Monday, December 30, 2019

2019 Worthy Award Nominees

VOTING HAS CLOSED: Winners will be announced on January 6th, 2020, at 6:00 AM eastern time.

As we bid adieu to the 20-teens, we take the time to acknowledge the great achievements of those heroes who struggle day in and day out in the Worthiverse just to find some justification for their existence.

Today, the Condo Board is pleased to present the following Worthy Award nominees. We invite you to vote for your favorites.

Voting will conclude on January 5th, and winners will be announced soon thereafter.

So without further delay, here are the categories and worthy nominees:

The nominees for outstanding performance by an inconsequential character are:

Friendly Burn Victim 

Misogynist Mitch

Blind Date Hobo


Terry Bryson

Our next category is Outstanding Representation of Food. And the nominees are:

Tuna Casserole fit for a cat

Organic Falafel (Non-GM)

Lasagna Pancakes

Tuna Sandwich Recipe (the secret ingredient is tuna)

Beefcake Sandwich

Some Type of Seafood

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:

Hugo of France




The nominees for Outstanding Floating Head are:

Ivan Ingham, Male Model

Hugo of France

Jannie, Fantasy Version

Jannie, Reality Version

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character are:

Dr. Ian Cameron, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Toby Cameron

Iris Beedie

Wilbur Weston
Dawn Weston

The nominees for Panel of the Year are:

Hamburger Dreams

Say Anything Else

Family Portrait

Parallel Emotional Histories

Chopstick Mastery

Mystery Date from Milton Bradley

And the nominees for Outstanding Story are:

Ian's Unfortunate Distraction

Estelle Dates a Loser

Estelle Dates a Loser 2

Hugo Paints a House

A Fate Worse than Death

Thank you for your votes. Remember, you must stop voting after January 5th! It's been a great year, and I have truly appreciated all your support.

You may bribe the judges here!

Mary Worth 3259

No, Mary, I've been cohabitating with Zak for the past two years, and the young dynamo has warn me out. Why, do I look like I've been on vacation?

Friday, December 27, 2019

Mary Worth 3258

I thought Wilbur's "rock bottom" was standing on the Cliffs of Despair with a bottle in his hand preparing to jump. But I was wrong. It was spilling noodles on his shirt on an awkward double date with his ex and her boyfriend.

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Mary Worth 3257

"Wilbur, I really appreciate your commitment to sobriety, and your desire to apologize for your drunkenness on our last date. And what better place to make that apology than the Star Lounge."

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Friday, December 20, 2019

Mary Worth 3255

That can't be a real wreath. It must be some sort of applique. How vulgar. Also a palm tree so near your window? That's a messy mistake. But, if your comfortable with vulgar and messy mistakes, by all means, date Wilbur.

Thursday, December 19, 2019

Mary Worth 3254

Mary: Wilbur is charmingly quirky

Mary: Wilbur will get over Iris

Mary: Estelle, don't give up on the alcoholic you sang songs with a couple of times.

I'm sorry Mary, that's three strikes. You're advice is meaningless at best, and potentially dangerous, so I'm afraid you're going to have to give the advice column back to ... Wilbur. Oh, dear. We are doomed.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Mary Worth 3253

Could Mary be wrong on both counts? I mean she thinks Iris and Wilbur are still together. In Moy-logic, ipso facto, Wilbur and Iris must be destined for one another. My feelings about our characters fluctuate frequently. Today, I like Estelle more than Mary. And I like that brick of fruitcake more than Estelle.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Mary Worth 3252

"I've got just the thing to cheer you up. How about a big steamy bowl of manure? Because seriously, you've earned it."

Monday, December 16, 2019

Mary Worth 3251

No, Estelle, not even the lonely can figure you out. 

Since the Charterstone Jukebox has been taken out of the clubhouse for Christmas, I’ve added Roy Orbison’s only Christmas song to the Charterstone Christmas Jukebox: “Pretty Papers” - it’s a guilt-trip-and-a-half, and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Friday, December 13, 2019

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Mary Worth 3249

Zak, why do you think you can possibly succeed when a much more manly man like Wilbur has already failed?