Monday, January 31, 2022

Mary Worth 3824

Also, Royal Cruise Lines... Don't foget they didn't notify anyone, either. People Magazine is pretty upset about it, too. They live for this kind of thing. And I'm sure the TSA was more than happy to admit a man into the country without a visa or passport. Don't foget to be upset with the TSA.

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Mary Worth 3823

It's not just the ladies you don't understand; men don't like you either. But by all means keep writing your advice column with the nom de plume Wendy. Someone was recently commenting on what an excellent columnist you were before you died.

Friday, January 28, 2022

Mary Worth 3822

I don't think even Wilbur knows how he got there.

I added Taylor Swift's "This Love" to the jukebox last night. If Estelle doesn't sing this at the next karaoke night, missed opportunity.

Thursday, January 27, 2022

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Mary Worth 3820

This really is starting to feel like the Tom Sawyer funeral scene. Which Mark Twain executed flawlessly. And yet, over five-and-a-half million people dead from Covid-19. That's a lot of grief to ignore with a cute little story about Wilbur coming "back from the dead."

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Mary Worth 3819

I don't think Dawn and Estelle are going to like each other very much. "How did this happen to him?" Well, Estelle rejected him again, which triggered your father's liquoring-up. He's not a violent drunk, he's a funny drunk. Unfortunately, the humor is in the stupid things he does, and this time his stupidity cost him his life. Or would have, if he hadn't floated in the ocean for an hour and drifted ashore on Hedonism II, where he has been rolicking in booze all week and keeping his identity on the down-low.

Monday, January 24, 2022

Mary Worth 3818

"Don't despair, Estelle. There's always"

'The sea has probably claimed him... poor soul.' is my favorite line so far this year.

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Mary Worth 3817

To quote Jill Black, "Ha ha ha ha."

I guess we didn't see this coming. I mean, we all did, but we didn't really think Karen Moy would go there. The story went from sublime to ridiculous very quickly.

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Mary Worth 3815

First tip for getting a grip: Stop talking so much. There's no one to listen and you'll just wear out your throat, especially since you have no fresh water to drink. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course there is fresh water. These desert island stories always have a fresh water source; otherwise, no story. Only death. And I've given up hope for that.

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Mary Worth 3814

Rather than taking the Lord's name in vain, Wilbur Wilson Weston, you might try thanking Him that you are freaking alive and still wearing your glasses... And you're more concerned about companionship than food? O, how far your character has fallen since the pleasant days when you were lovably obsessed with mayonnaise.

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Mary Worth 3813

I'm not really sure how the ocean works anymore, but as Charterstone Neighbor HelenClark has pointed out... he lost his tie, but not his glasses? His cuff was also torn off his shirt, perhaps from the impact of his 100-foot fall, but again, his glasses are still on his face. I am resolved to accept the fact that Wilbur is alive, for the pure joy of watching him suffer and eventually die a lonely husk of a man without food or fresh water.

Monday, January 17, 2022

Mary Worth 3812

Thankfully, Wilbur caught the North Equatorial Current which swiftly washed him ashore on an undiscovered island. When he's finally found in eight years, he'll be a BEAST!

Saturday, January 15, 2022

Mary Worth 3811

So, they can get back to the spot indicated on the GPS-tracked security footage in 20 minutes? I assume they will be traveling faster than they did after Wilbur fell, so let's say he's been in the water 30 minutes. In that thirty minutes, Estelle started to worry, walked to guest services, had him paged multiple times, talked her way onto the bridge, and convinced an officer to review security footage. And the officer reviewed enough footage to see him fall. How long does it take to turn the cruise ship around? I'm sure a cruise ship has a lot of inertia to deal with... all I am saying is if that ship can overcome all the laws of physics and logic to get back to Wilbur in 20 minutes, and he only has to tread 55-degree water for less than an hour, fully clothed and drunk as a blue jay on Mary's pyracantha berries, he's going to live.

I'm devestated. My only remaining hope is that Wilbur comes back a new man. But I should be careful what I wish for.

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

The Fourteenth Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the fourteenth annual Worthy Awards! Tonight we honor all that is great about Santa Royale, California! Your votes have been tabulated. After careful review by the Charterstone Condo Board, the winners have been determined. 

Before we begin, I would like to thank the following contributors for sponsoring tonight's program with their very generous donations to Mary Worth and Me:

              • Jim S.
              • Mary Y.
              • Richard J.
              • Leslie S.
              • Ann C.
              • Helen M.
              • Buckley G.
              • Louise F.
              • Vincent R.
              • Cheryl J.
              • Elizabeth Y.
              • Deborah H.
              • Jana H.
              • Karen K.
              • Carlye N.
Your gifts and fun messages have meant a lot to me during a difficult couple of months. If you haven't had the chance to donate and would like to, you can use the link in the right-hand column. Or click here.

But let's get things started, with a very special opening number!

Before we begin handing out the loving cups, we want to take just a moment to hand out a very special award to a character that died in 2021. Each year, the condo board recognizes a character who will no longer be making any contribution whatsoever to the Worthiverse. This year, the Aldo Kelrast Memorial award is presented to Drew's Patient!

Thank you so much, Drew's Patient, for your contribution to medical science and comedy gold.

And now, let's get started!

Each year, June Brigman creates hundreds of scenes, immersing us all in the beautiful and "varied landscapes" of Santa Royale, California. This year we recognize these efforts by nominating the following for Outstanding Set Design:

Outstanding Set Design

The Santa Royale Boardwalk

Dolphins at Sunset

Typical Bachelors' Kitchen

The People's Clinic

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Set Design goes to:

The People's Clinic

We would also like to recognize the Red Cross for not suing King Features and its subsidiaries for violation of their trade mark. 

Karen Moy continues to impress and amaze with her ability to turn a phrase. This year's nominees for Outstanding Dialog are:

Outstanding Dialog

Dogs are Great

Jags and Lags

Chick Magnets

A Variety of Muffins

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Check Magnets

2021 will long be remembered for amazing performances by guest characters... characters we most likely will never ever see again. The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:

Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character

Ashlee Jones

Eve Lourd

Max the Dog


And the Worthy Award goes to:

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones has not been seen since boarding a Greyhound Bus to Goleta, but Shauna! will gladly accept the award on her behalf.

And now, the much anticipated award for Outstanding Floating Head. The nominees are:

Outstanding Floating Head

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

Ashlee Jones

The winner is:

Ashlee Jones

And what a surprise, here comes Shauna! to accept the award on Ashlee's behalf.

Perhaps the most difficult decision to make, is to award the Worthy Award for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character. Each character brings so much to their performance that choosing just one is almost painful. The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character are:

Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character

Dr. Drew Cory, M.D.


Libby the Cat

Mary Worth

And the winner is:

Libby the Cat

Only a cat could give such a nuanced performance. 

And now, perhaps our favorite category, and always the most controversial... Panel of the Year. The nominees are:

Outstanding Panel of the Year

We haven't seen each other for a year!

I... I.. Uhnn...

Torn Between Two Lovers

A Definite Add

Click Click Click

And the winner is:

Torn Between Two Lovers

Thank you June Brigman for your art. We joke and kid, but we love what you bring to this strip.

And now, without further ado, the nominees for Outstanding Story of the Year are:

Outstanding Story of the Year

Wilbur and Estelle Break Up Again

Drew Dates an Aspiring Model/Waitress

Dogs are Great!

And the winner is:

Drew Dates an Aspiring Model/Waitress

Thank you for your votes. It has been a difficult year for many of us. The world is a different place than it was when Mary Worth and Me first started. I wish you all a joyful 2022, although it hasn't started out all that joyful in the Worthiverse. In fact, I'm already depressed.