Hang up the phone, Mary. It's been four days already, and with all your dilly-dallying around, you still haven't broken the news to Sharon that her inheritance is gonzo. By this time, Harvey has died of a broken heart, his funeral is over, his apartment has been cleared out and rented to a new victim. Move on.
"You should be aware that there's [there has] been some changes." Getting sloppy with your grammar Mary -- tsk tsk. Have you been into the cooking wine again? That would account for this drawn-out, tedious conversation. I agree with @hmmm -- enough is enough!
Good one, @MissScarlet! It's always about Mary. Wait till Sharon shows up in a "few days" (how unspecific is that?) with twins Frick and Frack in tow and expects Mary to supervise them while she deals with dear old dad.
Just look at that cat! (We're calling her "Muffin," right?). She has roused herself from her usual laconic stupor and is experiencing heavenly bliss having just witnessed first-hand her very first Mary Meddle. -- Scottie
How will Mary entertain Frick and Frack, you say? Just look out upon the Charterstone Green: you will see Mary and the boys singing and dancing to Y-M-C-A! Mary assures them it’ll be a big hit at the fraternity initiation parties they attend.
I've been assuming that Mary's been pussy-footing (sorry Muffin) about the specifics of Harvey's dilemma because she didn't feel it was her place to blurt out the messy money stuff. However, when Sharon manages to make it to her dear old dad, in a 'few days', there won't be any question about who gave Sharon the heads up. Can't wait to see how that plays out. @KitKat; thanks. Will Mary get blame or shame or fame? No guesses allowed!
@meg, Toby will be out there with Frick, Frack, and Mary. I bet June would enjoy illustrating that.
"And she misses her father!" Yes, Mary. That's why Sharon was so wary about talking to you, emphasized how busy she is, and finally said she'd come in a few days. By the way, "Meow!" translates to "My food bowl is empty, there's a spider doing the back stroke in my water bowl, and you haven't cleaned the litter box since April Fool's Day. I'm ready to Uber back to the animal shelter!"
Mary: "Oh, listen to me. Talking to my cat about my neighbor losing two hundred thousand dollars to an online scammer. I'm so sorry, Muffin. Forgive me. How could a cat possibly understand what I'm going on (and on, and on...) about? You have to think about it like this, Muffin. Say, for instance, you took your bag of Cat HackSplak, and poured out 200,000 pieces of it and then poured it into your little stuffed toy kitty, because you thought Squeaky was a real kitty and he was veeerrrry hungry. But then, Squeaky still wouldn't play with you, or meow, or jump around, or cuddle with you like a real kitty. Wouldn't that make you sad, Muffin? Berry, berry sad? OW! Get your &*##@$! claw out of my eye right this second, you $%%&# cat!"
Is Mary training Muffin to be a cat meddler? Or has Mary finally lost it and decided to talk to animals now? Is this whole thing about Harvey being lonely and missing his daughter? Wow! That's a very expensive reunion fee! Is Sharon's side job tracking down scammers? Now that would be interesting!
Boy, it's already a few days later. Can KM keep up this breath-neck pace? What about John Long?
If Harvey had gotten a cat instead of Trixie, he wouldn't have to figure out how to tell Sharon that he won't be paying tuition at Stanford for Frick and Frack after all.There's always the Community College University of Santa Royale, Sharon. Some students like it so much, they never graduate.
Okay, enough with the slobbering you two. Let's get to the $200K business. Actually, I might be willing to send KM 200 large if in tomorrow's strip Harvey confesses to squandering Sharon's inheritance and she immediately strangles him with his own ascot.
What makes Sharon think it was “her” inheritance that was squandered? Perhaps he had left it to Frick and Frack…or Tricksie… or the Charterstone Entertainment account…or to the Animals of Charterstone? All are equally worthy. Simmer down, Sharon. And pop the popcorn, all onlookers. This should be good.
That's some very lovely crying. No red eyes. No smudged make-up. No crunched up eyelids. And bonus! Blue tears! Meanwhile, Harvey seems to have finally figured out that he has been scammed. "Gone" he says. Got that right!
So a "hub" exists, and Harvey even remembered his first name. By Sunday, Harvey will have donned a captain's cap and taken the boys boating, followed by dinner at the Bum Boat. Trixie and big withdrawals from Harvey's accounts will be forgotten. Happy, happy, happy, thanks to Mary!
"The Hub's fine too." Keep talking like that, Sharon and that "Hub" you are taking for granted may be not so fine once he learns you have no inheritance coming.
"I thought that they were busy...and forgot about their gramps!"
"Well, they did forget about you, but they remembered when I mentioned you last week. Frick asked, 'Is that the old dude with the funny scarf who nearly crashed into the breakwall, then ran out of gas?', and Frack remembered being rescued by the Coast Guard."
Harvey: "Well, I suppose that's nice to hear, Sharon. But since I hadn't heard from your boys in years, I sold the boat. You see, I was a little short of ready cash, and I needed to come up with a bundle quickly. So, I sold the boat at a huge loss to some nerdy doctor for $200K."
I wonder if Long John Scammer went to the police to report what's going on at the phishery. Or did he just decide to lay low? And how is he surviving? Does he have family or friends who can put him up until he can support himself? Or maybe he's decided to start his own one-man phishery.
So many potentially interesting avenues, and yet we're stuck the Dapper Dimwit and his daughter Sharon. -- Scottie
Did Sharon just refer to her husband, Aaron, as the 'hubs' ? Does Moy ever talk to real people? No one says that! And why are they eating grass and potato chips? Is this some new Santa Royale food fad?
It looks like a conversation about all the money Harvey sent to Trixie is never going to happen. Inconsequential, apparently, in the Worthiverse, when Mary's primed for a ginormous Victory Lap!
I admire your determination to not come out of retirement, despite the absolutely bonkers story arcs these days. The temptation must be eating you ! Try not to think of the temptation!
Sharon's awfully blase about Dapper Dimwit Dad (shoutout to @Scottie) giving large sums of money to a scammer: "Tut tut, don't do that again!" She's unacquainted with the old chestnut about a fool and his money. (How much is "plenty," anyway, Harv? And did you file your taxes by Wednesday?)
This has really ended with a soft whimper. No recriminations. No tears. All forgiveness and no John Long. Blah! Should we notify the SPCA that Mary is feeding her cat wine?
That's it? KM has kept us waiting on the edge of our seats for the big confrontation, and that's it? "Oh well, Daddy, don't worry about your little boo boo. What's a measly $200,000 when you have millions, right?"
Good thing KM didn't write "Gone with the Wind." Instead of the Siege of Atlanta, she would have had the Union and Confederacy dudes sitting around playing tiddlywinks or for some real excitement, maybe tag.
I don't know, Scottie. If the characters in this strip can say "!" and "Gulp" out loud, I guess they could also say "dollar sign, two, zero, zero, comma, zero, zero, zero."
So Sharon works and has some sort of side job. I'm assuming hub is employed. So what is old Harvey gonna do all day? He won't even have Mary's intrusions to keep him occupied. But he will have his computer won't he? This could get interesting - so we'll never see it.
You called it, @Scottie. Whoever letters the strip forgot to put quotation marks around "he'll agree." (It's odd that Sharon refers to him as "my husband" right after Harvey says his name. I guess this is for anyone who missed last week's strips.)
How much time will Frick and Frack have with Gramps since they'll be going off to college? Since Harvey is rolling in dough, maybe he can enroll and go with them. He can pay for all his expenses and theirs.
I can hardly wait to see how happy Aaron is going to be when he finds out his ‘empty nest’ daydream is going to be filled with his kooky Ascot-wearing father-in-law!
Poor Aaron has spent the last 15 years making big plans to turn that spare room into his "man cave." Of course, that spare room is actually a converted garage. But Harvey should be quite happy there in spite of the fact that they never could quite rid the space of the smell of gas and oil. Oh, and that all of the boys' sports equipment is still stored there but the good thing is that the smell of their old unwashed hockey uniforms does somewhat cut the smell of their neighbor's chicken farm that wafts in under the garage door. Hope Harvey won't be concerned about the boys' ski poles hanging down over his pillow like the sword of Damocles. Aaron left the garage door in working condition thinking that he might someday want to turn the space back into a garage. It does get a little chilly in there, but the clanking of the door isn't too bad except on windy days. Sweet dreams, Harvey.
Sharon is already looking a little frazzled, even before she talks with the hubs. But I get why she wants "Gramps" to move in. Can't really trust him on his own with the apparently large inheritance he seems unaware that he is giving away. No, Sharon, grab the oldster now before he squanders another $5,000 on a month of Charterstone rent... And @hmmm, nice description of Harvey's soon to be bachelor digs in the garage. Maybe those ski poles will yield a quicker inheritance than Hubs and Sharon know...
But what about John Long, fer cri-yi? And what is Sharon’s side job? I’m warning you, I’ve climbed up on top of the chifforobe, and I’m not coming down until I get some answers! (Or until Sir Meg tells me my dinner is in my dish.)
If Sharon thinks so much of Dapper Dimwit Dad that she asked him to move in and has forgiven his costly escapade with "Trixie," why did she drop him like a hot potato when her mother died?
Perhaps John Long will surface as Mary's new project after a double victory lap with Harvey and Sharon plus a gossip check-in with Toby. That should conclude by Memorial Day.
I agree, KitKat. It’s about time. I was afraid we’d never get back to the real story here which is WHY these two have been estranged since the death of Mrs. Hart. Let’s all put on our Harty Boy… oops, I mean Hardy Boy hats and solve this mystery! We need to determine who it was that bumped the old lady off; Harvey or Sharon? Was it Harvey, in the Bentley, with a hose connected to the tailpipe? Was it Sharon, in Spin Class, with the intentional over-exertion? It might have been Darren1 and Darren2 in the Billiard Room, engineering a trick shot that bounced the cue ball off her head. Possibly even Aaron, in the Study, who bored the old bat to death with his soliloquy on the highlights of the Dewey Decimal System. So many possibilities.
BTW, MissScarlet and KitKat, I don’t believe we’ve seen the last of John. KM wouldn’t dare rob me of the opportunity to use my “Long time no see, John” line.
"And now we have a chance to make up for it and spend lots of time together. Lots. In fact, you're gonna be so sick of me you'll be signing me up for every *%#^&% online dating service you can find." -- Scottie
Welcome to Mary Worth Whiplash Theatre, and our production of Old Purple Driving Hood. If Old Purple fails to make the turn, that Muffin will be toast. It looks like Old Purple neglected to wear her seat belt, so she may go SPLAT! to boot.
And what are the chances we'll find Long Lost John hitchhiking along that dark and bendy road? Pretty good, I'd say, seeing that Mary is in proximity to the BIG House. I thought Jeff was a doctor, not the warden of the Santa Royale County Jail.
Has anyone figured out why KM felt the need to remind us that Dr. Jeff is rich by writing that Mary has just left his “big” house? Why stop there, KM? How about: "After visiting Jeff at his enormous, luxurious house built just last year in the pristine, tranquil setting of 40 acres of lush, old growth pines, Mary can’t help but compare it to her tiny Charterstone condo. Close to 18,000 square feet, Jeff’s remarkable home includes eight bedrooms, all with lavish, ensuite baths, each including a Jacuzzi and private steam room. The spacious, open floor plan features an exquisite gourmet kitchen and opulent dining room that open to an outdoor oasis, overlooking the infinity pool, terraces, and landscaped gardens. Soaring ceilings in all the living areas feature state-of-the-art, cutting-edge automation and technology which enhance not only security but entertainment. With a home gym, theatre, game room, and wine cellar, one would hardly ever need to leave, unless it were to take a relaxing cruise on one’s embarrassingly huge yacht and to dine at the Bum Boat."
Maybe Jeff is "at the big house". He's been indicted for embezzlement and Mary was visiting him. Nice of the authorities to build a prison in the woods. Why would she bring a cat to see Jeff, who is allergic? This strip gets weirder and weirder all the time.
A handshake? And a very formal one at that? Not even a side hug? Wow, how businesslike of everyone. All that's missing is a "Farewell, Mister Hart. I wish you the best in your future endeavors." -- Scottie
Yes, @hmmm, Frick and Frack are such rambunctious cut-ups.
Were Harvey's possessions loaded into a truck? There certainly isn't much room in Sharon's vehicle. What about his furniture? I know, Aaron the hubs is driving that truck!
Harve to Mary: Stop calling me ‘my friend’, you interfering old busybody! I was never your friend! I was just being polite because the other tenants told me that in your capacity of so-called unofficial manager you had the ability to make my life miserable! They were right- you broke up my relationship with the love of my life, you called my estranged daughter (who never so much as called me when the original love of my life died) and told her I was giving money to a beautiful scam artist! You never even mentioned how well I had succeeded in life with Acme Ascot Corp! I hope to never see you again, you@#$&%+£~$#!! F&F: Mommy, PopPop said a lot of swears!
Jeez, you miss one day and it's weeks later and the story ends...with a whimper. No John Long. No recriminations. No Charterstone notice of a tenant moving. But it looks like Frick and Frack might have had sex change operations. Getting ready for college; how nice.
I guess we should spare a teaspoon of compassion for Toby, whose only friend is Mary. Meanwhile, Ian's rubbing his hands with glee as he contemplates his own self care with a bottle or two or more of whisky.
Is "multi day" two days? Five days? A fortnight? Is Mr. Alora facing Muffin-care duties?
Maybe John Long is a busboy at the unnamed Claremont spa. He and Toby will meet cute.
Wow, that place in Claremont scored the cover of "Healthy Beauty" magazine! Whoa, this is big! But who will Mary get to watch her cat? Erstwhile cat-sitter Ian? Or will she dump Muffin off at Animal Shelter for multi days? Regardless, I am so looking forward to the gripping drama of this little excursion! -- Scottie
The doors at generic spa are about as tall as the palm trees, yet they have pull handles. I guess the Jolly Green Doorman was on break when June drew this. -- Scottie
This is sweet. School's in session as Toby plays padawan to Mary's Yoda, soaking up the wisdom of the meddling trade so she can take over after Mary goes to that Great Bum Boat in the Sky. (Is that right? I've never seen a Star Wars movie.) And Toby's showing some promise. Her platitude in panel two reveals a remarkable amount of banality for a newcomer. -- Scottie
Looks like "SP8" over the door, which might describe the spate of bromides we are about to get from Mary. Also, who knew that Ritz crackers could get rid of bags under the eye?! I will have to try this novel treatment.
Oh come on, Toby, we know you don't care a jot for Harvey or Sharon. Your blather to curry favor with Mary is transparent as heck.
Is Frick wearing blue and Frack wearing red or vice versa? Note how the hint of a breeze riffles Sharon's hair as the four of them stand in a fenced enclosure at a random dock [snore].
@KitKat -- And apparently The Hub isn't vibing on all this newfound togetherness. Maybe Sharon ought to have another "talk" with him to get his mind right. -- Scottie
And so Mary’s “Me, too” tour begins. To each person she encounters who compliments her on her successful reunification of Harve’s family, she’ll murmur , “me,too.” Are you already tired of her tour? Me, too. Would you rather see what Hubs looks like? Or who John Long turns out to be? Or the fight that will ensue when Harve finds out what college tuition costs now? He probably thinks it’s the same as it was at Dartmouth during the Eisenhower administration. And what is the side job?
If Mary and Toby didn't gossip about their Charterstone neighbors, they'd have nothing to say. Apparently neither of them reads books, pays attention to the news, has other friends, blah blah etc. etc. ad nauseam. Mary's enjoying her bowl of peas and a single strawberry while Toby has one orange segment and a piece of greenery. I have no idea what that white disc in her hand might be.
MEANWHILE, Tommy Beedie weeps while aching over the loss of ... somebody. (His only friend, John Long? His former girlfriend, What'shername?)
Boy, look at that photo. Did Jeff's cruise ship catch fire? It looks like some kind of major environmental catastrophe is going on in the background -- which Tommy is completely oblivious to, of course. -- Scottie
I was hoping that Brandy and Tommy were related, but apparently not, unless Iris is in Florida. A plot with family complications like that [ahem] would make Mary clutch her pearls so fiercely that they would disintegrate and shoot into her nostrils.
Judging by his appearance, abode, and open schedule ("I love Florida, let's go!"), Tommy hasn't changed for the better since his days mopping bathroom floors at Jerry's Sandwich Shop.
Toby returns from SPA. Hallo, lass, how was yer trip tae th’ spa?
It was wonderful, Ian, so relaxing and Mary’s conversation was as scintillating as ever! Why are you rolling your eyes?
Was Ah? Main hae been thinkin’ ay Tonecht. Ooh, you romantic man, you! Nae, Ah was thinkin’ ay th’ Charterstone men’s club meetin’ this fortnight. Wilbur will demonstrate proper denture flossing; Saul will explain accurate beak hair trimmin’, an Ah will show hoo ta cut rectangular newspaper pages into roon birdcage liners; ‘en Dr. Jeff will come in tae describe feline burial at brine. WHAAAT? Did something happen to Muffin? Och, Aye, she met Max an’ Greta, an’ it didn’t gang well. Dinnae tell Mary just yet.
Wait wait wait, so Brandy didn't break up with Tommy, she just went on a trip without him. And he's all depressed and crying because he's so alone??? Get a grip, weakling. Sheesh!
Meanwhile, multi days after Mary and Toby leave, a snockered Ian finally remembers to feed Muffin. He staggers into Mary's apartment and opens a window to clear the air of the litter box stench. A frightened Muffin hops out the window for parts unknown, which leads to her unfortunate encounter with Max and Greta. -- Scottie
Sorry, sir, it won’t happen again, sir! (Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy….). Actually, I think I made this mistake once before. meg (an old girl)
Not that I need a life or anything, but it just occurred to me that we missed a milestone of sorts.
Wanders' last post was his no. 4,234. Since then we have racked up more than that many comments on this thread. So we should go back and see which one of us had the honor of posting comment no. 4,234.
And the winner is:
hmmm said... That's it? KM has kept us waiting on the edge of our seats for the big confrontation, and that's it? "Oh well, Daddy, don't worry about your little boo boo. What's a measly $200,000 when you have millions, right?" Good thing KM didn't write "Gone with the Wind." Instead of the Siege of Atlanta, she would have had the Union and Confederacy dudes sitting around playing tiddlywinks or for some real excitement, maybe tag. April 19, 2026 at 8:06 AM
Oh my, Scottie Bro Dude Jock Stud - or if I may be so familiar: SBDJS. I am honored at your amazing act of recognition. I had no idea! I must say, going back to determine which of us made that milestone comment was a verrrrry manly thing to do, you BDJS! I only wish that Blog Boy was still here with us. But I am very grateful for the rest of you stragglers who keep me company every morning while I sit here alone at my dining room table, drinking my coffee in a purple cowl bathrobe, staring at a mildewing splak cake. Here's to the next 4,234!
We denizens of the Worthiverse are a hardy group, slogging through Mary and Toby spending their multi-day Spa trip gossiping about Harvey, and Tommy Beedie taking a walk [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz].
Thank you S/B/D/J/S for your historical insight. and thank you, @hmmm and the rest of you fellow hangers on for getting us to 4,234 and beyond. I keep wondering how long this will continue. Kind of like seeing how long I can hold my breath. I am about to turn purple with suspense over what Tommy will find on his walk...
@LouiseF -- Yes! We all join you in eager anticipation of what will happen during Tommy's walk over the next ten days or so. Because if there's anything that will take your mind off of your troubles, it's a long walk by yourself. Yesiree, that'll flush out the old brain, such as it is. -- Scottie The Bull
At last, the moment we've been waiting for ever since Tommy appeared in the Worthiverse. Will he go through with it? Will his barber be a woman? Will John Long be in the adjacent chair?
Ah-ha! Very sly, KM, but I'm on to you. The first clue! Tommy recognizing that the barber shop is just a "front" for the scamming operation. His second clue will be when they charge him $10,000 for a haircut. (Good thing he once lifted one of Zak's credit cards.) Now... will Tommy figure out Clue No. 3? Stay tuned, folks.
Unfortunately, I don't think Tommy B is up for anything as adventurous as solving a scam. I'm guessing he just wants to look as cool as the "dudes" pictured on the barbershop window. And he'll look so cool after the haircut that someone walking by will fall instantly in love with him. Bye bye Brandi.
Apparently, Tommy never thought about his appearance before. Perhaps he doesn't even own a mirror. He let his hair grow because he didn't realize there was something else he could do. What a revelation!!
Well well, of all the streets in downtown Santa Royale, Tommy and Dawn run into each other. Someone please refresh my memory - were Tommy and Dawn ever involved? There was the parkour-playing professor, Jared, the raging bowler, one-armed Jim, and maybe some random others, but Tommy? I recall snide comments by Dawn, but that's it.
Tommy: "Oh, Hi there, daughter of the repulsive person my mother used to date years ago. Even though I now live in my mother's apartment which happens to be in the same complex where you live in your father's apartment, it appears that we are the only two residents who do not bump into each other on a regular basis, either at the mailboxes or on that continuous loop around the place where Toby and Mary Worth walk to discuss all of Mary's success stories. Neither do we see each other at the complex's pool parties that are frequented only by fully clothed people (eating rancid appetizers) which would deny me the opportunity to flaunt my incredibly buff bod. So, person that I know on a casual basis at best, let the second thing out of my mouth be a personal apology to you for my sordid past which probably did not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Have a nice day."
And KitKat, I can't remember either if Dawn and Tommy were ever an item. In addition to those you mentioned, all I can add is Drew and Hugo.
@Scottie, Mary's "!" indicates that her brain is turning on her MW Universal Translator. Thus, she will instantly understand Tommy's lingo.
Since Tommy's pre-haircut hair always looked the same (same length, same number of split ends, same lack of body, etc.), that means that he purposely maintained that devil-may-care "style."
"Oh, she found some [air quotes] long-lost relative yada yada yada past trauma something blah blah blah her dad was a monster et cetera et cetera. But did she stop to think for even one minute how this was going to affect ME? NO!!! Can you believe it? I mean, how selfish can a person be?" -- Scottie
Looks like we've entered the Moy-Zone again. We move soooooo ssssllllowwwwly forward. Tommiy will take two or three days more to tell Mary practically nothing. Then Mary will likely recount everything to Toby. Then Toby will retell all the details to her parrots. Then....
It's pretty obvious that we are all very, very bored. But, maybe Tommy will get warm while working on the trellises and take his shirt off just as Dawn is coming to harvest tomatoes. We can wish.
I was thinking the same thing, MissScarlett. When Tommy takes a break from completely screwing up the trellis job and removes his shirt, Dawn passes by and her heart goes all atwitter-patter. Seeing this from her kitchen window, Mary rushes back to throw cold water on both of them, lest Tommy stray into infidelity. -- Scottie
Scottie: Thanks for asking! I’m here in Nowheresville with Tommy, washing my son’s collection of brown tee shirts so he can spend his evenings with Grateful Dead tribute bands.. waiting for Steven Colbert to call me as his final guest…hoping I win the Charlize Theron lookalike contest….oh,wait, there’s the phone….I won! I won the Queen Camilla lookalike contest! Mary Worth was runner up. I used to hope Tommy and Dawn would get together, but I don’t remember why.
True to his word, Tommy agrees to help Mary whenever she needs him to. “Tommy, dear, can you bring my mail to me….” Tommy trudges up the hall carrying what looks to be a large rolled-up rug, staggering as he goes. “Just put it on the table, dear. Thanks”, and she tips him (a quarter).
But it’s not a rug- it’s the 10 pound Sunday New York Times. Mary turns eagerly to the theater section, and to her delighted surprise, there’s a large photo of her old flame, KEN KENSINGTON!, flanked by two men she doesn’t recognize (George Clooney {on the left} and Kanye West).
Headline: “Clooney collaborates with West on a new hip hop version of Good Night and Good Luck; old matinee idol Kensington to star.” All three men smile broadly, especially George Clooney.
Meanwhile, in the Drama Critic section of Heaven, Clive Barnes and Brooks Atkinson are wincing at this news. Oh, my dear old chap, Clooney must be rolling over in his villa at this news! Oh, I know, I know…
Meanwhile, in Clooney’s Lake Como villa: Amal: George, please stop thrashing around, and be quiet! George: I can’t help it! Kanye is paying me $60million for the rights! Ah,hahahahaha. Amal: Don’t wake the children! Ah,hahahahaha!
Mary continues to read. ‘Ken Kensington, recovering from vocal cord surgery that has restored his glorious falsetto baritone to its original …er…glory, tells us: “Thanks to my wonderful bride, Mrs. Dear Old Shelley Cohen Smith Kensington, who tended to me so devotedly, I am now ready to resume my fabulous Broadway career! And here’s a few notes of one of the magnificent songs Mr. West has provided: Have you no sense of decency, sir? You’re acting like a mangy cur…”
Mary sputters, screams, faints. Tommy exits stage left in a huge hurry.
So, meg, if there's a Drama Critic section of heaven, there must be one of Hell. Who do you think would be in that one? Which leads me to imagining other sections of the great beyond.. The Landscaping Designer section, for example. Probably a lot in Hell for that one.
Please step back, as I am about to say something controversial- about the Movie Critics’ Section of Hell. Any of them who led me and others to believe that The Star Wars films were entertaining certainly belong there. My male family members watch the films EVERY TIME THEY ARE ON. I still can’t figure out the deal with the animals and the robots and the white-uniformed troops. Who are the good guys? Why is the dialogue so boring? How can the humans figure out what the big dog-like creature is whining about? Please, don’t try to answer me- I am smug and content with my dislike.
"Do people ever really heal from their demons? I mean, look at my father. He lurches from one disaster to the next and never gets any better. . . . Or smarter."
Good point @ Scottie! Certainly the Westons never get any better....or in fact, ever change at all. Wilbur has been eternally stupid and Dawn is forever in U. of Santa Royale. So now what? Dawn drives Tommy back to drugs? Yeah, that makes sense. But will Brandy have to return to lead him back to sobriety? Will we have a girl-on-girl tussle? Probably not, but it's fun to imagine.
Gee, I wonder who else will be running out there on Fairtree Mountain Trail? And will conveniently happen by just after Dawn manages to trip and fall into a ravine. I hope it's Tommy who, not wanting to mess up his new hairdo, will hesitate to rescue her just long enough for John Long to show up as well. Noting their incredible likeness, Tommy and John will forget all about Dawn in their rush to get to CLINIC to get their DNA tested to see if they might be long lost twins. Then, while they wait for the results, Tommy can bring John to BARBER SHOP.
That's a great idea @hmmm. Then we can hear a long saga about how Tommy's mother (forgot her name...married to that younger guy...) wasn't able to raise two boys alone. Yadda, yadda, yadda...
Oh no! It's one of the giant land clams trying to lure Dawn in! Run, Dawnie, run!!!
As for insisting that you father Wilbur come with you, yeah, I'm sure that would have worked out great. It would take you a half a day to travel a half a mile, not including all the rest stops for CPR. -- Scottie
Miss Scarlett: Iris was unable to raise two boys alone? Seems to me that Zack is a real mensch, smart and rich, and Tommy is making progress - he’s been out of prison since February of 2014! Iris, you’ve done well with both your boys!
Glad to see the comment thing is working again. I tried to post about four times earlier today and they wouldn't take. I thought this might be the end of our small but plucky little band of snarkers. So glad it's not. -- Scottie
I've not been commenting for a while but I've been reading the trials and tribulations of Santa Royale every day. I just wonder what happened to that scammer kid who climbed over the fence!
I feel a prediction coming on. Mary and Tommy’s family garden to assist food insecure Charterstonians is green and lush, yet producing almost nothing. It’s almost as though someone has a makeshift camp nearby and sneaks out at night to steal the harvest (except for the beets and cantaloupes)…. Who could it be?
Let's see. We can either follow this budding romance between Tommy and Dawn (after he rescues here from whatever mishap is bound to happen during their run). Or... we can switch over to see what has happened with Brandy and John Long. Turns out John was Brandy's first and real true love. After his big escape last month, John ran into Freida's Grocery to pilfer a couple of power bars and couldn't believe his luck to find Brandy working there! Even better luck! Poor John didn't have anything but the clothes on his back, but it turns out that Brandy had been embezzling poor old widow Freida for the last ten years, so she is totally flush! She just came up with that dopey story of her father's half-sister for Tommy so that she and John could disappear to Florida. Yeah, that works for me.
Following the example of Dawn and Tommy; the best part of running is not. Cool story @Meg, as usual. If you wrote this strip we would have nothing to snark at.
4,346 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 4201 – 4346 of 4346Scottie, I think GKiF has a bionic, removable arm, which may explain his awkward relationship with that potato chip.
Hang up the phone, Mary. It's been four days already, and with all your dilly-dallying around, you still haven't broken the news to Sharon that her inheritance is gonzo. By this time, Harvey has died of a broken heart, his funeral is over, his apartment has been cleared out and rented to a new victim. Move on.
"You should be aware that there's [there has] been some changes." Getting sloppy with your grammar Mary -- tsk tsk. Have you been into the cooking wine again? That would account for this drawn-out, tedious conversation. I agree with @hmmm -- enough is enough!
Oh, yes, there have been some big changes! Did I tell you that I got a cat?
Good one, @MissScarlet! It's always about Mary. Wait till Sharon shows up in a "few days" (how unspecific is that?) with twins Frick and Frack in tow and expects Mary to supervise them while she deals with dear old dad.
Just look at that cat! (We're calling her "Muffin," right?). She has roused herself from her usual laconic stupor and is experiencing heavenly bliss having just witnessed first-hand her very first Mary Meddle. -- Scottie
How will Mary entertain Frick and Frack, you say? Just look out upon the Charterstone Green: you will see Mary and the boys singing and dancing to
Y-M-C-A! Mary assures them it’ll be a big hit at the fraternity initiation parties they attend.
I've been assuming that Mary's been pussy-footing (sorry Muffin) about the specifics of Harvey's dilemma because she didn't feel it was her place to blurt out the messy money stuff. However, when Sharon manages to make it to her dear old dad, in a 'few days', there won't be any question about who gave Sharon the heads up. Can't wait to see how that plays out.
@KitKat; thanks. Will Mary get blame or shame or fame? No guesses allowed!
@meg, Toby will be out there with Frick, Frack, and Mary. I bet June would enjoy illustrating that.
"And she misses her father!" Yes, Mary. That's why Sharon was so wary about talking to you, emphasized how busy she is, and finally said she'd come in a few days. By the way, "Meow!" translates to "My food bowl is empty, there's a spider doing the back stroke in my water bowl, and you haven't cleaned the litter box since April Fool's Day. I'm ready to Uber back to the animal shelter!"
Mary: "Oh, listen to me. Talking to my cat about my neighbor losing two hundred thousand dollars to an online scammer. I'm so sorry, Muffin. Forgive me. How could a cat possibly understand what I'm going on (and on, and on...) about? You have to think about it like this, Muffin. Say, for instance, you took your bag of Cat HackSplak, and poured out 200,000 pieces of it and then poured it into your little stuffed toy kitty, because you thought Squeaky was a real kitty and he was veeerrrry hungry. But then, Squeaky still wouldn't play with you, or meow, or jump around, or cuddle with you like a real kitty. Wouldn't that make you sad, Muffin? Berry, berry sad?
OW! Get your &*##@$! claw out of my eye right this second, you $%%&# cat!"
Is Mary training Muffin to be a cat meddler?
Or has Mary finally lost it and decided to talk to animals now?
Is this whole thing about Harvey being lonely and missing his daughter? Wow! That's a very expensive reunion fee!
Is Sharon's side job tracking down scammers? Now that would be interesting!
Boy, it's already a few days later. Can KM keep up this breath-neck pace? What about John Long?
If Harvey had gotten a cat instead of Trixie, he wouldn't have to figure out how to tell Sharon that he won't be paying tuition at Stanford for Frick and Frack after all.There's always the Community College University of Santa Royale, Sharon. Some students like it so much, they never graduate.
I have to wonder if the colorist for this strip moonlights as the make-up artist at a funeral home. These two don't look so healthy.
"This is a surprise. What brings you here, Sharon?"
Wow, what a touching reunion that was! Can you feel the ice?
Anyway, is anyone going to get around to mentioning the 200K?
Okay, sure, none of us lives at Charterstone, so maybe we're all some kind of peasants. But that sure seems like a significant detail. -- Scottie
Okay, enough with the slobbering you two. Let's get to the $200K business. Actually, I might be willing to send KM 200 large if in tomorrow's strip Harvey confesses to squandering Sharon's inheritance and she immediately strangles him with his own ascot.
What makes Sharon think it was “her” inheritance that was squandered? Perhaps he had left it to Frick and Frack…or Tricksie… or the Charterstone Entertainment account…or to the Animals of Charterstone? All are equally worthy. Simmer down, Sharon. And pop the popcorn, all onlookers. This should be good.
That's some very lovely crying. No red eyes. No smudged make-up. No crunched up eyelids. And bonus! Blue tears!
Meanwhile, Harvey seems to have finally figured out that he has been scammed. "Gone" he says. Got that right!
But if John Long is long gone (in his long johns), then why does he have a full name?
So a "hub" exists, and Harvey even remembered his first name. By Sunday, Harvey will have donned a captain's cap and taken the boys boating, followed by dinner at the Bum Boat. Trixie and big withdrawals from Harvey's accounts will be forgotten. Happy, happy, happy, thanks to Mary!
"The Hub's fine too." Keep talking like that, Sharon and that "Hub" you are taking for granted may be not so fine once he learns you have no inheritance coming.
"I thought that they were busy...and forgot about their gramps!"
"Well, they did forget about you, but they remembered when I mentioned you last week. Frick asked, 'Is that the old dude with the funny scarf who nearly crashed into the breakwall, then ran out of gas?', and Frack remembered being rescued by the Coast Guard."
Harvey: "Well, I suppose that's nice to hear, Sharon. But since I hadn't heard from your boys in years, I sold the boat. You see, I was a little short of ready cash, and I needed to come up with a bundle quickly. So, I sold the boat at a huge loss to some nerdy doctor for $200K."
I wonder if Long John Scammer went to the police to report what's going on at the phishery. Or did he just decide to lay low? And how is he surviving? Does he have family or friends who can put him up until he can support himself? Or maybe he's decided to start his own one-man phishery.
So many potentially interesting avenues, and yet we're stuck the Dapper Dimwit and his daughter Sharon. -- Scottie
Did Sharon just refer to her husband, Aaron, as the 'hubs' ? Does Moy ever talk to real people? No one says that!
And why are they eating grass and potato chips? Is this some new Santa Royale food fad?
The Dapper Dimwit: hahahahaha, @Scottie!
It looks like a conversation about all the money Harvey sent to Trixie is never going to happen. Inconsequential, apparently, in the Worthiverse, when Mary's primed for a ginormous Victory Lap!
Thanks, @KitKat!
Sharon, just wait until he drops that 200 kiloton bomb on you. Then you'll understand what he means. -- Scottie
Ah, the moment of truth! Maybe.
Will he or won't he?
And if he does tell Sharon how stupid he is;
Will she or won't she?
I admire your determination to not come out of retirement, despite the absolutely bonkers story arcs these days. The temptation must be eating you ! Try not to think of the temptation!
Sharon's awfully blase about Dapper Dimwit Dad (shoutout to @Scottie) giving large sums of money to a scammer: "Tut tut, don't do that again!" She's unacquainted with the old chestnut about a fool and his money. (How much is "plenty," anyway, Harv? And did you file your taxes by Wednesday?)
Um, Mary, your cat doesn't understand a word of this. She's not a parrot, you know. -- Scottie
This has really ended with a soft whimper. No recriminations. No tears. All forgiveness and no John Long. Blah!
Should we notify the SPCA that Mary is feeding her cat wine?
@MissScarlett -- No, this cannot be over so soon. We haven't had Mary's requisite visit to the beneficiaries of her meddle so she can Harv-est their accolades. And, of course, we must still go through the week-or-two recap with Jeff on their déjà date. No, I'm afraid we've still got a long road to slog. -- Scottie
"Will you DO that? And will you sign over every red cent you have to me immediately?? And don't expect me to give you the WiFi password, either."
That's it? KM has kept us waiting on the edge of our seats for the big confrontation, and that's it? "Oh well, Daddy, don't worry about your little boo boo. What's a measly $200,000 when you have millions, right?"
Good thing KM didn't write "Gone with the Wind." Instead of the Siege of Atlanta, she would have had the Union and Confederacy dudes sitting around playing tiddlywinks or for some real excitement, maybe tag.
It would have been great if Sharon had done a big spit-take all over Harvey's ascot when he said "$200,000."
"You sent her HOW MUCH?????!!!!"
-- Scottie
BTW, Mss. Moy and Brigman, people don't say "dollar sign two zero zero comma zero zero zero." They say "two hundred thousand dollars."
I don't know, Scottie. If the characters in this strip can say "!" and "Gulp" out loud, I guess they could also say "dollar sign, two, zero, zero, comma, zero, zero, zero."
And Sharon is spontaneously arranging this move-in without consulting The Hub? Hmmmmm (not to be confused with @hmmm). -- Scottie
So Sharon works and has some sort of side job. I'm assuming hub is employed. So what is old Harvey gonna do all day? He won't even have Mary's intrusions to keep him occupied. But he will have his computer won't he? This could get interesting - so we'll never see it.
"He'll agree after I talk to him."
OH MYYYYYYYY!
Translation: "That little wimp will do what I TELL him to do."
-- Scottie
You called it, @Scottie. Whoever letters the strip forgot to put quotation marks around "he'll agree." (It's odd that Sharon refers to him as "my husband" right after Harvey says his name. I guess this is for anyone who missed last week's strips.)
How much time will Frick and Frack have with Gramps since they'll be going off to college? Since Harvey is rolling in dough, maybe he can enroll and go with them. He can pay for all his expenses and theirs.
I can hardly wait to see how happy Aaron is going to be when he finds out his ‘empty nest’ daydream is going to be filled with his kooky Ascot-wearing father-in-law!
Poor Aaron has spent the last 15 years making big plans to turn that spare room into his "man cave." Of course, that spare room is actually a converted garage. But Harvey should be quite happy there in spite of the fact that they never could quite rid the space of the smell of gas and oil. Oh, and that all of the boys' sports equipment is still stored there but the good thing is that the smell of their old unwashed hockey uniforms does somewhat cut the smell of their neighbor's chicken farm that wafts in under the garage door. Hope Harvey won't be concerned about the boys' ski poles hanging down over his pillow like the sword of Damocles. Aaron left the garage door in working condition thinking that he might someday want to turn the space back into a garage. It does get a little chilly in there, but the clanking of the door isn't too bad except on windy days. Sweet dreams, Harvey.
Sharon is already looking a little frazzled, even before she talks with the hubs. But I get why she wants "Gramps" to move in. Can't really trust him on his own with the apparently large inheritance he seems unaware that he is giving away. No, Sharon, grab the oldster now before he squanders another $5,000 on a month of Charterstone rent... And @hmmm, nice description of Harvey's soon to be bachelor digs in the garage. Maybe those ski poles will yield a quicker inheritance than Hubs and Sharon know...
Thanks, LouiseF! As an independent old geezer myself, I think one of my worst nightmares would be moving into a spare room in anyone's house!
@hmmm, your scenario is inspired! Huzzah, huzzah!
So, the spare room (which Sharon originally referred to as "her spare room" is now the "guest room." It still sounds like a prison.
One condition, huh? Allowing overnight canoodling with the next "Trixie"?
Oh, sure; he's gonna insist on paying rent.
Thanks, KitKat. Personally, I think Harvey would be much better off if he'd let Mary cart him over to that place she dumped Hanna Dingdon.
Ah yes, Somerset.
"I know they'll agree to have you join us, if they know what's good for them!" Sharon cackles menacingly.
From his own condo to a guest room -- Harvey will have a lot to dispose of, including ninety percent of his ascots.
But what about John Long, fer cri-yi? And what is Sharon’s side job? I’m warning you, I’ve climbed up on top of the chifforobe, and I’m not coming down until I get some answers! (Or until Sir Meg tells me my dinner is in my dish.)
Harvey's one condition is that from now on, Sharon, Aaron, Darren1 and Darren2 agree to call him Baron.
He’ll need permission from Karen.
Harvey does look a bit like a baron with that groovy paisley ascot.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Moy would leave details hanging....but it is annoying. John Long...we hardly knew you!
If Sharon thinks so much of Dapper Dimwit Dad that she asked him to move in and has forgiven his costly escapade with "Trixie," why did she drop him like a hot potato when her mother died?
Perhaps John Long will surface as Mary's new project after a double victory lap with Harvey and Sharon plus a gossip check-in with Toby. That should conclude by Memorial Day.
I agree, KitKat. It’s about time. I was afraid we’d never get back to the real story here which is WHY these two have been estranged since the death of Mrs. Hart. Let’s all put on our Harty Boy… oops, I mean Hardy Boy hats and solve this mystery! We need to determine who it was that bumped the old lady off; Harvey or Sharon? Was it Harvey, in the Bentley, with a hose connected to the tailpipe? Was it Sharon, in Spin Class, with the intentional over-exertion? It might have been Darren1 and Darren2 in the Billiard Room, engineering a trick shot that bounced the cue ball off her head. Possibly even Aaron, in the Study, who bored the old bat to death with his soliloquy on the highlights of the Dewey Decimal System. So many possibilities.
BTW, MissScarlet and KitKat, I don’t believe we’ve seen the last of John. KM wouldn’t dare rob me of the opportunity to use my “Long time no see, John” line.
"And now we have a chance to make up for it and spend lots of time together. Lots. In fact, you're gonna be so sick of me you'll be signing me up for every *%#^&% online dating service you can find." -- Scottie
Welcome to Mary Worth Whiplash Theatre, and our production of Old Purple Driving Hood. If Old Purple fails to make the turn, that Muffin will be toast. It looks like Old Purple neglected to wear her seat belt, so she may go SPLAT! to boot.
And what are the chances we'll find Long Lost John hitchhiking along that dark and bendy road? Pretty good, I'd say, seeing that Mary is in proximity to the BIG House. I thought Jeff was a doctor, not the warden of the Santa Royale County Jail.
Has anyone figured out why KM felt the need to remind us that Dr. Jeff is rich by writing that Mary has just left his “big” house? Why stop there, KM? How about:
"After visiting Jeff at his enormous, luxurious house built just last year in the pristine, tranquil setting of 40 acres of lush, old growth pines, Mary can’t help but compare it to her tiny Charterstone condo. Close to 18,000 square feet, Jeff’s remarkable home includes eight bedrooms, all with lavish, ensuite baths, each including a Jacuzzi and private steam room. The spacious, open floor plan features an exquisite gourmet kitchen and opulent dining room that open to an outdoor oasis, overlooking the infinity pool, terraces, and landscaped gardens. Soaring ceilings in all the living areas feature state-of-the-art, cutting-edge automation and technology which enhance not only security but entertainment. With a home gym, theatre, game room, and wine cellar, one would hardly ever need to leave, unless it were to take a relaxing cruise on one’s embarrassingly huge yacht and to dine at the Bum Boat."
Maybe Jeff is "at the big house". He's been indicted for embezzlement and Mary was visiting him. Nice of the authorities to build a prison in the woods.
Why would she bring a cat to see Jeff, who is allergic?
This strip gets weirder and weirder all the time.
Moy should have saved this dumb platitude for tomorrow's quote box:
"The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn." -- Aldo Kelrast
-- Scottie
A handshake? And a very formal one at that? Not even a side hug? Wow, how businesslike of everyone. All that's missing is a "Farewell, Mister Hart. I wish you the best in your future endeavors." -- Scottie
It took Mary a few weeks to reach Harvey's unit? Did she get lost in the Charterstone Bermuda Triangle?
There is no box labeled "ascots." Maybe they're packed in a big wardrobe box, waiting for Mr. Alora to schlep it to the elevator.
Sharon: "Alright, you two in the back! That's enough! This car isn't moving until you boys settle down!"
Yes, @hmmm, Frick and Frack are such rambunctious cut-ups.
Were Harvey's possessions loaded into a truck? There certainly isn't much room in Sharon's vehicle. What about his furniture? I know, Aaron the hubs is driving that truck!
Harve to Mary: Stop calling me ‘my friend’, you interfering old busybody! I was never your friend! I was just being polite because the other tenants told me that in your capacity of so-called unofficial manager you had the ability to make my life miserable! They were right- you broke up my relationship with the love of my life, you called my estranged daughter (who never so much as called me when the original love of my life died) and told her I was giving money to a beautiful scam artist! You never even mentioned how well I had succeeded in life with Acme Ascot Corp! I hope to never see you again, you@#$&%+£~$#!!
F&F: Mommy, PopPop said a lot of swears!
Jeez, you miss one day and it's weeks later and the story ends...with a whimper. No John Long. No recriminations. No Charterstone notice of a tenant moving. But it looks like Frick and Frack might have had sex change operations. Getting ready for college; how nice.
I guess we should spare a teaspoon of compassion for Toby, whose only friend is Mary. Meanwhile, Ian's rubbing his hands with glee as he contemplates his own self care with a bottle or two or more of whisky.
Is "multi day" two days? Five days? A fortnight? Is Mr. Alora facing Muffin-care duties?
Maybe John Long is a busboy at the unnamed Claremont spa. He and Toby will meet cute.
Wow, that place in Claremont scored the cover of "Healthy Beauty" magazine! Whoa, this is big! But who will Mary get to watch her cat? Erstwhile cat-sitter Ian? Or will she dump Muffin off at Animal Shelter for multi days? Regardless, I am so looking forward to the gripping drama of this little excursion! -- Scottie
Is this gonna be like that wellness center Mary went to in Arizona? She had to solve all the other inmates/customers problems.
I can't believe Ian can take care of a cat and two parrots. This could get ugly.
Aunt Toby and Uncle Ian, how cute. Mary fails to mention Uncle Ian cleaning a litter box for multi days, or washing and refilling the water bowl.
The spa is called "The Spa" - what an unusual name. Is is part of the treatment that guests have to lay on the cement when they're outdoors?
In observance of Cinco de Mayo, "SPA" hands out lime slices instead of cucumbers. That panel might be enough to put me off Margaritas for good.
The doors at generic spa are about as tall as the palm trees, yet they have pull handles. I guess the Jolly Green Doorman was on break when June drew this. -- Scottie
He's "well-resourced"? Ha ha ha ha, I love it.
This is sweet. School's in session as Toby plays padawan to Mary's Yoda, soaking up the wisdom of the meddling trade so she can take over after Mary goes to that Great Bum Boat in the Sky. (Is that right? I've never seen a Star Wars movie.) And Toby's showing some promise. Her platitude in panel two reveals a remarkable amount of banality for a newcomer. -- Scottie
Looks like "SP8" over the door, which might describe the spate of bromides we are about to get from Mary. Also, who knew that Ritz crackers could get rid of bags under the eye?! I will have to try this novel treatment.
Oh come on, Toby, we know you don't care a jot for Harvey or Sharon. Your blather to curry favor with Mary is transparent as heck.
Is Frick wearing blue and Frack wearing red or vice versa? Note how the hint of a breeze riffles Sharon's hair as the four of them stand in a fenced enclosure at a random dock [snore].
@KitKat -- And apparently The Hub isn't vibing on all this newfound togetherness. Maybe Sharon ought to have another "talk" with him to get his mind right. -- Scottie
And so Mary’s “Me, too” tour begins. To each person she encounters who compliments her on her successful reunification of Harve’s family, she’ll murmur , “me,too.” Are you already tired of her tour? Me, too. Would you rather see what Hubs looks like? Or who John Long turns out to be? Or the fight that will ensue when Harve finds out what college tuition costs now? He probably thinks it’s the same as it was at Dartmouth during the Eisenhower administration. And what is the side job?
If Mary and Toby didn't gossip about their Charterstone neighbors, they'd have nothing to say. Apparently neither of them reads books, pays attention to the news, has other friends, blah blah etc. etc. ad nauseam. Mary's enjoying her bowl of peas and a single strawberry while Toby has one orange segment and a piece of greenery. I have no idea what that white disc in her hand might be.
MEANWHILE, Tommy Beedie weeps while aching over the loss of ... somebody. (His only friend, John Long? His former girlfriend, What'shername?)
Boy, look at that photo. Did Jeff's cruise ship catch fire? It looks like some kind of major environmental catastrophe is going on in the background -- which Tommy is completely oblivious to, of course. -- Scottie
Tommy’s upset because Brandy’s gone to meet her father’s half-sister! Wow!
That is news! I would have thought she’d have dumped that loser long ago.
Is Brandy's father's half sister named Iris?
Jeez, it looks like Tommy ought to lay off the edibles. -- Scottie
I was hoping that Brandy and Tommy were related, but apparently not, unless Iris is in Florida. A plot with family complications like that [ahem] would make Mary clutch her pearls so fiercely that they would disintegrate and shoot into her nostrils.
Judging by his appearance, abode, and open schedule ("I love Florida, let's go!"), Tommy hasn't changed for the better since his days mopping bathroom floors at Jerry's Sandwich Shop.
Babe already explained that she had to go alone. She was pretty clear about why she was leaving. She is on a mission. Didn't you hear her?
Toby returns from SPA.
Hallo, lass, how was yer trip tae th’ spa?
It was wonderful, Ian, so relaxing and Mary’s conversation was as scintillating as ever! Why are you rolling your eyes?
Was Ah? Main hae been thinkin’ ay Tonecht.
Ooh, you romantic man, you!
Nae, Ah was thinkin’ ay th’ Charterstone men’s club meetin’ this fortnight.
Wilbur will demonstrate proper denture flossing; Saul will explain accurate beak hair trimmin’, an Ah will show hoo ta cut rectangular newspaper pages into roon birdcage liners; ‘en Dr. Jeff will come in tae describe feline burial at brine.
WHAAAT? Did something happen to Muffin?
Och, Aye, she met Max an’ Greta, an’ it didn’t gang well. Dinnae tell Mary just yet.
A whisky toast to @meg!
Wait wait wait, so Brandy didn't break up with Tommy, she just went on a trip without him. And he's all depressed and crying because he's so alone??? Get a grip, weakling. Sheesh!
Meanwhile, multi days after Mary and Toby leave, a snockered Ian finally remembers to feed Muffin. He staggers into Mary's apartment and opens a window to clear the air of the litter box stench. A frightened Muffin hops out the window for parts unknown, which leads to her unfortunate encounter with Max and Greta. -- Scottie
Nae, Scottie, lass, dinnae plan to remember it that way at all! Intending to blame it on that well known cat hater Allora.
"Good bye, my love" ?? Uh oh! Turns out that Tommy was keeping Brandy against her will and she is now making her escape. Run, girl, run!
meg - "Scottie, lass" ?? Don't tell us you've been spending a little time with Ian, and partaking in a few drams yourself, lass.
hmmm is correct, meg. It be "laddie," me lady.
Meanwhile, Tommy looks like he could use a dose of Macho himself. -- Scottie
Sorry, sir, it won’t happen again, sir! (Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy, Scottie is a boy….). Actually, I think I made this mistake once before. meg (an old girl)
meg, yes you did, young lady. But not to worry; I take no offense.
But maybe I ought to start posting in boldface or something more he-manly. -- Scottie Bro Dude
Not that I need a life or anything, but it just occurred to me that we missed a milestone of sorts.
Wanders' last post was his no. 4,234. Since then we have racked up more than that many comments on this thread. So we should go back and see which one of us had the honor of posting comment no. 4,234.
And the winner is:
hmmm said...
That's it? KM has kept us waiting on the edge of our seats for the big confrontation, and that's it? "Oh well, Daddy, don't worry about your little boo boo. What's a measly $200,000 when you have millions, right?"
Good thing KM didn't write "Gone with the Wind." Instead of the Siege of Atlanta, she would have had the Union and Confederacy dudes sitting around playing tiddlywinks or for some real excitement, maybe tag.
April 19, 2026 at 8:06 AM
Heartiest platitudes to you, hmmm!
Oh, BTW, the previous comment was made by me, Scottie Bro Dude Jock Stud.
Oh my, Scottie Bro Dude Jock Stud - or if I may be so familiar: SBDJS. I am honored at your amazing act of recognition. I had no idea! I must say, going back to determine which of us made that milestone comment was a verrrrry manly thing to do, you BDJS! I only wish that Blog Boy was still here with us. But I am very grateful for the rest of you stragglers who keep me company every morning while I sit here alone at my dining room table, drinking my coffee in a purple cowl bathrobe, staring at a mildewing splak cake. Here's to the next 4,234!
Well said! @hmmm
Hip hip hurrah, @hmmm!
We denizens of the Worthiverse are a hardy group, slogging through Mary and Toby spending their multi-day Spa trip gossiping about Harvey, and Tommy Beedie taking a walk [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz].
Thank you S/B/D/J/S for your historical insight. and thank you, @hmmm and the rest of you fellow hangers on for getting us to 4,234 and beyond. I keep wondering how long this will continue. Kind of like seeing how long I can hold my breath. I am about to turn purple with suspense over what Tommy will find on his walk...
@LouiseF -- Yes! We all join you in eager anticipation of what will happen during Tommy's walk over the next ten days or so. Because if there's anything that will take your mind off of your troubles, it's a long walk by yourself. Yesiree, that'll flush out the old brain, such as it is. -- Scottie The Bull
@Scottie, if Tommy's walk lasts that long, you can update your moniker to Raging Bull.
Maybe Tommy will run smack into John Long.
For some unknown reason, the pink people cut off the legs of their children. How awful!
And here we are in Day 2 of the Mewling Self-Pity Tour. -- Scottie Thee Stalli . . . no, wait
Wouldn't it be great if Tommy ran into John Long? !!! Never happen!
At last, the moment we've been waiting for ever since Tommy appeared in the Worthiverse. Will he go through with it? Will his barber be a woman? Will John Long be in the adjacent chair?
Ah-ha! Very sly, KM, but I'm on to you. The first clue! Tommy recognizing that the barber shop is just a "front" for the scamming operation. His second clue will be when they charge him $10,000 for a haircut. (Good thing he once lifted one of Zak's credit cards.) Now... will Tommy figure out Clue No. 3? Stay tuned, folks.
Unfortunately, I don't think Tommy B is up for anything as adventurous as solving a scam. I'm guessing he just wants to look as cool as the "dudes" pictured on the barbershop window. And he'll look so cool after the haircut that someone walking by will fall instantly in love with him. Bye bye Brandi.
Apparently, Tommy never thought about his appearance before. Perhaps he doesn't even own a mirror. He let his hair grow because he didn't realize there was something else he could do. What a revelation!!
Who knew that Mary has had such a profound influence on Tommy?
Mary Worth was the one who said that?! Oh wow, I never knew that!
Is Tommy going to start needing a comb now? Does he own one? -- Scottie
Well well, of all the streets in downtown Santa Royale, Tommy and Dawn run into each other. Someone please refresh my memory - were Tommy and Dawn ever involved? There was the parkour-playing professor, Jared, the raging bowler, one-armed Jim, and maybe some random others, but Tommy? I recall snide comments by Dawn, but that's it.
Tommy: "Oh, Hi there, daughter of the repulsive person my mother used to date years ago. Even though I now live in my mother's apartment which happens to be in the same complex where you live in your father's apartment, it appears that we are the only two residents who do not bump into each other on a regular basis, either at the mailboxes or on that continuous loop around the place where Toby and Mary Worth walk to discuss all of Mary's success stories. Neither do we see each other at the complex's pool parties that are frequented only by fully clothed people (eating rancid appetizers) which would deny me the opportunity to flaunt my incredibly buff bod. So, person that I know on a casual basis at best, let the second thing out of my mouth be a personal apology to you for my sordid past which probably did not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Have a nice day."
And KitKat, I can't remember either if Dawn and Tommy were ever an item. In addition to those you mentioned, all I can add is Drew and Hugo.
Apparently Tommy could afford only half a haircut.
Well, Dawn's insertion into this little drama certainly wasn't incidental. She's going to ask him out, isn't she? -- Scottie
Tommy getting involved with Dawn will almost certainly drive him back to drugs. Me too, actually.
"Yeah, bad news, man. Like my doll split town, ditchin' me in Nowheresville, ya dig? So I'm singin' the blues and totin' a torch." -- Scottie
P.S. MissScarlett, your comment made me laugh.
@Scottie, Mary's "!" indicates that her brain is turning on her MW Universal Translator. Thus, she will instantly understand Tommy's lingo.
Since Tommy's pre-haircut hair always looked the same (same length, same number of split ends, same lack of body, etc.), that means that he purposely maintained that devil-may-care "style."
Uh oh! Tommy's beginning to 'remind me of Dave'!!
P.S. Thanks Scottie.
"Why did she leave?"
"Oh, she found some [air quotes] long-lost relative yada yada yada past trauma something blah blah blah her dad was a monster et cetera et cetera. But did she stop to think for even one minute how this was going to affect ME? NO!!! Can you believe it? I mean, how selfish can a person be?" -- Scottie
Looks like we've entered the Moy-Zone again. We move soooooo ssssllllowwwwly forward. Tommiy will take two or three days more to tell Mary practically nothing. Then Mary will likely recount everything to Toby. Then Toby will retell all the details to her parrots. Then....
It's pretty obvious that we are all very, very bored. But, maybe Tommy will get warm while working on the trellises and take his shirt off just as Dawn is coming to harvest tomatoes. We can wish.
I was thinking the same thing, MissScarlett. When Tommy takes a break from completely screwing up the trellis job and removes his shirt, Dawn passes by and her heart goes all atwitter-patter. Seeing this from her kitchen window, Mary rushes back to throw cold water on both of them, lest Tommy stray into infidelity. -- Scottie
P.S. Hey, meg, where ya been?
Scottie: Thanks for asking! I’m here in Nowheresville with Tommy, washing my son’s collection of brown tee shirts so he can spend his evenings with Grateful Dead tribute bands.. waiting for Steven Colbert to call me as his final guest…hoping I win the Charlize Theron lookalike contest….oh,wait, there’s the phone….I won! I won the Queen Camilla lookalike contest! Mary Worth was runner up. I used to hope Tommy and Dawn would get together, but I don’t remember why.
True to his word, Tommy agrees to help Mary whenever she needs him to.
“Tommy, dear, can you bring my mail to me….” Tommy trudges up the hall carrying what looks to be a large rolled-up rug, staggering as he goes. “Just put it on the table, dear. Thanks”, and she tips him (a quarter).
But it’s not a rug- it’s the 10 pound Sunday New York Times.
Mary turns eagerly to the theater section, and to her delighted surprise, there’s a large photo of her old flame, KEN KENSINGTON!, flanked by two men she doesn’t recognize (George Clooney {on the left} and Kanye West).
Headline: “Clooney collaborates with West on a new hip hop version of Good Night and Good Luck; old matinee idol Kensington to star.”
All three men smile broadly, especially George Clooney.
Meanwhile, in the Drama Critic section of Heaven, Clive Barnes and Brooks Atkinson are wincing at this news. Oh, my dear old chap, Clooney must be rolling over in his villa at this news! Oh, I know, I know…
Meanwhile, in Clooney’s Lake Como villa:
Amal: George, please stop thrashing around, and be quiet!
George: I can’t help it! Kanye is paying me $60million for the rights! Ah,hahahahaha.
Amal: Don’t wake the children! Ah,hahahahaha!
Mary continues to read. ‘Ken Kensington, recovering from vocal cord surgery that has restored his glorious falsetto baritone to its original …er…glory, tells us:
“Thanks to my wonderful bride, Mrs. Dear Old Shelley Cohen Smith Kensington, who tended to me so devotedly, I am now ready to resume my fabulous Broadway career! And here’s a few notes of one of the magnificent songs Mr. West has provided:
Have you no sense of decency, sir? You’re acting like a mangy cur…”
Mary sputters, screams, faints. Tommy exits stage left in a huge hurry.
There she is, back with another meg gem! Good to see you again.
Dawn looks positively ridiculous hiding behind that tree. But Westons gonna Weston. -- Scottie
Oh Meg! That was the best yet! I laughed out loud! Thank you!
Thank you, fellow eternally silly folks.
So, meg, if there's a Drama Critic section of heaven, there must be one of Hell. Who do you think would be in that one? Which leads me to imagining other sections of the great beyond.. The Landscaping Designer section, for example. Probably a lot in Hell for that one.
Please step back, as I am about to say something controversial- about the Movie Critics’ Section of Hell. Any of them who led me and others to believe that The Star Wars films were entertaining certainly belong there. My male family members watch the films EVERY TIME THEY ARE ON. I still can’t figure out the deal with the animals and the robots and the white-uniformed troops. Who are the good guys? Why is the dialogue so boring? How can the humans figure out what the big dog-like creature is whining about? Please, don’t try to answer me- I am smug and content with my dislike.
"Do people ever really heal from their demons? I mean, look at my father. He lurches from one disaster to the next and never gets any better. . . . Or smarter."
-- Scottie
Good point @ Scottie! Certainly the Westons never get any better....or in fact, ever change at all. Wilbur has been eternally stupid and Dawn is forever in U. of Santa Royale. So now what? Dawn drives Tommy back to drugs? Yeah, that makes sense. But will Brandy have to return to lead him back to sobriety? Will we have a girl-on-girl tussle? Probably not, but it's fun to imagine.
Gee, I wonder who else will be running out there on Fairtree Mountain Trail? And will conveniently happen by just after Dawn manages to trip and fall into a ravine. I hope it's Tommy who, not wanting to mess up his new hairdo, will hesitate to rescue her just long enough for John Long to show up as well. Noting their incredible likeness, Tommy and John will forget all about Dawn in their rush to get to CLINIC to get their DNA tested to see if they might be long lost twins. Then, while they wait for the results, Tommy can bring John to BARBER SHOP.
That's a great idea @hmmm. Then we can hear a long saga about how Tommy's mother (forgot her name...married to that younger guy...) wasn't able to raise two boys alone. Yadda, yadda, yadda...
@hmmm, your excellent powers of deduction into the brain of KM seem to be working well. This may or may not alarm you.
Oh no! It's one of the giant land clams trying to lure Dawn in! Run, Dawnie, run!!!
As for insisting that you father Wilbur come with you, yeah, I'm sure that would have worked out great. It would take you a half a day to travel a half a mile, not including all the rest stops for CPR. -- Scottie
Miss Scarlett: Iris was unable to raise two boys alone? Seems to me that Zack
is a real mensch, smart and rich, and Tommy is making progress
- he’s been out of prison since February of 2014! Iris, you’ve done well with both your boys!
is
No surprises here. We all knew Tommy and Dawn would meet up. Also no surprise that Dawn has never thought of improving herself.
@Meg: Thanks for remembering those names from the past.
I'm impressed that Tommy's hair finally looks better than Dawn's. -- Scottie
Glad to see the comment thing is working again. I tried to post about four times earlier today and they wouldn't take. I thought this might be the end of our small but plucky little band of snarkers. So glad it's not. -- Scottie
I've not been commenting for a while but I've been reading the trials and tribulations of Santa Royale every day. I just wonder what happened to that scammer kid who climbed over the fence!
Johnny Long climbed o’er the fence,
Ripped his pants, but away he went!
If Dawn also regards Mary as kind of like family to her, that might complicate this budding possibly romantic relationship.
Throughout their running on a mountain trail, neither Dawn nor Tommy has worked up a sweat or needed to catch their breath.
I feel a prediction coming on. Mary and Tommy’s family garden to assist food insecure Charterstonians is green and lush, yet producing almost nothing. It’s almost as though someone has a makeshift camp nearby and sneaks out at night to steal the harvest (except for the beets and cantaloupes)…. Who could it be?
Let's see. We can either follow this budding romance between Tommy and Dawn (after he rescues here from whatever mishap is bound to happen during their run). Or... we can switch over to see what has happened with Brandy and John Long. Turns out John was Brandy's first and real true love. After his big escape last month, John ran into Freida's Grocery to pilfer a couple of power bars and couldn't believe his luck to find Brandy working there! Even better luck! Poor John didn't have anything but the clothes on his back, but it turns out that Brandy had been embezzling poor old widow Freida for the last ten years, so she is totally flush! She just came up with that dopey story of her father's half-sister for Tommy so that she and John could disappear to Florida. Yeah, that works for me.
Following the example of Dawn and Tommy; the best part of running is not.
Cool story @Meg, as usual. If you wrote this strip we would have nothing to snark at.
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