Saturday, February 9, 2008

Mary Worth 113

AWESOME! Vera is the greatest revenge artist of all time! Drew two-times her five months ago with college co-ed Dawn Weston. When Vera finds out, she stops returning any of Drew's phone calls and let's him drift in anguish for months. Then, out of the blue she calls up Drew and suggests, "Let's get together for donuts and cold coffee at the very crowded and rotating Junction Road Cafe." Drew's hopes bounce back so quickly that they launch to stratospheric heights. And then she kisses him. Drew is in La-La Land; he's already forgiven Vera for dumping him just because he cheated on her, and he's about to propose marriage when in walks Ryan Harris, employer and swain. Vera and Ryan cuddle, coo, fawn and ultimately kiss passionately in front of Drew. His heart breaks. His hopes plummet faster than they rose, and just as they're about to shatter on the pavement into a million pieces, Vera lays out the steel jaws of death with this wipe-the-crud-off-my-shoes-with-your-heart line:

"I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS!"

She is without mercy. She is without compassion. She is the cruelest of women. She has extracted her revenge on Drew with such meanness that he has no option. He must kill himself. He must follow in the tire treads of Aldo Kelrast - drinking himself into literal oblivion behind the wheel of a nondescript sedan.

While Drew has no doubt deserved to pay mercilessly for his crimes, I have to admit that even I felt a twinge of compassion for his suffering when Vera suggested they be friends. Unbelievable.

Vera. I tip my hat to you. I could not have guessed you would ever even attempt to avenge your broken heart, let alone do it with such complete and utter disregard for human life. Well done, Vera Shields. Well done indeed.

2 comments:

Tom said...

Well said. Though there is one chance left for Drew after she says she hopes they can be friends. "Vera, you look like a fly-wing puller. Me too! Let's go to the barn of little horses and pull wings off of flies!"
Drew's only hope now is to find the arms of a compassionate, older woman.

Biscuit Carroll said...

This is going great. Next, Drew will accept her offer of friendship and Vera will say, "I don't think so Dr Cory" and spit in his coffee.