And what about the woman in the miniskirt and go-go boots? She's totally coming on to Mr. Blue Slacks. And that palm tree! It's totally coming on to that boy palm tree. And the bunt cake is coming on to the plate of cookies! Not to mention Toby in her booty shorts... in fact, the only person who does not seem to be coming on to anything is Nola Wolvenson.
Megan had a few rejections from the condo board, but they finally agreed to her suggestion of Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper. A song with a message for the Worthiverse.
POOL PARTY! With flirting! But the dress code has certainly decayed to a new low. I mean, is that man wearing an actual swimming suit? But don't worry, Toby. You don't have to keep Ian under wraps because Ian can't fit under wraps!
After consulting with the condo board, the winner of our Not-A-Real-Contest, and the reader whose day was most Mary-like, is Megan! But gosh, it was a tough decision. Mary Worth has really influenced so many of us in so many ways. We really are wonderful people, and when I read about your weekend, my faith in our species is restored.
Megan, send me an email at maryworthandme@gmail.com with your Jukebox request. All requests are subject to Condo Board approval, so you may want to listen to the jukebox for a few hours to see what kinds of things they like. (For new readers, the jukebox is located in the right column, down just a bit.)
And each of them actually IS different from panel to panel... so that's cool too. I don't have much to say, except nice mug. Now everyone go out and make a difference, okay? Do something today that Mary would do if she could be there herself.
Let's have another Not-A-Real-Contest Contest. Let me know what you do today that Mary would have done, and the Condo Board will choose a winner who will get to nominate a song for the Charterstone Jukebox.
Well, it turns out that it wasn't the head of Wayne the Kidnapper (severed as Bill the Manager assisted the police with his kitchen cleaver) in Mr. Smith's bag after all... Just some fruit. Of course, Bill, Bree and Ronnie didn't get as large a fruit basket as Mary Worth got. They each got only a pear. So all is right in the world.
Well, as Mary Worth lounges in her Forever Lazy, we can either expect a new story, or Emily's family is coming to find out how Emily can become a model. I mean, Mary said she knows somebody.
I'm thrilled that Mary Worth has passed judgment and approved of Emily's parents. Though I'm not sure how she did it since she doesn't seem to have ever been at the police station.
And great move by the police to haul Emily down to the station to visit with addicts and prostitutes while she waits for her goodly parents to arrive, instead of letting her wait at Diner with a free bowl or rainbow swirl ice cream. I wonder if they took her down to the hoosegow in the same car as Wayne the Kidnapper.
I am so glad that Mary Worth has a conscience in her guts to give her courage. This is what sets her apart. If only other people had consciences. Then we could all be as awesome as Mary Worth and talk about our awesomeness for nine days straight.
While Mary is relieved that she didn't have to "physically tangle" with Wayne the Kidnapper, the rest of us, of course, are also very relieved. Although she appears more than capable in the panel above, watching Mary Worth duke it out with a hardened criminal would not have been interesting at all.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fourth Annual Worthy Awards. Santa Royale's elite (you), have gathered together to shower accolades on the 2011 outstanding achievements in the genius comic strip, "Mary Worth."
But first, what glamorous awards ceremony would be complete without a spectacular opening number! Here's a MW&M favorite:
Thank you Mr. Trololo, and now, to start things off, we take a moment to bestow the coveted Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award upon a Mary Worth character who left us for the great Pool Party in the Sky during 2011. This year's outstanding achievement in dying goes to:
MAMA BARONI!
Congratulations on being the perfect cross to bear!
And now, on with the show!
Your votes have been counted. Over 17 votes were cast! A new record. Who knew Mary Worth had so many fans?
OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
The nominees are:
LOCKET MAN
WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES ATHLETIC GEAR
AMOEBA SHIRT
SANTA ROYALE MESSENGER SERVICE
And the winner is:
LOCKET MAN
This year's winner plans to use his prize money (a $400 gift card from Marcy's) to buy himself some more cool jewelry.
Our next category is
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A GUEST CHARACTER:
Each year, Mary Worth meddles in the lives of Santa Royale's citizenry, and then we never see them again. This year's nominees may be lost to us for all time, but their performances will live in our hearts forever. And the nominees are:
COACH HAMFIST
LIZA COLBY
YOUNG BOBBY BLACK
GINA THE WAITRESS
And the winner is:
LIZA COLBY
This only goes to show what we already knew: Mary Worth fans LOVE stalkers! Liza Colby is working on a sales degree at Local University, and, ironically, busing tables at the cafeteria.
And now...
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN ESTABLISHED CHARACTER
The nominees are:
DAWN WESTON
MARY WORTH
WILBUR WESTON
DR. DREW CARY, M.D.
And the Worthy Award goes to:
WILBUR WESTON
This is Wilbur Weston's second Worthy Award. He won last year for his performance frolicking with his wanna-be son. Wilbur is turning into a regular Tom Hanks. Will he three-peat next year?
And now:
OUTSTANDING PANEL IN 2011
The nominees are:
DREW'S WORKOUT
THE DOCTOR WITH TWO HEADS
NO REFLECTION ON DAWN
HOW YOUNG PEOPLE ARE DRAWN
And the winner is:
THE DOCTOR WITH TWO HEADS
I think this one was pretty much a guaranteed award winner from the moment it first appeared on May 28.
And now, the 2011 Story of the Year:
DAWN GETS TWITTERPATED
NOT FATAL ENOUGH ATTRACTION
THE LIST
HAPPY IS THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW TO BE
And the winner is:
NOT FATAL ENOUGH ATTRACTION
Once again, stalkers rule on Mary Worth!
Well, 2011 was as a wonderful year in Mary Worth. And she certainly has gotten 2012 off to a good start by rescuing Emily Smith of Goleta.
And let me offer just my personal thanks to all of you, Dear Readers, who devote so much time and insight to this blog! Without you, I would just be another closeted Mary Worth fan wondering what in the world is wrong with me. But at least I know that I am not alone.
Happy New Year to each of you!
This year's awards ceremony has been brought to you by the following sponsors:
Well, I just got back in town from my trip to Illinois and Missouri, and not a moment too soon! The police have arrived. It's a good thing it took them just over two weeks to get here.
And all I missed was Mary Worth trying to sign Emily up for Barbizon.
I hope he's willing to wait at least a "week." I'll be traveling without a "laptop," and I hate to miss "anything."
My "experiment," posting from my "iPhone," didn't really "work." So it looks like I'll have to come up with some sort of recap when I return. In the meantime, here's hoping the "police" never arrive.
And what about the woman in the miniskirt and go-go boots? She's totally coming on to Mr. Blue Slacks. And that palm tree! It's totally coming on to that boy palm tree. And the bunt cake is coming on to the plate of cookies! Not to mention Toby in her booty shorts... in fact, the only person who does not seem to be coming on to anything is Nola Wolvenson.
