Saturday, December 25, 2010

The 2010 Worthy Awards

Yes, dear readers, it's time once again for the annual Worthy Awards. I'm pleased to announce that the Condo Board has done an excellent job of selecting this year's nominees just in time for Christmas, and now it is your turn to choose the winners! So make your selections before January 8, 2011. The awards ceremony will be held on January 10, 2011.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Mary Worth 925

It's Christmas Eve, and I have a special DOUBLE FEATURE BONUS for you as a gift. Today, we get Jill's story... AND Mary's lecture!

Jill's Story

JILL: I’m going to tell you a story, Mary… and then YOU can tell ME what’s wrong with it! I warn you, though! It DOESN’T end with “Happily Ever After”!… Seven years ago, I was engaged just like Adrian!… I was high on a cloud with the man I loved! In my mind, Jordan and I were going to get married and live happily ever after!…

MARY: But that’s not what happened… was it?

JILL: Isn’t it something how things in life turn out differently than we expect?

MARY: So years ago you were engaged, but didn’t end up getting married?

JILL: Sadly, true… I still remember waiting in the church with all our guests in attendance…

MARY: Do you want something to eat?

JILL: I don’t need to! The coffee is helping… and SO ARE YOU! Seven years ago my wedding was scheduled for a day in December too! I waited for Jordan to show up. But he never did! My heart was broken and my dreams SHATTERED! I relive that awful day of waiting and then being disappointed over and over again! The events leading to Adrian and Scott’s wedding triggered bad memories for me… resulting in things I CAN’T CONTROL!

The end

That was an excellent story, but now why don't you take a little break, pour yourself a glass of eggnog, and come back for the sequel:

Mary's Lecture, No. 7,842

MARY: Jill, I’m sorry about what happened to you… but it’s unfair for Adrian to be affected by it! Especially now when she’s FINALLY found happiness. You’re traumatized by a disappointment that happened years ago, Jill… and it must be hard to process…

JILL: Hard? It was devastating being dumped by my fiance at the altar! I’ll NEVER get over it!

MARY: Adrian’s a good person… and after all she’s been through, she’s FINALLY found happiness! Why deny her that?… Because of what happened in your past? The past only exists by how you remember it! Why not keep what’s good for you and forget the rest? You can never really live in the present… if you’re dwelling in the past! Adrian’s found happiness and you will too… if you allow it in! Adrian asked you to be part of her wedding party because she didn’t want you to feel left out! Don’t pay her back with bad behavior on your part! She deserves better! What you went through was rough, but now it’s time to put it behind you!

JILL: I feel bad… and I’m so embarrassed! I need to make it up to Adrian!...

I love Mary's horrified skepticism and Jill's reckless look of determination in this panel. Well, Mary...this should teach you not to meddle. There's no way a psychopath like Jill won't make things completely worse by trying to make things up to Adrian. This should be the best wedding ever!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Mary Worth 924

I'm sorry, I've been so busy with Christmas preparations, that I really haven't had much time to blog about Jill or this strange old lady who has decided to lecture her. I wonder who she is?

Oh, and I've also been helping with the Condo Board's preparations for the 2010 Worthy Awards. The nominees will be announced Christmas Day, so get ready to vote for your favorites.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, December 20, 2010

Mary Worth 923

I'm still struggling with how a bride gets left at the altar... What kind of father walks his daughter down the aisle when there isn't a groom at the other end (as phoebes in santa fe asked yesterday). I completely blame the dad. I mean, even though Jill is the one with all the wedding planning experience and all, I would think her dad would at least have a little bit of common sense.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Mary Worth 922

There, written in Bic ballpoint pen on Mr. Black's hand, it says very plainly, "Confirm groom has arrived, and THEN march Jill down the aisle."

Today's Full Strip

Friday, December 17, 2010

Mary Worth 921

Several thoughts on Jill's story so far...
  • It looks like Jordan may have escaped from this disastrous situation just in the nick of time.
  • Jill is still so drunk that she's started to suck her thumb... or she thinks she's still holding a bottle of booze.
  • Mary's arms must have retracted into her chest. Otherwise, where are her elbows?
I still have no idea how this story got started...

JILL: My fiance left me stranded at the altar.
ADRIAN: So you have wedding planning experience...?

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My Compulsion to Help Others, revisited

To the anonymous poster who wanted to know more about Mary's compulsion to help others, perhaps the most-read entry on this blog is the compilation of Mary's entire story. It's a great read, and sure to get you excited as you anticipate where Jill's story may lead.

You can read the entire story here at Post 161.

And if you want to revisit Mary's story about her true love, here it is at Post 603.

And Lynn Griffin's Christmas Play, "Ice Castles" can be found at Post 397.

And Bonnie Johnson's thrilling story can be found at Post 741.

Mary Worth 920

This has been the best Christmas ever. Thank you Mary Worth. I thought Jill making a scene at the rehearsal dinner was as good as it could get, but now a story?! I love stories! Here are four of my favorites:

"Why Bonnie Compulsively Shops"

"The Man Who Got Away"
(or, "Why I Date Your Father")

"Why I Faint When I Skate"

"My Compulsion to Help Others"

Each a classic in its own right. Each a story I return to again and again. I'm sure "Why I Drink Heavily" will be every bit the classic we expect it to be.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mary Worth 919

Jill! We thought you'd driven off in a cab, but here you are, back where you belong: With us! And now Mary is going to help you sort this out. It's always best to help someone solve their life's problems while they're totally hammered.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Mary Worth 918

That's right! Because this is a rehearsal dinner for those who can handle their liquor. What right does she have to show up if she can't manage a little booze? What kind of wedding would it be if the wedding party showed up without a hangover? Now someone get me another gin.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Mary Worth 917

And with that, Adrian Corey restores order to the Worthiverse. The dinner show is over. Enjoy your meal. Bland is once again on the menu. Oh, and if any one else is thinking of walking out with a $74 bottle of wine, the bar is officially closed. Thank you for your attention.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, December 10, 2010

Mary Worth 916

As Jill squeaks out one last comment, Moy and Giella squeak out one last nominee for the 2010 Worthy Awards.

And after Maude's comment yesterday, we may need to create a new Worthy Award category: Post of the Year.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Mary Worth 915

In her alcohol-fueled rage against the holiest of unions, Jill finds the strength of seven men, enough to easily withstand being forcefully removed by her assailants, Crippled Cop and Mr. Wobbly Knees, as she declares to the world that she isn't finished yet! Awesome! I for one look forward to this tirade continuing throughout the holiday season. Thank you Karen Moy for this delightful Christmas present.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Mary Worth 914

While Scott and Jeff quietly escort the maid of honor out of the restaurant to drive herself home, I just want to recommend to everyone John Gary's Christmas Album. It's one of my all-time favorites, and very soothing after watching Jill make such a scene at the rehearsal dinner-slash-reception-slash-wedding.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Mary Worth 913

And with one swift karate chop to Scott's throat, the marriage is off.

Unfortunately, for Jill, she's spilled her silver goblet and is going to have to suck the rest of her wine out of the table cloth.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, December 6, 2010

Mary Worth 912

I get a little chuckle from today's strip because this used to be one of Mrs. Wanders' catch phrases: "What a crock." But I asked her to stop. In my mind, there are too many scatological implications to the phrase. I can't help but picture a large crock pot, sitting on our kitchen counter... simmering... Oh, it's just too disgusting. I'm not chuckling anymore, Jill; I'm gagging. Thanks for ruining breakfast.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Mary Worth 911

Say what you want: Jeff may have confused the rehearsal dinner with the reception; he may have confused the rehearsal dinner with the actual wedding; and he may have confused "father of the bride" with "best man" or even "minister." But he's the only one who figured out how to get Jill to stop drinking.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Mary Worth 910

I worry about all the frat boys who read Mary Worth who may be misled by the medical staff at Mountview Hospital who seem absolutely convinced of the magical sobering properties of food. Normally, I'd stand by the expertise of such a distinguished team, and never dream of seeking a second opinion after being diagnosed by one of these fine doctors. However, I feel it is my ethical responsibility to clarify for the frat boys that in this case the Mountview Hospital staff do not know what they are talking about. Food does not sober you up.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, December 3, 2010

Mary Worth 909

I think Jeff is having trouble dealing with the fact that a young, attractive woman has thrown herself at him. It must have been all of her imbibing. Because otherwise it doesn't happen.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Mary Worth 908

I hope that Adrian hasn't invited anyone else from the hospital to the rehearsal dinner. Especially anyone from human resources.

Today's Full Strip