(Ah, I see we've deposited another 300 masterpieces in the snark bank. Well done, gang!)
"Just look in the mirror, Dad! Our hair is the same putrid shade of orange!"
Meanwhile, coming next week: "Mister Hillend, remember how I was kind and generous enough to make you that hearty casserole? Well, I need someone to carry my old refrigerator out to the curb and bring the new one in. Um, NOW would be good."
There’s no need for a paternity test. Keith and Sonia both love root beer - case closed. Or [cue the ominous music], Sonia employed the same investigative skills she used to track Keith to learn that ROOT BEER IS HIS FAVORITE!
With all this discussion of root beer, I’m picturing Snoopy arriving in his Sopwith Camel, ready to quaff a frosty mug of it.
Does everybody like root beer, Keith? Everybody in the whole world? Okay, yeah, I like it, but not as much as Dr. Pepper, so I guess we can’t be related in any way.
"What else do you like?" asks Keith, trying to stall the necessary Q&A for as long as possible while he thinks up some story about being infertile or something.
"I like spaghetti."
"Oh, I like spaghetti too. Everybody likes spaghetti."
"Yes, everyone does. Now, what were we talking about?
"I forget."
"Me too. Well, I guess I'll be going now. Thanks for the root beer."
That clinches it; the Necessary Q&A has revealed that they both like root beer. That seems even more conclusive than with Wilbur’s fake kid (where they flew a kite together at one point and I can’t even remember the rationale).
My child arrived just the other day She came to the world in the usual way But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay She learned to walk while I was away And she was talking 'fore I knew it, and as she grew She'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad" "You know I'm gonna be like you" And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when" But we'll get together then You know we'll have a good time then
And what happened to Kitty? Seems like she wasn't a lot of help, connecting Sonia to Keith. Luckily, since Sonia is 20, there will be no need for child support. Just a case of root beer once a year.
I am unsure if Keith is sputtering over his "daughter's" announcement because she will be a social worker, a poorly paid, high-stress job, or if he thinks she is an idiot to think a social worker will "stick it to the man".
Social workers in the Neighboring City of Taft are notorious for sticking it to the man!
If Keith refers to their web page at https://www.cityoftaft.org/ , he’ll learn they are “ looking for motivated individuals with an interest in Law Enforcement at $17.13 per hour”. This is all down to elitist local colleges teaching beatnik lingo to our illegitimate kids!
I wondered about that too, @fauxprof. Does Sonia think that Keith is ignorant of local geography? He moved to Santa Royale with no idea what cities are adjacent? BTW, Taft is 32 miles west-southwest of Bakersfield. Isn’t Santa Royale supposed to be near the coast? I thought it was KM’s stand-in for Santa Barbara.
Ooh, Sonia looks fierce. She wants to stick it to one man in particular.
It's evident that KM has no idea of what it actually means when one refers to "the man". If she did, she'd realize that the disadvantaged have been sticking it to "him" since 1935.
I can't imagine anyone using a word like "neighboring"in regular conversation in any case, unless one were doing a radio broadcast for another area of the country. If KM ever just read aloud from the dialogue she writes, I think she would catch some of these awkward speech patterns. Then again, anyone who wants to "stick it to the man" in 2023 might not pick up on any speech subtleties. I do not foresee a screenwriting career for our beloved KM.
Well, Keith, if you'd been around all those years when Sonia was growing up, you could have had some effect on her thinking. Sonia doesn't seem too interested in getting to know her dad at this point. Maybe she's worn out he welcome with her friends and sought out her dad for a new audience. These two are demonstrating that worn out cliche about red heads having a quick temper.. Yawn.
Instead of arguing with Sonia, shouldn’t Keith be investigating her claim that she’s his daughter? Red hair and a taste for root beer are not proof, Daddy-O.
Given her vocabulary, Sonia appears to be in a time warp somewhere around 1966. If she starts talking about the Vietnam War or LBJ we'll know for sure.
I'm wondering why Keith is putting framed pictures of himself up in his single guy apt., maybe it's meant to be a conversation starter - certainly started one with his estranged and over the top daughter!
One would think that a retired military officer AND police officer would be more suspicious of a woman he's never heard showing up at his new residence claiming to be his daughter. Of course, KM doesn't think like a normal person. Also, if Sonia tracked Keith down so easily, why didn't she learn anything about his background?
"Okay, Sonia, now that you know who your father IS and that you loathe him and everything he stands for, I trust you'll be on your way now and never coming back. Safe travels. Bye."
So much for tracking down bio-dad, establishing a tentative connection, maybe finding out about family medical history. No, let’s get into an adversarial rant that dates back to my adolescence. I’m in my 70s, by the way.
Well, Keith seemed a little young for Charterstone, so I expect he'll be moving on now that his suddenly discovered daughter has found him. Oh, wait, I'm guessing more improbabilities are about to surface with Mary running into a tearful Sonia in the hall as she suddenly needs to empty her trash and invite the young lass in for muffins and root beer.
Keith could use the root-beer can that Sonia drank out of for a DNA test. More likely, he'll consult with Mary. "Mary, I just learned I have a daughter, but she accused me of being "The Man" and a heartless killer. What should I do?"
Well, Keith, you COULD get rid of the camo wardrobe, (including that row of hats) and your military haircut if you want to bond with Sonia, who wears her politics on her peace sign shoulder bag.
I can imagine that it would be odd for Keith to be told that he's hated by someone who doesn't know him. But like @Chester pointed out: she's a nut case. If Keith is lucky, he'll never see her again. And if we are lucky, we won't either.
This won’t be over until the baby momma sings. Keith will track her down. It will turn out that she (Sonya’s mother) is a subscriber to the Santa Royale Pennysaver. Unbeknownst to Mary (I know, I know, but the old girl is slipping), Keith has granted an exclusive interview to Wilbur, sharing his life story in depth, including the one evening 20 years ago that he got drunk at Neighboring City Nightclub…
Wow! No wonder Keith left the Marines and law enforcement. Everyone I know in both of those careers has a pretty thick skin. He has a meltdown over someone he just met and knows little about? Meg- Again a laugh-out-loud post.
A total stranger walked in an hour ago with a barely plausible, unverified story, and turned into a shrieking psycho. Now she’s your child and you want to be part of her life. KM takes bad writing to a whole new level. Wanders! Take me with you!
fauxprof, Amen! In the real world, rather than fretting over someone who hasn't bothered to present any actual evidence (beyond her love of rootbeer and her red hair)that she is his daughter, I suspect Keith would be heading out to FoodTeam for a sixpack of his favorite adult beverage, taking the back stairs, lest he run into Mary...
Sonia sees everything in Black and White, but didn't she have a Grams who baked all sorts of oatmeal cookies because she loved the many shades of gray?
Keith ought to do something about those Popeye forearms. Some day he might have to dress up and wear a shirt with long sleeves. Plus, it must be tiring to haul those things around all day.
I don’t like to dunk on June, because I admire her work, but…where’s the rest of Keith’s left arm? Is he letting it dangle by his side because it’s too heavy to lift? He can barely manage to tap out an email with one finger at the end of his massively muscled right arm. I really think medical attention is in order.
Well, I'm sure glad that Keith's military training included using a coaster for a glass of root beer. Distracted me completely from the creepy way his laptop cut off his arm.
"Kitty, we need to talk! I cannot believe that you never told me you were pregnant. Don't you remember me saying, time and time again, that I'd give my left arm to be a dad? Well, I hope you're happy!"
Will this begin the reunion of Keith and Kitty? The alliteration is quite nice. And then Sonia can get really, royally cheesed off.
By the way, this was mentioned the other day. Taft is no where near Goleta. Regardless of where Santa Royale is (we do think it's Santa Barbara, right?) we have been told it's near Goleta. Taft is near Bakersfield and about 117 miles from Goleta. Also, kind of a pit (sorry Taftians).
I sure hope Sonia told Kitty she was going to find her father. Otherwise, she's in for quite a shock. Keith looks very intimidating, what with his bulky build and all. On the other hand, maybe he didn't look like this 20 years ago. Gotta admit, I'm looking forward to this. I wonder how Moy will ruin it.
Twenty years ago, Keith looked like Harry Potter, and Kitty looked like Katy Perry. Now Keith looks like a ginger Lou Ferrigno, and Kitty looks like Aunt Bea.
Wait a minute, Keith arranged to meet Kitty at no-name bar and grille? Why didn’t KM show us that bizarre conversation? BTW, I think the building exterior in p. 1 has been used before. I miss Wanders’s “Please recycle here” signs.
@meg, I can’t help but think that Kitty will look like Amanda Blake, complete with inch-thick makeup.
Interesting that Moy picked a quote from "The Charge of the Light Brigade", a poem about a military disaster resulting from miscommunication between generals. One hundred thirty died and almost three hundred horsed killed. I wonder if this story line will result in miscommunication and disaster? From the poem: Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die. Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.
We just met Keith, why do we care about his personal life? Would had been better if a long established character turned out to have a child he never knew about.
@Judi at 7:32 a.m., your idea would be terrific with Dr. Jeff as the surprise father! We’d love to see Mary’s reaction to that, along with those of Drew and the gone-and-forgotten Adrian.
Monday: Ooh, a woman with a backbone! There might be hope for Kitty.
This plot is moving at breakneck speed. It seems Keith's main concern here is how it's all affecting HIM. Not surprising Kitty decided to proceed with parenting on her own.
Kitty would fit right in with Mary and Toby. She’s a massive salad, tiny fork fan. I notice that Keith’s burger is smaller than his hand, but I guess all burgers are sliders to Mr. Muscles.
I guess we have to assume that Keith always felt a void in his life because he hadn't had a family. Apparently, Mary didn't have time to ferret out this factoid. Meanwhile, I think Kitty is right. He should never have found out. How will they get rid of him now?
Is there any wonderful possibility that Mary is at the same restaurant? I yearn to see that feral expression on her face when her eyes lock on her prey….
Kitty Fabar wanted to eat at Salad Town, while K. Self-Control Hillend was pushing for Jerry’s Sandwich Shoppe. I guess there will be no Old Familiar for these two.
Note that Keith is blabbering about his missed opportunity to be a loving father but says nothing about being a devoted husband/partner. He hasn’t even asked Kitty how the past 20 years have been for her. Shall we read between the lines of Kitty’s “You don’t KNOW that”? Kick him to the curb again, Kitty.
Kitty is really growing on me. She seems like she is calm, straightforward and intelligent. Anyone who has raised kids can agree with her, there's no telling how they will feel about parents in their latter teens. And from what we have seen of Sonia, she probably knows first hand about her emotional outbursts. From the way Keith is so sure of his abilities, perhaps the apple didn't fall far from the tree after all.
It’s peculiar that Sonia was so adept at tracking Keith that she burst in on the day he moved in yet never discovered anything about his background, or, ahem, his “line of work.” Sonia needs to improve her Internet research skills.
I guess all those stories Kitty told Sonia only dealt with Keith’s massive forearms.
I guess Kitty must have told her enough stories that Sonia was able to track him down with mininimal info. Kinda weird. Unless Daddy-O is dead, most single moms don't go on and on about the baby daddy. Maybe Kitty wanted more than Keith was willing to commit to...or maybe she forgot to ask about that part.
Maybe it would help if one of them explained to Sonia that she was conceived during a drunken one-night stand in some bushes behind a Burger King, that Keith and Kitty never saw each other again, and that Kitty made up all these stories about her father.
Just spitballing here, but this seems to be more interesting than whatever KM probably has in mind.
After the Marines, Keith “joined the police academy”. Not the force, the academy. He spent an entire career attempting to graduate. Sort of like Dawn and Santa Royale Community College.
Thanks for the hilarious comments, everyone! I nearly fell off my chair as I read them.
Bingo, @fauxprof. Not only that, "the Marines" are not the United States Marine Corps. It's the Springfield Marines, whose clubhouse is near the nuclear power plant where Homer Simpson is employed.
Well, let's say he joined the Springfield Marines at age 18 and got out after 20 years. Then he spent 20 years trying to graduate from the academy and was finally given a pity diploma after another 20 years. That makes him 58, still shy of a typical retirement age. Sounds like Kitty didn't know that he had been in the academy, so Sonia is probably about 20-22, by that reasoning.
Meanwhile, Keith still hasn't managed to ask Kitty anything about her life. I think I can see why she chose not to contact him. Too bad she didn't tell Sonia about that part. Coulda saved everyone a lot of time.
“Kitty, wait! I thought we were going to split the check!”
Ahh, June’s salute to Halloween is today’s penultimate panel. Look at those horrified faces, trapped in orange! Then POOF! they disappear by the last panel.
If Keith was wed to his job in the Marines, did he get a divorce when he left for the police academy?
I wonder how Mary will pull this off. She doesn't know Kitty or Sonia. She barely knows Keith. That makes it tough to meddle. But then, that's her specialty. Butting in when she's not wanted and contributes nothing of value.
And as I suggested yesterday, Kitty may have done exactly the right thing in not telling Dudley Doo-Right about her pregnancy. He's kinda scary. Guess Kitty forgot in the last 20 years.
“The past isn’t what it used to be”? Meaning that their brief past consisted only of canoodling, and Kitty didn’t push back at Keith and walk out? Sigh.
Will Mary encounter Keith as he exits Nameless Restaurant, or will she run into him at Charterstone? Maybe she just happens to have three dozen freshly baked beer muffins on hand….
@Scottie and @fauxprof, KM confused George Carlin with Mr. Carlin (played by Jack Riley) on “The Bob Newhart Show.”
You know that old saying about remembering history? I think it applies to Keith. Since he can't seem to remember the past he will be doomed to repeating it. Do we have to keep watching too?
Attention KM: We don’t want no stinkin’ happily ever after resolution to this story, see? Keef must have been a decade or more older than Kitty when he impregnated her- they were never two cute young lovers getting “into trouble”. Keef ‘n Kitty sitting in a tree, P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. AAARRRGGGHH
Keith should give karaoke a try. ‘From the halls of Montezuma, boom Shaka Shaka….’ He looks like a potential friend for Wilbur, in an Odd Couple-ish sort of way. They can talk about their dawters , and their lack of dawgs, while drinking cawfee. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Kitty told this dolt exactly why she didn't marry him, and he still doesn't get it. Yeah, some Marines are happily married (sidebar: my parents were both in the Marines), but since you are not married, we are not talking about you.
"Oh, no! People I have not seen in twenty years or don't want to be around me! What was the point of my life now that I know two people don't like me?" Maybe Mary can take Keith to the animal shelter and get him a dog. Worked for Sal.
It only took him a two hour drive to finally consider that maybe there's a reason women don't want to be with him. Regroup all you want Keith, but you'll have to do more than that if you want to make friends and influence people (in a nice way).
"Excuse ME??? I remind you of your mother? Your late mother? Well, how nice. I suppose the next thing you're going to tell me is that I don't sweat much for a fat girl."
So now Mary's advising Keith to continue pursuing women who've made it abundantly clear they do not want to see him? Wow, I wish she'd given the same advice to Aldo before he drove off a cliff.
Like a true Marine, Mary never gives up. Once she lures Kitty and Sonia into her parlor it will be game over. I'd like to try to see them try to storm off with a few kilos of muffin sludge in their stomachs, as they struggle to extricate themselves from Mary's quicksand-like lilac sofa.
Let's see... Mary's been "paying it forward" for almost a century now. And now her smug-a-thon has Keith, who hasn't yet heard her endless collection of bromides, of which both "paying it forward" and "fight for what you want" are two...
And while we're on the subject of Saint Mary, let's consider what "Santa Royale" means. Literally, it's "Holy Royale," which means nothing. The closest interpretation is something like "Holy Luxury." Yeah, that tracks for this upscale place. Shows where their priorities are.
Best case scenario: Mary plots a surprise Thanksgiving family reunion. Otherwise it’s a long slog until Christmas, where Keith shows up as an undercover Santa at one of Sonia’s good causes. All is forgiven, until he spots someone he once arrested, becomes “The Man” again, and Sonia once again denounces him. Well, there’s always Valentine’s Day.
fauxprof, thanks for the scenario that I wish might happen! I have a vivid mental picture of Keith as a handcuff-wielding Santa as well as his arrest of a crying toddler's parent at a Christmas toy giveaway... He could always volunteer to assist with the Marines' Toys for Tots program, but something tells me he doesn't fit in his uniform now...
@MissScarlet, you nailed it. Keith didn’t give a thought or the time of day to Kitty for 20 years. Now he claims he *still* has feelings for her and wants to horn in on her and Sonia’s lives. Crush another muffin and split, Keith.
Mary’s about to spill tea down her cowl neck, hee hee.
Mary has never heard of the concept of “no means no”. Or she’s heard of it, and dismisses it as just silly wokeness. After all, every woman longs to be pursued relentlessly by someone she’s rejected. So sad that Also went off that cliff before he could convince Mary of his sincerity.
fauxprof, exactly! The dialogue here makes NO sense in the real world. They don't want anything to do with you. Why don't you pester them and see if they will change their minds. Argh! Dopey advice, even for Mary. Maybe Keith could get a boom box and serenade Kitty out side her window, a la Wilbur...
I thought so too, @Chester the Dog. Who hold a muffin like that? I know Brigman has difficulties with hands and phones, but I thought by now she would have mastered fingers and muffins. Certainly Moy gives her enough practice.
Before you start ordering a "#1 Father" tee shirt, Keith, how about a paternity test? You haven't seen Kitty in 20+ years. How do you KNOW Sonia really is your daughter? Who knows what Kitty was doing (or with whom) all that time ago? The fact that she never tried to get child support from you makes me wonder if she really thought you were the dad...
What I want to hear is why Kitty didn’t think Keith was marriage material 20 years ago. Was he abusive, or controlling, or just too old and square? I’m hoping that this whole story is just being told in order to show Mary is WRONG!
We all wish nosy, controlling, manipulative (thanks for some adjectives, @Thunderheels) Mary would get her comeuppance. As @fauxprof noted, Mary was far from understanding with Aldo Kelrast. There was also her experience with Ted Miller (what a character!), who got frisky with her in the course of his muffin scheme. No tea and sympathy from Mary then - she sent him packing, with a muffin hat. KM will never take Mary off of her Perfect Pedestal [sigh]. Maddening!
The day: Thanksgiving Eve, aka the busiest travel day of the year The time: approaching midnight (EDT) The place: midair, on board the delayed PanAm Clipper direct flight from Goleta to Santa Royale The sitch: Karen and June are onboard, but…presses roll at midnight, AND THERE IS NO DIALOG TO FILL THE STRIP’S WORD BALLOONS!
June stealthily turns on her phone and texts her husband Roy. …Roy, the strip needs dialog, Karen says… Flight Attendant (snatches phone from June): MADAM! What part of put phones in airplane mode do you not understand? This will go in your PERMANENT RECORD! Capiche? You’ll never fly Pan Am again! June: But, sputter, sputter… Karen: Never mind, dear, Roy will know what to do…
Roy, still smarting years after being fired from his well-paid lettering job, thinks briefly and begins to type…then hits SEND at 5 minutes before midnight. Comics Kingdom pressman: What th’? Well, I guess the Moy dame knows what she’s doing. And he sets up the dialog in hot type.
The Strip: Mary (on the phone): Keith? It’s Mary…I’ve been thinking. Under no circumstances should you approach Kitty and Sonia. That ship has sailed, big guy. You should find something else to do with your ample spare time; they want nothing to do with you. Keith: But, Mary, that would mean… Mary: Yes, Keith- I was wrong, Wrong, WRONG.
The Rockies crumble. Gibraltar tumbles.
Meanwhile, the comic strip reporters gather at Santa Royale airport, clutching their notepads and their giant flash cameras.
And Roy Brigman sips from a tall cold glass of Moxie and gin…
@meg, that is wickedly hilarious! I bet the Pan Am flight attendant is wearing a navy-blue suit and hat and a crisp white blouse, just like the stewardess outfit for the original Barbie Doll. With a Pan Am shoulder bag.
Now, on to today: What? All it took was a phone call to Kitty?! Forget lunch, how about Keith, Kitty, and Sonia (who really should have been named Kristal) as honored victims, er, guests, at Mary’s for Thanksgiving dinner? With a muffin-stuffed turkey? KM really does have a plane to catch.
If there's anyone left here to read this, can you text KM and tell her not to bother sending in tomorrow's strip? I do believe we've all died of boredom.
Bringing Keith into the first third of the 21st century, one baby step at a time. Kitty might want to work on Sonia, too, who seems to be stuck in the 1970s.
Keith really is pretty flexible. All it takes is one lunch to make up for Kitty not telling him they had a child together. And HE should be paying for lunch to make up for all those years of no child support.
Note to Kitty: A guy who replies “I don’t know…mostly work” when asked what he’s been doing for the past 20 years is no prize. Say “thanks, but no thanks!” and head for the door.
Did they return to the same restaurant because they enjoyed their first visit so much? Yes, @meg, Dumb and Dumber, Santa Royale version, indeed. They’ll be tying the knot before Thanksgiving, with Sonia as flower girl and Mary as matron of meddling honor.
I guess that's the end of this plot line. Kinda wrapped up pretty quickly. Maybe Sonia will throw a wrench into things when she hears about them meeting.
Meanwhile, they only "dated" for two months. Whew! Pretty fast work you two!! Better watch out, Kitty doesn't look all that old and she might be kinda stoopid.
When the plot gets thin, there's always something about the art to snark about...In this case, it impresses me that an establishment that caters to a lunch crowd would have cloth tablecloths. Maybe someone will get up from the table, get the cloth caught in their belt loop and pull all the dishes on to the floor. Hilarity will ensue. A girl can dream..
meg: How’s this? “Mary is…the best…busybody on the West Coast.”
Lacking any imagination or desire to try something different, Kitty and Keith ordered the same meals they had last time: a heapin’ bowl o’ greens for her and The Big Guy artery-clogging special for him. In the background, purple woman rests her left elbow on her plate. With any luck, her purple companion will be the one to tuck the tablecloth into his belt, LouiseF.
Way to make a pretty rude gesture with your giant left paw, Keith. And so long as I’m thinking about it, if Keith is a southpaw, does that make Kitty a northpaw?
3,140 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 800 of 3140 Newer› Newest»So, does Mary's parting comment mean she is expecting a casserole in return?
The look on Mary's face makes me think she is having a "meddlegasm".
MEDDLEGASM!! Yes!!
That is most definitely a meddlegasm. She looks utterly gleeful.
At least she has the sense to leave, although maybe she left her phone behind (probably set to record).
The first thing Miss should do is remove her hoodie and compare her arms with “dad’s” monstrous arms.
@Thunderheels, “meddlegasm” qualifies you for a commendation from the Charterstone Condo Board.
Thank you, Kit Kat. It is with the most humble heart I accept the award.
Could nameless “miss” be in danger of Roid Rage from the overly muscular Keith?
(Ah, I see we've deposited another 300 masterpieces in the snark bank. Well done, gang!)
"Just look in the mirror, Dad! Our hair is the same putrid shade of orange!"
Meanwhile, coming next week: "Mister Hillend, remember how I was kind and generous enough to make you that hearty casserole? Well, I need someone to carry my old refrigerator out to the curb and bring the new one in. Um, NOW would be good."
-- Scottie
Hair dye is stronger than water.
There’s no need for a paternity test. Keith and Sonia both love root beer - case closed. Or [cue the ominous music], Sonia employed the same investigative skills she used to track Keith to learn that ROOT BEER IS HIS FAVORITE!
With all this discussion of root beer, I’m picturing Snoopy arriving in his Sopwith Camel, ready to quaff a frosty mug of it.
Girl arrives unannounced, claims to be your daughter, and you offer her a choice of beverages? Really?
Doesn’t Miss Miss look lovely in that special lavender shirt? Could she have stolen it off Mary’s clothesline?
"I like root beer too."
"Do you prefer bottles or cans?"
"Cans."
"A-HA! You cannot be my daughter! I drink root beer only from bottles!"
"Oh %@$%&+$@, you're on to me! Yeah, alright. Guess I'll be shoving off."
"Yes, I guess you will, charlatan!"
-- Scottie
Surprise daughter grudgingly offers to do "the necessary Q&A." That's big of her.
Tune in next week when Keith makes Sonia a sandwich. Surprise! They both love liverwurst!
Does everybody like root beer, Keith? Everybody in the whole world? Okay, yeah, I like it, but not as much as Dr. Pepper, so I guess we can’t be related in any way.
"What else do you like?" asks Keith, trying to stall the necessary Q&A for as long as possible while he thinks up some story about being infertile or something.
"I like spaghetti."
"Oh, I like spaghetti too. Everybody likes spaghetti."
"Yes, everyone does. Now, what were we talking about?
"I forget."
"Me too. Well, I guess I'll be going now. Thanks for the root beer."
"See ya."
Sheesh, these people are nitwits.
-- Scottie
That clinches it; the Necessary Q&A has revealed that they both like root beer. That seems even more conclusive than with Wilbur’s fake kid (where they flew a kite together at one point and I can’t even remember the rationale).
Turns out there is a Sprechs root beer in Wisconsin. Guess Moy needed a name, but didn’t want to copy exactly. Miss Scarlet
@Scottie McW., everyone in this strip is a nitwit, including Mary, who’s conversing with herself about something that happened eight minutes ago.
A one-night stand with Kitty Fabar! I bet root beer played a significant role in that!
Please tell me I'm not the only one to initially read Kitty's last name as: Fubar?
Wait, didn’t Sonia say Keith was her dad? Is KM trying to pull a Mamma Mia on us?
"I thought you said *I* am your dad."
"Yes, but who is he?"
"I'm not following."
"I need to know who my dad is!"
"You don't know?"
"No. I need to find out."
"So I'm NOT your dad?"
"You are, but I don't know who you are."
"I'm Keith."
"Yes, but who ARE you?"
[Keith thought balloon] "Where's that busybody old woman when I need her?"
-- Scottie
Scottie,
I was thinking along the same lines. I just did not know how to express it. You nailed it!
Where did Keith get that hideous purple and green diagonally striped throw pillow? That's what I want to know.
My child arrived just the other day
She came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
She learned to walk while I was away
And she was talking 'fore I knew it, and as she grew
She'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
And what happened to Kitty? Seems like she wasn't a lot of help, connecting Sonia to Keith. Luckily, since Sonia is 20, there will be no need for child support. Just a case of root beer once a year.
Remember "Six Characters in Search of an Author"? This is "Two Characters in Search of a Brain."
I am unsure if Keith is sputtering over his "daughter's" announcement because she will be a social worker, a poorly paid, high-stress job, or if he thinks she is an idiot to think a social worker will "stick it to the man".
COUGH! SPLUTTER!
Social workers in the Neighboring City of Taft are notorious for sticking it to the man!
If Keith refers to their web page at https://www.cityoftaft.org/ , he’ll learn they are “ looking for motivated individuals with an interest in Law Enforcement at $17.13 per hour”. This is all down to elitist local colleges teaching beatnik lingo to our illegitimate kids!
So, why would the word “neighboring” be bolded? Go ahead and say it out loud and try to make sense of the line reading. Some things just mystify me.
Well, if any of us were hoping for a story line that would lure Wanders back, this sure isn't it.
I wondered about that too, @fauxprof. Does Sonia think that Keith is ignorant of local geography? He moved to Santa Royale with no idea what cities are adjacent? BTW, Taft is 32 miles west-southwest of Bakersfield. Isn’t Santa Royale supposed to be near the coast? I thought it was KM’s stand-in for Santa Barbara.
Ooh, Sonia looks fierce. She wants to stick it to one man in particular.
It's evident that KM has no idea of what it actually means when one refers to "the man". If she did, she'd realize that the disadvantaged have been sticking it to "him" since 1935.
I can't imagine anyone using a word like "neighboring"in regular conversation in any case, unless one were doing a radio broadcast for another area of the country. If KM ever just read aloud from the dialogue she writes, I think she would catch some of these awkward speech patterns. Then again, anyone who wants to "stick it to the man" in 2023 might not pick up on any speech subtleties. I do not foresee a screenwriting career for our beloved KM.
Ah, just what the world needs, an angry, bitter social worker.
-- Scottie
“Mary, it’s Keith, th-“
“We’ll, hello, dear, h-“
“Mary, this shrew IS my daughter, wh-“
“Keith, go fly a kite. No time to ta-“”
CLICK.
CLICK.
Well. not we’ll.
Sheesh, bet she's a lot of fun at parties.
We move ahead into the near future:
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Fresh out of college and newly certified, Social Worker Sonia interviews her first client. Let's listen in:
"So, what's your problem? You think you got it bad or something?"
"Uh . . ."
"Ooooooooooo, poor me, I need a social worker."
"I, um . . ."
"Life too hard for you, sweetheart? Poor bay-beeee. Yeah, well, try walking a mile in my shoes, and then tell me all about it."
"Uh, I think I better go."
"Yeah, that's it, run away, you sniveling wimp loser. I get paid for this anyway. I'm STICKING IT TO THE MAN! HAHAHAHAHA!"
-- Scottie
Does KM even know what social workers do?
Sheesh, over-the-top much?
Alas, no one ever accused KM of being subtle.
-- Scottie
Well, Keith, if you'd been around all those years when Sonia was growing up, you could have had some effect on her thinking. Sonia doesn't seem too interested in getting to know her dad at this point. Maybe she's worn out he welcome with her friends and sought out her dad for a new audience. These two are demonstrating that worn out cliche about red heads having a quick temper.. Yawn.
Sonia’s favorite class is Anarchy 201.
If bonding over Preecher’s root beer went south so quickly, how will muffins or banana bread calm these troubled waters?
Instead of arguing with Sonia, shouldn’t Keith be investigating her claim that she’s his daughter? Red hair and a taste for root beer are not proof, Daddy-O.
Ah, yes, young and stupid. Ha haaa, I remember when I knew it all.
Not like her, though.
-- Scottie
Given her vocabulary, Sonia appears to be in a time warp somewhere around 1966. If she starts talking about the Vietnam War or LBJ we'll know for sure.
I'm wondering why Keith is putting framed pictures of himself up in his single guy apt., maybe it's meant to be a conversation starter - certainly started one with his estranged and over the top daughter!
One would think that a retired military officer AND police officer would be more suspicious of a woman he's never heard showing up at his new residence claiming to be his daughter. Of course, KM doesn't think like a normal person. Also, if Sonia tracked Keith down so easily, why didn't she learn anything about his background?
Why is this conversation even happening, take your root beer and go!
"Okay, Sonia, now that you know who your father IS and that you loathe him and everything he stands for, I trust you'll be on your way now and never coming back. Safe travels. Bye."
-- Scottie
So much for tracking down bio-dad, establishing a tentative connection, maybe finding out about family medical history. No, let’s get into an adversarial rant that dates back to my adolescence. I’m in my 70s, by the way.
I'm confused. Shouldn't Keith be happy? Let her go daddy-o.
Well, Keith seemed a little young for Charterstone, so I expect he'll be moving on now that his suddenly discovered daughter has found him. Oh, wait, I'm guessing more improbabilities are about to surface with Mary running into a tearful Sonia in the hall as she suddenly needs to empty her trash and invite the young lass in for muffins and root beer.
Keith told Mary that he didn't have any children, but I suppose it is possible that he's always wanted them.
Keith could use the root-beer can that Sonia drank out of for a DNA test. More likely, he'll consult with Mary. "Mary, I just learned I have a daughter, but she accused me of being "The Man" and a heartless killer. What should I do?"
Better not let Mary hear you using that kind of language, Mr. Potty Mouth!
Well, Keith, you COULD get rid of the camo wardrobe, (including that row of hats) and your military haircut if you want to bond with Sonia, who wears her politics on her peace sign shoulder bag.
Yesterday /
All my troubles seemed so far away . . .
-- Scottie
OK she left, end of problem, end of story? She seems a little off her rocker, too.
I can imagine that it would be odd for Keith to be told that he's hated by someone who doesn't know him. But like @Chester pointed out: she's a nut case. If Keith is lucky, he'll never see her again. And if we are lucky, we won't either.
This won’t be over until the baby momma sings. Keith will track her down. It will turn out that she (Sonya’s mother) is a subscriber to the Santa Royale Pennysaver. Unbeknownst to Mary (I know, I know, but the old girl is slipping), Keith has granted an exclusive interview to Wilbur, sharing his life story in depth, including the one evening 20 years ago that he got drunk at Neighboring City Nightclub…
Wow! No wonder Keith left the Marines and law enforcement. Everyone I know in both of those careers has a pretty thick skin. He has a meltdown over someone he just met and knows little about?
Meg- Again a laugh-out-loud post.
In order to win the affection of his daughter, Keith decides to grow his hair long and bomb the Pentagon.
-- Scottie
A total stranger walked in an hour ago with a barely plausible, unverified story, and turned into a shrieking psycho. Now she’s your child and you want to be part of her life. KM takes bad writing to a whole new level. Wanders! Take me with you!
fauxprof, Amen! In the real world, rather than fretting over someone who hasn't bothered to present any actual evidence (beyond her love of rootbeer and her red hair)that she is his daughter, I suspect Keith would be heading out to FoodTeam for a sixpack of his favorite adult beverage, taking the back stairs, lest he run into Mary...
Meanwhile, Mary is removing a batch of root beer muffins from the oven….And soon, Keith will be meddled by an expert.
Sonia sees everything in Black and White, but didn't she have a Grams who baked all sorts of oatmeal cookies because she loved the many shades of gray?
Keith ought to do something about those Popeye forearms. Some day he might have to dress up and wear a shirt with long sleeves. Plus, it must be tiring to haul those things around all day.
-- Scottie
I don’t like to dunk on June, because I admire her work, but…where’s the rest of Keith’s left arm? Is he letting it dangle by his side because it’s too heavy to lift? He can barely manage to tap out an email with one finger at the end of his massively muscled right arm. I really think medical attention is in order.
Well, I'm sure glad that Keith's military training included using a coaster for a glass of root beer. Distracted me completely from the creepy way his laptop cut off his arm.
"Kitty, we need to talk! I cannot believe that you never told me you were pregnant. Don't you remember me saying, time and time again, that I'd give my left arm to be a dad? Well, I hope you're happy!"
Yeah! @hmmmmm !!!
Will this begin the reunion of Keith and Kitty? The alliteration is quite nice. And then Sonia can get really, royally cheesed off.
By the way, this was mentioned the other day. Taft is no where near Goleta. Regardless of where Santa Royale is (we do think it's Santa Barbara, right?) we have been told it's near Goleta. Taft is near Bakersfield and about 117 miles from Goleta. Also, kind of a pit (sorry Taftians).
The incredible bulk!
I sure hope Sonia told Kitty she was going to find her father. Otherwise, she's in for quite a shock. Keith looks very intimidating, what with his bulky build and all. On the other hand, maybe he didn't look like this 20 years ago. Gotta admit, I'm looking forward to this. I wonder how Moy will ruin it.
Twenty years ago, Keith looked like Harry Potter, and Kitty looked like Katy Perry. Now Keith looks like a ginger Lou Ferrigno, and Kitty looks like Aunt Bea.
Wait a minute, Keith arranged to meet Kitty at no-name bar and grille? Why didn’t KM show us that bizarre conversation? BTW, I think the building exterior in p. 1 has been used before. I miss Wanders’s “Please recycle here” signs.
@meg, I can’t help but think that Kitty will look like Amanda Blake, complete with inch-thick makeup.
Amanda Blake!!! Oh yes!!! And Keith is pretty close to Matt Dillon.
Meanwhile, where is he with that tiny glass and straw?
He only found out this week? More like a couple of hours ago.
So his full name is Keith Self-Control Hillend. That’s catchy. I wonder if “Self-Control” is a family name.
“Kitty, WHY didn’t you TELL me?”
“Keith, why didn’t you give me your phone number and address?!”
Interesting that Moy picked a quote from "The Charge of the Light Brigade", a poem about a military disaster resulting from miscommunication between generals. One hundred thirty died and almost three hundred horsed killed. I wonder if this story line will result in miscommunication and disaster?
From the poem: Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
We just met Keith, why do we care about his personal life? Would had been better if a long established character turned out to have a child he never knew about.
@Judi at 7:32 a.m., your idea would be terrific with Dr. Jeff as the surprise father! We’d love to see Mary’s reaction to that, along with those of Drew and the gone-and-forgotten Adrian.
Monday: Ooh, a woman with a backbone! There might be hope for Kitty.
This plot is moving at breakneck speed. It seems Keith's main concern here is how it's all affecting HIM. Not surprising Kitty decided to proceed with parenting on her own.
Well, we can see where Sonia got her sparkling personality from.
-- Scottie
Note to self: buy a large ham for dinner.
He’s having a burger and she’s poking at an overflowing salad. No wonder these two had only a brief encounter.
“Could you remove your elbow and ridiculously inflated arm from the table?”
My, what a pleasant family. They really should all live together so they can snipe at each other all day long.
-- Scottie
Kitty would fit right in with Mary and Toby. She’s a massive salad, tiny fork fan. I notice that Keith’s burger is smaller than his hand, but I guess all burgers are sliders to Mr. Muscles.
I guess we have to assume that Keith always felt a void in his life because he hadn't had a family. Apparently, Mary didn't have time to ferret out this factoid. Meanwhile, I think Kitty is right. He should never have found out. How will they get rid of him now?
Is there any wonderful possibility that Mary is at the same restaurant? I yearn to see that feral expression on her face when her eyes lock on her prey….
Kitty Fabar wanted to eat at Salad Town, while K. Self-Control Hillend was pushing for Jerry’s Sandwich Shoppe. I guess there will be no Old Familiar for these two.
Note that Keith is blabbering about his missed opportunity to be a loving father but says nothing about being a devoted husband/partner. He hasn’t even asked Kitty how the past 20 years have been for her. Shall we read between the lines of Kitty’s “You don’t KNOW that”? Kick him to the curb again, Kitty.
And, a cameo appearance by (ta-da!) Chin Napkin!
Man, Kitty is a master of the passive-aggressive. "Oh, I'm sure your daughter would still hate you if she knew you." Mary would be impressed.
Kitty is really growing on me. She seems like she is calm, straightforward and intelligent. Anyone who has raised kids can agree with her, there's no telling how they will feel about parents in their latter teens. And from what we have seen of Sonia, she probably knows first hand about her emotional outbursts. From the way Keith is so sure of his abilities, perhaps the apple didn't fall far from the tree after all.
@Gina
I had the same thought. Kitty Catty is a real piece of work.
-- Scottie
Comment 700!!
His “line of work”? What is he- a contract killer? A bounty hunter?
It’s peculiar that Sonia was so adept at tracking Keith that she burst in on the day he moved in yet never discovered anything about his background, or, ahem, his “line of work.” Sonia needs to improve her Internet research skills.
I guess all those stories Kitty told Sonia only dealt with Keith’s massive forearms.
I guess Kitty must have told her enough stories that Sonia was able to track him down with mininimal info. Kinda weird. Unless Daddy-O is dead, most single moms don't go on and on about the baby daddy. Maybe Kitty wanted more than Keith was willing to commit to...or maybe she forgot to ask about that part.
Maybe it would help if one of them explained to Sonia that she was conceived during a drunken one-night stand in some bushes behind a Burger King, that Keith and Kitty never saw each other again, and that Kitty made up all these stories about her father.
Just spitballing here, but this seems to be more interesting than whatever KM probably has in mind.
-- Scottie
This is all just a set up for Mary to come in and do nothing, then later claim credit.
Imma need another few gin and tonics!
After the Marines, Keith “joined the police academy”. Not the force, the academy. He spent an entire career attempting to graduate. Sort of like Dawn and Santa Royale Community College.
Thanks for the hilarious comments, everyone! I nearly fell off my chair as I read them.
Bingo, @fauxprof. Not only that, "the Marines" are not the United States Marine Corps. It's the Springfield Marines, whose clubhouse is near the nuclear power plant where Homer Simpson is employed.
If Keith retired last year, what age did that make him when he ‘fathered’ Sonya?
@Meg, good question but do we know now old Sonia is? I mean she strikes me as the perpetual student type so could be a lot older than we think.
Well, let's say he joined the Springfield Marines at age 18 and got out after 20 years. Then he spent 20 years trying to graduate from the academy and was finally given a pity diploma after another 20 years. That makes him 58, still shy of a typical retirement age. Sounds like Kitty didn't know that he had been in the academy, so Sonia is probably about 20-22, by that reasoning.
Meanwhile, Keith still hasn't managed to ask Kitty anything about her life. I think I can see why she chose not to contact him. Too bad she didn't tell Sonia about that part. Coulda saved everyone a lot of time.
I recall that Sonia said she was 20. Does anyone else remember this?
Maybe Keith’s “retirement” from the academy is a euphemism for “they finally kicked me out.”
Ah yes, I can hear Paul Anka’s “(You’re) Having My Baby” in the background. I hate that song.
"This is all your fault, Kitty!"
"Wha . . .???!!!"
"Don't change the subject!"
-- Scottie
@KitKat, ha haaa, I agree! That song belongs on the Syrupy, Sappy Jukebox.
Keith seems to be getting more and more belligerent. I think we know why Kitty didn't tell him. Wonder when it will dawn on him.
I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam, I’m Keith the ‘roid rage man! I wants me rights!
“Kitty, wait! I thought we were going to split the check!”
Ahh, June’s salute to Halloween is today’s penultimate panel. Look at those horrified faces, trapped in orange! Then POOF! they disappear by the last panel.
If Keith was wed to his job in the Marines, did he get a divorce when he left for the police academy?
“Kitty, wait until I have a chance to talk to talk to Mary Worth about this!”
Looks like Officer Hillend flunked the conflict-resolution course.
But big props to KM for citing George Carlin!
-- Scottie
@Scottie, I can’t believe someone as humor-challenged as KM quoted George Carlin—unless she’s been playing us all this time?
I wonder how Mary will pull this off. She doesn't know Kitty or Sonia. She barely knows Keith. That makes it tough to meddle. But then, that's her specialty. Butting in when she's not wanted and contributes nothing of value.
And as I suggested yesterday, Kitty may have done exactly the right thing in not telling Dudley Doo-Right about her pregnancy. He's kinda scary. Guess Kitty forgot in the last 20 years.
“The past isn’t what it used to be”? Meaning that their brief past consisted only of canoodling, and Kitty didn’t push back at Keith and walk out? Sigh.
Will Mary encounter Keith as he exits Nameless Restaurant, or will she run into him at Charterstone? Maybe she just happens to have three dozen freshly baked beer muffins on hand….
@Scottie and @fauxprof, KM confused George Carlin with Mr. Carlin (played by Jack Riley) on “The Bob Newhart Show.”
You know that old saying about remembering history? I think it applies to Keith. Since he can't seem to remember the past he will be doomed to repeating it. Do we have to keep watching too?
Attention KM: We don’t want no stinkin’ happily ever after resolution to this story, see? Keef must have been a decade or more older than Kitty when he impregnated her- they were never two cute young lovers getting “into trouble”. Keef ‘n Kitty sitting in a tree, P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. AAARRRGGGHH
Reminds me of an old joke I heard a long time ago:
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
-- Scottie
Who said anything about “happily” married, Keith? How many other women were there in your past?
“… and things were never like they used to be.”
— line from the BBC version of I, CLAUDIUS. Likely somewhat misremembered.
— Tiny Fork
Keith should give karaoke a try. ‘From the halls of Montezuma, boom Shaka Shaka….’ He looks like a potential friend for Wilbur, in an Odd Couple-ish sort of way. They can talk about their dawters , and their lack of dawgs, while drinking cawfee. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Kitty told this dolt exactly why she didn't marry him, and he still doesn't get it. Yeah, some Marines are happily married (sidebar: my parents were both in the Marines), but since you are not married, we are not talking about you.
@MissScarlet
Both your parents were Marines? Good for them and good for you!
I'll bet you made your bed every morning, eh?
-- Scottie
“I missed you, Kitty, even though I hadn’t heard or thought of your name in years. I just forgot that I missed you.”
@KitKat
You nailed it. Now suddenly he misses her? Huh?
Ah well, par for the course here in the Worthiverse.
-- Scottie
P.S. We had a cold Halloween last night. We have many KitKats left over. Not complaining, mind you.
Yes, every morning. Still do. But I never had to bounce a quarter.
“I might as well leave the past alone…retreat and regroup…”
BUT FIRST IMMA DRIVE MY CAR RIGHT THROUGH THAT GLASS DOOR!
"Oh, no! People I have not seen in twenty years or don't want to be around me! What was the point of my life now that I know two people don't like me?"
Maybe Mary can take Keith to the animal shelter and get him a dog. Worked for Sal.
On the other side of that glass door, Mary approaches with a big bag o’ muffins. Tune in tomorrow to see if crumbs will fly!
@Scottie, I still enjoy KitKats, but I miss the original English ones made by Rowntree. The chocolate was better (less sweet).
I'm still stuck on how exactly Kitty could have been a "liability"...
Trooper Hillend, Ten-HUT . . . Dis-MOUNT . . . Right FACE . . . For-hwad MARCH . . . Toop, threep, fourp . . . Trooper HALT . . . Report to Commanding Officer Worth On the Double!
-- Scottie
“Wipe that burger-eating grin off your face, jarhead!”
(Teeny voice): yes, ma’am, sergeant Worth.
“I CANT HEAR YOU!”
It only took him a two hour drive to finally consider that maybe there's a reason women don't want to be with him. Regroup all you want Keith, but you'll have to do more than that if you want to make friends and influence people (in a nice way).
“Keith! Keith? Who’s that woman speaking into your right ear, Keith?”
Mary certainly is persistent. She’s been lying in wait with that sack of groceries for hours. Retreat and regroup, Keith! Retreat and regroup!
"Keith!"
"Keith?"
"WHATTA YOU WANT??!!!"
"Um, care to stop by for tea, sympathy, and a few dozen muffins?"
-- Scottie
Clearly Keith needs a new mission. How about Operation Biddy Avoid?
Keith is working those jeans!
Initiate meddling mode.
"Operation Biddy Avoid" made me laugh so hard!
Walked right into that trap, didn’t you, Keith? No wonder you never made it out of the Police Academy.
Wow, Mary is good! Keith didn't even feel the bear trap snap onto his ankle.
-- Scottie
Ah, the old "Hug and a muffin"trope...
Mary, you forgot "great meddler" as well.
“I’ve also been told that I’m the most humble person in the world. I’m great at being humble!”
Mary, who told you you were a great baker?
“Ulysses S. Grant, William McKinley, Queen Victoria…”
Okay, then who told you you were a great listener?
“Uh…Toby, Wilbur, Saul, no one you’d know.”
So creepy! It's like watching a spider wrap up a fly. He's doomed.
Sunday, panel eight:
Mary: "This isn't one of them."
MissScarlett: Brilliant!
"Excuse ME??? I remind you of your mother? Your late mother? Well, how nice. I suppose the next thing you're going to tell me is that I don't sweat much for a fat girl."
-- Scottie
So now Mary's advising Keith to continue pursuing women who've made it abundantly clear they do not want to see him? Wow, I wish she'd given the same advice to Aldo before he drove off a cliff.
Like a true Marine, Mary never gives up. Once she lures Kitty and Sonia into her parlor it will be game over. I'd like to try to see them try to storm off with a few kilos of muffin sludge in their stomachs, as they struggle to extricate themselves from Mary's quicksand-like lilac sofa.
Keith is gonna squeeze the blueberries right outta that muffin.
“You’re a lot like my late mother. Her muffins were dry like yours, and her tea was just as weak. Now, how about that hug, mommy?”
Let's see... Mary's been "paying it forward" for almost a century now. And now her smug-a-thon has Keith, who hasn't yet heard her endless collection of bromides, of which both "paying it forward" and "fight for what you want" are two...
And while we're on the subject of Saint Mary, let's consider what "Santa Royale" means. Literally, it's "Holy Royale," which means nothing. The closest interpretation is something like "Holy Luxury." Yeah, that tracks for this upscale place. Shows where their priorities are.
-- Scottie
I wish Keith had told Mary that she reminded him of his great-great-grandmother.
"You look just like her. I have an old Daguerreotype that shows her selling apples on a street corner in NY city."
Didn't we see this already? Somebody nudge Moy, she's stuck again.
“Holy Luxury” - that explains why everyone in MW is so self absorbed. Bingo, @Scottie.
Thanks, Keith, that explains why no one in the armed forces or in law enforcement has a family.
Best case scenario: Mary plots a surprise Thanksgiving family reunion. Otherwise it’s a long slog until Christmas, where Keith shows up as an undercover Santa at one of Sonia’s good causes. All is forgiven, until he spots someone he once arrested, becomes “The Man” again, and Sonia once again denounces him. Well, there’s always Valentine’s Day.
I'm pretty sure Keith is thinking about throwing that hot cup of coffee in Mary's face!
fauxprof, thanks for the scenario that I wish might happen! I have a vivid mental picture of Keith as a handcuff-wielding Santa as well as his arrest of a crying toddler's parent at a Christmas toy giveaway... He could always volunteer to assist with the Marines' Toys for Tots program, but something tells me he doesn't fit in his uniform now...
Sure, why not? Now that he's retired he can have a family. He just has to find some people willing to put up with him. Good luck with that.
@MissScarlet, you nailed it. Keith didn’t give a thought or the time of day to Kitty for 20 years. Now he claims he *still* has feelings for her and wants to horn in on her and Sonia’s lives. Crush another muffin and split, Keith.
Mary’s about to spill tea down her cowl neck, hee hee.
Mary has never heard of the concept of “no means no”. Or she’s heard of it, and dismisses it as just silly wokeness. After all, every woman longs to be pursued relentlessly by someone she’s rejected. So sad that Also went off that cliff before he could convince Mary of his sincerity.
Aldo, not Also. Darned autocorrect.
fauxprof, exactly! The dialogue here makes NO sense in the real world. They don't want anything to do with you. Why don't you pester them and see if they will change their minds. Argh! Dopey advice, even for Mary. Maybe Keith could get a boom box and serenade Kitty out side her window, a la Wilbur...
He is gonna crush that muffin like a tin can!
I thought so too, @Chester the Dog. Who hold a muffin like that? I know Brigman has difficulties with hands and phones, but I thought by now she would have mastered fingers and muffins. Certainly Moy gives her enough practice.
Before you start ordering a "#1 Father" tee shirt, Keith, how about a paternity test? You haven't seen Kitty in 20+ years. How do you KNOW Sonia really is your daughter? Who knows what Kitty was doing (or with whom) all that time ago? The fact that she never tried to get child support from you makes me wonder if she really thought you were the dad...
Does anyone else wish that we could warn Kitty and Sonia?
What I want to hear is why Kitty didn’t think Keith was marriage material 20 years ago. Was he abusive, or controlling, or just too old and square? I’m hoping that this whole story is just being told in order to show Mary is WRONG!
How does Mary know that this guy is worth knowing? She just met him. He could be an abusive control freak for all she knows.
Oh, Meg.
You know Mary is never wrong. Destructive, controlling, manipulative, mentally abusive, but never wrong.
We all wish nosy, controlling, manipulative (thanks for some adjectives, @Thunderheels) Mary would get her comeuppance. As @fauxprof noted, Mary was far from understanding with Aldo Kelrast. There was also her experience with Ted Miller (what a character!), who got frisky with her in the course of his muffin scheme. No tea and sympathy from Mary then - she sent him packing, with a muffin hat. KM will never take Mary off of her Perfect Pedestal [sigh]. Maddening!
Brigman’s Revenge
The day: Thanksgiving Eve, aka the busiest travel day of the year
The time: approaching midnight (EDT)
The place: midair, on board the delayed PanAm Clipper direct flight from Goleta to Santa Royale
The sitch: Karen and June are onboard, but…presses roll at midnight, AND THERE IS NO DIALOG TO FILL THE STRIP’S WORD BALLOONS!
June stealthily turns on her phone and texts her husband Roy. …Roy, the strip needs dialog, Karen says…
Flight Attendant (snatches phone from June): MADAM! What part of put phones in airplane mode do you not understand? This will go in your PERMANENT RECORD! Capiche? You’ll never fly Pan Am again!
June: But, sputter, sputter…
Karen: Never mind, dear, Roy will know what to do…
Roy, still smarting years after being fired from his well-paid lettering job, thinks briefly and begins to type…then hits SEND at 5 minutes before midnight.
Comics Kingdom pressman: What th’? Well, I guess the Moy dame knows what she’s doing. And he sets up the dialog in hot type.
The Strip:
Mary (on the phone): Keith? It’s Mary…I’ve been thinking. Under no circumstances should you approach Kitty and Sonia. That ship has sailed, big guy. You should find something else to do with your ample spare time; they want nothing to do with you.
Keith: But, Mary, that would mean…
Mary: Yes, Keith- I was wrong, Wrong, WRONG.
The Rockies crumble. Gibraltar tumbles.
Meanwhile, the comic strip reporters gather at Santa Royale airport, clutching their notepads and their giant flash cameras.
And Roy Brigman sips from a tall cold glass of Moxie and gin…
@meg wins the internet.
Now we can all retire!
There goes Keith. He looks so dazed. I wonder if Mary drills screws in the back of people's necks, like in that old horror movie.
@meg, that is wickedly hilarious! I bet the Pan Am flight attendant is wearing a navy-blue suit and hat and a crisp white blouse, just like the stewardess outfit for the original Barbie Doll. With a Pan Am shoulder bag.
Now, on to today: What? All it took was a phone call to Kitty?! Forget lunch, how about Keith, Kitty, and Sonia (who really should have been named Kristal) as honored victims, er, guests, at Mary’s for Thanksgiving dinner? With a muffin-stuffed turkey? KM really does have a plane to catch.
If there's anyone left here to read this, can you text KM and tell her not to bother sending in tomorrow's strip? I do believe we've all died of boredom.
Bringing Keith into the first third of the 21st century, one baby step at a time. Kitty might want to work on Sonia, too, who seems to be stuck in the 1970s.
Keith really is pretty flexible. All it takes is one lunch to make up for Kitty not telling him they had a child together. And HE should be paying for lunch to make up for all those years of no child support.
Dumb and Dumber, Santa Royale version.
Note to Kitty: A guy who replies “I don’t know…mostly work” when asked what he’s been doing for the past 20 years is no prize. Say “thanks, but no thanks!” and head for the door.
Did they return to the same restaurant because they enjoyed their first visit so much? Yes, @meg, Dumb and Dumber, Santa Royale version, indeed. They’ll be tying the knot before Thanksgiving, with Sonia as flower girl and Mary as matron of meddling honor.
Yikes... I agree, KitKat. There is NO hope for these two wooden characters, which means, of course there will be a wedding in their future.
@LouiseF, yes, let’s get them married as soon as possible, so they disappear forever. Hopefully, they will take Sonia with them.
On second thought, since Mary is a friend of Keith’s, she can be the best man at the nuptials.
KitKat:
Fixed it for ya’!
“Mary is…the best…”
I guess that's the end of this plot line. Kinda wrapped up pretty quickly. Maybe Sonia will throw a wrench into things when she hears about them meeting.
Meanwhile, they only "dated" for two months. Whew! Pretty fast work you two!! Better watch out, Kitty doesn't look all that old and she might be kinda stoopid.
Every time I see Wanders' "They call it a screwdriver" comment on the home page, I chuckle.
As for the current exercise in tedium, I'm afraid Moy has bored the snark right out of me.
-- Scottie
When the plot gets thin, there's always something about the art to snark about...In this case, it impresses me that an establishment that caters to a lunch crowd would have cloth tablecloths. Maybe someone will get up from the table, get the cloth caught in their belt loop and pull all the dishes on to the floor. Hilarity will ensue. A girl can dream..
meg: How’s this? “Mary is…the best…busybody on the West Coast.”
Lacking any imagination or desire to try something different, Kitty and Keith ordered the same meals they had last time: a heapin’ bowl o’ greens for her and The Big Guy artery-clogging special for him. In the background, purple woman rests her left elbow on her plate. With any luck, her purple companion will be the one to tuck the tablecloth into his belt, LouiseF.
QUIT
GREW
HANDLE
PROUD
Why should Keith be proud of Kitty's accomplishments? He didn't have anything to do with it.
What do you suppose that art work is? Impressionistic amoebas on a grid?
I wonder if their blue drinks are anything like Luke Skywalker had on Tatooine?
Way to make a pretty rude gesture with your giant left paw, Keith. And so long as I’m thinking about it, if Keith is a southpaw, does that make Kitty a northpaw?
Keith's head appears to grow smaller with every passing day, perhaps the result of his "high risk job duties"...
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