Friday, September 30, 2011

Mary Worth 1,132

I'm an American, so I don't know a lot about soccer. I've already admitted to dropping out of the American Youth Soccer Association as soon as I was introduced to the perplexing Offside Rule. So maybe someone could explain to me the role of a Major League Soccer Manager. In baseball, the manager is the head coach, in charge of every aspect of the game. In soccer, does the manager need to have short stubby forearms, screen calls and do a lot of reading?

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Mary Worth 1,131

The New York Blazes are one of the country's greatest teams. Last year, they took home the coveted MLS Cup 1st place certificate for the third straight season!

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Mary Worth 1,130

Diner patrons come from miles around to gawk at the Amazing Sideways Plate Stacking. It's what Diner does best.

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Mary Worth 1,129

I was stunned this morning to discover that Gina had left Diner, and was home now making personal calls... But then I saw the menus on the counter and realized that -- hooray -- I was wrong. Gina is still on her shift... making personal calls... after spending three hours in a booth with a customer who only ordered coffee.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, September 26, 2011

Mary Worth 1,128

Although Mary's idea is a good one, I agree that sky diving onto the field during the game will probably be more effective.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Mary Worth 1,127

Okay, but be prepared -- things like registering for school, transferring credits, cashing checks and hiding from the mob are going to be a real hassle.

And we all thought Gina grew up Italian, what, with the Italian ice and gruesome mob-related killings. And the last name Baroni. How racist of us not to realize she was really Iberian.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, September 23, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Mary Worth 1,125

You know what else is forgettable? The offside rule. And if we are going to be attending the New York Blazes' match against the Santa Royale Soccer Team in just two days, we all need to study up. The offside law is the most confusing rule in soccer and drives many a young child away from the sport. It did me. I spent much of my adult life trying to figure out why offside was called against me when I was ten, and after years of study, I finally got it.

While Gina continues to speculate over and over about her relationship with dear sweet Bobby, let's take a moment and prepare ourselves:

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Mary Worth 1,124

"Also amazing: How I levitate my coffee cup and maintain job security all at the same time!"

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

Mary Worth 1,122

Apparently, CHH Coffee serves its rotgut from a vending machine.

Look, I'm not going to criticize the serendipity of today's plot development, no matter how dipity it may seem. It turns out that several years ago, I got in contact with a very dear college friend whom I hadn't seen in almost twenty years, and it just so happened that a musical her husband had co-written and was starring in was opening on Broadway in just a few weeks. My wife and I were able to see it during the opening week and then go out to dinner with Janet and Bob after. So, yeah, it could happen.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Mary Worth 1,121

Gina seems to think that remaining emotionally stunted at the age of 14 is somehow a desirable quality in a mate. If I'd stopped at 14, I'd still be crying in my bathtub listening to "Seasons in the Sun" on my portable 8-track tape player over and over again.

And I have to add, that CHH COFFEE is an excellent name for a coffee shop.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Mary Worth 1,120

A major player... on a team that no one has heard of... in a league that doesn't exist. We're all so proud of our Bobby!

Today's Full Strip

Friday, September 16, 2011

Mary Worth 1,119

Hmmmm... Major League Soccer. What a promising career path. Very eligible indeed. Wait, no, I think what Karen Moy is trying to say is that he's a player on the field AND off. And in those mom jeans, who could resist?

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Mary Worth 1,118

When I saw panel 1 (above), I was worried that Gina had actually started her online search for Bobby Black. But then I saw panel 2, and was relieved to see she was still just thinking about starting.

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mary Worth 1,117

But what if they did?! What if the government did play with the Baroni family's brains, and the whole Bobby Black thing is just an implanted false memory? That might explain Gina's completely over-the-top obsession with a boy she hasn't seen since he was 14.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Mary Worth 1,116

In case anyone was wondering: Despite the fact that we first met Gina on July 27, today's thought bubble confirms that this story hasn't even started yet.

If you're looking for action, this is the comic strip for you. A three-weeks-long conversation at Diner, followed by watching the protagonist conduct an Internet search. Don't forget, Gina told us that her dad once witnessed a gruesome mob killing. That was good to hear about. That's about as much action as I can handle.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Mary Worth 1,114

So, the Oscar Wilde quote that Karen Moy has selected today to pay tribute to our fallen 9/11 heroes is from the play Salomé. In the play, the wickedly insane Salomé, having convinced Herod to bring her John the Baptist's head on a platter, says to the prophet's severed head:
Ah! Wherefore didst thou not
look at me, Jokanaan?
Behind thine hands and thy curses
thou didst hide thy face.
Thou didst put upon thine eyes the covering
of him who would see his God.
Well, thou hast seen thy God, Jokanaan,
but me, me, thou didst never see.
If thou hadst seen me thou wouldst have loved me.
I, I saw thee, Jokanaan, and I loved thee.
Oh, how I loved thee! I love thee yet, Jokanaan.
I love thee only. ...
I am athirst for thy beauty; I am hungry for thy body;
and neither wine nor fruits can appease my desire.
What shall I do now, Jokanaan?
Neither the floods nor the great waters
can quench my passion.
. . . Ah! ah! wherefore didst thou not
look at me, Jokanaan? If thou hadst looked at me
thou hadst loved me. Well I know that
thou wouldst have loved me,
and the mystery of love
is greater than the mystery of death.

Karen Moy has quoted some of Shakespeare's greatest villains in the past, thinking their words were noble, completely not understanding that the author was putting virtuous words in their mouths to make them more evil. I've found that funny.

But today, her ignorance has crossed into offensiveness.

Today's Full Strip

Contagion: Delightful Romp or Tedious Bore?

I saw a lot of movies this summer: Planet of the Apes, Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, to name a few. At each movie, we saw the preview for "Contagion." I was not intrigued by the preview, but Mrs. Wanders couldn't wait, and so last night we went. I can honestly say that the best thing about the movie "Contagion" was that they didn't show the preview to "Contagion."

Even Mrs. Wanders had to admit that while the subject matter greatly interested her, the movie was "not that good." I checked my watch three times. So did the man next to me. (And keep in mind, I'm pretty patient; I can sit through months of Mary Worth dialogue.)

The movie, as you no doubt know, is about an airborne virus that spreads across the globe and kills millions of people, much like the Spanish Flu in 1918 which killed one percent of the earth's population. The CDC estimates the virus in the film has an R0 (R-nought) factor of 4. Meaning that for every person who is exposed, they will expose four more people. I would say that although this movie is bad, it's R0 factor is only 2, meaning that for every person who likes it, only two will not.

The reviews are surprisingly good. It isn't a poorly made film, but it contains about eight different plots, and only two are interesting. One is dopey (Jude Law), and at least one is extremely lame (the woman in the second photo on the poster, whoever that is.)

And that preview I saw five times this summer? It pretty much shows the entire movie in about four minutes, and is much better than the full length film. So go see something else, and enjoy the Contagion preview.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Mary Worth 1,113

When I was a kid, I was nuts about GI Joe dolls. I had one that was awesome -- it would talk whenever you pulled on his dog tag chain. He'd say things like "We must hold this position!" and "Man the machine gun!" and "We can only do the best we can with what we have where we are!"

Mary has gone completely non sequitur. She's just saying anything that pops into her brain.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, September 9, 2011

Mary Worth 1,112

I had a dream last night myself. I dreamed that an ostrich worked at 7-Eleven and sold me a Slurpee. I'm sure there's a lot of truth in my dream.

In yesterday's comments, long time MW&M reader made a very perceptive comment on why Karen Moy has used the surname Black twice within one year. Read it here.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mary Worth 1,110

I remember calling a girl for a date while I was still in high school. I had written out my script. I dialed her number a dozen times, but I hung up each time before I got to the last digit. When she canceled our date, I cried and cried. I loved her so. But now that I know that love has no fear, I must go see her. If only I knew where she lived. If only I could remember her name.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Mary Worth 1,109

Clearly, Mary Worth is not a very good listener. But then, who can blame her. I faded out on Gina's story at "Happy was the only way we knew to be."

Today's Full Strip

Monday, September 5, 2011

Mary Worth 1,108

"Gina, it wasn't your mother's fault. It was your father's. Whatever happened to that lousy snitch?"

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Arise, ye Apes of the Planet! Arise!

Last night, Mrs. Wanders and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary by going out to see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Somehow, this seemed appropriate since on the evening I proposed, I took her to the opening of "Wayne's World."

We loved Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I'm just saying. The film features James Franco as a well intentioned, if unethical, scientist searching for the cure to Alzheimers. I have kind of liked James Franco since I learned that he was raised in Palo Alto, California, where I was raised. Also, he was an excellent Green Goblin Junior.

Of course, Franco's boss is a less ethical, money-driven chap who you just know is going to meet a grizzly death in the end. SPOILER ALERT: He does.

Franco ends up rescuing a baby chimp named Caesar (played by Gollum) who has been genetically infused with the experimental drug passed on from his mother who was put down for getting too rowdy in the lab.

From there, it is just a matter of time before apes party it up in San Francisco like it's 1999.

This movie made me smile for many reasons. I spent much of my childhood attending "Go Ape" festivals at movie theaters in the Bay Area. Mom would drop us off and we would watch three Planet of the Apes movies in a row. Kids would shout and throw things from the balcony. Ushers would dress up like apes and run down the aisles and we would chase them all over the theater in the dark. We'd emerge from our simian rapture fueled up on popcorn and Joo-Joo Bees (not a good combination for your molars. Trust me on that), and run around the neighborhood with our tongues pressed behind our lower lips, scratching our armpits, and grunting "Hu hu hu."

So, I can totally recommend Rise of the Planet of the Apes to anyone who watched these films as a kid, or, if you still are a kid, whose parents made you watch any of the originals (like my kids). Also, keep in mind, this recommendation is coming from a man who blogs about Mary Worth.

The following preview is one of those previews that probably shows you more than you want to know if you plan to see the movie, but if you don't plan to see it, it could change your mind.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Mary Worth 1,107

It's a good thing I'm not a coffee drinker, or I would have sprayed coffee all over my computer monitor when I read this.

I've said it before. Mary Worth is the funniest comic strip ever. Why don't people get that?

Today's Full Strip

Friday, September 2, 2011

Mary Worth 1,106

There is a reason why newspapers all over the country are cutting Mary Worth from their pages: It's just too AWESOME. We don't deserve such awesomeness. It needs to be taken from us. Maybe, someday, when we are worthy, it can be restored, but for now, we gaze ignobly upon the holy ark.

By the way, you can find Bobby Black on Facebook.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Mary Worth 1,105

Just one more thing? Geez, if I were Gina's mother I'd have an entire list of things, starting with, "Promise me you'll never cut your ponytail..."

But I'm sure you have your own ideas. If you were Gina's dying mother, what would be the one thing you'd make Gina do to help you find peace?

Today's Full Strip