Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Mary Worth 2585

Wait! What happened to Derek and Entertainer Esme? Were they up all night smoking cigarettes? We may never know for sure, but of this I'm certain: Katie is never going on another cruise.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...


SPOILER ALERT -- Tomorrow's dialogue:

"Oh, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, Toby. I have 20 extra pairs if you need one."

"Thanks, Mary. And I'll be sure to wear this nice big straw hat to protect my face from the warm tropical sun."

"I'm taking a magazine along in case I want to read it while I'm sunning on the lovely beach."

BTW, both of them are wearing the same clothes this morning that they wore yesterday. Shenanigans going on?

-- S. McW.

KitKat said...

Ah, the mark of a true friend - someone who always has plenty of sunscreen to share. Too bad for Toby that Mary's sunscreen has an SPF of 6, and that both she and Mary will get the worst sunburns of their lives.

I hope Derek, Katie, and Esme also check out the beach, Katie in a one-piece boy-leg suit with ruffles and Esme in an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini. Derek will exclaim "!!" when he sees Esme.

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled "SPF Stands For Simply Perfect Friend!"

Water sports?
No, beach!
Same! Sunscreen plenty!
Always you!


(I have an especial fondness for Line 2...)

LouiseF said...

Love this lame device of shifting the focus to Mary and Toby and their sunscreen supply issues as we build suspense over the impending confrontation between Katie and Esme. I am not amused...

KitKat said...

@Nance at 10:10 a.m., I hope at some point Katie will exclaim "No, beach!" at Esme, with a slightly different pronunciation of "beach."

BTW, every a.m. when I read MW over breakfast, I wonder "What will Nance do with this, and what screamingly funny title will she come up with for the Boldface Haiku?"

The Short-Fingered Vulgarian said...

"Water sports?" Where are we? In a hotel in Russia? I thought this was supposed to be Haiti?

Toots McGee said...

Noboby but Mary Worth would use the term "Water sports" in this context. Humans would ask: Are you going snorkeling? Are you going kayaking? Are you going paddleboarding? Are you going swimming?...or if a human didn't know what particular thing the other person was into, they'd just ask: What are you going to do in port?

Here's my tip for cruisers: Walking around is okay, especially if you just want to see the sights of a port, BUT some ports are really not much to look at. Plenty of local vendors will want to entice you to pay them for some sort of sightseeing or "Water sport" related excursion (or if you are studying your cruise brochure, you'll recognize that the cruise lines themselves HIGHLY encourage you to book such excursions using their onboard excursion desk, to insure a satisfying day in port!)

If we are indeed in Labadee (unless we glossed over that port of call while Esme and Derek were sucking down poopdeck PallMalls) Toby's probably not going to see much walking around except a beach full of other Cruisers drinking Miller Lites on deck chairs. If she gets bored, she can ask random cruisers where one might partake in water sports.

Is beach volleyball a water sport or just a water adjacent sport?

fauxprof said...

True, Wanders, Katie may never go on another cruise. But first she's got to get off of this one. And I don't think it will ever end.

@Nance, your boldface haikus are the highlight of my day!

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

@Nance: I enjoy the daily boldface haiku! My favorite line today is the last one, "Always you!" It's so fitting. Toby can say it to Mary, Mary can say it to Toby, Katie can say it to Derek, Derek can say it to Entertainer Esme, Entertainer Esme can say it to Derek (but she's the only one who wouldn't really mean it.)

Mary's Helpful Hint #40: If the "dear friend" that you are "cruising" with keeps helping herself to your toothpaste, shampoo, and other personal care products because she didn't bother to pack her own stuff, tell her, ever so subtly, "No need to bring SUNSCREEN. I have PLENTY!" Maybe she'll GET THE HINT! ... Or maybe not. ... Sigh!

Nance said...

@DWET--Thank you. There is a plethora of double entendre in today's Boldface Haiku. It all depends upon The Reader. And the intonation.

@fauxprof--I'm beyond delighted. Many thanks. I'm exclaiming this, but trying not to overwork that poor key.

@KitKat--"No, beach" is my new catchphrase, said with varying degrees of intensity and intonation. I tried it out on my cat already when she tried to get on the coffee table. Worked. And thank you for your kind compliments; they are so much appreciated.

Anonymous said...

Am getting whiplash from the abrupt changes in speed.

Is Moy deploying a strategy where you only have to read the Sunday comics and the weekdays are merely killing time? Today's strip was just a PSA for using sunscreen.
Tomorrow's will be about washing you fruit before you eat it.

True Standish said...

Finally! We FINALLY get to see the towel-folding demonstration in panel 1! Also, Mary doesn't have any eyes in panel 1. Crrepy!

Toots McGee said...

In case you don't follow Karen Moy's infrequent blog entries on Mary Worth Comics, she revealed last week that the model for Derek Hoosier is actor Benjamin Bratt.

Yahoonski said...

I hope it's not too late in the day for her to see my compliment, too, but Nance has truly found her niche! The haikus, of course, write themselves, but the titles are BRILLIANT and a daily treat.

Short-Fingered Vulgarian: That's the first thing that occurred to me; congratulations on finding an acceptable way to work it in!

At least Mary didn't offer to APPLY the sun block for Toby.

Dave in Parma said...

I'm rooting for the sharks.

Dawn Weson's Evil Twin said...

It's been forty days and forty nights on board this Ship of Fools!

Mary's Helpful Hint #41: Sometimes, your cabin mate might neglect to shower frequently enough. For those times when the STENCH becomes too difficult to bear, simply suggest, ever so TACTFULLY, "Are you going SWIMMING?" Maybe she'll GET THE HINT. ... Oh, well, apparently NOT ...

Nance said...

@Yahoonski--Thank you! Much appreciated. I like the little brain workout.

WEDNESDAY

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled "Because The Water Is Deeper In Jamaica".

Swimming?
Wait; Jamaica.
Right here.

KitKat said...

Wow - who knew that Derek is the Incredible Hulk? When will he turn green?

Dave in Parma said...

@Dawn Weston's Evil Twin: your Ship of Fools comment brings to mind how appropriate the lyrics to 'Ship of Fools' by World Party (basically Karl Wallinger of the group The Waterboys), released in 1986. The chorus speaks to me with each passing day reading this strip:

Oh, oh, oh
Save me, save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools, no, no
Oh, save me, save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools, no, no
I want to run and hide, right now.....

Ian Cameron, PhD said...

Meanwhile, as Entertainer Esme lurks smoking in the shadow of a mangrove..

You don't get this kind of excitement at the Teaching Summit!

Chris Brown said...

Okay, this silly haiku made you my hero.

S. Rosenberg said...

Although Entertainer Esme's intrusion into the Hoosier's marital bliss is titillating, I'm really excited to see how all of this conflict will somehow be made right with the sage advice (platitudes) from our heroine. That will happen, of course, only after Mrs. Hoosier shows her need for help. Mary's previous advice to a young woman with romance issues was something like "You silly young girl, you're focusing too much one one man; diversify yourself and spend time with multiple friends and everything will be okay." That advice probably won't work in this case, but Mary is sure to suggest some way in which Mrs. Hoosier can be a better wife and more effectively keep her husband's attention focused on herself. So what faults will Mary find in Mrs. Hoosier? Any guesses, my friends?

KitKat said...

@S. Rosenberg at 11:39 AM, Mary might suggest that Katie start smoking with Derek.

Anonymous said...

@S. Rosenberg - maybe lose the pixie cut? I wish Uncle Joe was still drawing Mary. Every so often, he would let loose and tantalize us with Mary's flowing white tresses. I can picture Mary demonstrating for Katie how enticing it is to a man, when a woman takes out the hair clips and lets down her hair. As in, Rita Hayworth (Gilda, are you decent?)

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled "Enter The Dragonlady...".

Back ship. Leave!
Ok; gifts--co-workers.
Meet walkway!


@Chris Brown--Thank you.

@S.Rosenberg--Interesting question. With no way to make a Comforting Casserole or Prying Pie, how will Mary insinuate herself into Katie's troubles? And what advice will she be able to offer that will be both seemly and appropriate? Perhaps that Katie should encourage Derek to see a professional about quitting and merely offer support, not nagging.

S. Rosenberg said...

Alternate universe Mary would dope-slap Derek and tell him to pitch the cancer sticks overboard and take his wife dancing.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Mary’s Helpful Hint #42: After a refreshing dip in the sea at the port of call—which is wholly owned by the cruise line, by the way! There will only be LIMITED interaction with the locals!—remember to buy some GIFTS for CO-WORKERS! They’ll LOVE it! Just try to avoid any troublesome thoughts about sweatshop labour or the exploitation of the local populace! That will WRECK your MOOD, and you want to be PERKY when you return to the SHIP!

Delilah said...

@Nance - do you have a recipe for Prying Pie? I love to cook and that sounds yummy. : )

Nick Walberg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.