Mary Worth 3755

 

"Dear Wendy, my girlfriend dumped me, again. It is the second time I've been dumped twice by two different women. I'd like to set a new personal-best and get dumped three times, but to do that I need to convince her to take me back again. How do you recommend I go about it? - Sincerely, Karaoke Slim"

Mary Worth 3754

Carol, if you keep holding your phone with your fingers on the screen, you may accidentally hang up on someone. You need to lean your phone on three fingers like Wil-<click>-bur...

Carol's to-do list:

• Block caller 
• Find new dog park 
• Find new dog beach 
• Find new pet store

Wilbur's to-do list: 

• Get new chick magnet

Mary Worth 3753

Aw, yes, Dawn's John Waters phase. And Wilbur's prize from the county fair pie eating contest.

Mary Worth 3752

Don't worry, Wilbur. Time wounds all heels.

Mary Worth 3751

I did this to a woman once, and she ended up marrying me. I'm just saying, you can recover.

Mary Worth 3750

Wilbur is really struggling without his chick magnet. It was Carol who suggested not bringing the dogs to dinner. Perhaps she knew it was her kryptonite, and the only way she could break free of Wilbur's diabolical scheme was to separate him from his frenchie. Hopefully today her "Um" will be more effective.

Mary Worth 3749

Carol must really be hungry to still be sitting there.

Mary Worth 3748

Most people use the phrase "My Ex" with bitterness and scorn. Wilbur uses it as if he's speaking about his dearly departed grandma, who never slowed down, even when she got really old and senile.

Mary Worth 3747

I'm sure Carol Rebound would much prefer to listen to you sing along than to hear you blabber on about your "Ex."

Mary Worth 3746

I'm not very familiar with Southern California idioms, but here in Philly, we just say, "Yo, it's a karaoke joint."

Mary Worth 3745

The rest of this beach trip is going to be very uncomfortable.

Mary Worth 3744

Every time I see these two play, I can't help but think of lions on a British crest being carried into war against the ancestors of Professor Ian Cameron.

And now, as Estelle (the only woman Wilbur hasn't stalked after a break up) prepares to send Libby the Cat on some diabolical plot for revenge, I can't help feeling a sense of dread. Libby doesn't like dogs. And they don't like her. But to be confronted with the fury of lions!

Mary Worth 3743

Wilbur gets in trouble when he salsas, just like those Frenchies if a wave crashes over them! I'm watching them and worried about burning paws on hot sand, drinking too much salt water, sun burned noses and even drowning. I care more about the dogs than the puppy love growing on the shore.

Mary Worth 3742

We all understand that Carol is just being cordial and letting a human being know that she is more interested in him than in his dog. But Wilbur doesn't understand that. Someone needs to warn Carol that Wilbur thinks she's hitting on him, and he is a deluded idiot who will now stalk her every day of her life, until the next chick is magnitized by Pierre the Dog. Words matter, Carol. Be careful how you choose them.

Mary Worth 3741

Mrs. Wanders and I just returned from a lovely week at the Finger Lakes in Upstate New York, but now I am struggling to catch up and I have a few questions. First and foremost, what is a chew toy for?

Mary Worth 3740

Today's strip is the perfect opportunity for me to say, "I'm going on vacation!" I know I'm going to miss a lot of exciting adventure and animal hijinks this next week, but I'll be having fun of another sort. Whoosh!

Mary Worth 3739

"And when we get there, remember, if you see any chicks, magnetize them!"

Mary Worth 3738

Oh, I think "Pee-air" was fortuitous enough.

New song on the jukebox: "I Made a Mistake" by the Impressions.

Mary Worth 3737

Also, your dog is a vampire.

Mary Worth 3736

Watch out for magnitized chicks! Here they come!

Mary Worth 3735

Well, you've certainly answered all of our screening questions. Congratulations, enjoy your dog. And congratulations to you, Pierre... and good luck!

Mary Worth 3734

"I am willing to say anything, and hand you this expensive, fragile, living animal to take home, right now, no questions asked, just to get you out of here."

Mary Worth 3733

Wilbur must secrete some sort of strange pheromone that warns women he's single. I mean this woman wouldn't just assume someone is single, would she? She's more professional than that, isn't she? And then her response to his unthreatening moment of hope, assuming he is somehow hitting on her? I don't think I like her very much. No wonder she gets along with dogs so well.

What's going on!?

8:05 AM Eastern: I have been unable to access the Comics Kingdom site for two days. This is a tragedy. How will I ever know what is going on?? You miss two days of Mary Worth and you will never catch up!

3:07 PM Eastern: Well, I've hacked into the SeattlePI.com site - what does PI stand for? And here is the money panel for you:

I weep for women and dogs everywhere.

Mary Worth 3731

"Maybe having a dog will bring out the caring side a ME buried under all this muscle and crooner's good looks."

Mary Worth 3730

Yes, Wilbur! Every dog owner is happy all the time. And they always find love. You should run down to the pet store right now and pick out a dog! They're lots of fun, and oh so easy!

(Please note: This is a joke. In no way do I condone casual and irresponsible dog ownership. I know some of you will find today's strip and my response triggering, so I just want to make that clear. Capisce?)

Mary Worth 3729

Very inspiring! Well, not so inspiring when you realize that the absolute only thing Saul and Eve have in common is that they like to dress their dogs with matching neckware.

Mary Worth 3728

In fact, DOGS ARE GOOD!

Mary Worth 3727

Dawn, having learned while dating Hugo that long-distance relationships are doomed, has moved to Tucson while Jared works his physicians assistant job in Santa Royale. I'm sure it's going fine. 600 miles isn't nearly as far away as France. What could possibly go wrong?

Mary Worth 3726

First of all I missed this gem yesterday:

Wilbur tried to meet girls at the dog beach. They were all dogs. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Sound the trumpets! Mary's gonna Meddle! A variety of muffins sounds very promising.

Mary Worth 3725

Good call, Saul. You do not want to be responsible for Wilbur's next addiction.

Mary Worth 3724

Here's another reason why Wilbur sucks. Two-faced. Lips together, teeth apart. Hates everyone and cats.

At least he treats Saul politely despite his inner disgust. The truth is, just before this encounter, Saul was thinking, "Here comes that buffoon, Fatty Weston. That bald pile of horsefeathers is going to rain on my parade. Better keep Greta clear; I hear he hates animals now."

Mary Worth 3723

Something tells me we've been here before....

Same walk, same step, totally different attitude.

Mary Worth 3722

It was either that, or a worthless 220 pound animal.

Mary Worth 3721

I know you're thinking Adele, but I'm thinking Maggie Clive:

Mary Worth 3720

Wilbur used to be sympathetic. Then he was pathetic. Now he's psychopath-etic.

Mary Worth 3719

Wilbur, don't make this more awkward than it needs to be. She chose her cat over a dog. She's choosing a six-day migraine over you.

Mary Worth 3718

Estelle finally comes to her senses. The only reason this ever worked is because after being catfished by Arthur Zerro, she dropped her standards so low that even Wilbur could step over the bar. I mean, drunken noodles, anyone? But given enough time (two years!), Estelle has come to realize she's better off with just her cat.

Mary Worth 3717

Wilbur is confused because he thought she said she loves catfishers. Which she did.

Mary Worth 3716

I normally don't condone urinating on furniture, but in this case, Ha ha ha ha!

Mary Worth 3715

I hope Wilbur gives Estelle an ultimatum: It's Libby or me. I was wondering how these two were going to break up because clearly Estelle is willing to put up with a lot as long as Wilbur keeps feeding her.

Mary Worth 3714

I hope that for the piggies' sake, Libby's revenge includes a bucket of pig blood poured down from the ceiling.

Mary Worth 3713

So this story is essentially going to be the same as the Drew/Ashlee plot with Estelle as Ashlee and Libby as Shauna. And I'm okay with that.