You people have me laughing out loud with your zingers. Thank you!
I wonder if Wanders checks MW at random or if he quit the strip cold turkey. (Incidentally, perhaps cold turkey will be served at the wedding reception.) Eve and Saul’s upcoming nuptials could either lead him to contemplate a return or reinforce his decision to retire.
Will Eve and Saul write their own vows? Somehow “dogs are good!” will figure in - woof.
Mary: Well, what wonderful news. And isn't it great that I happened by when I did? Come on, Saul, we wouldn't want Eve to settle for that teensy, weensy little chip, would we? Actually, what is that thing anyway? Is it even a diamond?
Ah!... It's been a good day for meddling. Mary's eagle eye spies Eve and Saul out of place without their dogs and figures there's news here. Never mind that she could have continued on her way and let them tell her their news later. No, she has to barge into the jewelry store as if she had ANY reason to casually stop by. Fancy indeed...
Inwardly, Mary seethes. "Just look a them, basking in the glow of each other. They didn't even think to thank me for bringing them together. They couldn't be bothered to acknowledge that I'm completely responsible for their happiness. Of all the rude, self-centered ingrates. Well if they think I'm going to hand-sew wedding outfits for Max and Greta, they've got another think coming!"
A little too much emphasis on Eve and Saul being "straightforward people". Who talks like that? Eve's comments to Mary sound as if she has been rehearsing them since Saul asked her to marry him. I'm betting her speech originally included explaining why she and Saul were having NO guests at their wedding, so I think Saul will be in hot water for inviting Mary... I also anticipate a change of venue, since I'm pretty sure the Santa Royale court house won't admit dogs...
Wow, what haste! No meeting with an attorney to draft a prenup? Is there going to be a honeymoon? Who’s moving in with whom, or are they maintaining two residences?
I can hardly wait to see Eve’s Bedazzled bandanna.
"Excuse me? Did you just tell me you're not getting married by a minister of the Lord? Well I don't think so! Look, I'M the one who brought you two together. I'M the one who pushed all the right buttons. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm going sit in that filthy court house with all those scuzzy criminals just to witness some quickie sham of a pagan wedding. No, you'll get married WHEN and WHERE I say, is that clear?"
I notice that they tell Mary a fuzzy date (in a few days?). I hope Mary shows up on the wrong day and/or the wrong time. Although, in the long run it probably won't matter. She'll just meddle who ever is there at the time.
Friday “Thanks, Mary…We’d like that! Can we bring Max and Greta?” HAHAHAHAHAHA etc. etc.
What I’d like to see: Mary fixes a cold, withering eye on Eve and Saul and says, “Two more idiots who think their spoiled dogs are welcome anywhere — gaah! No, you may NOT bring those yappy, shedding, slobbering creatures into my home! Get your own dinner somewhere else! Humpf!!”
What Mary will say: “Certainly! I’ll make a special meal just for those darlings, with home-baked dog treats for dessert!”
I wonder if Jeff is allergic to dogs as well as cats.
Saul and Eve may be able to have their minimalist wedding, but the reception is now in Mary’s hands. This may be the meddle of the century. She’ll invite people the newlyweds barely know, if at all. She’ll make it a citywide pool party, catered in her own inimitable fashion—rancid salmon squares and inedible muffin cake. Oh, Eve and Saul, you poor innocent kids. I told you to go to Vegas. There must be a hotel that takes dogs.
@fauxprof: ah rancid salmon squares; inedible muffin cake...I wonder what else Mary might serve. @KitKat is correct, I'm sure; there will be dog treats. Will it be a muffin wedding cake? How about cocktail weenies? Banana nut bread? Tuna casserole? Perhaps some unidentifiable green glop? Will she invite Toby and Ian? I'm getting nervous thinking about Wilbur being on the guest list, but maybe he doesn't even know them. Not that that would stop him, of course.
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the meddlingest of all?”
Breakneck pace indeed! Are the lovebirds rushing to tie the knot before one of them keels over? We know they’re not expecting a blessed event, unless Greta and Max are (1) unaltered and (2) more than buddies.
I guess Mary’s wardrobe consists solely of purple garments.
The night before, Wilbur took Saul to the Wiggle Inn Gentlemen's Club for a two-man bachelor party and they both got hammered. They were singing "I'm Getting Married in the Morning" at the top of their lungs when the police arrived. They let Saul go, but now he can barely move.
A lovely ceremony, and it’s wonderful they were able to get Sonia Sotomayor to fly in on such short notice. (When Mary invites her for salmon squares after, she can politely decline citing the disclosure forms required in the wake of the Justice Thomas imbroglio).
As others have said this is truly breakneck speed for anything in the Worthiverse (let alone for a normal wedding). Karen must be getting tired of these two as rapidly as we are.
Sorry, I do not for one moment believe they wouldn't have their dogs attend the ceremony. It's not like they have any actual friends to attend, Mary's only there because she bumped into them at the jewelry store and invited herself.
Mary was the sole guest at the wedding of charming Sean Hastings and Hana Lana Dingdon. Took them to lunch at Jerry’s Sandwich Shop. Say Yes to the Guest! (Not that you’ll have much choice when Mary Worth is in charge).
meg, you have a remarkable memory. Sean Hastings and his lovely bride, Hana Dingdon, are another example of married couples disappearing in the Worthiverse.
WE INTERRUPT THE EVE-SAUL NUPTIALS FOR… LABOR DAY! Starring Mary Worth as Mary the Meddler, champion of the American worker! What a surprise! She even found a non-purple outfit. Mary’s bicep looks somewhat puny; organizing the wedding dinner interfered with her workout time.
Tomorrow: Eve will ask Justice Sotomayor to repeat her question because she’s forgotten what’s going on, and Max is not present to remind her. BTW, the ceremony seems to be outdoors, in some sort of archway between buildings, so why were Max and Greta not there?
This is the first moment alone together that Max and Greta have had in ages- so of course they’re trashing Saul’s apartment while they have the chance. Ripped up newspapers, soiled floors, kitchen counters bearing doggie footprints, and incessant barking….Good times…
We interrupt this wedding to celebrate Labor Day, and to give June the opportunity to use…COLOR! Not only do we have bright red (proving that it exists), but Mary the Riveter is arrayed in a blue jumpsuit instead of her perpetual purple.
Great references, everyone! I didn't see Eve saying "I DO!", so I'm not sure Justice Sotomayor 's ceremony is legal. And even tearful Mary comes across as a voyeur, not a wedding guest. Cue the smug-athon that will be Mary's next coffee klatsch with Toby.
HOORAY! June's craftsmanship on her word bubbles is usually impeccable; today she gives us Justice Sotomayor rapidly belting out "Inowpronounceyou HUSBAND and WIFE!" while making eye contact with her Uber driver. Like any of us she can't wait to see the last of these two, and must be having regrets about delaying a full docket of civil rights cases in order to officiate.
Before heading back to DC I hope she serves Mary with a hefty fine for slapping that "CLAP CLAP CLAP!" bumper sticker on city property. (She could yell "HOORAY" on her own, but clearly needed this silent affirmation of her own pivotal role in their wedded bliss).
After the world’s saddest wedding, the world’s saddest reception will follow. Who would want to have Mary’s dinner in Mary’s apartment— with Mary? (When they could be on their way to the Goleta Holiday Inn for the world’s saddest honeymoon).
I see that Saul and Eve figured out that a little exclaiming over Mary's cooking is saving them the high price tag of a wedding reception. Unfortunately, the only scenery they will observe during their nuptial dinner is Mr. Allora mowing the grass outside Mary's apartment.
By “Let’s enjoy it after dinner!” Mary means “Ruin my meticulously prepared dinner with that cheap sludge you bought at Dollar Major?! We’ll save it for afterwards, when we’re too hammered to notice how disgusting it is.”
You’d think Mary would’ve changed out of her purple wedding duds to make dinner, but no. That floppy bow, circa 1987, is spotless.
Max has his own room? Eve’s apartment must be way bigger than Mary’s. Mary’s dining room table can barely accommodate three people.
Ah, the wedding dinner! Mary’s having her usual “healthy salad” (she’s still dodging that bullet from years ago), Saul has salisbury steak with mayo, limp asparagus, and an English muffin, and Eve has … the rest of the asparagus.
Meh.. Nothing celebratory about this meal. Unless JB has them popping the cork on that champagne tomorrow, I predict breakfast with Toby as Mary churns up the Charterstone gossip grapevine.
And how exactly does a dog know it has its "own room"?! A show of some teeth or a growl to Greta if she crosses the threshold to Max's domain? I hope Saul doesn't have to split the rent in half. He's getting the short end of this deal...
LouiseF, Saul’s getting the short end of the deal in more ways than one. All Eve has to do is grab him by the scruff of his neck, or sit on him. Remember how her former husband, Gary, used to trip her? She’s not making that mistake again.
The dogs are eating at the table?!! Max has his own room?! Thank heavens they are moving to Eve's apartment. We'll never hear from these two (four?) again.
And really, it is telling that Jeff isn't there. Most people would include a significant other in such a 'celebration'. I'm sure Mary doesn't want Jeff getting any ideas.
In a world where dogs and cats can perform synchronized yoga, I suppose they can also be taught to sit at the table and eat with forks and knives.
MissScarlet - I'm thinking Jeff got bumped in order that Max and Greta could attend. If I remember correctly, the reason why Mary had to dump Chester the beagle was because Jeff is allergic to dogs.
Can we wind up this reception dinner so that we never need see Eve and Saul and their bow-tied and bandannad dogs again? Although I agree, in general, that dogs are good, the whole little geriatric family needs to go into the happy Worthiverse ever after.
Unfortunately, we are overdue for a Wilbur storyline, and he will never successfully pair up and disappear forever.
Oh, I wonder what dessert will be. Something that goes with champagne, right? Strawberries and cream? Bran muffin wedding cake? Splak on toast?
And don't you wonder about that 'painting' behind Mary? What the heck is that? A sketch of dying flowers? Random scribbling? It's quite evocative of a two-year-old using crayon on a wall.
Mary really pulled out all the stops for this wedding party. Woo wee! Excitement! Hope all this will won't short circuit the happy couples' pacemakers.
WOOF! WOOF! THEY DID! HAHAHA! Now everyone freeze awkwardly in place for a perfect 1980s sitcom ending.
I don’t think Mary could pull off the piping work on those roses, she clearly add the cake Fedexed in from John Dill’s Manhattan atelier (or Food Team) and is passing it off as her own.
I don't know any dogs, ever, who wouldn't be tearing into that cake now.
Now that Mary has been profusely thanked, that should be the end of this nonsense. Saul has had a good run, but I think that's the last we'll see of him, now that Mary has solved all of his problems. She killed off his dog. She befriended his niece and her special spiced banana bread. She got him a new dog and now she's got him a wife. Run, Saul, run! There's not telling what could happen next.
Ugh, so much for hoping yesterday’s champagne and cake were the end of this dreck! It looks like we’re stuck for another week, friends. Perhaps Mary hasn’t been gushed over sufficiently for making all this possible.
Something has happened to Max and Greta. Did June hire a sub to do the artwork? Meanwhile, I’m hoping Saul gets his schnoz stuck in that wine glass.
Poor Saul. He ended Saturday's strip saying he had "a few words to say", but he didn't get a word in edgewise until late Sunday. And looking at the precarious angle those champagne glasses are clinking at today, I'm thinking there's a double meaning to Mary's wanting to "toast" these two...
Dr. Cameron and Steve, The best "freeze frames" came at the end of the Police Squad TV shows. They would "freeze", but the action would continue- coffee overflowing a cup, a thief trying to get away, etc.
I'm keeping you Greata, my collection of 3 dozen yellow polka dot bow ties and my trusty old faux leather lazy boy recliner that has sheets of brown plastic peeling off.
Since the champagne didn't spill out of those precariously tilted glasses, I'm guessing it's some bottom-shelf gelatinous sludge that Mary found at Budget Booze, Wilbur's favorite retailer.
Let’s hope that Saul’s sweaters and bow ties are among the old stuff he’s going to toss. I picture the long-suffering Mr. Allora confronted with piles of broken furniture and bags of rubbish.
Is there room in Eve’s apartment for 37 framed photos of Greta?
Mary, always the scintillating conversationalist...Asking Saul if he has a "lot to move". Possible answers from Saul: "No, I have a nice wheelbarrow full of stuff." "Well, I DID, but Eve has nixed most of my beer can hat collection. I can't understand it, because they make a really tasteful-looking pyramid in my apartment." "I'm kind of embarrassed that I haven't bought new underwear since 1984, so I might as well move and then go shopping!" "Why, Mary? Are you volunteering to help me move?"
It’s only Tuesday. We have at least another week of this inane conversation, and then probably another week while Mary tells Toby all about it. At least Toby has vodka to get her through it.
Eve and Saul are violating one of the primary laws of the Worthiverse. Once you’re married, you disappear into the happily ever after. I sense a disturbance in the Force!
A disturbance in the Force indeed - Saul and Greta are wearing blue bow ties, and Eve and Max are sporting blue bandannas. Is this to denote they are a newly blended family? Did Saul already vacate his former digs? Despite his mention of patience, is Saul annoyed that he and Greta have been cooling their heels waiting for Eve and Max? And, has Eve changed her surname to reflect her marriage? [snore]
KitKat, at least the topic of Eve's surname might be a little more interesting than whether or not Eve and Max are ready for a walk. What's next, the dogs, barking, chase a squirrel up a tree and discover Wilbur spying on his neighbors while Eve and Saul cuddle on a nearby bench? I can hardly wait...
Could this possibly be a set up? A double mugging in the park? Lyle Van Man taking revenge on the old newly-weds? Heart failure while strolling? Anything? Anything?
KM is bored. June is bored. We’re all bored. We are in an infinite closed loop with no escape. We have entered the Twilight Zone section of the Worthiverse where the happy married couples go. We’re all trapped. Dogs are good.
Yeah, how can Karen and June just churn out this tedious dreck day after day after day? Don't they bore themselves to death?
Or, in another sense, bore themselves to life?
In Catch-22, there is a character named Dunbar who wanted to live as long as possible, and he was convinced that boredom actually made time slow down. Not that it "seemed" to make time slow down, but that it actually did. Here's a quote from the book:
“Dunbar loved shooting skeet because he hated every minute of it and the time passed so slowly. He had figured out that a single hour on the skeet-shooting range with people like Havermeyer and Appleby could be worth as much as eleven-times-seventeen years."
Didn't they walk the dogs together before they married? The only difference I can see in this "happy family" is that all scarves and bow ties are now the same color. June wants us to see that all is in harmony, I guess. Providing she's awake, of course.
Eve is not a big online person but is open to learning new things. In the Worthiverse this means certain doom. Perhaps she’ll fall in love with the dashing Arther or fall for the Enormousshop.com credit card scam that did Toby in.
“I made some space in the corner of the balcony for your computer desk. I suppose you’ll need an extra-long extension cord to plug it in. Here’s a plastic drop cloth to cover it with in case it rains, or if birds fly over.”
Let’s hope Eve’s apartment has two bathrooms.
Scottie, you have lifted the standards of this strip mightily by quoting from “Catch-22.” Huzzah!
You know what the worst part of all this is? Now I can't get that old Connie Francis song, "Who's Saulie Now?" out of my head. You're welcome. Hey, why should I suffer alone?
@hmmmm...not only hilarious, but kinda true. Who the heck is this guy? We never heard him so much as make a nice aside before. Now he's dripping with the love, sweet, happy family gunk. Maybe body snatchers have landed in Santa Royale.
MEANWHILE… packing to MOVE… SIGH… something I’m FAMILIAR with…
That segue was almost as rapid and jarring as Saulie’s marriage proposal. And there are almost as many ellipses as moving boxes. Is our Masked Taper familiar with moving, or with ogling jeans-clad derrières? Inquiring minds want to know!
(At first I’d hoped our beloved and itinerant Ashlee may be wending her way home from the Goleta waitressing gig, but on looking further it seems the same gentleman is familiar with moving and showing off said derrière. Let’s hope he doesn’t remind Eve of anyone so our Matched Set can ride off into the sunset.)
Moving boxes, guitar, can rock a pair of jeans, (nice work, June). Is it someone moving from Charterstone? Tommy? Surely Iris has stopped paying the rent on the apartment by now. More intriguing, someone moving to Charterstone? Could there be a Dawn storyline pending? Ah, reminds me of Dave.
In my building, there is a week to ten days between a resident moving out and a new one moving in - paint the apartment, replace or clean carpets, fix any damages - Charterstone maintenance must be really fast to turn over an apartment so quickly.
Good to see the California Penal System has rehabilitated Wayne the Kidnapper, and he now has a useful skill- watching smaller men move furniture. He’ll come in handy when they move the piano and he carries the piano stool.
I applaud KM's recent siting Mary in all the right places so as to be a witness to the latest news at Charterstone, but it's getting a little heavy-handed when she just happens to come by at the moment Neil Young is moving in with his guitar. Maybe Daryl Hannah threw him out. I sense a new song about to be written..
Well, yesterday's hind sight indicated a new, well-built character in this strip. Today's profile, however, looks definitely more beefy than yesterday's. But lo! Do I detect a glint in Mary's eye? Whoh ho....watch out Dr. Jeff, there's some new muffin eaters in town.
Out in the Charterstone condomium complex I fell into chatting with a white haired old hag Nighttime then found me still on my doorstep Holding my belongings as Mary did nag.
Bloodshot and blue were the eyes of this biddie Wicked and evil while casting her spell I tried to escape without losing my soul, But I was trapped in a pure living hell.
Just then a flamboyant old Scotsman appeared Drunk as a skunk and sporting a beard, Pompous and overbearing, Our chat he was sharing, And that’s when things began to get weird.
“What’s tha matter wi’ thee, laddie? Hae ye ne’er seen a sporran before? An’ I’ll show ye me dirk, if ye wait for a minute.” That’s when I dropped my belongings to the floor.
“Ay, ye wee b——-d, ye’ ve broken ma bluidy foot! I’ll show ye what a Cameron can do to a mite.” I got away as fast as I could, But he limped fast himself as I got out of sight.
Out to the parking lot I hustled, Out where the cars were all parked, I chose a good one (actually a pink Oldsmobuick) I hoped that it could run, I hot wired it and sped away in the dark.
@meg and @Scottie, you are firing on all cylinders! I’m amazed that the melody of “ El Paso” is still in my brain after so many years. (Not as many years as Mary has.)
Ooh, Mary seems smitten, blabbing way too much. We haven’t seen her like this since Ken Kensington came to her aid in Central Park.
Looks to me that KM married off Saul and Eve so she could finally introduce a new character.
So just keep standing there, Mary, asking inane question after inane question. I'm sure Mr. Hillend won't mind holding the box full of his possessions for another, say, thirty minutes or so. As a man, it IS his job after all. He will need to get up to his apartment soon, though, so he can start practicing for the guitar performance he's going to do at the Charterstone Chat and Chew this Friday...
Oh my. A real manly man. Be still my heaving stomach. Someone better go check on KM. She may have bumped her head when she swooned herself right off her chair.
I am not the Gunsmoke advocate! I am the delirious El Paso gal who cannot seem to get the final bit of my song posted. I am in Switzerland, and I fear that the USA is blocking my dirndyl/lederhosen wearing socialistic sarcastic humor! Please! I’m a loyal American!
I wonder if Keith is related to James Arness (Gunsmoke) or Peter Graves (Mission Impossible)? He looks like he could be. But Mary sure isn't Miss Kitty or any of the female leads on the TV version of Mission Impossible.
On the other hand, Keith seems to think that Mary could only be useful as a mover. But Mary could do all kinds of helpful things; like asking Mr. Allora to bring his hand truck and help Keith move in, for instance.
Meg- I can't watch Gunsmoke anymore without laughing. I have a friend from Dodge City that pointed out it is flat and there are no mountains or gulches to be seen. My part of Kansas is actually hilly. And we have trees! I would dare anyone to question your loyalty!
Hold on to your hats, folks! We are in for at least a week of rollicking good fun, trying to guess what's in this drifter's Hefty bag. I hope it's a medicine ball.
Mary: I will help you. Hillen: That's not necessary, carrying stuff is a man's job. Mary: Please let me help. Hillen: No ma'am, I can do it myself. Mary: thinking: "He doesn't know who he is dealing with. If I say I will help, he will comply." Mary- trips him. "That should show him". Mary- Oh, my. Let me help you! Hillen: If you insist. You can start by calling 911 and getting me help with my broken leg.
Just another example of the ham-handed way KM attempts to insert suspense into the "plot". You're going to help move, Mary? Really? We know you are really trying to nose your way into this guy's life so as to have some meaty gossip for a chat with Toby..I hope there's a severed head in that bag...
Ah! @Louise and the Comics Curmudgeon agree that there is a severed head in the bag. But as @hmmmmm pointed out, it would be hilarious if it was a medicine ball. Or maybe some 20 pound weights (Mary falls to the ground with a resounding splat). How about a cat? Dirty underwear? Inquiring minds want to know!
In all her babbling about Mr. Wynter, Mary has no time to mention Greta and Dognapping Lyle Lovett.
“That’s nice. Okay, thanks for your help.” SLAM!!! SOUND OF DOOR LOCKING!!!
Keith seems like our kind of guy. However… ”Hello Toby, it’s Mary. I just met the new resident who moved into Saul Wynter’s apartment. He’s REALLY strange! I think he’s hiding something, something BIG! Don’t worry, I’m determined to get to the bottom of it!”
Oh fooey! I've fallen for the typical Moy feint again. No severe head. No nothing. Keith hurriedly closes the door. What a wise man. He's already got Mary's number.
Hi,I’m Mary Worth and I suffer from the incurable disease of nosiness. Even though your body language clearly says you are not interested, I will continue to talk and pry until you have no choice but to interact with me. If that doesn’t work, I will be knocking on your door all times of the day and night with my magic muffins, guaranteed to make me your new spiritual leader. Welcome to Charterstone!
I thought Mary had some sort of official position at Charterstone - not landlord exactly - it's not like she owns the compound - but building manager or resident advisor or something? Can anyone shed light? Perhaps I am confused as this poor new resident must be at this point..
Keith is still holding the box. What happened to the bag Mary was (supposedly) bringing to 'help'? Mary looks like she's getting ready to devour him whole and Keith looks like it's dawning on him that Santa Royale is just across the border of the Twilight Zone.
Even a saint like Mother Teresa might get irritated by Can't-Take-a-Hint Mary. And given the vagaries of gluten intolerance, lactose issues, meat/seafood, etc, Mary is going out on a limb with that "hearty casserole", which you know has to have tuna, mushroom soup, and canned green beans as its base. And maybe some canned onion rings as a garnish...
If you are like me you are simultaneously yelling, "Leave him alone, you old biddy"; while also thinking, 'hmmm, but what is he hiding?'. Unfortunately, if the past is any guide, Moy won't provide us with anything fun for Mr. Hillend. No spy, terrorist, criminal on the run, a steroid using body builder, or even a prospective new buyer for the apartment complex. We'll be lucky if Keith turns out to be someone who can't hold a job and so has to keep skipping out on the rent.
Mary's blatant nosiness has rarely been as on display as it is in this strip. She's "curious" about her neighbor's story and believes that delivering a Hearty Casserole will result in her curiosity being satisfied. Not unless you laced it with truth serum or some other substance that induces loquacity... Poor Mr. Hillend is in for it.
I don’t think I’ve ever disliked Mary more intensely. Having a neighbor like her would be a nightmare. Even Wilbur wouldn’t be this clueless! I kinda hope Keith is a serial killer!
One can only hope for a severed head in the garbage bag. But it will most likely be a story of Mr. Hillend playing his music too loudly. We already received two clues for my hypothesis: He lived one floor above Mary, and she called him "the strong >>silent<< type." Mwahahahaha! Silent? I don't think so! Wanders, pleeeeeease come back. You are so thoroughly missed!!!!
This story line does have some potential of turning into something that would be at least mildly interesting. Finally, we've found a character who HATES Mary Worth! Alas, that's exactly why, instead, KM will turn this into another snooze-fest by having Mr. Hillend fall under Mary's spell. Just one taste of her home cooking will have him falling to his knees and sobbing. It seems that ever since his beloved mother died, he's been traveling the country, a lonely troubadour just hoping, praying to find something that would taste as delicious as dear, departed Mom's Hearty Casserole. Our only hope is that it turns out to be his mother's head in the Hefty bag.
We can assume that Mary has mobilized her contacts in the FBI, CIA, NSA, and the condo board and that they are compiling a joint dossier on Mr. Hillend . . . if that is his real name.
Yeah, I too think Moy won't give us a really juicy story, even though this is a terrific set up for it. My guess is that Mr. Hillend will be so rude that Mary will finally have to admit that he doesn't like her. She will be miffed and depart in a huff. Unfortunately, Keith will then have a heart attack... or fall down the stairs...or dive in the pool and hit his head...or get food poisoning? And Mary will come to the rescue. And then Hillend will have to annoint her, as everyone else has to eventually do.
Keith calls his friend: Hello, Lyle? Yeah, bring over the new dogs. The old biddy here says there are plenty of them here, ripe for the picking. One's apparently a dachshund just like Noodle. Some old geezer owns it, so it shouldn't be too hard to get. Stock up on Cheap! Dog food. There's only one bag left. The nosy old bat carried it in for me.
With a name like Keith Hillend, he can't possibly be a Stalker; in fact Mary is the one shamelessly stalking him. There must be some other explanation. (Feverishly enters "Keith Hillend" into Words With Friends anagram solver app)
Hmm.. the only possible solution that pops out is "Hellkite Hind". Wiktionary defines hellkite as "A person who is cruel and wicked, like a devil." Sounds legit so far, certainly only an extremely depraved hellkite would pass up an opportunity for a chat with Mary.
Hind has a suprising number of meanings listed; clearly the one most applicable is: "Scottish (archaic) - A skilled labourer on a farm, especially a ploughman. In Southern Scotland, specifically a married skilled farmworker given housing in a cottage and often given special privileges in addition to his wages. Occasionally a derogatory term."
And so the mystery persists. Only a hearty casserole will get to the bottom of this.
(Hearty casserole is itself an anagram of "researches Latoya", so by the process of induction we learn he in fact *is* a stalker who had to move on after taking things one step too far with Ms Jackson).
@Scottie, thanks for translating the cursing yesterday (make that the £<+&%! cursing)!
@Miss Scarlet, if Mr. Hillend encounters danger, Mary’s tummy brain will no doubt alert her so she rescue him. We might even see her in her nightie, diving into the pool.
I bet Wanders would have a field day with Nosy Mary and the taciturn Keith [sigh].
Today, Keith reveals to Mary that he is a competitor in cooking shows, traveling around the country, hoping to catch the eye of Guy Furore as he demonstrates his patented “1,001 ways to cook a head……..of cabbage.” So far, Guy has ignored Keith and his flamboyant cooking style. Mary offers to help Keith, and they bond over Kelk-stuffed cabbage rolls, wearing matching lavender chef’s aprons.
Next up, Guy’s new show, ‘Just Dives’, visits The Bum Boat.
Well, folks, I do believe that KM has broken her own record! Once again, she's proven that no one can ruin a potentially good story line faster than she can!
I just knew that casserole was going to include tuna, probably the watery, shard-like, cheap stuff that Mary got, 5 for $1.00 at Food Team. It's so watery, it soaks up the spiffy, baked onion rings, rendering them soggy masses that could get caught in an unsuspecting new neighbor's throat.. I doubt Mary will stick around for dinner, not that he's asking her. We have two more weekdays, though, so I'm sure we can drag out the dinner drama until at least Friday. Next up: Mary discovers her neighbor has not unpacked his dinnerware, sending her on a mission to bring over some of her best Melmac.
Well, Keith has certainly changed. Either he has met Wilbur, Dawn, Toby, etc. and has been force fed the standard rule of Chartestone behavior. Or he finally found his happy-chill-pills while he was unpacking.
Too bad about his arm though. @ Kitkat, I doubt that Mary is any good at snapping scapula back into place.
On a personal note: raised Catholic, my mother made tuna casserole many Fridays (when she wasn't cooking filet of sole into oblivion). My father refused to eat onions, so no onion rings. We could only afford the cheap canned tuna, and as my mother hated to cook, she always used canned mushroom soup. I can't go near that stuff now. Makes me gag just to think about it.
Before they were married, my father made my mother promise that she would NEVER make tuna casserole. Her mother had made it, and he "accidentally" dropped his on his lap, then made a hasty exit.
As a consequence, we never had to eat it, except at Grandma's, when Dad always seemed to have an urgent late appointment. It had potato chips on top. I never asked for the recipe.
In today’s New York Times: “16 Dishes for Someone Going Through a Hard Time” (e.g. moving, etc.). Tuna casserole is not mentioned.
New backstory for Keith: He’s a backup guitarist for Dead & Company, and he’s quit because he “just can’t stand TO HEAR #@*%$ TRUCKIN’ ANOTHER #@*%$ TIME!” Mary agrees, then asks him to strum something else from the Grateful Dead- maybe “Touch of Grey”? Keith bursts into tears.
His voice says he's "open minded about food", but the look on his face says "I've suffered through something like this that my mom called 'Prairie Hot Dish'." Straight off the Conestoga Wagon.
I am now thinking that Keith is an ex-convict. He was into body building while in prison. And of course, he had to eat prison food, which is probably just about as tasty as tuna casserole. If 'open minded' means not wanting to go hungry, he will love Mary's muffins.
Maybe he’s in the Witness Protection Program! After being an informant against the Poindexter Crime Family of Goleta, he’s hunkering down in Charterstone, hoping that enforcer Willard Poindexter won’t be able to find him. Eventually he’ll be the subject of one of Wilbur’s “ I shouldn’t be alive, but…” columns.
Who displays framed photos of only himself? Hmm. Also, note that Keith did not specify “the USMC” (there’s no flag in the photo) or “the [city] police force.” Perhaps he’s in the Witless Protection Program.
OK, so Keith isn't an ex-con (probably). And he moved a lot because he was in the service. But surely he didn't move often as a police officer (and don't call me Shirley!).
Of course, he doesn't actually say "officer". He says he worked on the "police force", so maybe he worked undercover? And travelled a lot? Mary's gonna need more than 1 casserole to crack this nut.
Seriously? I think we should let Wanders go. He's been absent for at least 6 months. He clearly is only keeping this blog up and going for our sake. Why don't we just accept the fact that he's gone and he's not coming back. Let's just all post one last comment and let poor Wanders shut MW&M die a natural death.
@kitkat, certainly you're aware that the most efficient mode of unpacking and arranging ones' photos is by subject matter. We just so happen to be seeing the intersection of his framed headshots atop his hutch containing his copy of 'TAR'.
@hmmm, we’re approaching four months since Wanders last posted (June 5). I expect he’s enjoying life after Mary. After all he did for so long, a hearty “Thank you!” as he rides off into the sunset is okay with me (sniff).
KitKat - I don't know. It's just that the poor guy told us he wanted to retire. And here we still are, not letting him do so. Is he keeping this blog up, at his expense, because he feels guilty about shutting it down?
I guess I should get onboard to say "Goodbye". It has been a while and everyone is right. Wanders has gone above and beyond to provide us a forum to discuss, ridicule, and support each other through the awful storylines. If Wanders decides it is time, it will be with a heavy heart I say goodbye to all of you.
Jeez, just when we’re discussing saying farewell, KM throws a curveball. She’s torturing us! Of course, KM being KM, the helium will escape from this balloon in record time.
Ever since Mary laid her peepers on Keith, desperation has reared its head, culminating in her fishing for compliments for her tuna casserole (no pun intended). ”People have often praised it over the years”? Something like, “As awful as your tuna casserole is, it’s not as bad as your salmon squares, Mary. Those could poison a dog!”?
@meg, maybe it’s Drew Corey at the door. Or Ashlee?
I am so surprised that Moy can surprise me. Too right @KitKat, who can give up on MW now? I'm on pins and needles...well, until the anticipation is deflated, anyway.
And @Thunderheels, you are right. Wanders is too wonderful to subject to the tortures of Mary's harassment. But I kinda do hope she keeps going on Keith (judgement and all).
Geez... Mary is pathetically needy if she needs validation for her tuna casserole. The real reason she brought that casserole over was to gather intelligence in her role as Santa Royale Sleuth. I think she gets a rent rebate for reporting on her neighbors. Looks like she's hitting pay dirt with Mr. Hillend
Security at Charterstone must be extremely lax. Did Wilbur hold the door open for Miss? He’s probably still trawling for female companionship after Estelle dumped him.
You know, most people understand that if you want to have a dialogue about something, let alone a potential relationship, it's best not to be aggressive and confrontational off the bat. Even if Keith abandoned her pregnant mother, I doubt that Miss will win Keith's affections in this manner. @Scotty, too right; Mary will have to give her a muffin tutorial.
I bet this is tied to that mysterious garbage bag Keith dropped in front of Mary. I predict drama, tears, etc. for the next month. Then Keith will finally open up to Mary and show her what is in that garbage bag which will change everything. More muffins will be served and all will be well for Mary to gloat about at the next Charterstone pool party. I'm also getting annoyed that all the women who are guest stars, Ashlee, etc., are such shrews. But then again, considering the men of MW, it does make sense.
Mary makes the gracious gesture of leaving, confident in the fact that the bugging device she left behind one of Keith’s pictures will keep her fully informed.
1,697 comments:
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I wonder if Wanders checks MW at random or if he quit the strip cold turkey. (Incidentally, perhaps cold turkey will be served at the wedding reception.) Eve and Saul’s upcoming nuptials could either lead him to contemplate a return or reinforce his decision to retire.
Will Eve and Saul write their own vows? Somehow “dogs are good!” will figure in - woof.
Reverend Sweater Vest to assembled guests:
“If anyone here knows any reason why this gnome and this woman shall not be married, speak…”
“Max, did he say SPEAK? “ “Sure did, Greta…”NOW…” “WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!” “… or forever hold your peace.”
“Can’t hold it!” “Let’s get out of here!”
Mary must think no one goes anywhere except her. She is always so surprised to see someone, or in this case, some couple, in a public place.
“Fancy meeting you guys HERE!” (Mary surreptitiously checks the tracking device concealed in her handbag.)
What?! Max and Greta don’t have a say, err, woof in the ring selection? Tsk tsk, Eve and Saul will regret their mistake when they get home.
Mary: Well, what wonderful news. And isn't it great that I happened by when I did? Come on, Saul, we wouldn't want Eve to settle for that teensy, weensy little chip, would we? Actually, what is that thing anyway? Is it even a diamond?
Looks like Saul and Eve are celebrating their engagement at the local Golden Corral cafeteria!
Ah!... It's been a good day for meddling. Mary's eagle eye spies Eve and Saul out of place without their dogs and figures there's news here. Never mind that she could have continued on her way and let them tell her their news later. No, she has to barge into the jewelry store as if she had ANY reason to casually stop by. Fancy indeed...
Inwardly, Mary seethes. "Just look a them, basking in the glow of each other. They didn't even think to thank me for bringing them together. They couldn't be bothered to acknowledge that I'm completely responsible for their happiness. Of all the rude, self-centered ingrates. Well if they think I'm going to hand-sew wedding outfits for Max and Greta, they've got another think coming!"
-- Scottie
Thanks, Scotty! I was waiting for students to finish some writing and it was all I could do not to laugh out loud!
Huzzah!
A little too much emphasis on Eve and Saul being "straightforward people". Who talks like that? Eve's comments to Mary sound as if she has been rehearsing them since Saul asked her to marry him. I'm betting her speech originally included explaining why she and Saul were having NO guests at their wedding, so I think Saul will be in hot water for inviting Mary... I also anticipate a change of venue, since I'm pretty sure the Santa Royale court house won't admit dogs...
The Courthouse? I hope they fixed the flag since the last time we were there.
(Chester never forgets)
Wow, what haste! No meeting with an attorney to draft a prenup? Is there going to be a honeymoon? Who’s moving in with whom, or are they maintaining two residences?
I can hardly wait to see Eve’s Bedazzled bandanna.
"Excuse me? Did you just tell me you're not getting married by a minister of the Lord? Well I don't think so! Look, I'M the one who brought you two together. I'M the one who pushed all the right buttons. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm going sit in that filthy court house with all those scuzzy criminals just to witness some quickie sham of a pagan wedding. No, you'll get married WHEN and WHERE I say, is that clear?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Yes, Ma'am."
-- Scottie
P.S. Thanks, Thunderheels!
I notice that they tell Mary a fuzzy date (in a few days?). I hope Mary shows up on the wrong day and/or the wrong time. Although, in the long run it probably won't matter. She'll just meddle who ever is there at the time.
FRIDAY
Eve: "What's with the "we" crap, Kemosabe?"
Friday
“Thanks, Mary…We’d like that! Can we bring Max and Greta?” HAHAHAHAHAHA etc. etc.
What I’d like to see: Mary fixes a cold, withering eye on Eve and Saul and says, “Two more idiots who think their spoiled dogs are welcome anywhere — gaah! No, you may NOT bring those yappy, shedding, slobbering creatures into my home! Get your own dinner somewhere else! Humpf!!”
What Mary will say: “Certainly! I’ll make a special meal just for those darlings, with home-baked dog treats for dessert!”
I wonder if Jeff is allergic to dogs as well as cats.
Saul and Eve may be able to have their minimalist wedding, but the reception is now in Mary’s hands. This may be the meddle of the century. She’ll invite people the newlyweds barely know, if at all. She’ll make it a citywide pool party, catered in her own inimitable fashion—rancid salmon squares and inedible muffin cake. Oh, Eve and Saul, you poor innocent kids. I told you to go to Vegas. There must be a hotel that takes dogs.
@fauxprof: ah rancid salmon squares; inedible muffin cake...I wonder what else Mary might serve. @KitKat is correct, I'm sure; there will be dog treats. Will it be a muffin wedding cake? How about cocktail weenies? Banana nut bread? Tuna casserole? Perhaps some unidentifiable green glop? Will she invite Toby and Ian? I'm getting nervous thinking about Wilbur being on the guest list, but maybe he doesn't even know them. Not that that would stop him, of course.
Engagement to wedding in less than a week! We'll never survive this breakneck pace! It's not like Moy has ever trained us for it ...
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the meddlingest of all?”
Breakneck pace indeed! Are the lovebirds rushing to tie the knot before one of them keels over? We know they’re not expecting a blessed event, unless Greta and Max are (1) unaltered and (2) more than buddies.
I guess Mary’s wardrobe consists solely of purple garments.
Oh, dear, what can Mary say to Jeff? This is sure to bring up ideas since they are 'friends'.
The night before, Wilbur took Saul to the Wiggle Inn Gentlemen's Club for a two-man bachelor party and they both got hammered. They were singing "I'm Getting Married in the Morning" at the top of their lungs when the police arrived. They let Saul go, but now he can barely move.
-- Scottie
A lovely ceremony, and it’s wonderful they were able to get Sonia Sotomayor to fly in on such short notice. (When Mary invites her for salmon squares after, she can politely decline citing the disclosure forms required in the wake of the Justice Thomas imbroglio).
As others have said this is truly breakneck speed for anything in the Worthiverse (let alone for a normal wedding). Karen must be getting tired of these two as rapidly as we are.
Sorry, I do not for one moment believe they wouldn't have their dogs attend the ceremony. It's not like they have any actual friends to attend, Mary's only there because she bumped into them at the jewelry store and invited herself.
I think Moy will have to slow this down soon. Tomorrow Eve will say her vow, "I.....
Tuesday Eve will say "...do. Wednesday, Justice Sonia will say "and I now...."
Thursday JS will say "...pronounce you husband...." And Friday she will say "and
wife". Friday, Mary will remind Justice Sotomayor that she didn't ask if anyone had
any objections. Saturday Mary will reveal that Eve's husband is still alive. And
Sunday she will have dinner at the Bum Boat with Jeff and congratulate him on being
lucky to have Mary as a 'friend'.
Mary was the sole guest at the wedding of charming Sean Hastings and Hana Lana Dingdon. Took them to lunch at Jerry’s Sandwich Shop. Say Yes to the Guest! (Not that you’ll have much choice when Mary Worth is in charge).
meg, you have a remarkable memory. Sean Hastings and his lovely bride, Hana Dingdon, are another example of married couples disappearing in the Worthiverse.
WE INTERRUPT THE EVE-SAUL NUPTIALS FOR… LABOR DAY! Starring Mary Worth as Mary the Meddler, champion of the American worker! What a surprise! She even found a non-purple outfit. Mary’s bicep looks somewhat puny; organizing the wedding dinner interfered with her workout time.
Tomorrow: Eve will ask Justice Sotomayor to repeat her question because she’s forgotten what’s going on, and Max is not present to remind her. BTW, the ceremony seems to be outdoors, in some sort of archway between buildings, so why were Max and Greta not there?
This is the first moment alone together that Max and Greta have had in ages- so of course they’re trashing Saul’s apartment while they have the chance. Ripped up newspapers, soiled floors, kitchen counters bearing doggie footprints, and incessant barking….Good times…
And best of all, the first marital argument over whose hound is responsible!
We interrupt this wedding to celebrate Labor Day, and to give June the opportunity to use…COLOR! Not only do we have bright red (proving that it exists), but Mary the Riveter is arrayed in a blue jumpsuit instead of her perpetual purple.
And they’re off on the sauerkrautmoon! Driving down the highway in a rented RV, on their way to….Burning Man!
It's Nosy the Riveter!
-- Scottie
Leave it Moy to find yet another way to slow down the strip. When's the last time anyone saw Mary do any labor? Cleaning door knobs, maybe?
Miss Scarlet:
Patting yourself on the back as hard and as frequently as Mary does is surely laborious!
Nosy the Riveter- perfect!
Great references, everyone! I didn't see Eve saying "I DO!", so I'm not sure Justice Sotomayor 's ceremony is legal. And even tearful Mary comes across as a voyeur, not a wedding guest. Cue the smug-athon that will be Mary's next coffee klatsch with Toby.
HOORAY! June's craftsmanship on her word bubbles is usually impeccable; today she gives us Justice Sotomayor rapidly belting out "Inowpronounceyou HUSBAND and WIFE!" while making eye contact with her Uber driver. Like any of us she can't wait to see the last of these two, and must be having regrets about delaying a full docket of civil rights cases in order to officiate.
Before heading back to DC I hope she serves Mary with a hefty fine for slapping that "CLAP CLAP CLAP!" bumper sticker on city property. (She could yell "HOORAY" on her own, but clearly needed this silent affirmation of her own pivotal role in their wedded bliss).
One person clapping....seems kinda sad, doesn't it?
After the world’s saddest wedding, the world’s saddest reception will follow. Who would want to have Mary’s dinner in Mary’s apartment— with Mary? (When they could be on their way to the Goleta Holiday Inn for the world’s saddest honeymoon).
I see that Saul and Eve figured out that a little exclaiming over Mary's cooking is saving them the high price tag of a wedding reception. Unfortunately, the only scenery they will observe during their nuptial dinner is Mr. Allora mowing the grass outside Mary's apartment.
Yes, let's save the champagne for after dinner. It doesn't go well with salmon splak but will be great with bran muffins!
By “Let’s enjoy it after dinner!” Mary means “Ruin my meticulously prepared dinner with that cheap sludge you bought at Dollar Major?! We’ll save it for afterwards, when we’re too hammered to notice how disgusting it is.”
You’d think Mary would’ve changed out of her purple wedding duds to make dinner, but no. That floppy bow, circa 1987, is spotless.
Max has his own room? Eve’s apartment must be way bigger than Mary’s. Mary’s dining room table can barely accommodate three people.
Ah, the wedding dinner! Mary’s having her usual “healthy salad” (she’s still dodging that bullet from years ago), Saul has salisbury steak with mayo, limp asparagus, and an English muffin, and Eve has … the rest of the asparagus.
Meh.. Nothing celebratory about this meal. Unless JB has them popping the cork on that champagne tomorrow, I predict breakfast with Toby as Mary churns up the Charterstone gossip grapevine.
And how exactly does a dog know it has its "own room"?! A show of some teeth or a growl to Greta if she crosses the threshold to Max's domain? I hope Saul doesn't have to split the rent in half. He's getting the short end of this deal...
LouiseF, Saul’s getting the short end of the deal in more ways than one. All Eve has to do is grab him by the scruff of his neck, or sit on him. Remember how her former husband, Gary, used to trip her? She’s not making that mistake again.
The dogs are eating at the table?!! Max has his own room?! Thank heavens they are moving to Eve's apartment. We'll never hear from these two (four?) again.
And really, it is telling that Jeff isn't there. Most people would include a significant other in such a 'celebration'. I'm sure Mary doesn't want Jeff getting any ideas.
In a world where dogs and cats can perform synchronized yoga, I suppose they can also be taught to sit at the table and eat with forks and knives.
MissScarlet - I'm thinking Jeff got bumped in order that Max and Greta could attend. If I remember correctly, the reason why Mary had to dump Chester the beagle was because Jeff is allergic to dogs.
Mary had dog bowls with the names on them? That's real hospitality. I am a total animal lover, but dogs at the table is too much for me.
C’mon, Mary! As long as you’re asking about sleeping arrangements, what about Saul? Will he join Greta on the sofa?
Can we wind up this reception dinner so that we never need see Eve and Saul and their bow-tied and bandannad dogs again?
Although I agree, in general, that dogs are good, the whole little geriatric family needs to go into the happy Worthiverse ever after.
Unfortunately, we are overdue for a Wilbur storyline, and he will never successfully pair up and disappear forever.
Where’s the banana bread wedding cake with the dog toppers?
It looks to me like the newlyweds are not wearing wedding rings. Maybe the wedding was bogus and they’re merely shacking up.
Mary is asking how it feels to be a married couple, because she really wants to know.
Saul is starting to look more and more like Quasimodo. But I'm sure he's a good friend.
Jeff is allergic to dogs? I thought it was cats. Perhaps he's allergic to all fur. Next week: Mary adopts a turtle? A fish?
Oh, I wonder what dessert will be. Something that goes with champagne, right? Strawberries and cream? Bran muffin wedding cake? Splak on toast?
And don't you wonder about that 'painting' behind Mary? What the heck is that? A sketch of dying flowers? Random scribbling? It's quite evocative of a two-year-old using crayon on a wall.
Mary really pulled out all the stops for this wedding party. Woo wee! Excitement! Hope all this will won't short circuit the happy couples' pacemakers.
WOOF! WOOF! THEY DID! HAHAHA! Now everyone freeze awkwardly in place for a perfect 1980s sitcom ending.
I don’t think Mary could pull off the piping work on those roses, she clearly add the cake Fedexed in from John Dill’s Manhattan atelier (or Food Team) and is passing it off as her own.
Let’s start off with a quotation from Princess Diana because her story worked out so well.
Hahaha, now let's get drunk!
Can we NOW never see these people and dogs again? Woof!
If I may spare one (hopefully) last comment on these most unlikable of dog lovers, it is that Eve's jacket fits her like a trash bag.
I don't know any dogs, ever, who wouldn't be tearing into that cake now.
Now that Mary has been profusely thanked, that should be the end of this nonsense. Saul has had a good run, but I think that's the last we'll see of him, now that Mary has solved all of his problems. She killed off his dog. She befriended his niece and her special spiced banana bread. She got him a new dog and now she's got him a wife. Run, Saul, run! There's not telling what could happen next.
Ugh, so much for hoping yesterday’s champagne and cake were the end of this dreck! It looks like we’re stuck for another week, friends. Perhaps Mary hasn’t been gushed over sufficiently for making all this possible.
Something has happened to Max and Greta. Did June hire a sub to do the artwork? Meanwhile, I’m hoping Saul gets his schnoz stuck in that wine glass.
Dr. Cameron. Thanks for your reminder about the 1980s sit com freeze frame finale. You and I are the few old enough to remember it.
Poor Saul. He ended Saturday's strip saying he had "a few words to say", but he didn't get a word in edgewise until late Sunday. And looking at the precarious angle those champagne glasses are clinking at today, I'm thinking there's a double meaning to Mary's wanting to "toast" these two...
Dr. Cameron and Steve,
The best "freeze frames" came at the end of the Police Squad TV shows. They would "freeze", but the action would continue- coffee overflowing a cup, a thief trying to get away, etc.
I'm keeping you Greata, my collection of 3 dozen yellow polka dot bow ties and my trusty old faux leather lazy boy recliner that has sheets of brown plastic peeling off.
Since the champagne didn't spill out of those precariously tilted glasses, I'm guessing it's some bottom-shelf gelatinous sludge that Mary found at Budget Booze, Wilbur's favorite retailer.
-- Scottie
Well, looks like it's deja vu all over again.
“Budget Booze” - that’s hilarious, Scottie!
Let’s hope that Saul’s sweaters and bow ties are among the old stuff he’s going to toss. I picture the long-suffering Mr. Allora confronted with piles of broken furniture and bags of rubbish.
Is there room in Eve’s apartment for 37 framed photos of Greta?
Mary, always the scintillating conversationalist...Asking Saul if he has a "lot to move". Possible answers from Saul: "No, I have a nice wheelbarrow full of stuff." "Well, I DID, but Eve has nixed most of my beer can hat collection. I can't understand it, because they make a really tasteful-looking pyramid in my apartment." "I'm kind of embarrassed that I haven't bought new underwear since 1984, so I might as well move and then go shopping!" "Why, Mary? Are you volunteering to help me move?"
It’s only Tuesday. We have at least another week of this inane conversation, and then probably another week while Mary tells Toby all about it. At least Toby has vodka to get her through it.
Eve and Saul are violating one of the primary laws of the Worthiverse. Once you’re married, you disappear into the happily ever after. I sense a disturbance in the Force!
A disturbance in the Force indeed - Saul and Greta are wearing blue bow ties, and Eve and Max are sporting blue bandannas. Is this to denote they are a newly blended family? Did Saul already vacate his former digs? Despite his mention of patience, is Saul annoyed that he and Greta have been cooling their heels waiting for Eve and Max? And, has Eve changed her surname to reflect her marriage? [snore]
KitKat, at least the topic of Eve's surname might be a little more interesting than whether or not Eve and Max are ready for a walk. What's next, the dogs, barking, chase a squirrel up a tree and discover Wilbur spying on his neighbors while Eve and Saul cuddle on a nearby bench? I can hardly wait...
The marriage faces its first test as ex-Marine Saul's patience is stretched beyond its limit.
He bellows loudly enough for all of Charterstone to hear, "For God's sakes, woman, what is taking you so long?"
"Don't you DARE speak to me like that, do you understand?"
"LET'S GO ALREADY!!!"
"I'M FIXING MY HAIR!!!"
"&$#*@%?@#&% . . ."
-- Scottie
Scottie: I’m lying on the floor, laughing. Please…don’t…stop….
Meg
Saul: "You're ready? Great!" Yessiree, Walks Are Great!
Could this possibly be a set up? A double mugging in the park? Lyle Van Man taking revenge on the old newly-weds? Heart failure while strolling? Anything? Anything?
KM is bored. June is bored. We’re all bored. We are in an infinite closed loop with no escape. We have entered the Twilight Zone section of the Worthiverse where the happy married couples go. We’re all trapped. Dogs are good.
Wilbur, come save us!
@fauxprof
Yeah, how can Karen and June just churn out this tedious dreck day after day after day? Don't they bore themselves to death?
Or, in another sense, bore themselves to life?
In Catch-22, there is a character named Dunbar who wanted to live as long as possible, and he was convinced that boredom actually made time slow down. Not that it "seemed" to make time slow down, but that it actually did. Here's a quote from the book:
“Dunbar loved shooting skeet because he hated every minute of it and the time passed so slowly. He had figured out that a single hour on the skeet-shooting range with people like Havermeyer and Appleby could be worth as much as eleven-times-seventeen years."
-- Scottie
Didn't they walk the dogs together before they married? The only difference I can see in this "happy family" is that all scarves and bow ties are now the same color. June wants us to see that all is in harmony, I guess. Providing she's awake, of course.
Eve is not a big online person but is open to learning new things. In the Worthiverse this means certain doom. Perhaps she’ll fall in love with the dashing Arther or fall for the Enormousshop.com credit card scam that did Toby in.
“I made some space in the corner of the balcony for your computer desk. I suppose you’ll need an extra-long extension cord to plug it in. Here’s a plastic drop cloth to cover it with in case it rains, or if birds fly over.”
Let’s hope Eve’s apartment has two bathrooms.
Scottie, you have lifted the standards of this strip mightily by quoting from “Catch-22.” Huzzah!
Eve might not think she's a BIG online person but she sure ain't a SMALL one either.
@KitKat
Two bathrooms! Ha haaaaaa!
-- Scottie
Saulie??? Gag!!
Looks like Mary gave them her painting for a wedding gift. Too bad for Saulie and Evie.
Yes, they were very funny
You know what the worst part of all this is? Now I can't get that old Connie Francis song, "Who's Saulie Now?" out of my head. You're welcome. Hey, why should I suffer alone?
@hmmmm...not only hilarious, but kinda true. Who the heck is this guy? We never heard him so much as make a nice aside before. Now he's dripping with the love, sweet, happy family gunk. Maybe body snatchers have landed in Santa Royale.
"Who's Saulie Now"; haha - excellent!
MEANWHILE… packing to MOVE… SIGH… something I’m FAMILIAR with…
That segue was almost as rapid and jarring as Saulie’s marriage proposal. And there are almost as many ellipses as moving boxes. Is our Masked Taper familiar with moving, or with ogling jeans-clad derrières? Inquiring minds want to know!
(At first I’d hoped our beloved and itinerant Ashlee may be wending her way home from the Goleta waitressing gig, but on looking further it seems the same gentleman is familiar with moving and showing off said derrière. Let’s hope he doesn’t remind Eve of anyone so our Matched Set can ride off into the sunset.)
Moving boxes, guitar, can rock a pair of jeans, (nice work, June). Is it someone moving from Charterstone? Tommy? Surely Iris has stopped paying the rent on the apartment by now. More intriguing, someone moving to Charterstone? Could there be a Dawn storyline pending? Ah, reminds me of Dave.
Yes! A guitar and blue jeans! We've moved into the 60s!
A cliff-hanger!
Wait, the only cliff hanger we know is Zak.
Is he dumping Iris? Is Iris dumping him? In either case, why would HE be the one who has to move? I'm so confused.
No, wait, now I know! It's Lyle, isn't it? He's been kicked out of Generic Dog-Fighting Warehouse, hasn't he?
Hoo boy, I can't wait until next month to find out what all this might maybe be about.
-- Scottie
In my building, there is a week to ten days between a resident moving out and a new one moving in - paint the apartment, replace or clean carpets, fix any damages - Charterstone maintenance must be really fast to turn over an apartment so quickly.
Judging by the letters on the side of it, that’s a U-Maul truck.
What a surprise, Mary just happens to walk in on the action. Any muffins in your shoulder bag, Mare?
We’re approaching 500 comments, friends, and I’m sad to say that the new tenant is not Wanders.
Good to see the California Penal System has rehabilitated Wayne the Kidnapper, and he now has a useful skill- watching smaller men move furniture. He’ll come in handy when they move the piano and he carries the piano stool.
I applaud KM's recent siting Mary in all the right places so as to be a witness to the latest news at Charterstone, but it's getting a little heavy-handed when she just happens to come by at the moment Neil Young is moving in with his guitar. Maybe Daryl Hannah threw him out. I sense a new song about to be written..
Well, yesterday's hind sight indicated a new, well-built character in this strip. Today's profile, however, looks definitely more beefy than yesterday's. But lo! Do I detect a glint in Mary's eye? Whoh ho....watch out Dr. Jeff, there's some new muffin eaters in town.
OMG! It’s the ghost of Marty Robbins!
Out in the Charterstone condomium complex
I fell into chatting with a white haired old hag
Nighttime then found me still on my doorstep
Holding my belongings as Mary did nag.
Bloodshot and blue were the eyes of this biddie
Wicked and evil while casting her spell
I tried to escape without losing my soul,
But I was trapped in a pure living hell.
Just then a flamboyant old Scotsman appeared
Drunk as a skunk and sporting a beard,
Pompous and overbearing,
Our chat he was sharing,
And that’s when things began to get weird.
“What’s tha matter wi’ thee, laddie?
Hae ye ne’er seen a sporran before?
An’ I’ll show ye me dirk, if ye wait for a minute.”
That’s when I dropped my belongings to the floor.
“Ay, ye wee b——-d, ye’ ve broken ma bluidy foot!
I’ll show ye what a Cameron can do to a mite.”
I got away as fast as I could,
But he limped fast himself as I got out of sight.
Out to the parking lot I hustled,
Out where the cars were all parked,
I chose a good one (actually a pink Oldsmobuick)
I hoped that it could run,
I hot wired it and sped away in the dark.
To be continued when -if ever- my mojo returns.
Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
Marty Robbins:
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Music/MartyRobbins
Does KM have a crush on Tom Selleck? Sure looks like him in the first panel.
"You must be the new resident."
"Nice to meet you, ma'am."
"MA'AM??? I'm not THAT old, sonny."
"Oh, excuse me, ma . . . er, miss."
"I see you have a guitar."
"Yes, ma . . . miss."
"Do you like the movie 'Animal House'?"
"Yeah, I do!"
"You know the scene where Bluto smashes that folkie's guitar to bits?"
"Uh, yes."
"If I hear one note from that annoying piece of junk, I'm going to do the same. Do you read me?"
"Yes, ma'am."
-- Scottie
P.S. @meg -- you go, girl!
@meg and @Scottie, you are firing on all cylinders! I’m amazed that the melody of “ El Paso” is still in my brain after so many years. (Not as many years as Mary has.)
Ooh, Mary seems smitten, blabbing way too much. We haven’t seen her like this since Ken Kensington came to her aid in Central Park.
Looks to me that KM married off Saul and Eve so she could finally introduce a new character.
Helpful of Mary to include that she lives on the first floor of Building A. Pretty shameless, actually.
Keith Hillend, or Keith Hillenddale?
We’ve stumbled into an episode of “Gunsmoke.” “Heavy lifting is a MAN’S JOB! I wouldn’t trouble a lady such as yourself!”
I wonder if we can get this comment thread to be the longest on blogger.com ?
So just keep standing there, Mary, asking inane question after inane question. I'm sure Mr. Hillend won't mind holding the box full of his possessions for another, say, thirty minutes or so. As a man, it IS his job after all. He will need to get up to his apartment soon, though, so he can start practicing for the guitar performance he's going to do at the Charterstone Chat and Chew this Friday...
Oh my. A real manly man. Be still my heaving stomach. Someone better go check on KM. She may have bumped her head when she swooned herself right off her chair.
Meg-
You totally got me. When you referenced "Gunsmoke," I thought maybe there was an actor named Hillendale. Yes, I googled it.
Well done!
Thunderheels:
I am not the Gunsmoke advocate! I am the delirious El Paso gal who cannot seem to get the final bit of my song posted. I am in Switzerland, and I fear that the USA is blocking my dirndyl/lederhosen wearing socialistic sarcastic humor! Please! I’m a loyal American!
I wonder if Keith is related to James Arness (Gunsmoke) or Peter Graves (Mission Impossible)? He looks like he could be. But Mary sure isn't Miss Kitty or any of the female leads on the TV version of Mission Impossible.
On the other hand, Keith seems to think that Mary could only be useful as a mover. But Mary could do all kinds of helpful things; like asking Mr. Allora to bring his hand truck and help Keith move in, for instance.
Dirndl.
Meg-
I can't watch Gunsmoke anymore without laughing. I have a friend from Dodge City that pointed out it is flat and there are no mountains or gulches to be seen. My part of Kansas is actually hilly.
And we have trees!
I would dare anyone to question your loyalty!
Hold on to your hats, folks! We are in for at least a week of rollicking good fun, trying to guess what's in this drifter's Hefty bag. I hope it's a medicine ball.
Mary: I will help you.
Hillen: That's not necessary, carrying stuff is a man's job.
Mary: Please let me help.
Hillen: No ma'am, I can do it myself.
Mary: thinking: "He doesn't know who he is dealing with. If I say I will help, he will comply."
Mary- trips him. "That should show him".
Mary- Oh, my. Let me help you!
Hillen: If you insist. You can start by calling 911 and getting me help with my broken leg.
Just another example of the ham-handed way KM attempts to insert suspense into the "plot". You're going to help move, Mary? Really? We know you are really trying to nose your way into this guy's life so as to have some meaty gossip for a chat with Toby..I hope there's a severed head in that bag...
Ah! @Louise and the Comics Curmudgeon agree that there is a severed head in the bag. But as @hmmmmm pointed out, it would be hilarious if it was a medicine ball. Or maybe some 20 pound weights (Mary falls to the ground with a resounding splat). How about a cat? Dirty underwear? Inquiring minds want to know!
Severed head was my first thought, too. Perhaps I listen to too many true crime podcasts.
@Thunderheels . . . Ha haaaa, you nailed it!
-- Scottie
In all her babbling about Mr. Wynter, Mary has no time to mention Greta and Dognapping Lyle Lovett.
“That’s nice. Okay, thanks for your help.” SLAM!!! SOUND OF DOOR LOCKING!!!
Keith seems like our kind of guy. However… ”Hello Toby, it’s Mary. I just met the new resident who moved into Saul Wynter’s apartment. He’s REALLY strange! I think he’s hiding something, something BIG! Don’t worry, I’m determined to get to the bottom of it!”
Mary channels Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction: "I'm not going to be ignored, Keith."
What ensues is not hilarity.
-- Scottie
If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.
Oh fooey! I've fallen for the typical Moy feint again. No severe head. No nothing. Keith hurriedly closes the door. What a wise man. He's already got Mary's number.
As Mary continues to rattle on and on and on, Keith begins regretting his decision to move to Charterstone.
Pool parties “a few times a year”!? Moy hasn’t staged a pool party in years.
Hi,I’m Mary Worth and I suffer from the incurable disease of nosiness. Even though your body language clearly says you are not interested, I will continue to talk and pry until you have no choice but to interact with me. If that doesn’t work, I will be knocking on your door all times of the day and night with my magic muffins, guaranteed to make me your new spiritual leader. Welcome to Charterstone!
I thought Mary had some sort of official position at Charterstone - not landlord exactly - it's not like she owns the compound - but building manager or resident advisor or something? Can anyone shed light? Perhaps I am confused as this poor new resident must be at this point..
"Yeah um, look, lady, this is fascinating and all, but I'm kinda busy, okay? See you around."
-- Scottie
@Mrvy -- I believe Town Annoyance is the official title.
Keith: "I actually do have one question for you."
Mary: "Really? What is it?"
Keith: "How the hell did you get into my apartment when I just slammed the door in your face?"
Keith is still holding the box. What happened to the bag Mary was (supposedly) bringing to 'help'? Mary looks like she's getting ready to devour him whole and Keith looks like it's dawning on him that Santa Royale is just across the border of the Twilight Zone.
As soon as Mary leaves, Keith’s gonna make fondue and listen to Album.
I hope that Keith is not going to be trouble. The only one large enough to take him on is Eve
Panel 1: On of Santa Royale’s semi-regular earthquakes has hit Charterstone, scattering the doves of love.
In eight minutes…
“Knock knock, Mr. Hillend! It’s Mary Worth. I brought you a hearty casserole!”
“@#*+%!! Just put it by the door, I’ll get it later!”
Even a saint like Mother Teresa might get irritated by Can't-Take-a-Hint Mary. And given the vagaries of gluten intolerance, lactose issues, meat/seafood, etc, Mary is going out on a limb with that "hearty casserole", which you know has to have tuna, mushroom soup, and canned green beans as its base. And maybe some canned onion rings as a garnish...
@KitKat
“Knock knock, Mr. Hillend! It’s Mary Worth. I brought you a hearty casserole!”
"&%@$&#, you're a pushy old broad, aren't you? BEAT IT!"
-- Scottie
If you are like me you are simultaneously yelling, "Leave him alone, you old biddy"; while also thinking, 'hmmm, but what is he hiding?'. Unfortunately, if the past is any guide, Moy won't provide us with anything fun for Mr. Hillend. No spy, terrorist, criminal on the run, a steroid using body builder, or even a prospective new buyer for the apartment complex. We'll be lucky if Keith turns out to be someone who can't hold a job and so has to keep skipping out on the rent.
Mr. Hillend may be an ex-con -- and after today, perhaps an ex-ex-con
Mary's blatant nosiness has rarely been as on display as it is in this strip. She's "curious" about her neighbor's story and believes that delivering a Hearty Casserole will result in her curiosity being satisfied. Not unless you laced it with truth serum or some other substance that induces loquacity... Poor Mr. Hillend is in for it.
I don’t think I’ve ever disliked Mary more intensely. Having a neighbor like her would be a nightmare. Even Wilbur wouldn’t be this clueless! I kinda hope Keith is a serial killer!
One can only hope for a severed head in the garbage bag. But it will most likely be a story of Mr. Hillend playing his music too loudly. We already received two clues for my hypothesis: He lived one floor above Mary, and she called him "the strong >>silent<< type." Mwahahahaha! Silent? I don't think so!
Wanders, pleeeeeease come back. You are so thoroughly missed!!!!
This story line does have some potential of turning into something that would be at least mildly interesting. Finally, we've found a character who HATES Mary Worth! Alas, that's exactly why, instead, KM will turn this into another snooze-fest by having Mr. Hillend fall under Mary's spell. Just one taste of her home cooking will have him falling to his knees and sobbing. It seems that ever since his beloved mother died, he's been traveling the country, a lonely troubadour just hoping, praying to find something that would taste as delicious as dear, departed Mom's Hearty Casserole. Our only hope is that it turns out to be his mother's head in the Hefty bag.
We can assume that Mary has mobilized her contacts in the FBI, CIA, NSA, and the condo board and that they are compiling a joint dossier on Mr. Hillend . . . if that is his real name.
-- Scottie
Yeah, I too think Moy won't give us a really juicy story, even though this is a terrific set up for it. My guess is that Mr. Hillend will be so rude that Mary will finally have to admit that he doesn't like her. She will be miffed and depart in a huff. Unfortunately, Keith will then have a heart attack... or fall down the stairs...or dive in the pool and hit his head...or get food poisoning? And Mary will come to the rescue. And then Hillend will have to annoint her, as everyone else has to eventually do.
Keith calls his friend: Hello, Lyle? Yeah, bring over the new dogs. The old biddy here says there are plenty of them here, ripe for the picking. One's apparently a dachshund just like Noodle. Some old geezer owns it, so it shouldn't be too hard to get. Stock up on Cheap! Dog food. There's only one bag left. The nosy old bat carried it in for me.
Yes, Mary! What's his story!?
With a name like Keith Hillend, he can't possibly be a Stalker; in fact Mary is the one shamelessly stalking him. There must be some other explanation. (Feverishly enters "Keith Hillend" into Words With Friends anagram solver app)
Hmm.. the only possible solution that pops out is "Hellkite Hind". Wiktionary defines hellkite as "A person who is cruel and wicked, like a devil." Sounds legit so far, certainly only an extremely depraved hellkite would pass up an opportunity for a chat with Mary.
Hind has a suprising number of meanings listed; clearly the one most applicable is:
"Scottish (archaic) - A skilled labourer on a farm, especially a ploughman. In Southern Scotland, specifically a married skilled farmworker given housing in a cottage and often given special privileges in addition to his wages. Occasionally a derogatory term."
And so the mystery persists. Only a hearty casserole will get to the bottom of this.
(Hearty casserole is itself an anagram of "researches Latoya", so by the process of induction we learn he in fact *is* a stalker who had to move on after taking things one step too far with Ms Jackson).
@Scottie, thanks for translating the cursing yesterday (make that the £<+&%! cursing)!
@Miss Scarlet, if Mr. Hillend encounters danger, Mary’s tummy brain will no doubt alert her so she rescue him. We might even see her in her nightie, diving into the pool.
I bet Wanders would have a field day with Nosy Mary and the taciturn Keith [sigh].
“Oh thanks,Mary, please come in…I dislocated my left arm, so maybe you can help pull it back into place.”
Mary uses only the finest cat food in her hearty homemade tuna casserole.
-- Scottie
Today, Keith reveals to Mary that he is a competitor in cooking shows, traveling around the country, hoping to catch the eye of Guy Furore as he demonstrates his patented “1,001 ways to cook a head……..of cabbage.” So far, Guy has ignored Keith and his flamboyant cooking style. Mary offers to help Keith, and they bond over Kelk-stuffed cabbage rolls, wearing matching lavender chef’s aprons.
Next up, Guy’s new show, ‘Just Dives’, visits The Bum Boat.
Well, folks, I do believe that KM has broken her own record! Once again, she's proven that no one can ruin a potentially good story line faster than she can!
I just knew that casserole was going to include tuna, probably the watery, shard-like, cheap stuff that Mary got, 5 for $1.00 at Food Team. It's so watery, it soaks up the spiffy, baked onion rings, rendering them soggy masses that could get caught in an unsuspecting new neighbor's throat.. I doubt Mary will stick around for dinner, not that he's asking her. We have two more weekdays, though, so I'm sure we can drag out the dinner drama until at least Friday. Next up: Mary discovers her neighbor has not unpacked his dinnerware, sending her on a mission to bring over some of her best Melmac.
@Carlye: Oh yes! I so want that to happen!
Well, Keith has certainly changed. Either he has met Wilbur, Dawn, Toby, etc. and has been force fed the standard rule of Chartestone behavior. Or he finally found his happy-chill-pills while he was unpacking.
Too bad about his arm though. @ Kitkat, I doubt that Mary is any good at snapping scapula back into place.
"Oh yes, please come in, I hope you like Judy Garland, cause I play her 24/7."
On a personal note: raised Catholic, my mother made tuna casserole many Fridays (when she wasn't cooking filet of sole into oblivion). My father refused to eat onions, so no onion rings. We could only afford the cheap canned tuna, and as my mother hated to cook, she always used canned mushroom soup. I can't go near that stuff now. Makes me gag just to think about it.
@meg, your comment above reminded me for some reason of the classic episode "To Serve Man" from "The Twilight Zone" - "It's a COOKBOOK!"
No one, NO ONE except Mary would refer to a tuna casserole as a gift.
Before they were married, my father made my mother promise that she would NEVER make tuna casserole. Her mother had made it, and he "accidentally" dropped his on his lap, then made a hasty exit.
As a consequence, we never had to eat it, except at Grandma's, when Dad always seemed to have an urgent late appointment. It had potato chips on top. I never asked for the recipe.
@KitKat, kudos for the "To Serve Man" reference! That puts a whole new light on Mary's cooking.
Keith is indeed efficient - books in the bookcase, purple lamp, gunmetal-gray curtains in the kitchen, ugly toss pillows on the sofa. He fits right in with Mary’s décor decisions.
“Do you LIKE tuna casserole? [Ooh, I hope you do!]”
“Sure, I’m open minded about food. I’ll eat any unappetizing, poorly prepared glop. Like this disgusting mixture. for instance.”
In today’s New York Times: “16 Dishes for Someone Going Through a Hard Time” (e.g. moving, etc.). Tuna casserole is not mentioned.
New backstory for Keith: He’s a backup guitarist for Dead & Company, and he’s quit because he “just can’t stand TO HEAR #@*%$ TRUCKIN’ ANOTHER #@*%$ TIME!” Mary agrees, then asks him to strum something else from the Grateful Dead- maybe “Touch of Grey”? Keith bursts into tears.
It would be satisfying to see Keith erupt into a fit of 'roid rage and throw the casserole out the window while Mary makes a very hasty retreat.
-- Scottie
His voice says he's "open minded about food", but the look on his face says "I've suffered through something like this that my mom called 'Prairie Hot Dish'." Straight off the Conestoga Wagon.
meg, Hilarious! I can't see Keith as a Grateful Dead-aphile, though. His hair is too short..
I am now thinking that Keith is an ex-convict. He was into body building while in prison. And of course, he had to eat prison food, which is probably just about as tasty as tuna casserole. If 'open minded' means not wanting to go hungry, he will love Mary's muffins.
Maybe he’s in the Witness Protection Program! After being an informant against the Poindexter Crime Family of Goleta, he’s hunkering down in Charterstone, hoping that enforcer Willard Poindexter won’t be able to find him. Eventually he’ll be the subject of one of Wilbur’s “ I shouldn’t be alive, but…” columns.
Here comes art to treat and cure Keith’s PTSD with her tuna casserole and muffins.
Here comes Mary to treat Keith’s PTSD with her tuna casseroles and muffins
Fixed it for you:
Here comes Mary to aggravate Keith’s PTSD…
Wait a minute! You know what Keith needs: A DOG!
I wonder if Wanders is saying the same thing. "I'm retired. Go away, people, and let me take this blog down!"
Who displays framed photos of only himself? Hmm. Also, note that Keith did not specify “the USMC” (there’s no flag in the photo) or “the [city] police force.” Perhaps he’s in the Witless Protection Program.
OK, so Keith isn't an ex-con (probably). And he moved a lot because he was in the service. But surely he didn't move often as a police officer (and don't call me Shirley!).
Of course, he doesn't actually say "officer". He says he worked on the "police force", so maybe he worked undercover? And travelled a lot? Mary's gonna need more than 1 casserole to crack this nut.
Seriously? I think we should let Wanders go. He's been absent for at least 6 months. He clearly is only keeping this blog up and going for our sake. Why don't we just accept the fact that he's gone and he's not coming back. Let's just all post one last comment and let poor Wanders shut MW&M die a natural death.
@kitkat, certainly you're aware that the most efficient mode of unpacking and arranging ones' photos is by subject matter. We just so happen to be seeing the intersection of his framed headshots atop his hutch containing his copy of 'TAR'.
Mary fails to ask Keith about a husband.
@hmmm, we’re approaching four months since Wanders last posted (June 5). I expect he’s enjoying life after Mary. After all he did for so long, a hearty “Thank you!” as he rides off into the sunset is okay with me (sniff).
KitKat - I don't know. It's just that the poor guy told us he wanted to retire. And here we still are, not letting him do so. Is he keeping this blog up, at his expense, because he feels guilty about shutting it down?
It’s been kind of Wanders to keep the blog up this long. I agree that it is time to say, Thank you, we love you, and goodbye.
I will miss everybody. If anyone would like to keep in touch, I’m on Instagram as Fauxmouse.
I guess I should get onboard to say "Goodbye". It has been a while and everyone is right. Wanders has gone above and beyond to provide us a forum to discuss, ridicule, and support each other through the awful storylines. If Wanders decides it is time, it will be with a heavy heart I say goodbye to all of you.
Wanders, if you're there, give us some guidance. Should we all pack it in?
I would miss all the fine folks here, but whatever you say is good with me.
-- Scottie
I thought Wanders said he would tell us when he had decided. I figure every day that this is still up means he hasn't yet decided.
Maybe we should ask Mary to question him for us. She seems a very determined cross examiner.
Miss Scarlet,
While Mary would get answers, I think we all love Wanders too much to put him through that kind of agony.
Dear Karen Moy:
I will give you one meelyun dollars if that is Dawn on Mary’s doorstep. Or Tommy Beedie. Or Zak Beedie-Kiks.
Really? This long-lost offspring doesn't even call or Email first?
Jeez, just when we’re discussing saying farewell, KM throws a curveball. She’s torturing us! Of course, KM being KM, the helium will escape from this balloon in record time.
Ever since Mary laid her peepers on Keith, desperation has reared its head, culminating in her fishing for compliments for her tuna casserole (no pun intended). ”People have often praised it over the years”? Something like, “As awful as your tuna casserole is, it’s not as bad as your salmon squares, Mary. Those could poison a dog!”?
@meg, maybe it’s Drew Corey at the door. Or Ashlee?
I am so surprised that Moy can surprise me. Too right @KitKat, who can give up on MW now? I'm on pins and needles...well, until the anticipation is deflated, anyway.
And @Thunderheels, you are right. Wanders is too wonderful to subject to the tortures of Mary's harassment. But I kinda do hope she keeps going on Keith (judgement and all).
Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in…
@fauxprof, I’m delighted you’re still with us! :-)
The tracking skills of Keith’s maybe daughter are admirable. Maybe she’s a police officer too.
Mary can’t believe her luck in being present for this drama. “Thank you, tuna casserole!”
Oh great, just what we need. Another Dawn with daddy issues.
Geez... Mary is pathetically needy if she needs validation for her tuna casserole. The real reason she brought that casserole over was to gather intelligence in her role as Santa Royale Sleuth. I think she gets a rent rebate for reporting on her neighbors. Looks like she's hitting pay dirt with Mr. Hillend
Oh, you know what makes sense? Keith is/was a sperm donor. Would Moy actually talk about something like that?
Oh man. Mary just hit the meddling jackpot.
I'm impressed with this lady's ability to track down Keith when he has been in his new place for only one day.
Miss Scarlett@ 218:
You may be on to something! That’s why he was moving around. He wanted to plant his seed far and wide.
Man, this is clumsy even by Karen/June standards! You would think they might address this issue in a somewhat less clownish way.
And, of course, you would be wrong.
Again.
Let the over-the-top melodrama begin!
Meanwhile, Mary is at this very moment forming plans to invite Mystery Daughter over for some muffins and crying.
-- Scottie
The next scene:
Mary, Keith, and Miss share a meal of praised tuna casserole. “Don’t mind me. Just enjoy your meal and a good talk. You’ll never know I’m here.”
@MissScarlet and @meg, I like the way you think!
Security at Charterstone must be extremely lax. Did Wilbur hold the door open for Miss? He’s probably still trawling for female companionship after Estelle dumped him.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a casserole full of mystery, resentment, irritation, and presumably, fish. Apologies...
You know, most people understand that if you want to have a dialogue about something, let alone a potential relationship, it's best not to be aggressive and confrontational off the bat. Even if Keith abandoned her pregnant mother, I doubt that Miss will win Keith's affections in this manner. @Scotty, too right; Mary will have to give her a muffin tutorial.
I bet this is tied to that mysterious garbage bag Keith dropped in front of Mary. I predict drama, tears, etc. for the next month. Then Keith will finally open up to Mary and show her what is in that garbage bag which will change everything. More muffins will be served and all will be well for Mary to gloat about at the next Charterstone pool party. I'm also getting annoyed that all the women who are guest stars, Ashlee, etc., are such shrews. But then again, considering the men of MW, it does make sense.
In the bag- it’s his childhood volleyball he calls ‘Rosebud.’
Mary makes the gracious gesture of leaving, confident in the fact that the bugging device she left behind one of Keith’s pictures will keep her fully informed.
@fauxprof, you’re on to something. Mary is mighty chipper as she heads down the hall.
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