Friday, January 30, 2009

Mary Worth 422

And let's also toast to the endless possibilities of a new Mary Worth story which will get underway in just another week or two as soon as this ridiculous toast is concluded.

What does she mean by a "stronger and improved team?" Is this some sort of hidden clue that Moy has been fired and someone new is coming in? I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I notice the blood in Mary Worth's glass has turned black. Lynn's transformation to soulless minion is complete.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mary Worth 421

Whoops. I hate to break it to you, but you missed the Nationals, honey. They ended on Sunday night in Cleveland. And it's too bad, because they really could have used you, based on the Washington Post article I posted yesterday. All of this build up, and you missed the big game. Perhaps Vicky can draw on her vast network of professional contacts and get you a job at the local Dairy Queen.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Lynn Griffin's medal must have been recalled...

Washington Post is not impressed with Lynn Griffin's performance. She's not even mentioned in this article on the national figure skating game:

Where are the golden girls?
Once Dominant in Figure Skating, U.S. Is Facing a Steep Decline

By Amy Shipley
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, January 26, 2009; Page A01

CLEVELAND, Jan. 25 -- The questions usually begin now, a year out from the Winter Olympics: Which of the United States' top female figure skaters is most likely to win the gold medal? Read more...

Monday, January 26, 2009

First Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the first annual Worthy Awards, where we gather to pay tribute to outstanding achievement for 2008 in the comic strip series "Mary Worth" written by the estimable Karen Moy, and drawn by the legendary Joe Giella.

Nominees were chosen by the Charterstone Condo Board, and tonight's award recipients were selected through secret ballot by you, dear readers. All nominees have earned the respect and admiration of millions upon millions of Mary Worth fans. Thousands have voted, and some categories were extremely close, one winning by less than half a percentage point.

However, before we commence the joyful festivities, we begin with a special Condo Board award to a very special recipient. The Aldo Kelrast award is given each year to a Mary Worth character who dies. This year, the nominees are Dead Greg and Donna Amalfi...

Dead Greg was Lynn Griffin's swan-stoning boyfriend until he died to appease the gods when Lynn won the Junior Championship. Donna Amalfi's death brought two brawling brothers together, and tore apart one elderly couple for a short while when Mary started dating Ron Amalfi.

And, now, the Aldo Kelrast Award goes to:


I'm particularly pleased to see Donna Amalfi win this award because her death took Mrs. Wanders and me to Chicago's Amalfi Hotel to mourn and sight-see. To read my two favorite posts of 2008, you can click here and here.

And now, on to the winners of the First Annual Worthy Awards, chosen by our Dear Readers.

The nominees for Best Costume are:

It Must Be a Rare Item of Sorts:

It's Never Boring With You Around, Ian:

Seafood Scampi:

Not Tonight, Jeff:

And the Worthy Award goes to...

It's Never Boring With You Around, Ian:

This award recognizes a trend in the costuming industry: Less is more. And in this particular case, "less" is a whole lot more than anyone wants.

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:

Donna Amalfi:

Ron Amalfi:

Lynn Griffin:

Sean Finnery:

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Lynn Griffin:

This is Lynn's first Worthy Award; however, she recently won the Junior Championship Ice Skating Game, so she's no stranger to accolades.

The nominees for Outstanding Panel of the Year are:

"Maybe I'll Retile the Kitchen Floor Tomorrow."

"I'll Be Right Over."

"Please Forgive Me, Mom!"

"I Can't Find Peace."

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Panel of the Year goes to:

"Maybe I'll Retile the Kitchen Floor Tomorrow."

This is the first time a panel featuring a supposition has received a Worthy Award.

And now, a special Worthy Award to Julie Andrews!

Julie! Such courage. Mary Worth fans certainly know what it is like to be egregiously overlooked. Bless you, Julie. You're still the classiest woman in the world. Perhaps one day Julie Findrews and Sean Finnery can appear in a Mary Worth strip together. However, now that Dame Andrews has thrown the Worthy Awards into complete chaos, let's pause for a special musical number from one of my all-time favorite musicals, The Drowsy Chaperone starring Sutton Foster:

(Shout out to Janet and Bob.)

Now, back to the events at hand:

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by an Established Character are:

Toby Cameron: "I'm not careless with my credit card!"

Mary Worth: "Mistakes were made."

Dr. Jeff Corey: "Maybe I was wrong about us!"

Dr. Drew Corey: "There's no need to talk about the past:

And the Worthy goes to:

Toby Cameron: "I'm not careless with my credit card!"

Amazingly, this is Mrs. Cameron's first Worthy Award, but only because this is the First Annual Worthy Awards Ceremony.

Now, the moment everyone has been waiting for:

The nominees for Outstanding Story for 2008 are:

Ice Castles:

Tender Bud/Dirty Root (The Break Up):

My Compulsion to Help Others:

Vera Dumps Drew... Again:

And the Worthy Award for 2008's Outstanding Story goes to:

My Compulsion to Help Others:

Well, 2008 was quite a year, and this year's Worthy Awards would not have been possible without Karen Moy and Joe Giella, so I want to thank them for dedicating so much of themselves to our entertainment. And I want to thank you dear reader for your dedication to such an important cultural icon as Mary Worth. And let's not forget our sponsor:

Good night, and drive home safely.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Mary Worth 420

After Lynn skates her long program . . . AND changes into her cute little battenburg lace collar outfit... AND cuts her choreographer's hair into a classic "Dawn Weston..."

... Frank believes he can fly! (Sending a new song to the top of the Charterstone Jukebox Playlist!)

I'm nervous because whenever Lynn wins an ice skating game, someone dies.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, January 23, 2009

Mary Worth 418

Lynn is very grateful her dad didn't show up. Boy, is she going to be furious when she finds out Frank was hiding in the top row of the arena, just eleven feet away.

Dear readers, you created quite a playlist of possible songs for Lynn to skate to. I've added all the ones I could find to the Charterstone Jukebox. But I moved Lynn's special tribute to Mary Worth, Wind Beneath My Wings, to the very top.

I think I'll miss Lynn's choreographer most of all.

Today's Full Strip.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mary Worth 417

I'm glad the choreographer is there to tell Mary how well Lynn is doing. Because to me she looks like she always does just before she faints.

The thing that I'm dying to know is what song is she skating to? Time for another "Not a Real Contest" Contest. You decide. The best suggestion will be added to the Charterstone Jukebox.

And aren't you so excited about the upcoming Worthy Awards??

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mary Worth 416

Yesterday I was so confused by the mysterious lady in the stands that I couldn't even post. Today, I am greatly relieved to learn it is Lynn's choreographer, who clearly approves of Frank's barbaric style since she's put up with it for so many years. Meanwhile, two rows behind Mary, Frank is hiding amid the National Figure Skating Championship crowd of 312.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mary Worth 415

Nothing is creepier or more inappropriate than having your coach hovering around the rink all the time! Much better to have an old lady you just met who has never skated in her life, but who did encourage you to estrange yourself from your only living parent, give you a push out on the ice.

On a different note, I'd like to congratulate Ink Pen for being the only comic strip more despised than Mary Worth in Atlanta, despite our best efforts to stuff the ballot box. Never heard of Ink Pen? Read More here.

Today's Full Strip.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Mary Worth 414

Moments that seem to last for hours, hours that last for weeks, and weeks that last an eternity. Oh, please, please, please, move on to the next moment.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, January 16, 2009

Mary Worth 413

I don't mind that the story has come to a jolting halt, like a skate blade hitting a piece of shag carpet that somebody tossed out on the lake, because the Free Skate promises to be as action packed as the "Ice Capades Presents Indiana Jones on Ice!" What am I looking forward to the most? Finding out what song Lynn skates to so we can add it to the Charterstone Jukebox.

However, since our story's present dialogue has failed to sustain itself these last few weeks, this might be a good time to remind everyone that there are only four more days to vote for the Worthy Awards! Some of the categories are extremely close!

Today's Full Strip.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Mary Worth 412

Lynn, skating free at the Free Skate. Earning the medal for herself. And for Dead Greg.

Frank, letting go. Watching the beauty of his daughter's Free Skate, Frank's icy heart finally melts and he realizes how much he misses Lynn's mother, dear ol' what's-her-name.

Mary Worth, winning one herself. Watching Lynn receive her medal, Mary earns her own meddle award, and carves another notch in her handbag.

Today's Full Strip.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Mary Worth 411

Kudos to dear reader Robert for calling today's strip perfectly. I have to admit, I didn't see this coming at all. But then again, I wasn't really looking that hard.

Now, the only question remains: Whose soulless puppet is she? It looks like Mary will be returning home just in time to watch Lynn on television as she competes in Cleveland. I'll be watching too, Lynn!

Today's Full Strip.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Keep Mary in Atlanta Where She Belongs

Faithful reader Brian just sent this note:

Atlanta paper ...Atlanta Journal Coustitution is thinking of canceling Mary Worth! Please vote to Keep Mary in our paper.

The survey asks for an Atlanta zip code with your vote... 30333, or 30004, or 30022 are local...

Thanks for your help

Please go to

If ever there was a time to exercise your freedom to vote, this would be it! (By the way, two browsers equals two votes. Hint. Hint.)

Mary Worth 410

Looks like Frank has given up any hope he had of being a motivational speaker after he quits coaching. As Lynn would say, "Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, coach. Those who can't coach, charge a $5,000 speakers fee."

But if Frank can't get you stoked Lynn, then perhaps this will:

Lynn, get on the very next bus to Cleveland! The championships are only five days away!

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mary Worth 408

"You won the Junior Championship later that year! See, here's the medal you won. No wait. This is a framed photo of the medal. The medal is on the wall. See. See your medal. I have a photo of it in my wallet if you want to see that."

But for those of you who can't get enough of Frank Griffin, dear reader Amber has shared this information on his book tour (click to enlarge):

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Mary Worth 407

There's something in the tone of Frank's denial that seems to say, "Does she know? Does she know that I cut the brake lines on that boy's car?"

Monday, January 5, 2009

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Mary Worth 405

Today's Strip has that Les Miserables feel to it. Very dramatic. Mary is so obsessed she forgets to take her hair out of its stealthy bun before brushing it.

Frank drinking cup after cup of milk of magnesia as his perma-rage begins to take its physical toll...

And Lynn, finally able to look at a picture of Dead Greg without screaming and fainting.

In honor of today's inner-monologue montage (and my old employer - American Musical Theatre of San Jose, which sadly declared Chapter 7 last month after 75 years of service to the community), I've added "One Day More" from Les Miserables to the Charterstone Jukebox. It's about time we added a good ol' fashioned show tune.

Today's Full Strip