dry land right away!”
Yes, yes Olive dear. You think of something else. While Mary uses all of her powers of concentration to summon the demons of the depths.
After seeing Olive sprinting into the waves this morning, I think we can add "running" to the list of things that June simply cannot draw. Olive looks pretty much the same as I did the other day when an unexpected guest showed up at the door and caught me in my torn nightshirt sporting a facial mask and hair dye.
So Olive goes to rescue the mean girl. Mary goes to rescue Olive. The lifeguard goes to rescue Mary. And the kranken takes them all to the tune of “Baby Shark”.
Possible scenarios:
1. It's a prank. The mean girl isn't in trouble. When Olive reaches her, the mean girl laughs, dunks her, and swims away.
2. Olive saves the mean girl from drowning, but now they resent her in addition disliking her.
3. Olive saves the mean girl, and she is welcomed into their clique. But she has to join them in ridiculing the mean girls' next target.
Because the idea of the mean girls all coming to realize the error of their ways is too hackneyed for even the Moy Zone, right?
Right?
-- Scottie
Scottie, are you by any chance a middle school guidance counselor? Or just an amateur with a wholesome interest in teen girl behavior?
Thankfully, KM has slowed the frenetic pace today and has Mary explaining to all of us what's going on. Otherwise, how could we have possibly guessed?
@Scottie, nothing is too hackneyed for the Moy Zone.
Since Olive seemingly encounters mean-girl classmates everywhere she goes, she and Mary can roam the city for more rescuing opportunities. Olive will save the girls while Mary narrates.
I’d like to think that Moy is saving the BIG SAVE for tomorrow. But I doubt it. Mary will probably still be narrating and describing the lifeguard being pulled under the water.
Now wait just a golldarn minute here. You mean to tell us that the lifeguard had no idea that there was one and then two girls out there struggling in the water until Mary pointed it out to him? What was he doing up there, sleeping?
As Amanda Lindhout might have put it, "With unawareness comes a pleasant hassle-free snooze." -- Scottie
No stern admonition from Lifeguard, e.g., "Why were you in the *&#% water after I put up the @&$+^[%! red flag?" Just "Ma'am"?
Vicki looks about ten years old. Maybe her brush with near disaster scared four years and 12 inches out of her.
"Vicki looks about ten" Maybe Olive has been held back in school a few times.
Scottie, you had me snorting water from my nose with your comments. In any case, I am about to become diabetic with the sweet coincidence of saving someone from drowning, a la Mary Worth saving Olive several years ago. Thank heaven Evie and Ed (or whatever names are Olive's parents) had the good sense to get swimming lessons for hapless Olive after the incident in the Charterstone pool. They probably didn't want to be called to ID Olive at the morgue...
I’m sure Vicky is pleased to have the lifeguard take her ‘pulsox’ level, but isn’t he the only one on duty? I sure hope Mary is keeping an eye out so she can tell the lifeguard if anyone else needs saving.
So, Mary can waltz into a NYC hospital wearing an ugly purple swimsuit and carting a huge sun umbrella over her shoulder, with two children who are totally unrelated to her, with no evidence of insurance for herself or either child, and expect the kids to receive medical attention? Sure, okay. Oh, Mary? While you're there, have the doctors take a look and see if they can do anything about those crepey thighs of yours.
Go to the hospital??? Yeah, sure, go to the emergency room because you're . . . what? Wet? Tired? Then sit around the waiting room for six or seven hours while the ER staff is taking care of, you know, emergencies. I'm sure Ed and Evie will be cool with that. As for Vicki, her mean-girl friends have made themselves pretty scarce, so Mary better foster her too. Sheesh, what dreck! -- Scottie
What Mary said: Thank you for saving…What she meant: You should be thanking me for telling you what to do while you were sprawling and manspreading in your big comfy tall chair while watching porn on your AI goggles. I saved your job!
What the lifeguard heard: ~…~…~…~…~…. What he said: It’s my JOB, Ma’am. What he thought: MYOB, you OB. You think I don’t know what to do when I see two girls drowning. Why, I oughtta slap you with a summons for child neglect, but then I’d have the freakin’ AARP all over me. SHEESH!
Ok, yeah, sure, he has to recommend they be evaluated because...you know, lawyers (MrScarlet hates it when I say that). Meanwhile, what the heck is he doing on the phone? And that must be a super duper waterproof phone too.
I hope you learned your lesson, Olive. It was so simple. If you had just gotten off your lazy duff and saved a mean girl's life years ago, you would have had to put up with only half as much bullying.
Coming next: Naomi is attacked by a shark, and Olive rushes in to pull her to safety. Unfortunately, Naomi suffers a nasty scratch on her leg and blames Olive for not reacting quicker. -- Scottie
Evy, knowing how to swim doesn't mean it's safe, or advisable, to be in the water when there are rip currents. Once again KM presents her own Fantasyland.
Next week: Olive dashes into traffic to retrieve a windblown ball cap for a Yankee fan.
Attending ER Physician: "So, little red-haired girl, are your parents intending on showing up here after your near-death experience?"
Vicki: "No. But don't worry. My classmates or that old lady in purple, all of whom are allowed to wander in and about my room and the rest of the hospital unsupervised, will be able to authorize any treatment I might need."
As Vicki and the Unnamed Mean Girl lavish praise upon Olive, Mary loudly and conspicuously clears her throat.
"Oh, and thank you too, Mrs. Worth. If you hadn't woken up the lifeguard, this might have turned out much differently."
"Yes, that's true. We all play a part in the mosaic of life as challenges arise and we are faced with . . ."
Vicki silently groans and hits the nurse call button. -- Scottie
And while we're busy with the Thank You Olympics, how about a hearty "Thanks!" to Mary Worth for saving Olive from drowning in the Charterstone pool lo these many years ago. And thanks to Olive's parents for the swimming lessons that keep their daughter from having to depend on the swimming skills of a nearby biddy! So, Olive. It's instant popularity for you, Weirdo!
Churchill: Thanks, Roosevelt! You saved us! You're so cool.
Roosevelt: Thanks, Churchill. I was motivated. I didn’t want Hitler to take you down.
Churchill: You wanna hang out with us in Yalta soon?
Roosevelt: I’d like that. I just hope that weirdo Stalin won’t be there. He’s so uncool. And no Mary Worth, either!
Mary used to be a volunteer at a hospital (Northview? Mountain View?), so perhaps Olive can emulate her kindred spirit by hanging out with everyone currently being evaluated, sharing her new-found coolness. What a happy ending!
The school that Olive attends has the strangest looking girls!
Wrong answer, Ollie. Correct answer: "Why on earth would I want to hang out with three mean, obnoxious, judgmental, poorly coifed brats like you?"
And brats who are likely to come down with a case of pneumonia, given the amount of time they have been hanging out in those wet bathing suits. You'd think the hospital would have given them dry gowns to put on. Or maybe those are for patients with health insurance...
Terrific comments, one and all!
Olive is going to regret this a few minutes into the Mean Girl Club initiation ritual. It won't be pretty. -- Scottie
They must be visiting the Museum of Banal Platitudes. -- Scottie
The Museum of Natural History: dinosaurs and all: right up Mary's field.
Reminds me of Dave… (fauxprof)
As Mary rushes Olive along...
Olive: "Ouch, Mary. Stop pulling my hair!"
Mary: "Stop complaining. Keep moving. Keep moving."
Olive: "But Mary. We haven't even looked at any of the statues!"
Mary: "Quiet down, you little weirdo. And keep moving."
"Mommy, Daddy, Mary took me to a museum and we saw this huge naked man!"
Hilarity does not ensue. -- Scottie
Is Olive wishing she had a sex life? Don't go to Mary for info about that part of life, Olive. Mary is well past remembering anything worthwhile about that.
What’s the next stop on our tour of New York? I can’t wait to hear the history of say, rat infested subways…fauxprof
It's odd that Olive doesn't ask about the painting itself (Portrait of Madame X), e.g., who is this woman? what a dress!, etc.
Mary Worth, human audio tour...zzzzzzzzz.
Where is this going? I've got a feeling that Moy doesn't know either.
John Singer Sargent: random reference to a painter. Why not?
A "mini-vacation away from home" when it's almost September? Right when Olive gained cred with the formerly mean classmates? Shouldn't Mary have discussed this with Olive's parents first? Oops, silly me -- Ed and Evy will likely think this is a great idea.
So, Olive is going to fly back to Santa Royale with Mary—right at the beginning of the school year? Well, that’s okay, since it will give the Tee-Hee couple a chance to go on a discount hurricane season cruise. Cruises always go so well in the Worthiverse. What could go wrong? …fauxprof
Hmm....what will Mary do with a 14 year old girl in Santa Royale? Lunch with Toby? Noooo..... Karaoke with Wilbur? Noooo.... Shopping with Dawn? Doubtful.... Advanced swimming lessons? Sure, why not? What could go wrong? Oh, don't forget to have a boat trip on Dr. Jeff's magnificent masculine manifestation.
And how about checking with Olive's parents before offering a trip to Olive? Rules of custody don't seem to apply in the Worthiverse... And who is the hunk in the Three Musketeers outfit? Guessing it's been awhile since KM visited a NYC museum.
Charismatic Mary seduces another naive soul to join her cult. -- Scottie
UH-OH! Is Mary about to thought-balloon "Weirdo!"? -- Scottie
Olive’s parents will be delighted to hand off their daughter to Mary. Temporary custody, child support, and maybe we’ll give you a call at Christmas…fauxprof
Most people I have heard "remember" past lives, think they lived on the upper echelons of society. Far more likely that Olive and Mary were slaves. Maybe Mary worked as a cook or a nanny. Olive was likely a concubine. This could take a rather risque turn.
LouiseF: I believe poufy-shirted museum guy is actually a photograph of President Zelenskyy trying on a Hallowe’en costume for the White House costume party, just in case he gets an invitation.
meg, that WOULD be a change of costume for the minimally outfitted president Zelensky. At the risk of conjuring a cliche, I am Imagining Stephen Miller as Nosferatu and the other cast of White House characters chanelling those in "The Walking Dead"
Phew! That was a close call. I was afraid that today we'd be seeing Mary dressed as Cleopatra, sailing over the Mediterranean Sea in Mark Antony's golden barque, on their way to the Bondsman Barge for dinner. The usual: Tilapia for Mary; Carp Chowder & Mutton for Mark.
@hmmm: laughed out loud!!
So Olive "saw" that Vicky was in trouble. I could have sworn we all just saw her swim into the undertow with our normal eyes.
Mary gazes off into the distance...how can I meddle in this in more ways than one?
JB is definitely indulging in some odd illustrations of eyes since Belle Batsfry came on the scene. Olive's faraway look yesterday seems to be her reverie over her miraculous lifesaving of her classmate, but maybe she's just possessed. That's "Possessed with the strength of a trained teenager"...
I'm anticipating the cringe-worthy moment when Olive announces that she's already been to Egypt and lived there during Cleopatra's reign.
Mary gets all misty-eyed as she recalls her teen romance with Prince Tut.
It appears that Evy has taken the idea of a "brown bag lunch" a bit too literally.
I’ve been here in the Worthiverse a long time, and I think this storyline may take the prize for ennui. (Except for the brief flurry of activity with Olive’s ill-advised water rescue.) Perhaps KM is resting up after the exciting Batty Belle scenario….fauxprof
Well, moderately cringe-worthy. But if Mary were to take @Meg's advice and begin waxing rapturously about her love affair with a hunchbacked, club footed prince of the Nile - well that would bring it for sure!
Something tells me Mary was just as cagey with Prince Tut as she has been with Dr. Jeff, No kisses for Tut. I can see her and Tut heading for a dinner of mummified beef at Egypt's Elite Beef, but only if Tut drove one of the King Tut Boats.
This week's prize for most awkward dialogue is awarded to Mary for "Olive expressed a desire to travel more."
I'm holding out hope for a flashback to ancient Egypt, with Mary and Olive reprising Bert and Ernie's Sesame Street "funny statue" routine (ahh, the good old days). https://youtu.be/8yiqGtZXCmQ?feature=shared
Oh, @KitKat, thank you for that delightful 'statue' skit with Bert and Ernie. Always enjoy hearing 'Rubber Ducky'.
Meanwhile, when does Moy think that school starts? At the rate this strip goes Olive will be out of school until Halloween.
@Miss Scarlet, time runs differently in the Worthiverse. Dawn has been 19 or so for over 30 years. Mary herself is about 160. A piddling anomaly like the beginning of a normal school year is a mere blip in this black hole of a comic strip…fauxprof
It would be great to see Ed blow up at Mary: "You know, you might have checked with Evy and me first before you go inviting our daughter to spend a week or so on the other side of the continent, you meddling busybody! Do you have any concept of boundaries, or even basic courtesy? You think you can waltz in here and say and do whatever you please? What the hell's the matter with you?"
Stunned, Mary stands up indignantly and says, "Well, I know when I'm not welcome! Let's go Olive!"
-- Scottie
Olive: "And, please Mary, can we bring Vicki, Naomi, and What's-Her-Name with us? That way we can introduce them to Wilbur and show them what a real weirdo is."
Ed: "If it's okay with Mary, it's okay with me! She just better be paying for your airline tickets and all other expenses. Say, Evy, when exactly does school start?"
Friends, the previous comment was mine; I didn't notice that Mr. KitKat was signed in. My face is red....
"I will allow it." ?? I see now where Olive gets her delusions of grandeur.
The Santa Royale Hot Air Balloon Festival?!? I smell foreshadowing. Can we picture Olive dangling from a balloon basket in an attempt to perform some kind of a rescue? … fauxprof
@Anonymous: I think you are on to something with that foreshadowing. Of course Olive will dangle from a balloon basket and fall. And then be in traction for six months - so no, her visit will not just be for a week or two.
I think we all know what Evie's 'prior commitments' are; as evidenced by the little coy smile on Ed's face.
And of course the highlight of the balloon festival is the Crowning of Mr. Hot Air. It’s a photo finish for the honor, but Ian narrowly beats out Saul. The title of Lady Hot Air has been long retired after no one ever challenged Mary for the honor.
I am glad they got that settled. One more sleepless night wondering was getting to me. Thanks everyone for the great posts! Let's see what is next.
If "a week or two" is a mini-vacation to these people, how long are their regular vacations? Sheesh!
Must be nice. -- Scottie
Are we about to have a floating head moment? It looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is out there!
Oh, yes, I'm sure every 14 year old girl knows the lyrics to a 1977 musical.
Either Olive is a fan of Turner Classic Movies, or she saw On The Town when it was first released in 1949. One of those past lives that wasn’t as exotic as ancient Egypt…fauxprof
Whoa, I've been a little slow on the uptake here. Mary has been there "these past few WEEKS"?
Yeah, I can imagine when she asks Ed and Evy if she can take Olive back to S.R., they're both thinking, "Yeah, whatever. Whatever it takes to get you the hell out of here, we're good with. You can keep her until Christmas if you want. Just GO already!" -- Scottie
"And how are the old residents, Mary? There was that blonde woman who always had a beverage with her, and the short, pudgy guy with four hairs on top of his head and glasses."
New residents? What new residents? The only ones I can think of are Keith, (who has since moved out) Saul and Eve. Maybe Olive's sixth sense will pick up on the fact that Max needs his anal glands expressed. Or maybe that's just her sense of smell.
LOL@hmmm!!
I hope Moy doesn't strain something. This is a big deal. Olive visiting from New York and introducing new characters! Whew! Of course, as I already pointed out, Olive can't mingle with any of the established residents for reasons we all already know too well.
meg, Love the "Crowning of Mr. Hot Air", and of course there's Wilbur the perennial contestant who just never wins anything...
Thank heavens Eve and Greta still have matching neck-kerchiefs. Some things should never change.
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