Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mary Worth 1,313

It's a little too early to be asking that, Wilbur. Give it another month. Trust me. I'm the voice of experience.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Mary Worth 1,312

Yesterday, Dawn had an extra right arm, and today she has no right arms. That's the kind of molecular reconstruction that happens when Dawn begins to detach herself from reality. Which she has done many times. Time to get out the kites. But can she fly a kite with only one arm?

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mary Worth 1,311

Dawn's extra arm makes me curious about her taste in television. Let's see if this "Throne of Games" show is all she thinks it is. Hmmmmmm....

I think if I watched this over and over, I'd probably grown an extra arm too.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, May 28, 2012

Mary Worth 1,310

Dawn can barely lift her head to watch her excessively violent non-interactive video game. She may need to retreat from life once again and climb back into her Forever Lazy. Oh, wait. She already has.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Coma Cozy
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogVideo Archive

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Mary Worth 1,309

Sadly, my sweet little Helmet Hair, the next bus goes downtown, where there are nothing but bums an hobos! Hobos pushing grocery carts full of grooming supplies that won't help hair relax.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, May 25, 2012

Mary Worth 1,308

Help Dawn, eat a ham sandwich. Help Dawn, eat a ham sandwich. So many choices, but which do I choose?

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Mary Worth 1,307

"Yeah, maybe next time we can hang out at the bank, and then head over to the dry cleaners."

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Mary Worth 1,305

"Oh no! Why didn't I just buy my groceries and leave? Instead, I had to take one last stroll through the produce section, remembering the days when Dave used to bring ME here to make out."

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Mary Worth 1,304

Finally, Mary Worth returns to the basics: the Dark Arts. No more Sitting-On-The-Sidelines Mary! She's ready to meddle and shape the destiny of even the most unworthy purple-clad, love-losing woman-child. Beware the beguiling Dawn Weston, gentlemen. She's soon to be armed with a love spell that will drag your heart to the very depths of hell.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Mary Worth 1,303

And, thus, Dawn has become nothing more than the hapless henchman of the nefarious Evil Dr. Polar Bear, a mere puppet in his paws, driven to destroy the world. We need a hero. Oh, Mary Worth, where are you? Why have you abandoned us in our time of need?

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Mary Worth 1,301

Dawn, don't worry about Dave wanting to be friends. He doesn't mean it. He's probably just upset that as soon as Steve Jobs dies, you switched to a PC.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Mary Worth 1,300

"Dave" is the screen name Bobby Black uses to pick up chicks on the Internet. He's doing a lot of dumping today.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Mary Worth 1,299

"I have so much hope now, Jeff. So much. Perhaps one day, I'll meet my true love, and he'll take me here, to my favorite restaurant, and ask me to marry him. Oh, I dream about it every day. Now, what's wrong Jeff. You look upset."

I'd like to take this moment to remind Karen Moy of the Third Commandment: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." The Ten Commandments are kind of like Mary's Law, only it comes from God. The ten include things like not killing, stealing, or committing adultery. So I'm thinking that the third one is probably important too.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, May 14, 2012

Your Attendance Was Appreciated

Dear Mary,

Thank you for attending my surprise wedding! Without you, Bobby and I would never have reunited. It was such a relief not to have any paparazzi there. Believe me, we've been so lucky avoiding the paparazzi. They haven't found us yet, but you'd never believe the lengths we've had to go to keep them from finding us. When we are out in public, Bobby wears sunglasses, and I wear a hat so that they won't recognize my famous ponytail.

I'm glad you were able to use our private worm hole to get back to Santa Royale quickly.

Well, gotta go. I think the paparazzi are staking out our house from across the street. Two big Italian looking guys with broken noses. Paparazzi are so ugly.

Once again, thank you for telling me about the Internet and helping me find my Bobby.


Gina Baroni Jiminez Black.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mary Worth 1,298

While Althea Gibson overcame the color barrier to become the first African American woman to compete on the World Tennis Tour and to win a Grand Slam in 1956, Gina accomplished what? She married a jock? I'm serious, what has she accomplished? She was able to give up her education to hide from paparazzi?

However it's possible that the Gibson quote is referring to Mary Worth's meddling in Gina's life.

Judging by the way Bobby is checking out that groupie charging toward him, it appears Gina will be going to Coach Hamfist for advice pretty soon.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, May 11, 2012

Mary Worth 1,297

Thank you, Mary Worth, for taking the initiative to make a speech, full of delightful repartee and bantering interaction with your congregants, and veiled references in praise of your Creator... Karen Moy.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Mary Worth 1,296

What! I missed the ceremony?? I step into the restroom for a few days, and when I get back, everyone is married??

I certainly hope there weren't any surprising developments or plot twists while I was away.

Please accept my wedding gift from Harriet Carter (Distinctive Gifts since 1958):

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Mary Worth 1,295

For most of us who know this couple?? Huh? The only people who know this couple are New York Blazes' groupies trying to get at the guys, or Federal Marshals trying to keep the mafia away from Gina. But I guess even a Federal Marshal loves a good wedding.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Mary Worth 1,294

Wait. Bobby's a celebrity now? I thought he was a professional soccer player. Explain to me how he is a celebrity.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Mary Worth 1,292

Although their chins, eyes, noses, height, and furniture have changed moment by moment, Gina's ponytail of love has never altered.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Mary Worth 1,291

This has been a great special announcement party so far. Definitely worth traveling across the country for the surprise. But what kind of announcement could it be that Gina's been ready to make since she was 11 years old? She certainly wasn't ready to get married, so we can only guess. Maybe Gina is going to change the wig on her What's Her Face doll.

Today's Full Strip