Mary Worth 1,083

"Fate has dealt me a cruel blow! My ponytail is permanent." But don't worry Gina. Once Mary shows you all the gorgeous chicks in Santa Royale that rock the pony tail, you'll know that love IS meant for you.


Jenna!

Lynn!


Vera!


Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1,029

There are two main differences between how this scene actually appeared in 2007, and how Drew remembers it today: First, Drew is a lot more butch in his memory. Second, in Drew's memory, Vera is rushing to protect her horse by sticking her thumb up its nose.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 505

Something about today's strip reminds me of when Benjamin Franklin first sent Vera to live at Charterstone back in the 18th century. Hopefully, this plot will rise to the standards set by the the Vera/Drew/Dawn story. So far, I think there is an excellent chance.



Today's Full Post

Mary Worth 239

This looks familiar,

Vaguely familiar,


Almost unreal yet,
It's too soon to feel yet,

Close to my soul, and yet,
So far away

I'm going to go back there someday.

Mary Worth 116

Psycho.

Drew, seeing her everywhere probably isn't as crazy as hearing her voice, especially if she starts telling you to do things like, "Jump. Jump off the cliff." Of course, that would be one way to make the hallucinations go away. If it is a cliff. It looks more like a sloping incline overlooking a miniature city or an electric train model. Jump, and you may smash one of those cardboard buildings.

I love that Drew and Vera continue to equate their alleged relationship to seeing the stars. Over and over again. Something to do with "their song," I suppose: 'Waiting for a Star to Fall' as featured in Three Men and A Little Lady and Look Who's Talking Too (and which you can listen to on the Charterstone Jukebox to the right). Of course, the worst love song ever, all about never being able to win the girl's love. Self-fulfilling prophecy I guess.

I'd criticize Drew's anguish, but the reality is I've been there; done that. Sat on the cliff. Gazed at the stars. Walked the halls at night. But in the end, I still didn't get the girl - let's call her 'Vera.' So, a complete waste of time. Fortunately, though, eventually I met my wife and things worked out far better than they ever could have if my pining away had been productive or if my wife and I were merely characters in some soap opera comic strip.

And the good news? My 'Vera' hallucinations have almost stopped.

Mary Worth 114

And she DOES IT AGAIN! Vera, you are vicious! Every word, carefully calculated to cut Drew down to his corroded core!

But cheer up, Doctor Depression. With this post you have officially surpassed Mary Worth herself with appearances in my blog. Drew 58; Mary 57. If I'd posted more often, you would have passed her up weeks ago. As much as we all enjoy watching you roasted alive by woman after woman for your arrogance, I think I speak for the entire Mary Worth fan base (and I realize speaking on behalf of 17 people is a tremendous responsibility, so I'll choose my words carefully) when I say, "Bring back Mary Worth!!"

Mary Worth 113

AWESOME! Vera is the greatest revenge artist of all time! Drew two-times her five months ago with college co-ed Dawn Weston. When Vera finds out, she stops returning any of Drew's phone calls and let's him drift in anguish for months. Then, out of the blue she calls up Drew and suggests, "Let's get together for donuts and cold coffee at the very crowded and rotating Junction Road Cafe." Drew's hopes bounce back so quickly that they launch to stratospheric heights. And then she kisses him. Drew is in La-La Land; he's already forgiven Vera for dumping him just because he cheated on her, and he's about to propose marriage when in walks Ryan Harris, employer and swain. Vera and Ryan cuddle, coo, fawn and ultimately kiss passionately in front of Drew. His heart breaks. His hopes plummet faster than they rose, and just as they're about to shatter on the pavement into a million pieces, Vera lays out the steel jaws of death with this wipe-the-crud-off-my-shoes-with-your-heart line:

"I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS!"

She is without mercy. She is without compassion. She is the cruelest of women. She has extracted her revenge on Drew with such meanness that he has no option. He must kill himself. He must follow in the tire treads of Aldo Kelrast - drinking himself into literal oblivion behind the wheel of a nondescript sedan.

While Drew has no doubt deserved to pay mercilessly for his crimes, I have to admit that even I felt a twinge of compassion for his suffering when Vera suggested they be friends. Unbelievable.

Vera. I tip my hat to you. I could not have guessed you would ever even attempt to avenge your broken heart, let alone do it with such complete and utter disregard for human life. Well done, Vera Shields. Well done indeed.

Mary Worth 112

"Something seems to be missing." Words I never want to hear a doctor say.

I just hate to see Drew lose that ol' spark, ya know? The fire in the belly when he knew he was the hottest young stud in the O.R. Now he's just a mopey Gus, defeated and pining away for his soul mate, the equally bland and ridiculously dressed Vera Shields.

One thing is certain, though: After a month of conversation at the Junction Road Cafe, their coffee could certainly use a warm up.

Mary Worth 111

The Dharma Initiative is alive and well at Junction Road Cafe (shout out to e at Long Live Locke!) I have absolutely no explanation for the mysterious woman who instantaneously materializes in the second panel, but perhaps this Orchid Station Orientation Video will help shed some light.

All I can say is, dang, that's spooky. My Mary Worth Conspiracy Theory continues to thicken ... and, no doubt, confuse.

On the upside, it looks like Vera won't be getting back together with Drew. Vera may be smarter than most people give her credit for. Although, I suspect dating your new boss isn't really that much smarter of an option.

Mary Worth 110

Woah. Woah. Woah... Please do not discuss this. Please don't make me sit through Vera explaining the nuances of Hello Kisses, of letting Drew know that she's no longer repulsed by his very essence, but it doesn't mean she wants to see the stars and ride smallish horses with him. I'd rather listen to Drew continue to talk about himself and how sad he is.

Toonhead has been keeping track of how long it has been since we've seen Mary Worth. I think we're on day 7,437. Maybe 7,436. But it feels like 7,437. This new topic of discussion should probably keep us locked inside the Junction Road Cafe, with its rotating walls, spinning tables and polka-dot motifs, for at least another year or two.

Bring back Mary! Bring back Mary!

Mary Worth 109

It certainly looked painful, at least.

But it wasn't as painful as you think; in addition to being her boss, Ryan is also Vera's chiropractor and with just one bone-crunching, watertight-lipped kiss he was able to realign the vertebrae in her neck.

Mary Worth 108

"I am indeed a lucky man to own her."

I can't tell which is spinning around faster, the donut case or the table they're sitting at; but either way, I'm getting dizzy.

And I can't tell which is making me sicker, the spinning room or what passes for normal adult conversation in Santa Royale. Either way, I think I may hurl.

Mary Worth 107

We're enlightened about a lot of things! No minimum wage (wink wink). Race-based compensation (wink wink). And sexual harassment is really cute and funny (wink wink).

There's a lot of speculation that Vera is setting Drew up - that she really isn't dating Ryan Harris. At first I didn't buy it because of the level of affection they're displaying. However, I will accept the theory on one condition: Instead of Ryan being her boss, Ryan is her homosexual colleague and confidante -- a gay version of Mary Worth, willing to meddle to fix this relationship. Because that would be so cute and funny (wink wink).

Mary Worth 106

Oooh, he's a self starter. That's always an excellent reason to start dating your new boss. And if he can speak in doltish, dramatic non sequiturs so much the better.

Maybe this is exactly what Drew needs to get him to move on with his life. This, and maybe one of those donuts nailed to the counter behind him.

Mary Worth 105

Vera is the most passive aggressive girl friend I've ever seen. Yesterday it was, "You know I don't like surprises." Today it's, "As if we don't see enough of each other already." In other words, "Get lost bub." I can't tell who Vera is trying to make jealous, but someone is being played. "Ryan Harris, meet Drew Corey, Doctor Drew Corey. And he really knows how to dress."

Mary Worth and Me 104

Vera seems only to be attracted to losers. Maybe she just has trouble seeing past their sylish clothes.

Drew "Fresh Start" Corey's fist is clenched in fury. Watch out, Ryan, or you might get your hair mussed.

Mary Worth 103

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Willem Dafoe.

Now, I admit that there are many things that I can write about this strip, and many things that I'm sure will be written about this strip on the Tawdry Internets. But in keeping with my commitment to keep Mary Worth family friendly, despite Karen Moy's and Joe Giella's efforts to the contrary, I'll simply say that if Vera isn't engaged to her brother Von, that he looks close enough to still creep me out.

If Drew had only known how much Vera loves the color yellow, he might have had a shot. The only man better dressed is Christopher McLucky Magill the Ginormous Leprechaun in the top panel who's about to get a swift elbow to the groin.

Mary Worth 102

I think this version is much more accurate.

Mary Worth 101

"Now, Vera, stop talking. No, don't say anything. Be a good girl and let me define the relationship. Ah, ah, ah... no, I said, 'Don't say anything.' Quiet.... quiet.... shhhhh.... shhhhh. There. Gosh it's good to be a couple again, isn't it? No, don't answer that. Just nod your head."

I love that Vera has called Drew up just to dump him again. It felt so good the first time.

Mary Worth 100

Yes, yes, YES! I absolutely LOVE it that "Waiting for a Star to Fall" is THEIR SONG. I just got all giddy when I read this! It's new information. It makes sense, since Drew was the only man to teach Vera "how to really see the stars at night." And I love that Vera doesn't seem to be too thrilled at the coincidence that a song that gets absolutely ZERO air time on the radio these days just happens to be playing on the Junction Road Cafe jukebox. But guess what, Vera! It is now playing on the "Charterstone Jukebox" in the right-hand column of this blog as well (click play to enjoy Drew and Vera's song). Now we can all listen to YOUR song as we enjoy Mary Worth every morning -- and watch you suffer through your alleged relationship with Dr. Drew Corey!

I loved this morning's strip. What a great way to celebrate my 100th Mary Worth post. Speaking of which, thank you dear reader for your kind indulgence of my joyful obsession.