Friday, December 13, 2019

Mary Worth 3250

But, Wilbur, your alcoholism is comedy gold! Don't sober up now.


RobC said...

Nguyen Cao Ky: Vietnamese political leader
“Americans are big boys. You can talk them into almost anything. Just sit with them for half an hour over a bottle of whiskey and be a nice guy.”

John Wayne (purportedly)
“Whiskey has killed more men than bullets, but most men would rather be full of whiskey than bullets.”

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Prince Andrew Summarizes His Recent Television Interview".

It was! Losing!
Kept going!
(Give up!
Stop drinking...)

Michael Beaumier said...

Wilbur, don’t give up the one thing you’re good at — you’ll realize you were really good at it at all, and then where will you be?

If you’re looking for help, why not write a letter to that advice column in the paper?

Gina said...

@Nance: Best haiku title EVER.

Yahoonski said...

Love it, Nance! I think Mary's new go-to advice for all problems from now on will be "Have you tried watching a soccer game?"

Chester the Dog said...

Are there no normal people in SR?

Anonymous said...

Wilbur, it would be easier to give up living than to give up drinking. Just a suggestion.

-- Scottie McW.

True, sort of relevant, but not particularly interesting, story:

I'm on a layover at O'Hare on my way home to Cleveland on a late Sunday afternoon in December. I've got an hour to kill, so I decide to find a bar, have a beer, and see if I can find out how the Browns did. The only bar in the vicinity is a little six-stool set-up; it's not even a bar, it's more like a stand. There's one other guy at the bar, a hipster dude. He's watching soccer on the TV. So I sit down, ask the bartender if I can see the beer list, and ask if we can turn on some football. The hipster dude politely says he'd rather watch soccer. So I say, "Fair enough, you were here first. That's the 'rule.'"

So I give the list back to the barkeep and decide I'll just go wait at the gate for my flight. As I'm leaving, I see the bartender bring the dude his drink: a glass of ice water with a lemon slice.

I would have given the bartender a decent tip for my one outrageously overpriced beer. I'll bet soccer boy didn't tip him a nickel.

KitKat said...

@Nance, your BFH title today is terrific - take a bow!

@Scottie McW., thanks for sharing your anecdote. Reminds me of Zak....

Jeez, who would have thought that Pellegrino and soccer had such life-altering properties? And with no help from Mary, either. (She’s standing by with a major meddle for Iris.)

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

LOL thanks for the \story Scottie McW. I wonder if soccer boy's name was Zak?

Nance, another great BFH title!

As for Wilbur, him being a drunken mess has made him the most interesting he's ever been. (That and his stalking Zak and Irish in the bushes.) Like I said before, his drunken tomfoolery is a combination of Otis the drunk from The Andy Griffith show and Crazy Guggenheim from the Jackie Gleason show. If you're good at something, you might as well stick to it. If he stops drinking he'll be the loathsome Wilbur he's always been. At least being a drunk, he's more entertaining than loathsome.

BTW, speaking of loathsome, does anyone else want to punch Wilbur's face in panel two?

One more thing: Once again KM has the finger on the pulse of what's happening today: The USA vs. Cuba soccer match was LAST MONTH!

fauxprof said...

@Nance, your BFH title today deserves a Worthy Award! Somebody please pry me off the floor?

Anonymous said...

Oh Nance! That title!!! You never have a clinker but this one ranks as one of your best.

Nance said...

Thank you, everyone! I'm blushing.

Anonymous said...


Again, these conversations are so unnatural.

"It feels good to cheer him on," said no one ever in the history of humankind.

And what exactly is a "close save"? No such thing.

Moy needs a dialogue consultant.

-- S. McW.

Yahoonski said...

OK, I'm done defending Zak. Wilbur is "pretty cool"? No, he's not. He's as far from cool as the surface of the sun. And to Karen Moy I say: Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not a great story teller. Leave the room, stick your fingers in your ears, sing La La La La at the top of your lungs, or give them something so difficult to chew that they will not be able to finish their sentence.

KitKat said...

“Wilbur’s pretty cool! Of course, he was drunk as a skunk at the Thai restaurant, caused a scene, was nasty to me, ignored Estelle, and humiliated Iris, but he drinks water and watches soccer with me in a bar. That’s SO FUN!”

@Scottie McW., you said it all regarding KM’s bizarre dialogue. (Maybe a close save is akin to a near miss.)

fauxprof said...

After reading today’s dialogue, I’ve come to the conclusion that every character in this strip is a total idiot—with the possible exceptions of Mr. Allora and Libby. That’s because Mr. Allora never speaks, and Libby confines herself to a cogent “Meow”!

Anonymous said...

Wilbur: I say, Zak old boy, did you happen to observe that enormously close recovery by Johnson? I must say, I’m simply over the moon!

Zak: Wah? Ya, man… It was like really close, right? I mean, like a really close save; or shave… ha ha… huh? What was I sayin’? Anywho, I feel good, ya know? I mean like, if I could cheer somebody on, it would hafta be like someone who made a save, like, or someone who was really close, or could shave, you know what I mean? I mean, like, Dude, it would feel good. I mean, you know, to be cheerful or close or whatever, man. I mean, like, was that football or what? Doesn’t matter, man, I mean, I just feel good being here with you, um… What was your name again?


KitKat said...

With due respect to Emerson, when Karen Moy decided to write better dialogue, the universe said, "Meh." So much for that.

LouiseF said...

Zak's only defense for thinking Wilbur "pretty cool" may be that he spends his days closeted with his online games and has no real idea how to make friends (or deal with menopausal women) in the real world, an awkward millenial and generation Z quirk from what I hear.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Zak and Wilbur will watch "The Matrix" together on FlixNet.

-- S. McW.