So we've entered a never-ending loop of trying to win Iris back, suffering abject humiliation, showering, repeat. A story inspired by the instructions on Wilbur's Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle, "Lather, rinse, repeat," perhaps one of the greatest literary accomplishments of Procter and Gamble.
But then, Wilbur sees his Post-it, reminding himself to buy another emerald ring, and we know everything will work out eventually.
33 comments:
Next Mary will advise Wilbur that the only way to resolve his depression is to stop showering and never go outside.
Leaving Wilbur’s delusional thoughts about the brilliance of his writing, two things are striking today. First, Wilbur’s new healthy eating regimen: a fried egg and a pop-tart. Now that’s nutrition. Second, a newspaper (if you could still find a newspaper) as thick as a phone book (if you could still find a phone book).
Wilbur must have stopped by Curtain Shop on his way home from Rick's and picked up some new curtains for the kitchen. Nice.
Wilbur, Iris is camping with a well-heeled stud who's your daughter's age. No way is she missing your "brilliant work." Too bad there's no room on that "Dad" mug for "Delusional."
Did people named Ring and Ring assist Moy and Brigman with today's strip?
Wow, Wilbur must think he's the Tolstoy of Santa Royale. What a delusional jerk.
Like fauxprof, I am amazed at the thickness of that paper, It's like he's reading the Sunday New York Times. I doubt the New York Times is publishing his masterful work. Unless you read the Pennysaver or the free paper they have by the bus stop, you will never see Dear Wendy or "I Survived".
If Iris takes this conceited moron back, I will have lost what little respect I have for KM.
Today's Boldface Haiku is titled
"...And She Opts For Youth, Beauty, And A Big Bank Account".
Proud!
Brilliant work, missing!
[Ring Ring]
As much as we dislike whiny, self-pitying Wilbur, arrogant, delusional Wilbur is even worse.
Why is Moy doing this to us? It's obvious that she has no respect for the loyal Mary Worth readers who faithfully ridicule her work here every day.
-- Scottie McW.
In the unlikely event that Iris is giving any thought whatsoever to Wilbur on her weekend camping trip with Zak, the only possibility would be that she misses taking a shower at his place with that fabulous shower head and water pressure. The only thing worse than country music is camping.
Ha Ha! Wilbur thinks Iris reads Ask Wendy and Survivor Stories in the local paper. That is funny.
Wilbur's pride about Ask Wendy is ill-founded, since he hardly ever writes it himself. But more curious is his use of the present tense in panel 2: "She SEES what she's missing." I expected him to think that she WILL see what she's missing if and when she ever gets around to reading his work. As it is, it just sounds like some half-assed affirmation he's repeating, like "People are inspired by my survivor stories and by gosh, they LIKE me." By the way, does anybody believe Iris would rather be reading Ask Wendy than getting busy in a tent with studly young Zacharias?
Iris and Zak have just purchased the Santa Royale Shopper to start their campfire. Just as it is about to go up in flames, Iris sees Wilbur's byline and snatches it from the inferno..She reads Wilbur's column and exclaims, "this is a brilliant flyswatter!" as she swats a flying insect and dumps the newsprint on the fire. Thanks, also for your coffee-snort-inducing tribute to Proctor and Gamble, M. Wanders.
In the throes of tented passion, Iris accidentally blurts out, "Oh, Wilbur!"
I'll leave it to your imaginations as to what happens next.
-- S. McW.
I'm not aware of any evidence that Wilbur actually genuinely care for Iris as he seems able to drop her on the slightest whim. Perhaps he is an entitled, delusional knitter of wits and jerk who doesn't deserve love. Or maybe Karen Moy doesn't know how to portray happy relationships.
Wilbur needs to give some thought his life sucks, from top to bottom, in every way possible and change it. Maybe he could start by getting help with his mayonnaise addiction, get in shape, find some friends, move out of Charterstone, get work at another comic strip. His life isn't working.
Who could it be? Opportunity only knocks once, so it's not that. Wait ... it's the postman! The postman always rings twice!
Is the arrogant, delusional Wilbur supposed to be funny? Where's the self pity? Where's the whining? It's almost as if there were a Wilbur Weston doppelganger, the one who has delusions of grandeur as opposed to the real self loathing, pitiful Wilbur we're used to.
WILBUR! Let's play a game of "Zakiks"!
RING RING
it’s totally going to be Esmerelda
NO.ONE.HOLDS.A.PHONE.LIKE.THAT.
Wednesday
When I saw that the phone call coming into Wilbur was bad news--probably that he would be getting fired or laid off--it gave me a good feeling. I was relieved to see that, instead of getting an uplifting re-connection call from Iris, Wilbur was getting a call that would cause him suffering.
What does that say about me, I wonder.
Apparently Wilbur has been too busy traveling the world to catch up with the demise of the American print press...
Willy's life just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Meanwhile, inside a tent in a forested campground, Zak and Iris' loud moans are scaring the nearby fauna.
-- Scottie McW.
Wednesday:
"I have some bad news. We did an audit of your expenses from your recent trip to Columbia and we found a purchase for $30,000 for an emerald ring. Not only are we pressing charges, we are replacing "Dear Wendy" with Sudoku and "Survivor Stories" with Jumble. Have a nice day."
I'm with Vince. I thought Iris was calling with second thoughts. I'm happy that he's getting the gate. What does that say about me LOL.
I'm envisioning Wilbur, unable to pay his mortgage, sitting on the curb with all of his worldly belongings.
Wanders, I suggest "Hit the Road, Jack" for the Charterstone Jukebox.
Wilbur’s editor is calling to say that they’re downsizing (because it isn’t cost-effective to print a 120-page daily these days), and in addition, they’re disallowing his expense vouchers for the “Survivor Stories” gig. That includes a certain emerald ring...
It’s a bad sign that Editor George isn’t in Wilbur’s list of contacts, and with a special ringtone. Wilbur, you’re toast (and I don’t mean the piece in your hand).
Wilbur's Ask Wendy and Survivor Stories are syndicated? How many publications carry them? I was thinking the editor would say, "I have some good news, and I have some bad news . . .," but it's all bad news for Wilbur these days. Will the bad news break the time loop?
While I appreciate everyone hoping that Wilbur is about to be canned, my dream scenario is that Wilbur's editor is calling him with terrible news relayed by the Santa Royale Shopper's Firenze bureau's special correspondent regarding Dawn.
Uh oh....Wilbur’s gonna need a loofah and some Bobby Bare, stat!
OH, NO!!! The editor finally figured out that the really "good" Ask Wendy columns were written by a stand-in. After a little investigative reporting by Margie Ducey, they found Mary Worth, so they're going to hire her! Mary will be stunned that the pay is more than nothing, and she'll accept, albeit with a heavy heart. Face touching ensues!
"Wilbur, we've found our online readership are not big fans of your columns. They are, however, HUGE fans of an game app called 'Zakiks'."
Today's Comic: I don't think too many people write fan mail these days. Most people send Emails, or just write comments in the comments sections online.
Never mind the fan mail, I'm obsessing on how big Wilbur's left paw is. Once it's seen, it can't be unseen.
Now on to the fan mail. Who is Wilbur: Brad Pitt? Why would anyone send fan mail to someone writing random stories in a newspaper, especially fan mail to a column he didn't even write for a year while he was gallivanting to Antarctica to talk to the penguins and the beaches of Bogota to gallivant with Fabiana? Wow, Wilbur is so full of himself. Face it Wilbur, everyone, including us, hates you.
Wilbur, walk to oven, turn on gas, insert head.
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