Mary Worth 4115

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, this happened, and I smiled a little bit.

It made me think of other funny twin commercials:

Mary Worth 3843

That's right, Cal, Toby is still cool. Back in the day, she was quite a Frisbee™ player. ...

No, I can't. I just can't. I can't go on with this chirade. My life is never going to be as perfect as the lives of my friends in Santa Royale. No matter how much I try, I just can't do it. I thought if I devoted my life to their stories, I would somehow find out who I really am. But all I have found out is that my mouth is common, my Frisbee™ skills are not cool, and my cat isn't as great as other people's dogs. Even Estelle's falling for Arthur Zero's scam did not protect me from the Send-Yourself-Money-with-Zelle scam. What's the point of it all?

Mary Worth 3699

Roll up, roll up for the Mystery Tour!

So Ashlee Jones really does have a great job offer out of town? And Drew is heartbroken? I saw none of this coming.

Just an aside, I've taken Greyhound several times in the past five years. I've actually enjoyed it as a way to travel, but without doubt the worst customer service I've experienced in years. If you have to call their overseas call center, be prepared for a fight.

Mary Worth 3693

Psycho Ashlee is even more frightening than Violent Ashlee. Drew truly looks scared for his life.

By the way, you can PayPal me $5,000 right here, right now:

I will do my best to pay you back in laughs, eye rolls, and a special tote bag. Don't have $5,000? I will still do my best on the laughs and eye rolls. But for $5,000, you get a tote bag.

Mary Worth 3622

I do not believe I have EVER laughed so hard, so early in the morning, as I did when I saw this panel. It took me about five minutes before I even scrolled to panel 2 (also hilarious). I have no comment. I'm still out of breath from laughing. I'm sure this will appear on many Instagram feeds today. It's a DEFINITE ADD. Now I'm off to get some GOOD GRUB.

Mary Worth 3612

This is us. Desperately clinging, with determined courage, to the hope that tomorrow will bring us something new. But if Saul and Eve make one more appearance, we are here to support each other. Maybe with a great big cinammon roll and some frozen yogurt.

Mary Worth 3158

Oh, you Europeans, and your overt sexual advances. Even if you are just trying to recover from showing your French arrogance. Dude, you're eating a fried ham and cheese sandwich at the mall. Scale it back a bit.

Mary Worth 3123

In just a few days, Estelle has gone from eating microwaved falafel to cat chow straight from the bag! Things don't look good for Libby.

I've been in the final week of rehearsals for "The Man Who Came to Dinner" at Haddonfield Plays and Players in Southern New Jersey. We have our first live audience tonight. If you've been wondering where I've been, that's the answer. And if you're in the area, come on by and say hi.

Mary Worth 2862

I have no idea why Dick's Sporting Goods wasn't willing to pay the fee for appearing in Mary Worth. Clearly, it was Karen Moy's intent to make a little bank by having Wilbur buy shoes there. I guess the promotional agreement didn't work out at the last minute, but by then it was too late to make Wilbur's shoe purchase AT ALL RELEVANT TO THE PLOT!!

Mary Worth 2855

I certainly understand why Wilbur would prefer to have a frozen Hungry Man dinner rather than eating with Mary and Jeff. I fully support his choice.

Mary Worth 2784

So to sum up...

Wilbur is doomed to live without

But he has lots of...

So he should go make a sandwich...

Mary Worth 2553

This helpful orientation tip is brought to you by Norwegian Cruise Lines because, according to my Google research, it's the only cruise line that does this. Sadly, the ship they're boarding appears to be a piece of junk compared to the jewels that make up the NCL fleet.

Mary Worth 2402

Federal law requires pharmaceutical advertising to list side effects, so to protect the Syndicate, here's a list from the magical makers of Suboxone:

Possible side effects of SUBOXONE Film
SUBOXONE Film may not be right for everybody. SUBOXONE Film can cause serious side effects, including:

• Respiratory problems. You have a higher risk of death and coma if you take SUBOXONE Film with other medicines, such as benzodiazepines
• Sleepiness, dizziness, and problems with coordination
• Dependency or abuse
• Liver problems. Call your doctor right away if you notice any of these signs of liver problems: Your skin or the white part of your eyes turning yellow (jaundice), urine turning dark, stools turning light in color, you have less of an appetite, or you have stomach (abdominal) pain or nausea. Your doctor should do tests before you start taking and while you take SUBOXONE Film
• Allergic reaction. You may have a rash, hives, swelling of the face, wheezing, or a loss of blood pressure and consciousness. Call a doctor or get emergency help right away
• Opioid withdrawal. This can include: shaking, sweating more than normal, feeling hot or cold more than normal, runny nose, watery eyes, goose bumps, diarrhea, vomiting, and muscle aches. Tell your doctor if you develop any of these symptoms
• Decrease in blood pressure. You may feel dizzy if you get up too fast from sitting or lying down

Tell your doctor about any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away.
These are not all the possible side effects of SUBOXONE Film. For more information, ask your doctor or pharmacist.

Selected Safety Information
Common side effects of SUBOXONE Film include nausea, vomiting, drug withdrawal syndrome, headache, sweating, numb mouth, constipation, painful tongue, redness of the mouth, intoxication (feeling lightheaded or drunk), disturbance in attention, irregular heartbeat, decrease in sleep, blurred vision, back pain, fainting, dizziness, and sleepiness.
This is not a complete list of potential adverse events associated with SUBOXONE Film. Please see Full Prescribing Information for a complete list.
To report negative side effects associated with taking SUBOXONE Film, please call 1-877-782-6966. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

Mary Worth 2390

The boxes on the selves are labeled [scribble]. The magazines are titled [scribble]. Even the computer font is Scribble24. The only word in the pharmacy not scribbled? Viagra. Why? Because if there's one thing this strip understands, it is that Sex Sells.

Mary Worth 2350

When I see today's strip, I get nervous. Clearly, Joe Giella has upped his game. IPhones with audio and charging ports, believable shadows on people's faces, the stainless steel texture above the food counter, and food that looks almost edible. I worry that someone had a talkin' to Uncle Joe, and that he's feeling threatened and working under duress. It's enough to drive a man to addiction.

Mary Worth 2257

So, America West Airlines paid the product placement fee, but People Magazine played hardball and couldn't reach acceptable terms? Your loss People Magazine. Your loss. Even an airline that hasn't flown since 2005 knows a good promotional deal when it sees one.

Mary Worth 2231

Won't your friends be impressed with your new timepiece, Olive? Oh, wait. Sorry. You're too special for friends.

Today's full strip

Mary Worth 2214

Yesterday's FREE secret message complimented Joe Giella on his portrayal of a New York City Market. Sigh

Mary Worth 2012

As Mary Worth deride's Adam for his lack of worldly wealth, his eyes burn with a white hot rage and contemplate where he will aim his Death Ray first.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1,716

I'm not hip to the lingo old ladies use so I don't know what a "celeb" is, but I'm pretty sure they use the front entrance, rather than the loading dock. Either that, or this event is so big that the Waldorf has taken down its front doors to improve traffic flow.

Today's Full Strip