Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Mary Worth 3538 and the Panel of the Year Runoff Results

Well, I'm glad to see that Saul doesn't put off birthday shopping until the last minute.

This morning I woke to all kinds of news about the Runoff Vote. Every headline. I had no idea we had garnered this much media attention, but today is the day that we announce the winner.

As a reminder, the two leaders in our original Worthy Awards Panel of the Year category were separated by only one vote, forcing a runoff between:

My Water Dish is Empty


Take This Onion Ring

 Again, this has been an incredibly close vote. Our winner had 50.6 percent of the vote. Which comes to a 16-vote lead after 1,236 ballots were counted. Very close, but still, under the Charterstone Condominium Association Rule 58a (II)c (1997 edition), close enough to declare that the 2020 Panel of the Year is...

My Water Dish is Empty

These are definitely divided times. I feel a civic duty to unite and heal. Those of you who felt the Onion Ring was best, will be deeply disappointed. Those of you who were moved by the compassion of a thirsty wiener dog, must now apply those same feelings of compassion toward those with whom you disagree. Santa Royale is a special place, and it is time to come together, white middleclass WASPS and ... and ... and ... See, it is true that in Santa Royale, we share more similarities than differences. The Worthy Awards celebrate winners as much as losers: Losers like Toby, and Ian, and Wilbur. Put down that foil wrapped chunk of cobbler, stop throwing muffins, and sit on the sofa with your cup of Sanka and just... relax.


Nance said...

Unbelievable. I voted my buttons off, and my choice lost again. Who are you people? Sigh. It's like I live in a totally different world. Have you never even tasted an onion ring? Don't you know wiener dogs are mean and would never take so kindly to an interloper?

Never mind.

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Ad Copy For 'SRM: We Have It All' Campaign".

Santa Royale Mall?
Lunch places.
Birthday gift.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Saul's idea of S.R.'s "better food scene" is the food court. Or maybe he'll take her to a more upscale chain like Macaroni Lobster or T.G.I. Tuesday.

Funny stuff about the run-off dominating the day's news, Wanders. Although I will always contend that "Keeping It Professional" is the only deserving candidate.

-- Scottie McW.

@realTimS said...


KitKat said...

Wanders, Nance, and Scottie McW., I just about fell off the sofa laughing at your comments today - thanks! MW & Me is an oasis of wit and companionship in a world gone loco. I would be bereft without it and all of you.

In the spirit of bipartisanship (sorely lacking in the loco world), I concede to “My Water Dish is Empty,” even though it turns my stomach - bleah. I don’t know what the loss by “Take This Onion Ring” portends for Infrastructure Week.

Eve pulled up stakes and moved with only her dog across the country, but she seemingly doesn’t leave the grounds of Charterstone without Saul’s assistance. Hmm. And how helpful of Saul to specify the Santa Royale Mall on Route Ten Do Eve doesn’t confuse it with the S.R. Mall on Sixth Avenue, the one at Pepperoni Place, the one on Muffin Ridge, etc. Malls are dying all over the country, but they’re flourishing in Santa Royale!

Yahoonski said...

realTimS: You nailed it!

While these characters police the area and make their date plans, I'm still puzzling over the construction of the boardwalk, which was revealed yesterday to be supported by members that appear to run parallel to every 4th surface slat. Those members could just be 4x4 posts that have been driven into the sand at both ends of each 4th slat, I guess, but they look more like boards that span the whole width of the walkway. Regardless, I can't see how the other slats attach to each other and/or to the ones thus supported. WHAT'S GOING ON UNDER THERE?

Hey, has anybody heard from Regina? I haven't seen any comments from her in quite a while, and I hope all is well with her.

Anonymous said...

I'm with the onion ring bunch. I can't believe we lost out to an ick producing close-up of June's milk-tears. Gross. Oh well, there's always 2024 when it's likely we'll see Tommy proposing to Babe again.


Anonymous said...

I would agree that the TakeThisOnionRing panel is clearly the best overall joke of the two, with Tommy's grocery store Christmas display right behind it. But the MyWaterDIshIsEmpty art work is much better, and Wander's title "My Water Dish is Empty" is top humor that got my vote. I voted for it 16 times.

MDMaryTed said...

Recount! Recount! Onion Ring by a landslide! Is the Bum Boat a restaurant at the mall? Or is that a restaurant only reserved for Mary and Jeff?

Steve said...

A travesty! Onion rings all the way. C'mon Wanders. I need you to find me 17 more votes!

Anonymous said...

Based on the protests of several loyal MW&M regulars, it's obvious that this election was rigged. In fact, I have obtained thousands of signed affidavits attesting that Hugo Chavez, Dominion, and the Russians destroyed or otherwise tampered with the Onion Ring ballots, all at the behest of the notorious lobbyists for Big Dachshund.

-- S. McW.

JimmyJoe said...

Just made a donation in appreciation of all the uniting and healing. Great job Wanders. Hopefully, 49% of us middle-class white people won't take to the streets now.

LouiseF said...

What the onion ring supporters fail to recognize is the pathos and empathy in Greta's eyes (always a show-stopper) vs. the pathetic gesture of proposing with a no-karat onion ring

Scipio said...

"Don't you know wiener dogs are mean and would never take so kindly to an interloper?"
As a former owner of three Dachshunds as an adult and having been raised by a family that bred them...
I couldn't agree more.
that is what makes it so funny.