Friday, February 2, 2018

Mary Worth 2807

The money Paul Newman made selling salad dressing was attractive because he gave it all to charity, dimwit. Also, it wasn't just his money that was attractive. His steel blue eyes and smirky good looks made him box office gold even after his death in 2008. Putting Mary's face on the polypropylene wrapper of a moldering muffin isn't going to do much good in the world, no matter who draws her, or who profanes her name.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, Karen Moy (or Baren Coy) being the queen of product placement (Miss Kitty, CVS, and others that I can't remember now), how come she can't use Paul Newman's real name?

Toots McGee said...

This has to be one of the strangest Mary Worth's ever.

Wanders has already pointed out the most glaring problems. I'm scratching my head still.

Don't use Paul Newman's name but come up with a silly, thinly veiled substitute.
Have Toby mischaracterize the whole concept of the Newman's Own brand as a crass grab for cash.
Have Mary lend credence to the idea of living in the lap of luxury with profit from a muffin empire which would be the polar opposite of the Newman's Own brand.

This is terrible.

Of course Saul Lewman is not Paul Newman so his brand could be nothing like the Newman brand and could be purely for profit. But would it be successful? Nothing like that exists.

And we're still talking about muffins! They're everywhere. Dunkin Donuts makes them. Every coffee shop carries them. There are supermarket brands, packaged in plastic, but they're all the same chemically infused twinkies in muffin form. (Also, Otis Spunkmeyer might be paying Mary a visit to let her know who owns this market!)

I can only conclude from this that Mary and Toby are the most clueless people on the planet. (I know...tell you something you don't know.) Oh, Karen. Your writing is so enigmatic. I'm awed by it even when it repulses me.

KitKat said...

Saul Lewman? Isn't he married to Jeanne Woodworker?

Apparently Mary's "comfortable" life doesn't accommodate champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Poor Mary - she might have to go back to selling apples on the street. I second Wanders and Toots McGee in their disdain for Karen Moy/Baren Coy. Toots is right about the muffin glut too. And why have muffins turned into giant, disgusting fat bombs?

When will Mary check into Ted's business background? What other products has he successfully promoted? Mary's jumped from "who, me?" to "champagne wishes and caviar dreams" - good grief! More likely lawsuit wishes and bankruptcy dreams....

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

If I didn't hate Toby, Mary and Baren Coy/Karen Moy before, I'm hating them even more now. Saul Lewman indeed! Maybe if Mary wasn't so busy meddling, she would go on the computer and look up why Saul Lewman/Paul Newman started the product brand. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newman%27s_Own

I'm so over Mary and her LSD laced muffins. Can we go back to Wilbur getting scammed by someone he met on his hike while he's wearing a tag that says "Ask me about my parenting skills."

fauxprof said...

Just when you think the writing can’t get any lamer, it spirals down into horrific. We all look forward to Mary being more thoroughly scammed and humiliated by Ted than Wilbur was by Fabiana.

Chester the Dog said...

"champagne wishes and caviar dreams"? When was this strip written...1985?

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"In Which Mary Wistfully Quotes Television Host Fobin Meach".

Face!
Saul Lewman?
Yes! Money! Possibilities!
"Champagne wishes and caviar dreams"!

Anonymous said...

Saul Lewman? Wow. I mean, just wow.

Unbelievable.

-- Scottie McW.

Anonymous said...

Mary wants an upgrade from Kelk wishes and Splak dreams?

Yahoonski said...

Glad to see everybody's outraged by this. I just recently read that the Newman brand's continued operations are in jeopardy due to some technicality in the tax laws governing non-profits. When the law was written, nobody had imagined such a company would exist! I hope they resolve it so I can go on enjoying Newman's four-cheese pizzas knowing that the profits are going to good causes.

Anonymous said...

I think I've finally figured out why Roy is no longer the colorist for this strip. I can picture him saying to June, "I don't care how many kids we have to put through college, there is no way that I can continue to associate my good name with Karen Moy's garbage writing."

Tim said...

Mary Worth muffintrepeneur

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

Yeah, Saul Lewman.i remember him. He starred in Cool Hand Levi, didn't he?

Tim said...

I keep on wonder when this strip will reach peak stupid.

KitKat said...

My hearty "hear! hear! to Fauxprof's remark that we're all hoping to see Mary's comeuppance. I'd love to see Mary sitting on a curb adjacent to Charterstone, holding a sign reading "lost everything including my muffins." Plus Toby driving past her and avoiding eye contact.

Garnet said...

Looks to me like there are already a bunch of different brands of pre-packaged muffins:

https://www.google.ca/search?q=packaged+muffins&dcr=0&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=-h_Gb_e75pssUM%253A%252CpO7mw0DORhdF9M%252C_&usg=__MgFwTnR97PFH9gg3g4oQHDOtWo8%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj46f748ofZAhVH0mMKHS8FDdsQ9QEIMzAF#imgrc=_

Plus, any pre-packaged product they make won't taste just like a home-made muffin. The factory ones have preservatives and stabilizers in them so they don't go bad by the time customers buy them. Mary would need to hire someone with a food science background to get the recipe right and it would likely end up just like the other muffin brands out there.

Steve G said...

Nobody wants to see Mary's face on a package of food.
Newman's is the only one plausible.

Here's some of the others out there with people on the label:
Orville Redenbacher
Aunt Jemima
Uncle Ben
Chef Boyardee
Marie Callender
Quaker Oats

None of these makes we want to buy.

TimP said...

Let us celebrate the life and work of Paul Newman! I don't buy many of these brands of products frequently, but I've almost always been completely satisfied, taking the products for what they are. That said, I offer the following brief remarks:

Newman's Own:

Frozen pizza - very good, especially the pepperoni. My go to for feeding the kids when we can't/don't want to cook.

Salad dressings - I haven't had a bad one.

Pasta sauces: For store bought sauce, generally pretty good and can be easily doctored to improve the flavor.

Coffee - I only ever once had this from a Kuerig and it was OK. I am probably the world's worst coffee snob so take my review with a grain of salt.

Those are all that come to mind, but I'm sure there are plenty of other lines of Newman's Own that are worth a try.

Also, although I find him to be a boor, Adam Carolla's documentary of Paul Newman's racing career Winning is a very insightful look into much of what drove Newman throughout his life.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

TimP: The lemonade is not bad either, but you have to drink it right away because it tends to sour quickly.

The popcorn is pretty good as well.

The comments today are above par! I think we are all outraged by Maren Koy using a crazy substitute name for Paul Newman and making him look like a dishonest capitalist making money off a charity.

From what I gather, we're all hoping that Ted "Confey" Miller scams every last penny that Mary's been hiding under her mattress since she cashed in Jack's insurance policy after she pushed him...I mean he jumped off the Flatiron Building. It would even make me scream with delight if he called her "Queenie".

Another scenario I thought of is that Mary goes to NY and looks up pink cake making maestro John Dill and has him mass produce her muffins, all the while leading the poor sap on that he has a chance with her. I picture poor John his face caked with flour, sweat and tears.

Shmoopie said...

Well, hello - LLLLLLLLewman!

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Oh, SNAP, Wanders! That’s just mean what you said about Mary’s mug on the muffin wrappers! I dig the dame! I’ll buy her wares! YESSSSS!!!!!

By the way, the tag says “popular culture for the unpopular” … are the Charterstone residents the unpopular, or do you mean us? Either way, it means me, and that peeves me off! I’m pretty popular around the Charterstone poolside, especially when I’m sitting next to my best bud Toby Cameron! Bring on the chicken salad appetizers!

Toots McGee said...

Top O' the Muffin to you!

KitKat said...

SATURDAY
Toby: "People do it all the time! And some succeed! Of course, most of them are abject failures and lose everything."

If Mary lacks the financial wherewithal to start Mary Muffins, maybe she can set up a Go Fund Me page.

Joolz said...

Does Mary have any sort of business plan beyond "bake muffins and have Ted sell them"? Perhaps the strip just doesn't show such technicalities. How exciting it would be if a new health inspector character were to show up at her home kitchen/packaging facility.

cobrasteve said...

MARY could name them nuthin muffins like in the MUNSTERS....

Barbara L. Hanson said...

Saul Lewman played in Sapshot.

fauxprof said...

My favorite Lewman film was Clutch Bassidy and the Moondance Child.

fauxprof said...

...co-starring Norbert Nedford...

Anonymous said...


My favorite Saul role was his portrayal of Fast Freddie Elson in The Huckster, costarring Wilbert Westman as Twinnesota Fatboy. Come to think of it, Saul looked a lot like Ted Miller in that movie.

Steve G said...

Mary has been putting canibis in her muffins for much longer that it became legal in Santa Royale. Sell them at the farmers markets as “Mary’s Munchies”!

Sandi Ego said...

I laughed out loud at Baren Coy. When I read the strip this morning I just knew you'd all be as stunned and ticked off as I am. First of all, if you say Saul Lewman, he is so famous you don't have to qualify it with "the actor". All of this is bad. Cut your losses, Baren Coy, and move on.

Yahoonski said...

As a public literary service I would like to recommend Richard Russo's novels "Nobody's Fool" and its recently published sequel "Everybody's Fool." Newman starred as the Sully character in the movie based on the former. Pretty much anything by Russo is good. Enjoy!

KitKat said...

SUNDAY

Yes Mary and Toby, this is America, where anyone can aspire to become rich and famous and have a second home in Hawaii or a penthouse apartment in NYC! It's the American way! That's what the actor Saul Lewman did, unlike that sap who started the Newman's Own Foundation to make the lives of countless fellow citizens better.

Wow, who knew that Mary took on Ask Wendy in a fruitless quest for public recognition? That business about her enjoying helping people was just a pretext. If Mary is thirsting for fame, she can convince rubes like Hanna and Sean Hastings and Toby to invest in Mary Muffins. When that scheme fails, Mary will be more than famous, she'll be notorious. Who wouldn't like to see Mary Worth on American Crime Story?

meg said...

Mary: Well when they put my famous American success story on the teevee machine, I want Dame Melen Hirren to play me, not that homely old bag Letty Spite!

Anonymous said...

SUNDAY

"I do wonder sometimes what it'd be like to have a second home in Hawaii."

You and me both, Mary. You and me both.

Or does this comment from Mary mean that she already has a "first" home in Hawaii? And that she's always really wanted that second one?

Dave in Parma said...

Sunday:

Yeah, Mary: it could be a great opportunity.

Or, Ted might just want to take advantage of your muffins.

(I meant that in the most family friendly way. Really.)

Anonymous said...


So Mary has been seething with resentment because she's gotten no recognition for introducing her seminal "Make a list of pro's and con's" breakthrough, which revolutionized the psychiatric profession. Well, Wilbur doesn't get any either, so quit whining.

-- Scottie McW.