Welcome to the 13th Annual Worthy Awards. Because there is nothing fortuitous about our 2020 ceremony being our 13th. Nothing at all.
It's a night of glamor and glory, agony and achievement, drubbing and debacle, embarrassment and humiliation, shame and discomfiture, tears and suffering, loss and ... okay, I'm getting carried away. But I promise you, there will be disappointment tonight!
Speaking of disappointment, what are the Worthy Awards if we don't begin the evening with an exciting opening number?
And so, without further ado, the most exciting 1980's music video ever:
Thank you to the Robert Palmer Orchestra. You are all really excellent musicians.
Before we announce the winners chosen by you, we want to take just a moment to present one very special award: the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award. Each year, this award is given posthumously to a Mary Worth character who has died. And this year's special award goes to a very special lady, Gram! What can we say about Gram? She loved colors. She was a lot like Mary Worth. Also, she had a very secret ingredient that she used in banana bread. It was so secret that even Gram's creator didn't know what it was. Gram, you made 2020 livable.
And now, Local Accounting Firm has tabulated your votes, so let's get right to it!
OUTSTANDING FLOATING HEAD
This year, the nominees for Outstanding Floating Head are... (and let's hope we see more floating heads in 2021)... The nominees are:
Hugo Lambert
Jared Mylo
And the Worthy Award goes to:
Jared Mylo
Congratulations, Jared. You won Dawn's heart, and now you have your very own Worthy Award to prove it.
The nominees for OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN INCONSEQUENTIAL CHARACTER are:
Ed
Chin Napkin
Eve
Vin
And the winner for outstanding inconsequential character is:
Vin
We are pleased to announce that Vin is unable to accept the award tonight because he entered rehab three days ago after his inspirational encounter with his best friend, Tommy.
The nominees for BEST PROP are:
Banana Bread
Blueberry Cobbler
Boardwalk
Christmas Display
And the award for Best Prop goes to:
Christmas Display
Unfortunately, Christmas Display could not be here to night; it was destroyed on Christmas Eve by a child running down the frozen foods aisle. The little cherub spent Christmas in the emergency room.
The nominees for OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A GUEST CHARACTER are:
Brandy
Jared Mylo
Lyle
Madi
And the Worthy Award for Best Performance by a Guest Character goes to:
Madi
Congratulations, Madi, on your Worthy Award! Parents of middle school girls everywhere understood your performance deep in their souls and rejoice at your rehabilitation.
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A REGULAR CHARACTER. The nominees are:
Mary Worth
Saul Wynter
Toby Cameron
Tommy Beedie
And the Worthy for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character goes to:
Saul Wynter
This is Saul's first nomination as a Regular Character. See what happens when you take Geritol everyday?
PANEL OF THE YEAR
The nominees for the 2020 Panel of the Year are:
Keeping it Professional
Take this Onion Ring
Post-it Kind of Love
ker-SPLASH
My Water Dish is Empty
And the Worthy Award for Panel of the Year goes to... Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented. We have two nominees who are virtually tied. The judges have asked that we continue with the ceremony and they will consult the rules and report back to us before the end of the program. Stay tuned.
BEST LINE OF 2020
The nominees for the best line of 2020 are:
Varied and Difficult Situations
Undeniable Connection
Wacky Naked Yoga Practice
If I was Addicted...
And the winner is:
Wacky Naked Yoga Practice
Here's hoping we never hear the phrase "Wacky Naked Yoga Practice" in 2021.
STORY OF THE YEAR
Addicted to Love
Dawn's Dilemma
Gram Loved Colors
And the winner of Outstanding Story of 2020 is....
Gram Loved Colors
It's been a wonderful year in the Worthiverse, even though the contest for Panel of the Year was too close to call. As the polls closed, "Take This Onion Ring" and "My Water Dish is Empty" were within one vote of each other (no joke), forcing a runoff according to Charterstone Condominium Association Rule 58a (II)c (1997 edition). It looks like this isn't over yet, folks!
And so, the Condo Board has asked that you go to the polls one more time to determine the Panel of the Year. Please vote for your favorite:
Take this Onion Ring
My Water Dish is Empty
The final determination will be announced on Tuesday, January 5. Thank you for your patriotism. Please vote as often as you feel the winner deserves. And have a happy happy New Year!
Please consider making an end-of-the year donation (it doesn't have to be your entire stimulus check!) to help rehabilitate people like Tommy Beedie, Lyle in Venezuela, and the Eighth Graders at Mountview Middle School. Also, and more sincerely, the Wanders family will be most grateful.
I think I can explain what's going on. Greta and Max, the dogs, through some sort of demonic canine ritual, have possessed the souls and brains of Saul and Eve. This explains two things: Why they are talking that way, and why they are constantly going for walks.
Big thank you to Jana and John for their recent donations/bribes. I really appreciate everyone's support! Have a happy New Year. Tomorrow, the Worthy Award ceremony should post sometime in the late morning. Thousands of votes have been cast, but it is still actually too early to call two of the categories. Your last minute votes are still being accepted!
The best parts of the Southern Section of the boardwalk, that is. The Northern Section, where Brandy jogs, is a much nicer part of the Boardwalk.
Special thanks to Harold, Conrad, Laura and Carlye for thier generous donations to Mary Worth and Me. Thank you, guys. It really means a lot as I write another tuition check.
Mary's expression: "You had knee surgery? Drew got married and divorced? Sure, sure, I remember all of those things. How could I forget."
I want thank to Joan, Jim, Richard, Barbara, and Louise for their generous donations. Thanks so much. There was another donation from someone's website but I can't figure out how to thank you except to say, "Thank you."
So our Christmas card from Mary Worth and Friends is evolving into an actual story! Featuring Dr. Jeff Cory (and something sinister brewing in that caldron). I'm just surpsied that Mary is letting him touch her like that. I think that's the most affection we've had to endure in over 13 years of this blog. This could get quite sickening!
Ladies and gentlemen, happy holidays! The Condo Board is pleased to announce this year's Worthy Award nominees, and we are excited to invite you once again to vote for your favorites.
Yes, you the Citizens of Santa Royale will determine who will take home the most coveted prize in the World of Entertainment. Winners will be announced on December 31st.
Below is our slate of categories and nominees. After reviewing each category, please use the survey tool to select the nominee you feel is most deserving. You may vote as often as you feel they deserve.
It's been said, "Avoid popularity; it has many snares, and no real benefit." While the Mary Worth comic strip zealously adheres to this maxim, it is pure poppycock. Popularity is awesome, and this annual event is the ultimate popularity contest for those of us who live, work and dream in Santa Royale, California. Vote as if your life depended on it. And if you really want to make your vote count, you can bribe the judges here!
OUTSTANDING FLOATING HEAD
There are only two contenders in this year's floating head competition. While each nominee offered a memorable performance, we feel the need to speak out against the lack of representation for floating heads. We beseech Karen Moy and June Brigman not to overlook the important contribution floating heads make to the Worthiverse. More floating heads in 2021!
Hugo Lambert
Jared Mylo
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN INCONSEQUENTIAL CHARACTER
Ed
Chin Napkin
Eve
Vin
BEST PROP
Props, including food, give a scene depth and often propel the plot in profound ways. Vote for your favorite:
Banana Bread
Blueberry Cobler
Boardwalk
Christmas Display
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A GUEST CHARACTER
Brandy
Jared Mylo
Lyle
Madi
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A REGULAR CHARACTER
Mary Worth
Saul Wynter
Toby Cameron
Tommy Beedie
PANEL OF THE YEAR
Keeping it Professional
Take this Onion Ring
Post-it Kind of Love
ker-SPLASH
My Water Dish is Empty
BEST LINE OF 2020
This is a new category. Panel of the Year most often celebrates the things characters do. This award celebrates things people say. Pick your favorite quotable.
Varied and Difficult Situations
Undeniable Connection
Wacky Naked Yoga Practice
If I was Addicted...
STORY OF THE YEAR
Gram Loved Colors
Addicted to Love
Gram Loved Colors
Dawn's Dilemma
Gram Loved Colors
Sorry about that; Gram Loved Colors was only one story... it just felt like three... Vote for your favorite:
This has been my Christmas present to you.
And THIS is Madi's Christmas present to Toby:
Thank you for voting! Winners will be announced on December 31st! Don't miss the greatest awards ceremony ever!
And remember, don't be afraid to bribe the judges. It's greatly appreciated.
