Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Mary Worth 3813

I'm not really sure how the ocean works anymore, but as Charterstone Neighbor HelenClark has pointed out... he lost his tie, but not his glasses? His cuff was also torn off his shirt, perhaps from the impact of his 100-foot fall, but again, his glasses are still on his face. I am resolved to accept the fact that Wilbur is alive, for the pure joy of watching him suffer and eventually die a lonely husk of a man without food or fresh water.

Monday, January 17, 2022

Mary Worth 3812

Thankfully, Wilbur caught the North Equatorial Current which swiftly washed him ashore on an undiscovered island. When he's finally found in eight years, he'll be a BEAST!

Saturday, January 15, 2022

Mary Worth 3811

So, they can get back to the spot indicated on the GPS-tracked security footage in 20 minutes? I assume they will be traveling faster than they did after Wilbur fell, so let's say he's been in the water 30 minutes. In that thirty minutes, Estelle started to worry, walked to guest services, had him paged multiple times, talked her way onto the bridge, and convinced an officer to review security footage. And the officer reviewed enough footage to see him fall. How long does it take to turn the cruise ship around? I'm sure a cruise ship has a lot of inertia to deal with... all I am saying is if that ship can overcome all the laws of physics and logic to get back to Wilbur in 20 minutes, and he only has to tread 55-degree water for less than an hour, fully clothed and drunk as a blue jay on Mary's pyracantha berries, he's going to live.

I'm devestated. My only remaining hope is that Wilbur comes back a new man. But I should be careful what I wish for.

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

The Fourteenth Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the fourteenth annual Worthy Awards! Tonight we honor all that is great about Santa Royale, California! Your votes have been tabulated. After careful review by the Charterstone Condo Board, the winners have been determined. 

Before we begin, I would like to thank the following contributors for sponsoring tonight's program with their very generous donations to Mary Worth and Me:

              • Jim S.
              • Mary Y.
              • Richard J.
              • Leslie S.
              • Ann C.
              • Helen M.
              • Buckley G.
              • Louise F.
              • Vincent R.
              • Cheryl J.
              • Elizabeth Y.
              • Deborah H.
              • Jana H.
              • Karen K.
              • Carlye N.
Your gifts and fun messages have meant a lot to me during a difficult couple of months. If you haven't had the chance to donate and would like to, you can use the link in the right-hand column. Or click here.

But let's get things started, with a very special opening number!

Before we begin handing out the loving cups, we want to take just a moment to hand out a very special award to a character that died in 2021. Each year, the condo board recognizes a character who will no longer be making any contribution whatsoever to the Worthiverse. This year, the Aldo Kelrast Memorial award is presented to Drew's Patient!

Thank you so much, Drew's Patient, for your contribution to medical science and comedy gold.

And now, let's get started!

Each year, June Brigman creates hundreds of scenes, immersing us all in the beautiful and "varied landscapes" of Santa Royale, California. This year we recognize these efforts by nominating the following for Outstanding Set Design:

Outstanding Set Design

The Santa Royale Boardwalk

Dolphins at Sunset

Typical Bachelors' Kitchen

The People's Clinic

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Set Design goes to:

The People's Clinic

We would also like to recognize the Red Cross for not suing King Features and its subsidiaries for violation of their trade mark. 

Karen Moy continues to impress and amaze with her ability to turn a phrase. This year's nominees for Outstanding Dialog are:

Outstanding Dialog

Dogs are Great

Jags and Lags

Chick Magnets

A Variety of Muffins

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Check Magnets

2021 will long be remembered for amazing performances by guest characters... characters we most likely will never ever see again. The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:

Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character

Ashlee Jones

Eve Lourd

Max the Dog


And the Worthy Award goes to:

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones has not been seen since boarding a Greyhound Bus to Goleta, but Shauna! will gladly accept the award on her behalf.

And now, the much anticipated award for Outstanding Floating Head. The nominees are:

Outstanding Floating Head

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

The winner is:

Ashlee Jones

And what a surprise, here comes Shauna! to accept the award on Ashlee's behalf.

Perhaps the most difficult decision to make, is to award the Worthy Award for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character. Each character brings so much to their performance that choosing just one is almost painful. The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character are:

Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character

Dr. Drew Cory, M.D.


Libby the Cat

Mary Worth

And the winner is:

Libby the Cat

Only a cat could give such a nuanced performance. 

And now, perhaps our favorite category, and always the most controversial... Panel of the Year. The nominees are:

Outstanding Panel of the Year

We haven't seen each other for a year!

I... I.. Uhnn...

Torn Between Two Lovers

A Definite Add

Click Click Click

And the winner is:

Torn Between Two Lovers

Thank you June Brigman for your art. We joke and kid, but we love what you bring to this strip.

And now, without further ado, the nominees for Outstanding Story of the Year are:

Outstanding Story of the Year

Wilbur and Estelle Break Up Again

Drew Dates an Aspiring Model/Waitress

Dogs are Great!

And the winner is:

Drew Dates an Aspiring Model/Waitress

Thank you for your votes. It has been a difficult year for many of us. The world is a different place than it was when Mary Worth and Me first started. I wish you all a joyful 2022, although it hasn't started out all that joyful in the Worthiverse. In fact, I'm already depressed.

Mary Worth 3810

Everyone knows that "Medical Incident" is a euphemism for "Liquored Up."

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Mary Worth 3809

The Worthy Awards have been postponed out of respect for the possible death of Wilbur Weston. I don't think it is appropriate to celebrate too soon.

Monday, January 10, 2022

Mary Worth 3808

Well, she did it. She killed off Wilbur Weston. If this had happened three years ago, we might have been shocked. But after his descent into perpetulant toddler-hood, it's more of a relief, really.

But don't get too comfortable. We all remember this moment:

Sunday, January 9, 2022

Mary Worth 3807


According to this article, there's a 1-in-4 chance that we will ever see Wilbur again.

Like I said, tragic.

Saturday, January 8, 2022

Mary Worth 3806

It's 2:30 AM, and Wilbur hasn't come begging for forgiveness yet. Something's terribly wrong.

Friday, January 7, 2022

Mary Worth 3805

You've made us hate him long enough, Karen Moy. Now finish the job.