Congratulations to LouiseF for posting comment 800!
Maybe Kitty’s scheming to marry Keith and then get access to his military and police academy pensions. Payback for 20 years of no support from dad! Keith is so credulous, e.g., he accepted Sonia as his daughter with no evidence, that should be a snap. Clink!
Miss Scarlett, You are so right. Be careful what you ask for, of course, Wilbur would at least be inept enough to provide some entertainment. Even "dogs are good" would beat the current story line.
I have a theory. KM is trying to get the strip cancelled, or at least to get out of her contract. The last time something halfway interesting happened was when Wilbur went head first off the bow of a cruise ship.
It's healthy to exercise in retirement? You don't say! Guess everyone should wait until they are 65 or so, right? And as Thunderheels so aptly put it, dogs are good.
Tame, tame horses, they'll ride them next week...And I finally see how Sonia's Attitude will be "broken" : *she*, it will be revealed, loves horses too, so as one happy family they will ride into the sunset.
I wonder if Keith will do a 'Fabio' impersonation and make Kitty swoon with desire. Nah, that would be too racy. Maybe Kitty will fall off her horse, hit her head, suffer amnesia and Keith will get a do-over. Hmmm...but what about Sonia....no, that won't work. Does Mary ride? They probably need a chaperone. The horses would love her carrot muffins. Curious minds await.
We’ll rip my jeans, they went from banalities at lunch to horseback riding overnight. KM can squeeze in some plot development when she wants to, apparently.
June’s been waiting all year for a chance to draw horses. Nice work, June.
Remember years ago in MW and Me, the horses smoking cigarettes?
When quoting a song do you give credit to the songwriter or to the singer because the Céline Dion song being mentioned on Sunday was written by Jim Steinman of Meatloaf?
@meg, I think Toby and Chinbeard will be included at Mary’s Thanksgiving table - that’s why Toby materialized today. At first I thought Toby was holding a vodka stinger but it turned out to be a muffin. Mary’s gearing up for a big blab about Mr. Hillend and his INTRIGUING personal history. Toby will be all ears!
BTW, of course, Jeff will be at the Thanksgiving table, and I expect Wilbur and Dawn too. June may recycle a past Thanksgiving strip.
Like @meg, Piccadee Falls popped into my mind too. I picture Keith and Kitty’s horses, Trigger and Buttermilk, galloping to the edge of Zak’s Cliff, coming to a sudden stop, and neighing happily as Keith and Kitty tumble off and over the edge. How do you say “Farewell to those dolts!” in equine language?
Just as we all expected, it’s KM’s annual recycling of “Happy Thanksgiving! From Mary and friends!” Now the Westons and the professor can go back in the discards bin, and Jeff can disappear until the next semiannual dinner at the Bum Boat and sundown cruise. See ya (maybe)!
Mary’s going to have to put that platter on top of her Splak casserole, and she’ll knock down a row of wine glasses in the process.
What a disappointment! I was hoping we'd see Iris and Zak, Estelle and her veterinarian friend, and Wilbur and some painted lady snapping gum and wearing fishnet stockings named Roxy who is delighted to learn that this afternoon's trick includes a sumptuous meal first.
I echo KitKat in wishing all of us here a very happy day.
@Scottie - Agreed! Was hoping for some more interesting peeps at a much larger table. Oh well, guess that would cut down on all the gossiping they will be doing.
After the interval at Mary’s table, we’re back to normal. Toby is about to smooch another muffin (she’s looking at it the way she looked at Ian when they first met - eeesh) and Keith and Kitty, who haven’t gone riding in decades, gallop across the range like Roy and Dale.
Keith needs to be careful. Keith: It has been a while since either of us have ridden. Kitty: I know, but it is like riding a bike only taller, you never forget. Keith: Still... Kitty: Try to catch me. Keith: Oh, *#%@ Kitty: (Falling) I think my back is broken. (Now paralyzed from the waist down) Fast forward five years: Keith: Dammit, five years of taking care of her is enough! Kitty: I am so glad I have you to take care of me! Keith: Uh, huh.
Max, Greta, and Pierre stealthily ate all the turkey leftovers, spoiling Mary’s plan to use them for creamed turkey goulash the following day.
Wilbur selfishly took all the pumpkin pie scraps and the green bean casserole home to enjoy later.
Mr. Allora prank-called the gathering every five minutes (Do you have Prince Albert in a can, is your refrigerator running, your ton of horse manure has been delivered on your front lawn) until Ian answered the phone and swore vigorously, “Damn ye to heel, ye loosy crenk-callin’ son a ay hoor!” Mr. Allora: “My work here is done; now for an Aperol Spritz.”
Keith and Kitty make kissy face noises at the table.
Dawn and Sonia meet, fall in love, and leave hand in hand.
Toby offered to pluck Mary’s chin hairs with tweezers.
Some one spilled water on Dr. Jeff and he screamed, I’m melting, I’m melting, and he was never seen again (until Christmas dinner).
@meg, you’ve outdone yourself! That is brilliant! The Dawn-Sonia storyline in particular is just what KM needs to rocket herself into the 21st century.
"You see Toby, this morning I broke into the stable where they had reserved their horses. Don't ask me how I knew that. Anyway, I injected those horses with a powerful toxin that will cause them to become terribly ill right about now. And by now, Keith and his former girlfriend are likely so far out in the country that they will be unable to summon help. This will force them to rely on each other to survive, and it will bring them closer together. It's kind of a shame about the horses, but meddling ain't beanbag."
Oh, so wonderful! I've been out of touch for a few days, but I absolutely loved reading all of your comments (my family is wondering what the hell I'm laughing about). I am so thankful for all of you!
Hmmm....could Kitty have deliberately managed for her ride to bail on her? It's kinda weird that she would depend on someone else for a 200+ mile round trip. Perhaps this is the prelude to the Sonia blow-up that we all know (hope?) is coming. Will Sonia catch them in bed? Hmmm..kinda racy. Maybe just canoodling on the couch.
Maybe this is how we find out about Kitty’s financial situation? Perhaps her car has been repossessed…and she’s being evicted for non-payment of rent…. And she REALLY REALLY needs a place to live with her daughter. This would bring the Odd non-family family into Charterstone- which needs new blood! Will Mary make them welcome?
Oh, is that a cute little black puppy dog looking out the window? Horses, love, music, and a dog! Bring this story home, Mary, as only you can do- by taking credit!
MissScarlet, it looks like instead of catching them canoodling on the couch, Sonia will hear Mom and Dad belting from five miles away, even with the Jeep’s windows closed. I’m with you and meg - Kitty’s about-face was fishy. Maybe KM is resurrecting her scheming-woman plots, a la Nola Wolvenson and Drunken Jill. Of course, those two fun baddies got their comeuppances.
“OK, Sonia, here’s the scam. I have an ex-boyfriend who’s dumber than a box of rocks. You’re about the right age to pass yourself off as his long-lost daughter. He’ll never even question you or ask for some kind of proof. You blow up on him and storm out, and then he’s sure to call me. I’ll reel him and his juicy pension in, and we’re set!”
“But Kitty, I’m not even YOUR daughter!”
“That’s Mom, not Kitty, and what about Scam don’t you understand?”
Today’s panel 1: Uh oh, looks like Keith’s Jeep has had a blown tire or tires on the driver’s side.
Panel 2: A translation is needed for “Remember that Stevie Wonder concert you had me to go to?” Did KM zone out when she wrote this? Was whoever letters the strip so bored that words were omitted, e.g., “Remember that Stevie Wonder concert you had to force me to go to?”
All this reminiscing! I'd like to hear them recalling why they broke up. Remember when you forced me to go to that concert and I pouted for days? Remember when I sang so off key in the concert that they threw me out? Remember when I balked at using birth control? Ah, yes! Those were the days!
Keith is "old fashioned" about walking a woman to her door in broad daylight in the suburbs? More like he's just clumsy about wangling an invitation to go inside Kitty's house. I am relieved that at least today his head appears to be proportional to the rest of his body...
Coincidence of coincidences, I have been listening to the Rolling Stones’ new album, “Hackney Diamonds,” and Stevie Wonder plays piano on “Sweet Sounds of Heaven.” You can’t make this stuff up, friends.
As Kitty invites Keith in for a steaming cup of Sanka, Sonia steps out of the shadows holding a baseball bat.
Yes! KitKat! I sincerely hope Sonia will make an appearance tomorrow. As Keith leans in for a good-bye kiss....WHAM. Could be kinda awkward for Kitty, though.
So now Kitty remembers....good things, I guess? Apparently not why she thought it best to break it off with Keith and keep the baby a secret.
And it looks like she's doing ok economically, so she's not after Keith's pension. I mean, she has a house and Keith is renting. That's a big deal in California.
I can't help thinking that Kitty may not be that bright. That would go a long way to explaining Sonia too.
Kitty and Keith play a favorite game from the early days of their romance, where Kitty tries to trick Keith into saying more than three words, or a complete sentence. Ha ha, she got him in today’s penultimate panel!
If that’s Sonia’s voice in the last panel, we can tell she’s a brat because she calls her mother by her name.She needs counseling with Mary.
Hmmm….If Kitty hasn’t ridden in years, then why does she have a proper riding outfit, with jodhpurs and boots, while Keith is just wearing his Big and Tall dad pants and sneakers? And Kitty seems to be using an English-style saddle, while expert rider Keith uses a Western one. I’m quite concerned about this, but June Brigham hasn’t returned any of my two dozen calls over the last couple of days. Hmmmph!
Well, that’s either Huntz Hall of The Bowery Boys, or Sonia’s fraternal twin, or someone Keith arrested when he was with the police academy. I can’t wait to find out!
Well, surprise surprise, and Kitty gets to “It’s NOT what you think” in a nanosecond. And we thought the only fly in the ointment was Sonia. Could Brad be Kitty’s former fiancé? Debonair, isn’t he?
KitKat- you’re showing your age! ( My grandma told me all about the Bowery Boys.)
This is really a promising event. I hope it doesn’t become just another episode of Disappointing Denouement Theater: He’s her nephew. He’s a young man she mentored at work. He’s her pool boy. He’s one of her patrons at a ‘Gentlemen’s Club’ dropping off a fresh stack of one dollar bills. He’s Sonia’s partner in a comedy act- Sonia is hilarious, BTW. He’s a young member of the New Whig Party, canvassing for votes. He’s collecting protection money. He’s an insurance salesman. He’s selling Bibles.
"Disappointing Denouement Theater"! Outstanding, meg! Judging from the cap Brad is wearing, I'm guessing it's safe to assume he isn't Kitty's financial planner either.
So, no baseball bat; no Sonia...but Brad and he's not boring! Just look at all the possiblities Meg came up with! For the umteenth time, I wish KM read this blog.
KitKat, I can't help wondering if KM perhaps reads this blog and dubbed Sonia's mom "Kitty Cat" in your honor. I'm guessing Brad's next comment will be, "You know, KittyCat, we could use your help staffing the tee shirt booth at the Socialist Workers' Christmas bazaar."
I see that Brad continues to be quite distasteful. Better than boring. However, as the Comics Curmudgeon has pointed out, that hat is ridiculous. It was 80 degrees here yesterday and Keith has rolled up sleeves. Hmm, I guess he could be losing his hair? But he's certainly not protecting a 'fro. Is he trying to project an image of a rebel? That's kinda sad.
“I’ll call you and explain TOMORROW, Keith. It’ll take me that long to come up with a reasonably plausible excuse. Now, isn’t it time for you to drive back to Santa Royale?”
@MissScarlet, a co-worker of mine for many years was a guy who wore a black knit hat every day. It always looked the same, so it wasn’t clear if it was the same hat or if he had a number of identical hats. Everyone wondered “What’s the deal with the hat?” but never asked him; he was usually cordial but an oddball too. (He had complained to HR a couple of times about alleged slights which had no basis in fact, so people were leery of antagonizing him.) His supervisors didn’t ask about the hat either, for the same reason, I think.
KM had to stop the explanation from Kitty until she has had a chance to go over Meg's list from a few days ago so she can decide just who (what?) Brad really is.
@KitKat: that sounds like it might fit Brad. Definitely an oddball, not very cordial, but we'll probably never learn about the hat either.
Man, these people irritate easily. Sonia and KittyKat both hated Keith at first sight, and now Keith shows up and immediately hates Hat Guy. Can't wait 'til they're all together in one big bickerfest.
It took Kitty a day and a half to come up with “He’s just a friend!” and throw it on Sonia. Unimaginative, isn’t she? That makes her par for the course in the Worthiverse.
Keith could’ve come up with a more emphatic response, too, like “?!” Snore….
Looks like Keith has been practicing his phone holding skills. Perhaps he will be able to give Kitty some pointers.
So, she tolerates BradHat because....he was Sonia's babysitter and she's still attached to him? Sonia has a crush on him but he only likes Kitty-Cat? Sonia gave BradHat everything on the mantle but Kitty is hoping he'll give it back soon?
The obvious plot line is that Sonia wants her mom to hook up with BradHat. Yuck! However, that goes back to my original assumption. Kitty is kinda dumb. Why else would she keep him around? Just so she doesn't have to listen to Sonia complain? Sheesh!
Sonia and BradHat (good moniker, MissScarlet!) are trying to do positive things for planet Earth. In Keith’s eyes, and maybe KM’s, that makes them loopy wackos at best and dangerous rebels at worst. What’s wrong with this picture?
Good observation on Kitty’s mantle, Scottie. I was so focused on Keith and Kitty’s phone holding that I missed that.
This is even creepier than I thought. BradHat openly flirts with Kitty but she "keeps him around" because Sonia loves him. Very icky. Presumably, he doesn't flirt with Kitty when Sonia is around. But that make the whole thing seem even more awful.
Is BradHat faking the whole vegan/ecology/anti-war thing just to be with Sonia while he's trying to get to Kitty? This could be the most emotionally charged strip that KM has ever done!
Awww, big, tough Keith is having jealousy and insecurity issues. And he's steamed about it. How dare Kitty make friends and acquaintances during his long absence?!
This jerk has become even less likable than Sonia.
Santa Royale/ neighboring city of Taft/ Goleta are hotbeds of self-righteous activism: Mary Worth heads up ALM (Ancient Lives Matter), Ian is active in UPAPT (Untenured Professors are People, Too), and Charterstone residents are involved in C.R.A.P.T.A. (Charterstone Residents Always Pay Their Assessments). In Taft, most residents are members of IYLITYGBD (If you live in Taft, you’ve gotta be daft), mainly a heavy-drinking social organization.
When Keith asked Goleta resident BradHat what he was rebelling against, Brad gave a Brando-esque response: ‘I dunno. Whaddya got?’
Chances are good that the Revolution will be postponed.
So now Keith’s suspicions are aroused? He accepts putative daughter Sonia without a shred of evidence, but BradHat is now Kitty’s boyfriend? I hate all these people. Not as much as Wilbur, of course, but it’s getting close.
@meg, if the Revolution does happen, it won’t be televised.
Thanks for the acronym fest, @ meg and MissScarlet. You two have more creativity in one little finger than KM has in her whole body. I realize that’s not saying much….
@fauxprof, imagine Keith and Wilbur together - Dumb and Dumber.
@MissScarlet, maybe @meg was envisioning a composite of Ian Cameron and Elon Musk. Holy Haggis!
Keith fits right into KM’s collection of Men to Avoid Forever. Wilbur’s at the head of that class, but if Keith continues his obnoxious behavior he’ll give Wilbur a run for his money.
I actually meany Elon Cameron, Ian’s much less attractive cousin. And Inwas inviting your choices, not expressing my own. Here’s the tiebreaker: Steve Bannon. Ted Cruz. Rudy Giuliani.
Well, I do believe we can add another notch in Kitty's stupid belt. I hope her job isn't coming up with the seating arrangements for a wedding planner.
Timing, friends, timing. KM is going to tie this all together with a nice holiday bow on top. Unless, of course, Sonia and Brad are soldiers in the War on Christmas..and Hanukkah…and Kwanzaa…and Winter Solstice…and Festivus…
Wait, not Festivus. There will be much airing of grievances.
Hilarity ensues at dinner when Keith shows up with a raw Porterhouse and demands that the womenfolk prepare it (rare, with blood dripping) and serve it to him.
I had an Impossible Burger at Burger King once. It tasted like a regular Burger King burger to me. But not even close to a good In N Out or a steak house burger.
BradHat looks so proud of Sonia. He might just smirk himself out of his hat.
@meg brings up a good point. Of all the MW characters we've seen in the past two or three years, how many are more likable than Brad and how many are less likable?
At worst, Brad's gotta be top three, no?
Well, at least for now. We don't know yet what KM is going to turn him into.
Umm... Excuse me, but could we rewind the film? I seemed to have missed the part where Keith arrived and Sonia's reaction to Kitty having invited him to dinner. Such as it is... Wouldn't even a 20-year-old realize that you don't serve burgers for dinner unless it's a summer BBQ?
hmmm…As the mother of an adult child, I am prepared to eat anything he calls “dinner” as long as he has shopped, cooked, served and cleaned up afterwards. Why, only this evening I said to Meg Jr., “ You really must give me this recipe for spicy Spam fingers and Krusty fries. “.
If KM thinks vegan cuisine equals ersatz burgers and fries, she needs to broaden her horizons. A lot….
Coming tomorrow: Driven by roid rage and an a lack of his regular red meat, Keith punches Brad in the face and then pulls off that knit hat. Sonia shrieks and Kitty wrings her hands.
Brad's smug expression suggests to me that perhaps, under the pretense of helping Sonia prepare the burgers, he slipped a little something extra into Keith's.
So Sonia’s dinner consisted of Bluff burgers and cheeze cake, but no vegetables. Did the berries grow on actual plants or did Sonia mold them with some chemical formula? And how does Kitty know what Play-Doh tastes like? Ugh….
I have relatives who are vegan and so sometimes cook for them. Cheese is quite the challenge; but vegan cream cheese isn't too terrible (if you can find it). Tofu doesn't really work well as a substitute (IMO) but lots of recipes use it. Berries and vanilla are perfectly OK, except for Keith, of course. Have never had a play-doh cake, but I've made lots of play-doh. Salt is required...which isn't typically in large amounts in cheese cake.
Maybe Sonia is a rotten cook and BradHat a much better actor than we think.
O Mary Worth, O Mary Worth Your daily doings thrill me The tedium and ennui Are here and always will be The muffins and the platitudes With Wilbur always crass and crude Where dogs are good, and Jeff’s a prude The boredom just may kill me
O Mary Worth, O Mary Worth With festive colors glowing There’s purple here and eggplant there No red or green is showing The colorist is colorblind And lilac ink is all we’ll find In crowds of violet humankind At least it isn’t snowing
Brava, brava! Fauxprof, thank you so much for this festive and inventive serenade.
And very happy holiday wishes to all the MW&me commenters. It’s going to be a bittersweet Yuletide season without Wanders’ posts and the Worthy Awards to look forward to - but it’s still a joy to read these comments and I hope we can find some way to keep limping along into the future with an occasional MW snark blog of some kind. I think you all are extremely cool fawning toads. Or toading fawns, or something.
fauxprof: Wonderful! Perfect! I am not a Christmas carol person whatsoever, but I do love your versions of the classics. As Dr. Cameron mentioned above, this will be a very sad year with no Worthy Awards to look forward to. I do wish all of you MW&Me diehards a very happy holiday and hope those of us left can carry on into the New Year.
The way BradHat is holding his spoon, it looks like he's about to drop that glop into the spit bucket he always hides by his feet whenever Sonia has him over for dinner.
Another brilliant carol by fauxprof - hurrah hurrah! Thank you for brightening our bittersweet get-together, as others have noted. I picture us singing together virtually, maybe “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (sigh).
On to today’s strip: It looks like Sonia’s non-festive dinner is concluding. As there are no dessert plates in evidence, it seems that everyone ate a wedge of cheezecake out of their hand. With three-quarters of that dessert remaining, I guess those were thin slices indeed.
MissScarlet, I’m hoping to find vegan cream cheese at Whole Foods today, fingers crossed.
fauxprof and meg- Thank you for brilliant parodies! Like all of you, I will miss the Worthy Awards. Keep up the excellent commentary. Together we can make the holidays hilarious.
Isn't it about time for Mary to string up some holly and invite her neighbor (Keith) over for a hearty burger? Unsettling that KM's choice of a Sunday quotation involved both Kurt Cobain and a reference to death..
My husband is vegetarian so I've done a lot of cooking with fake meat. It's actually not bad these days. It's also possible to make a decent vegan cheesecake. Keith is just being a weenie.
I'm still back on Sonia screaming her way out of Keith's apartment and now cooking up some veggie burgers for him at her mother's table. Seems to me the burgers aren't the only things that are "bluff" here...
@hmmm -- Hmmm, you could be right. Then Sonia and Brad will both have an epiphany and reject their authority-hating ways, coming to realize that some authority is necessary for a safe and orderly society. And the birds fluttering outside Mary's window will sing with joy.
Uh oh, “Good night, my Kitty Cat!” (smooch!)!? So BradHat insinuated himself with Sonia to get to Kitty. It seems to be working, too - Kitty only thinks “UGH!!” instead of belting BradHat, or pulling his hat over his face. Keep it up, BradHat!
Thanks for the recipe link, MissScarlet. I did find plant-based cream cheese at Whole Foods (pricey, natch). The vegan spinach dip turned out well and got an enthusiastic response, so it’s on the menu for our family Christmas gathering. I should send the recipe to KM. Keith might try a vegan dish that would pass muster with Popeye the Sailor Man.
Meanwhile, Keith drifts off to sleep thinking of ways to turn down dinner invitations from Kitty:
zzzz….getting a tattoo….washing my mustache….Police Academy class reunion….dining at Mary Worth’s….reinlisting in the Marines….buying larger shirts and pants….visiting my other baby mamma….DING DING DING! We have a winner!
MissScarlett: Thanks for finding Great Grandmary! Looks like she has a pumpkin on that plate- I’d love to see the panel where she applies the flaming brandy. I mean, what could be more festive than an exploding pumpkin?
MissScarlet, bravo! It’ll be so exciting when Great Grandmary suddenly drops the platter on the table, and shards of crockery and mincemeat fly everywhere!
Meanwhile, back in Taft, we note that Kitty has not paid her electric bill. Not only that, a rodent is clinging to her head.
Along with yesterdays strip: we are now officially in creepy land. There is something seriously wrong with BradHat. Sonia doesn't see this, right? So, she must be even dumber than Kitty (who doesn't even notice a rat on her head!).
OMG! Shades of Chekhov’s gun! Kitty says, “drop of a hat”. Brad wears a hat. What happens when he removes it? Sonia is grossed out by his early onset male pattern baldness? ORRRRR… Is he recovering from chemo, and Sonia is revealed to be both compassionate and loyal. Even big tuff Keith will be touched. A Christmas miracle! Kisses under the mistletoe for everyone!- except Dr. Jeff. And Wilbur. And Mary. And Dawn. And Mr. Allora.
"Stand in my way? Stand in my way?!! Listen, meathead, so far I haven't even given you permission to stand on my porch, never mind in my way. So, in the meantime while I'm thinking about it, why don't you go out and buy yourself a balaclava to cover up that ridiculous, outdated moustache, and maybe I'll consider it. The porch, dude... not in my way."
Keith, that something inside you that came alive was your microbiome’s reaction to Sonia’s dinner. Your gut is oso accustomed to McRonald’s, so it was bound to happen.
Worthiverse friends, we’re approaching a thousand comments on this post from June (the month, not the artist). Looks like Wanders has made his retirement permanent. I still miss him (sigh).
What I want to know is- will Mary put leaves in her dining table, or will it still be the same pathetic sixsome scrunched together at the far end? C’mon, Mary, throw another muffin-stuffed bird in the oven! Make it a December to remember- who knows where you’ll be this time next year? Dum-de-dum-dum…
Sonia thinks she loves Brad, Brad’s chasing Kitty, and Kitty is clueless. Yes, the three of them will be very happy together.
Meanwhile, at Mary’s tomorrow, it’ll be a rerun of Thanksgiving, with Toby and Chinbeard, Dawn and Wilbur, and Jeff grinning at Mary’s culinary skills. No Iris and Zak celebrating their first married Christmas, no Estelle and Ed and their cats and dog, etc. etc.
Brad is looking for a mother figure. For many years he lived with his grandmother, a muffin-baking old biddie who was interested in everyone else’s business- everyone but Brad’s that is. She never attended any of his tap dancing recitals, nor his theremin concerts, nor his pottery demonstrations. Nor any of his anti-meat meetings. One day Brad disappeared, and his grandmother assumed he had gotten married (or kidnapped). Brad had actually settled in the neighboring city of Taft and was supporting himself by being a hat model. Will there be a happy Christmas reunion? Oh, hell no.
Merry Christmas everyone! The past year has been a delight reading and responding to your fabulous posts. Perhaps Santa will give us the gift of Wanders return for the New Year. It is great to be part of such an interesting family.
Yesss! For the 8th holiday in a row, Karen has phoned it in! Way to go, Karen! What’s your motivation? Is it lack of time, or money? Just what drives you to disappoint your fans this way? Karen: I guess I just can’t resist sticking it to those suckers! Me: Oh, well, okay. Just so we know…
Well gee willikers, was I wrong! Mary’s spending Christmas with her favorite person, herself, gazing into the sky and watching the star come to rest over Santa Royale.
Thanks for the gift of your pithy and hilarious comments, everyone! God bless us, and Wanders and his family,, everyone!
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Maybe Kitty’s scheming to marry Keith and then get access to his military and police academy pensions. Payback for 20 years of no support from dad! Keith is so credulous, e.g., he accepted Sonia as his daughter with no evidence, that should be a snap. Clink!
I don't think this could get any more boring. Sonia? Mary? Heck, I'd settle for Wilbur at this point.
Miss Scarlett,
You are so right. Be careful what you ask for, of course, Wilbur would at least be inept enough to provide some entertainment.
Even "dogs are good" would beat the current story line.
“The town has a variety of terrain, with beaches for swimming and mountains for hiking…”
“It’s healthy to keep active in retirement.”
And the snoozefest continues. This dialogue is being written by artificial non-intelligence.
Keith babbles on: "I've even learned to speak a new language: Banal Platitudinese. I see you're also fluent in it."
-- Scottie
P.S. Gotta push back a little here, folks. This is still better than anything featuring Wilbur. Everything is better than anything featuring Wilbur.
I have a theory. KM is trying to get the strip cancelled, or at least to get out of her contract. The last time something halfway interesting happened was when Wilbur went head first off the bow of a cruise ship.
It's healthy to exercise in retirement? You don't say! Guess everyone should wait until they are 65 or so, right?
And as Thunderheels so aptly put it, dogs are good.
Tame, tame horses, they'll ride them next week...And I finally see how Sonia's Attitude will be "broken" : *she*, it will be revealed, loves horses too, so as one happy family they will ride into the sunset.
I wonder if Keith will do a 'Fabio' impersonation and make Kitty swoon with desire. Nah, that would be too racy.
Maybe Kitty will fall off her horse, hit her head, suffer amnesia and Keith will get a do-over. Hmmm...but what about Sonia....no, that won't work.
Does Mary ride? They probably need a chaperone. The horses would love her carrot muffins.
Curious minds await.
Gram loved horses.
Let’s hope they both ride off into the sunset and are never heard from again.
We’ll rip my jeans, they went from banalities at lunch to horseback riding overnight. KM can squeeze in some plot development when she wants to, apparently.
June’s been waiting all year for a chance to draw horses. Nice work, June.
Wait, wait, HORSES? Did someone say “Wilbur”?
June draws horses beautifully. Let us hope that KM doesn’t present her with an occasion for the horses doing yoga with Keith and Kitty.
A lot of things are coming back to me now. ?? Barf!
Remember years ago in MW and Me, the horses smoking cigarettes?
When quoting a song do you give credit to the songwriter or to the singer because the Céline Dion song being mentioned on Sunday was written by Jim Steinman of Meatloaf?
Guessing game: Who will be at Mary’s Thanksgiving table?
Third panel - Sonia runs up to the two of them and says: "Dad I realized you were right all along and I've just joined the Marines; Semper Fi!"
@meg, I think Toby and Chinbeard will be included at Mary’s Thanksgiving table - that’s why Toby materialized today. At first I thought Toby was holding a vodka stinger but it turned out to be a muffin. Mary’s gearing up for a big blab about Mr. Hillend and his INTRIGUING personal history. Toby will be all ears!
BTW, of course, Jeff will be at the Thanksgiving table, and I expect Wilbur and Dawn too. June may recycle a past Thanksgiving strip.
@Frank Booth, I’d love to see that third panel!
Is tomorrow the day someone falls off horsie? Reminiscent of the Piccadee Falls episode…
Will we be seeing Mrs. Kitty Hillend at Mary's Thanksgiving table!?
"I'm more intrigued by his personal history, which I recently weaseled out of him, and I can't wait to stick my nose in his future business!"
-- Scottie
Finally found a cure for my insomnia,
Like @meg, Piccadee Falls popped into my mind too. I picture Keith and Kitty’s horses, Trigger and Buttermilk, galloping to the edge of Zak’s Cliff, coming to a sudden stop, and neighing happily as Keith and Kitty tumble off and over the edge. How do you say “Farewell to those dolts!” in equine language?
KitKat:
At the last possible second, Keith grabs hold of “Trigger’s” tail, and Kitty is clutching Keith’s ankle.
Keith: Hold on tight, Kitty!
Kitty: DUHHH…
Trigger: (Let go of my tail, you glassbowl! Roy never touched me like that, and I’m darned if I let you do it!)
And, furthermore, (in horse language) {]<¥£|€!><…~§!!!
Just as we all expected, it’s KM’s annual recycling of “Happy Thanksgiving! From Mary and friends!” Now the Westons and the professor can go back in the discards bin, and Jeff can disappear until the next semiannual dinner at the Bum Boat and sundown cruise. See ya (maybe)!
Mary’s going to have to put that platter on top of her Splak casserole, and she’ll knock down a row of wine glasses in the process.
Happy Thanksgiving, MW & Me stalwarts!
What a disappointment! I was hoping we'd see Iris and Zak, Estelle and her veterinarian friend, and Wilbur and some painted lady snapping gum and wearing fishnet stockings named Roxy who is delighted to learn that this afternoon's trick includes a sumptuous meal first.
I echo KitKat in wishing all of us here a very happy day.
-- Scottie
@Scottie - Agreed! Was hoping for some more interesting peeps at a much larger table. Oh well, guess that would cut down on all the gossiping they will be doing.
Happy T-Day to everyone:-)
Only one side? What goes better with overdone, piping hot turkey than Mary’s stale-muffin-crumb casserole.
After the interval at Mary’s table, we’re back to normal. Toby is about to smooch another muffin (she’s looking at it the way she looked at Ian when they first met - eeesh) and Keith and Kitty, who haven’t gone riding in decades, gallop across the range like Roy and Dale.
Keith getting lucky with her mother is how they got themselves into this situation.
-- Scottie
Keith needs to be careful.
Keith: It has been a while since either of us have ridden.
Kitty: I know, but it is like riding a bike only taller, you never forget.
Keith: Still...
Kitty: Try to catch me.
Keith: Oh, *#%@
Kitty: (Falling) I think my back is broken. (Now paralyzed from the waist down)
Fast forward five years:
Keith: Dammit, five years of taking care of her is enough!
Kitty: I am so glad I have you to take care of me!
Keith: Uh, huh.
Nicely done, Thunderheels! Someone call KM and tell her she's been replaced!
What we didn’t see at Mary’s Thanksgiving:
Max, Greta, and Pierre stealthily ate all the turkey leftovers, spoiling Mary’s plan to use them for creamed turkey goulash the following day.
Wilbur selfishly took all the pumpkin pie scraps and the green bean casserole home to enjoy later.
Mr. Allora prank-called the gathering every five minutes (Do you have Prince Albert in a can, is your refrigerator running, your ton of horse manure has been delivered on your front lawn) until Ian answered the phone and swore vigorously, “Damn ye to heel, ye loosy crenk-callin’ son a ay hoor!” Mr. Allora: “My work here is done; now for an Aperol Spritz.”
Keith and Kitty make kissy face noises at the table.
Dawn and Sonia meet, fall in love, and leave hand in hand.
Toby offered to pluck Mary’s chin hairs with tweezers.
Some one spilled water on Dr. Jeff and he screamed, I’m melting, I’m melting, and he was never seen again (until Christmas dinner).
Mary burned her buns while baking muffins.
@meg, you’ve outdone yourself! That is brilliant! The Dawn-Sonia storyline in particular is just what KM needs to rocket herself into the 21st century.
Thanks, KitKat- I’m always happy when Ian finds an opportunity- nay, an obligation- to swear.
"You see Toby, this morning I broke into the stable where they had reserved their horses. Don't ask me how I knew that. Anyway, I injected those horses with a powerful toxin that will cause them to become terribly ill right about now. And by now, Keith and his former girlfriend are likely so far out in the country that they will be unable to summon help. This will force them to rely on each other to survive, and it will bring them closer together. It's kind of a shame about the horses, but meddling ain't beanbag."
-- Scottie
Keith’s arms are getting bigger; his head is getting smaller, …….and he’s not wearing PANTS! Where’s the deus ex machina when you need her?
Meanwhile…nothing continues to happen.
Up next- Horses are good.
meg, Scottie- excellent.
Stay tuned for the horse v. dog debate.
Oh, so wonderful! I've been out of touch for a few days, but I absolutely loved reading all of your comments (my family is wondering what the hell I'm laughing about). I am so thankful for all of you!
“My ride home bailed on me!”
“No worries, Kitty. You can go back to the stable, saddle up Buttermilk, and ride her home. Or, you can take a Buber or a Plyft.”
The plot thins.
-- Scottie
Uh Oh!
@Scottie, bingo! In the spirit of the season, this plot is thinning to the consistency of Scrooge’s gruel.
Meg. Your Thanksgiving comments were laugh out loud funny!
Buber or Plyft made me laugh so hard!
Steve:
You’re easily pleased!
Meg
Hmmm....could Kitty have deliberately managed for her ride to bail on her? It's kinda weird that she would depend on someone else for a 200+ mile round trip. Perhaps this is the prelude to the Sonia blow-up that we all know (hope?) is coming. Will Sonia catch them in bed? Hmmm..kinda racy. Maybe just canoodling on the couch.
Maybe this is how we find out about Kitty’s financial situation? Perhaps her car has been repossessed…and she’s being evicted for non-payment of rent…. And she REALLY REALLY needs a place to live with her daughter. This would bring the Odd non-family family into Charterstone- which needs new blood! Will Mary make them welcome?
Oh, is that a cute little black puppy dog looking out the window? Horses, love, music, and a dog! Bring this story home, Mary, as only you can do- by taking credit!
MissScarlet, it looks like instead of catching them canoodling on the couch, Sonia will hear Mom and Dad belting from five miles away, even with the Jeep’s windows closed. I’m with you and meg - Kitty’s about-face was fishy. Maybe KM is resurrecting her scheming-woman plots, a la Nola Wolvenson and Drunken Jill. Of course, those two fun baddies got their comeuppances.
Oooh, KitKat, I like where your mind is going!
“OK, Sonia, here’s the scam. I have an ex-boyfriend who’s dumber than a box of rocks. You’re about the right age to pass yourself off as his long-lost daughter. He’ll never even question you or ask for some kind of proof. You blow up on him and storm out, and then he’s sure to call me. I’ll reel him and his juicy pension in, and we’re set!”
“But Kitty, I’m not even YOUR daughter!”
“That’s Mom, not Kitty, and what about Scam don’t you understand?”
Are those two giant land clams, ahem, canoodling right next to the road? Scandalous!
-- Scottie
fauxprof and KitKat, you are wonderfully devious! I smell karaoke in the future of these two as they discover how much they have in common.
Today’s panel 1: Uh oh, looks like Keith’s Jeep has had a blown tire or tires on the driver’s side.
Panel 2: A translation is needed for “Remember that Stevie Wonder concert you had me to go to?” Did KM zone out when she wrote this? Was whoever letters the strip so bored that words were omitted, e.g., “Remember that Stevie Wonder concert you had to force me to go to?”
@fauxprof, your version of MW would be fabulous.
Hmm, could that "unforgettable" Stevie Wonder concert have resulted in the petulant Sonia?
Whoa! Stevie Wonder quote box on Sunday presages Stevie Wonder reference today! We see you working, KM.
-- Scottie
All this reminiscing! I'd like to hear them recalling why they broke up. Remember when you forced me to go to that concert and I pouted for days? Remember when I sang so off key in the concert that they threw me out? Remember when I balked at using birth control? Ah, yes! Those were the days!
Keith is "old fashioned" about walking a woman to her door in broad daylight in the suburbs? More like he's just clumsy about wangling an invitation to go inside Kitty's house. I am relieved that at least today his head appears to be proportional to the rest of his body...
Coincidence of coincidences, I have been listening to the Rolling Stones’ new album, “Hackney Diamonds,” and Stevie Wonder plays piano on “Sweet Sounds of Heaven.” You can’t make this stuff up, friends.
As Kitty invites Keith in for a steaming cup of Sanka, Sonia steps out of the shadows holding a baseball bat.
Yes! KitKat! I sincerely hope Sonia will make an appearance tomorrow. As Keith leans in for a good-bye kiss....WHAM. Could be kinda awkward for Kitty, though.
Good golly, are those needle marks on Keith’s forearms? Has he been using PEDs again? That would explain his inflated appearance.
Those two are not much for conversation, are they? Zzzzzzzzzz….
No Sonia appearance yet. Do we have to wait for the second date or will KM spring it on us tomorrow?
"I'll walk you to your door, Kitty."
"No need, it's right there."
"I SAID . . . I'll walk you to your door, Kitty."
"Um okay. Well, Gee, thanks again. I had fun."
"I'll walk you to your bedroom, Kitty."
"Umm, boy, that's really not necessary."
"I SAID . . ."
Suddenly, Sonia parachutes in out of nowhere and administers a forceful knee to the desire, and follows it up with a pepper spray facial.
"Ha haaa! I'm Army Ranger, Navy SEAL, and L.A. SWAT team, you pathetic weakling! Now get in your lame little Jeep and beat it, Wimper Fi!"
-- Scottie
“You have beautiful eyes.”
“Thank you. And your mustache looks like the bottom inch and a half of a paintbrush.”
So now Kitty remembers....good things, I guess? Apparently not why she thought it best to break it off with Keith and keep the baby a secret.
And it looks like she's doing ok economically, so she's not after Keith's pension. I mean, she has a house and Keith is renting. That's a big deal in California.
I can't help thinking that Kitty may not be that bright. That would go a long way to explaining Sonia too.
Your eyes are the same blue as my official Goleta PD undershirt, and your golden hair is the same color as my official Marine brass ammo, and…
Sorry, Keith, gotta go, my hair’s not gonna wash itself.
Wait a minute, that’s just what you said the last time I saw you after the Mr. Wonder concert!
Kitty and Keith play a favorite game from the early days of their romance, where Kitty tries to trick Keith into saying more than three words, or a complete sentence. Ha ha, she got him in today’s penultimate panel!
If that’s Sonia’s voice in the last panel, we can tell she’s a brat because she calls her mother by her name.She needs counseling with Mary.
Ahem...we all called it. Unfortunately, I don't see a baseball bat in the background.
Hmmm….If Kitty hasn’t ridden in years, then why does she have a proper riding outfit, with jodhpurs and boots, while Keith is just wearing his Big and Tall dad pants and sneakers? And Kitty seems to be using an English-style saddle, while expert rider Keith uses a Western one. I’m quite concerned about this, but June Brigham hasn’t returned any of my two dozen calls over the last couple of days. Hmmmph!
@KitKat, meg, and MissScarlett -- you are all hilarious!
-- Scottie
Well, that’s either Huntz Hall of The Bowery Boys, or Sonia’s fraternal twin, or someone Keith arrested when he was with the police academy. I can’t wait to find out!
Well, surprise surprise, and Kitty gets to “It’s NOT what you think” in a nanosecond. And we thought the only fly in the ointment was Sonia. Could Brad be Kitty’s former fiancé? Debonair, isn’t he?
@meg, Huntz Hall - hee hee hee hee!
I may be grasping at straws, here, but this could get interesting…or at least as interesting as KM’s writing ever gets.
KitKat- you’re showing your age! ( My grandma told me all about the Bowery Boys.)
This is really a promising event. I hope it doesn’t become just another episode of Disappointing Denouement Theater:
He’s her nephew. He’s a young man she mentored at work. He’s her pool boy. He’s one of her patrons at a ‘Gentlemen’s Club’ dropping off a fresh stack of one dollar bills. He’s Sonia’s partner in a comedy act- Sonia is hilarious, BTW. He’s a young member of the New Whig Party, canvassing for votes. He’s collecting protection money. He’s an insurance salesman. He’s selling Bibles.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking (and what Keith is thinking)?!
"Disappointing Denouement Theater"! Outstanding, meg! Judging from the cap Brad is wearing, I'm guessing it's safe to assume he isn't Kitty's financial planner either.
After Keith pounds the interloper into pulp, Kitty says, "Um, Keith, that's my brother."
"Oh. Well, he probably deserved it anyway."
-- Scottie
So, no baseball bat; no Sonia...but Brad and he's not boring! Just look at all the possiblities Meg came up with! For the umteenth time, I wish KM read this blog.
Maybe Brad is Sonia's dad. Poor timing, Brad. Sonia was just about to cash in on Sonia's dyed hair.
Terrific comments today, people. You are firing on all cylinders!
Woo Hoo! Something unexpected!
Brad could be Kitty-Cat’s Eldin. (It’s been a looonnngg time for Murphy Brown, folks. I had to Google the details.)
@meg, does reading Mary Worth at 12:28 a.m. keep you awake, or help you sleep?
KitKat, I can't help wondering if KM perhaps reads this blog and dubbed Sonia's mom "Kitty Cat" in your honor. I'm guessing Brad's next comment will be, "You know, KittyCat, we could use your help staffing the tee shirt booth at the Socialist Workers' Christmas bazaar."
KitKat@7:58: Yes.
I see that Brad continues to be quite distasteful. Better than boring. However, as the Comics Curmudgeon has pointed out, that hat is ridiculous. It was 80 degrees here yesterday and Keith has rolled up sleeves. Hmm, I guess he could be losing his hair? But he's certainly not protecting a 'fro. Is he trying to project an image of a rebel? That's kinda sad.
“I’ll call you and explain TOMORROW, Keith. It’ll take me that long to come up with a reasonably plausible excuse. Now, isn’t it time for you to drive back to Santa Royale?”
@MissScarlet, a co-worker of mine for many years was a guy who wore a black knit hat every day. It always looked the same, so it wasn’t clear if it was the same hat or if he had a number of identical hats. Everyone wondered “What’s the deal with the hat?” but never asked him; he was usually cordial but an oddball too. (He had complained to HR a couple of times about alleged slights which had no basis in fact, so people were leery of antagonizing him.) His supervisors didn’t ask about the hat either, for the same reason, I think.
Maybe it's just his "thing" like it was for Michael Nesmith of the Monkees.
KM had to stop the explanation from Kitty until she has had a chance to go over Meg's list from a few days ago so she can decide just who (what?) Brad really is.
@KitKat: that sounds like it might fit Brad. Definitely an oddball, not very cordial, but we'll probably never learn about the hat either.
Man, these people irritate easily. Sonia and KittyKat both hated Keith at first sight, and now Keith shows up and immediately hates Hat Guy. Can't wait 'til they're all together in one big bickerfest.
-- Scottie
Seems to me Keith has three choices for his response:
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow?!! What's the hell's wrong with right this @#$*&# minute?!"
"No explanation necessary, Kitty. Your life and those in it are totally none of my business."
"How come that guy's nose looks just like Sonia's?"
P.S. - Good catch, Frank Booth!
It took Kitty a day and a half to come up with “He’s just a friend!” and throw it on Sonia. Unimaginative, isn’t she? That makes her par for the course in the Worthiverse.
Keith could’ve come up with a more emphatic response, too, like “?!” Snore….
That's the barest mantletop I've ever seen.
-- Scottie
Looks like Keith has been practicing his phone holding skills. Perhaps he will be able to give Kitty some pointers.
So, she tolerates BradHat because....he was Sonia's babysitter and she's still attached to him? Sonia has a crush on him but he only likes Kitty-Cat? Sonia gave BradHat everything on the mantle but Kitty is hoping he'll give it back soon?
The obvious plot line is that Sonia wants her mom to hook up with BradHat. Yuck! However, that goes back to my original assumption. Kitty is kinda dumb. Why else would she keep him around? Just so she doesn't have to listen to Sonia complain?
Sheesh!
Sonia and BradHat (good moniker, MissScarlet!) are trying to do positive things for planet Earth. In Keith’s eyes, and maybe KM’s, that makes them loopy wackos at best and dangerous rebels at worst. What’s wrong with this picture?
Good observation on Kitty’s mantle, Scottie. I was so focused on Keith and Kitty’s phone holding that I missed that.
Thanks, KitKat!
Voice dripping with disdain, Keith continues: "And I suppose they're also against injustice!
-- Scottie
This is even creepier than I thought. BradHat openly flirts with Kitty but she "keeps him around" because Sonia loves him. Very icky. Presumably, he doesn't flirt with Kitty when Sonia is around. But that make the whole thing seem even more awful.
Is BradHat faking the whole vegan/ecology/anti-war thing just to be with Sonia while he's trying to get to Kitty? This could be the most emotionally charged strip that KM has ever done!
Now, how will she ruin it?
"I had a good time too Kitty... or should I say Kitty Cat?"
Awww, big, tough Keith is having jealousy and insecurity issues. And he's steamed about it. How dare Kitty make friends and acquaintances during his long absence?!
This jerk has become even less likable than Sonia.
-- Scottie
Santa Royale/ neighboring city of Taft/ Goleta are hotbeds of self-righteous activism: Mary Worth heads up ALM (Ancient Lives Matter), Ian is active in UPAPT (Untenured Professors are People, Too), and Charterstone residents are involved in C.R.A.P.T.A. (Charterstone Residents Always Pay Their Assessments). In Taft, most residents are members of IYLITYGBD (If you live in Taft, you’ve gotta be daft), mainly a heavy-drinking social organization.
When Keith asked Goleta resident BradHat what he was rebelling against, Brad gave a Brando-esque response: ‘I dunno. Whaddya got?’
Chances are good that the Revolution will be postponed.
And there you have it! KM has decided that this will be a simple jealousy-based-on-nothing scenario that we have seen many times before.
Keith will start a support group for JACOBs (Jealous Adults Complaining Over Boyfriends). @Thanks Meg.
So now Keith’s suspicions are aroused? He accepts putative daughter Sonia without a shred of evidence, but BradHat is now Kitty’s boyfriend? I hate all these people. Not as much as Wilbur, of course, but it’s getting close.
@meg, if the Revolution does happen, it won’t be televised.
Thanks for the acronym fest, @ meg and MissScarlet. You two have more creativity in one little finger than KM has in her whole body. I realize that’s not saying much….
@fauxprof, imagine Keith and Wilbur together - Dumb and Dumber.
KitKat- I would love to see a picture of Wilbur and Keith together! It would be like the ad for Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Twins”.
Oh for cripes sake, this clown really needs to get over himself.
-- Scottie
Sunday: Keith is breathing through his mouth while thinking, in the last panel. I can hear his upper plate rattling.
Jealousy is never a good look. Even on the Hulk. I too am disappointed.
Kiss. Marry. Kill.
Keith
Wilbur
Saul
George Clooney
Ian Musk
Randy Quaid
Ted Nugent
King Charles
Mick Jagger
@meg: Ian?? Maybe Elon?
Are these in order?
You would kill Mick Jagger? You would marry Wilbur?? I don't believe it!
I have to admit, I can't remember who Saul is. Oh wait! Dogs are good! I think I'd kill Wilbur.
@MissScarlet, maybe @meg was envisioning a composite of Ian Cameron and Elon Musk. Holy Haggis!
Keith fits right into KM’s collection of Men to Avoid Forever. Wilbur’s at the head of that class, but if Keith continues his obnoxious behavior he’ll give Wilbur a run for his money.
I actually meany Elon Cameron, Ian’s much less attractive cousin. And Inwas inviting your choices, not expressing my own. Here’s the tiebreaker: Steve Bannon. Ted Cruz. Rudy Giuliani.
@meg, neither “kiss” nor “marry” are options with that trio. Instead, it’s a one-way visit to Piccadee Falls and a “See ya!!”
On to today’s thrilling installment: Better set places for Sonia and Brad tomorrow, Kitty-Cat.
Piccadee Falls! Yeah! Good Times.
Well how about that, Kitty IS setting places for Sonia and Brad at her All in the Family dinner! It will be so much fun!
Well, I do believe we can add another notch in Kitty's stupid belt. I hope her job isn't coming up with the seating arrangements for a wedding planner.
What?! And by that Keith means invite anyone you want but how could you forget to invite Mary!!
Let the passive-agressive dinnertable conversation begin!
-- Scottie
Cute that Keith thinks this could be an opportunity to bond with Sonia. She left him so warm and fuzzy the last (the first?) time he saw her, right?
I see Keith having to defend himself against both of Brad and Sonia. Kitty, being stupid of course, will do nothing.
Could be entertaining. I hope there are muffins to throw.
"By the way, we're having broccoli and cauliflower paste on milled sorghum bread. Hope you like it!"
-- Scottie
Timing, friends, timing. KM is going to tie this all together with a nice holiday bow on top. Unless, of course, Sonia and Brad are soldiers in the War on Christmas..and Hanukkah…and Kwanzaa…and Winter Solstice…and Festivus…
Wait, not Festivus. There will be much airing of grievances.
Hilarity ensues at dinner when Keith shows up with a raw Porterhouse and demands that the womenfolk prepare it (rare, with blood dripping) and serve it to him.
Kitty's the reason we have warning labels on everything.
Why? Sonia wants back-up. That's why.
A burger on a plate? Sonia’s not much of a cook, vegan or non-vegan. The only side will be a political argument.
You should have known??? What, did you actually think they were going to get real meat? If so, you are dumber than a complete set of barbells.
-- Scottie
I had an Impossible Burger at Burger King once. It tasted like a regular Burger King burger to me. But not even close to a good In N Out or a steak house burger.
BradHat looks so proud of Sonia. He might just smirk himself out of his hat.
MissScarlett, are you trying to make those of us who live in a burger desert feel bad? Wendy’s is our top shelf brand.
I think Brad looks like a nice guy. I like him better than any other MW character already. Even Sonia seems pleasant when he is near.
@meg brings up a good point. Of all the MW characters we've seen in the past two or three years, how many are more likable than Brad and how many are less likable?
At worst, Brad's gotta be top three, no?
Well, at least for now. We don't know yet what KM is going to turn him into.
-- Scottie
Umm... Excuse me, but could we rewind the film? I seemed to have missed the part where Keith arrived and Sonia's reaction to Kitty having invited him to dinner. Such as it is... Wouldn't even a 20-year-old realize that you don't serve burgers for dinner unless it's a summer BBQ?
hmmm…As the mother of an adult child, I am prepared to eat anything he calls “dinner” as long as he has shopped, cooked, served and cleaned up afterwards. Why, only this evening I said to Meg Jr., “ You really must give me this recipe for spicy Spam fingers and Krusty fries. “.
The key to getting through this, Keith, is 10 ounces of ketchup.
-- Scottie
Careful there Keith. You look very convincing. That's how you get served seconds.
Sorry Meg about the burger thing. Didn't mean to gloat. I only allow myself one a year now anyway. Delicious, but not all that healthy.
If KM thinks vegan cuisine equals ersatz burgers and fries, she needs to broaden her horizons. A lot….
Coming tomorrow: Driven by roid rage and an a lack of his regular red meat, Keith punches Brad in the face and then pulls off that knit hat. Sonia shrieks and Kitty wrings her hands.
Is it worse than Army food, Keith? Worse than bluff on a board? Or cream chipped bluff on a shingle?
This conversation sounds like something a couple of 10-year-olds would have.
-- Scottie
Fries too? This meal RIVALS McRonalds!
“Fawning toad”? There’s some writin right there! Still, it made me laugh, so thank you, KM.
Oh, how about Frendy's? Or maybe Burger Queen? Or B & X? Four Guys? Fright Castle?
Really now, BradHat will surely smirk himself out of that hat (yes, go right ahead and call him 'Shirley').
I don't mind the hat. Maybe he gets cold when it drops below 80 degrees. But shouldn't he take it off in the house?
Keith I Am
I am Keith.
Hungry I ain’t.
Won’t eat these burgers, no, I can’t.
Would you like them on a dish?
Would you like them with a fish?
Would you eat them in a car?
Would you, could you in a bar?
Would you eat them on the road?
Could you share with a fawning toad?
Would you eat them with a llama?
Or with your lovely baby momma?
Would you eat them here or there?
Would you eat them anywhere?
Not on a dish,
Not with a fish,
Not in a car,
Not at a bar,
Not on the road,
Not with a toad,
Not with a llama (or a lama),
Not with a momma.
I do not like burgers called ‘bluff’.
How can anyone eat this stuff?
Would you eat them with Mary Worth?
Not if it’s the last food on earth!
I’d never eat them with that biddie,
Even if you begged me, Kitty.
So I think I’ll just go home,
And order a Big Ron from my phone.
Thank you all for so much fun,
But I gotta go and buy some Tums!
OMG, IS IT GREEN?
Brad's smug expression suggests to me that perhaps, under the pretense of helping Sonia prepare the burgers, he slipped a little something extra into Keith's.
The only redeeming thing about MW is the comments section—especially when meg breaks out in a Seussian rhapsody!
Maybe if you'd wear a knit cap at the dinner table you'd be considered "cool" too Keith!
Soylent?
I hope they aren't green! Then they wouldn't actually be vegan...
fauxprof: Have we hope of one of your parodies this week? We’ll take an IOU if necessary!
So Sonia’s dinner consisted of Bluff burgers and cheeze cake, but no vegetables. Did the berries grow on actual plants or did Sonia mold them with some chemical formula? And how does Kitty know what Play-Doh tastes like? Ugh….
Wait a minute, it is Play-Doh!!!
I have relatives who are vegan and so sometimes cook for them. Cheese is quite the challenge; but vegan cream cheese isn't too terrible (if you can find it). Tofu doesn't really work well as a substitute (IMO) but lots of recipes use it. Berries and vanilla are perfectly OK, except for Keith, of course. Have never had a play-doh cake, but I've made lots of play-doh. Salt is required...which isn't typically in large amounts in cheese cake.
Maybe Sonia is a rotten cook and BradHat a much better actor than we think.
Okay, meg, you asked for it.
To the tune of “O Christmas Tree”
O Mary Worth, O Mary Worth
Your daily doings thrill me
The tedium and ennui
Are here and always will be
The muffins and the platitudes
With Wilbur always crass and crude
Where dogs are good, and Jeff’s a prude
The boredom just may kill me
O Mary Worth, O Mary Worth
With festive colors glowing
There’s purple here and eggplant there
No red or green is showing
The colorist is colorblind
And lilac ink is all we’ll find
In crowds of violet humankind
At least it isn’t snowing
Brava, brava! Fauxprof, thank you so much for this festive and inventive serenade.
And very happy holiday wishes to all the MW&me commenters. It’s going to be a bittersweet Yuletide season without Wanders’ posts and the Worthy Awards to look forward to - but it’s still a joy to read these comments and I hope we can find some way to keep limping along into the future with an occasional MW snark blog of some kind. I think you all are extremely cool fawning toads. Or toading fawns, or something.
fauxprof: BEST EVAH! The scanning is exquisite.
fauxprof: Wonderful! Perfect! I am not a Christmas carol person whatsoever, but I do love your versions of the classics. As Dr. Cameron mentioned above, this will be a very sad year with no Worthy Awards to look forward to. I do wish all of you MW&Me diehards a very happy holiday and hope those of us left can carry on into the New Year.
Superb comments, everyone. You all made me smile!
The way BradHat is holding his spoon, it looks like he's about to drop that glop into the spit bucket he always hides by his feet whenever Sonia has him over for dinner.
-- Scottie
Another brilliant carol by fauxprof - hurrah hurrah! Thank you for brightening our bittersweet get-together, as others have noted. I picture us singing together virtually, maybe “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (sigh).
On to today’s strip: It looks like Sonia’s non-festive dinner is concluding. As there are no dessert plates in evidence, it seems that everyone ate a wedge of cheezecake out of their hand. With three-quarters of that dessert remaining, I guess those were thin slices indeed.
MissScarlet, I’m hoping to find vegan cream cheese at Whole Foods today, fingers crossed.
Kitty: Sonia, thanks for making dinner, but this stuff tastes like Play-Doh.
Keith: Sonia, the bluff burger tastes like soft-serve cement.
Brad: Sonia, I agree with them, but I was just trying to get into your…mindset.
Sonia: You fools! Soylent green is people, people, and Soylent pink is baby squirrels. Mwahhahahahahaha!
fauxprof and meg- Thank you for brilliant parodies!
Like all of you, I will miss the Worthy Awards.
Keep up the excellent commentary.
Together we can make the holidays hilarious.
Isn't it about time for Mary to string up some holly and invite her neighbor (Keith) over for a hearty burger? Unsettling that KM's choice of a Sunday quotation involved both Kurt Cobain and a reference to death..
My husband is vegetarian so I've done a lot of cooking with fake meat. It's actually not bad these days. It's also possible to make a decent vegan cheesecake. Keith is just being a weenie.
Here's hoping that Keith and Kitty will bump into each other in about an hour at Tennessee Fried Chicken.
-- Scottie
Oh fauxprof!! Loved your carol! Well done!
@Kitkat, if you don't have luck at Whole Foods, you can do it yourself.
https://simple-veganista.com/vegan-cream-cheese/.
Meanwhile, I sure hope that is FairTrade coffee they are drinking.
Huh, you say something Kitty? I'm much too busy staring dagger eyes at Bradhat to pay attention to you.
I'm still back on Sonia screaming her way out of Keith's apartment and now cooking up some veggie burgers for him at her mother's table. Seems to me the burgers aren't the only things that are "bluff" here...
"Oh, Brad, you're so groovy!
[retch]
-- Scottie
Blarg! I'm ready to slap BradHat myself.
Brad has gotten 15 years older and 100% creepier over the last few days. Must be the vegan effect.
Okay, let's cut to the chase and vote. Whose life will Keith save with his military/police officer training? I vote: Brad.
@hmmm -- Hmmm, you could be right. Then Sonia and Brad will both have an epiphany and reject their authority-hating ways, coming to realize that some authority is necessary for a safe and orderly society. And the birds fluttering outside Mary's window will sing with joy.
-- Scottie
Wait, is that the meal? No conversation about anything but veggie burgers? No coffee, dessert?
Uh oh, “Good night, my Kitty Cat!” (smooch!)!? So BradHat insinuated himself with Sonia to get to Kitty. It seems to be working, too - Kitty only thinks “UGH!!” instead of belting BradHat, or pulling his hat over his face. Keep it up, BradHat!
Thanks for the recipe link, MissScarlet. I did find plant-based cream cheese at Whole Foods (pricey, natch). The vegan spinach dip turned out well and got an enthusiastic response, so it’s on the menu for our family Christmas gathering. I should send the recipe to KM. Keith might try a vegan dish that would pass muster with Popeye the Sailor Man.
Give June this, she knows how to draw a smug smile. BradHat is rivaling Wilbur for most annoying character.
Looks like Kitty has some "splainin' to do"...
Meanwhile, Keith drifts off to sleep thinking of ways to turn down dinner invitations from Kitty:
zzzz….getting a tattoo….washing my mustache….Police Academy class reunion….dining at Mary Worth’s….reinlisting in the Marines….buying larger shirts and pants….visiting my other baby mamma….DING DING DING! We have a winner!
I’m getting “Blue Velvet” vibes from the Kitty-Brad-Sonia dynamic.
Surprise appearance by Mary Worth's grandmother! https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2023/12/21
"Sonia, would you like me to pound the living %&#@* out of him. It's no trouble. None at all. I'd be glad to do it. Please?"
-- Scottie
Did someone say Blue Velvet? "What are you looking at BradHat?"
Keith channels his inner Groucho Marx:
"Well, Kitty, I've had a wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Scottie
MissScarlett: Thanks for finding Great Grandmary! Looks like she has a pumpkin on that plate- I’d love to see the panel where she applies the flaming brandy. I mean, what could be more festive than an exploding pumpkin?
MissScarlet, bravo! It’ll be so exciting when Great Grandmary suddenly drops the platter on the table, and shards of crockery and mincemeat fly everywhere!
Meanwhile, back in Taft, we note that Kitty has not paid her electric bill. Not only that, a rodent is clinging to her head.
Along with yesterdays strip: we are now officially in creepy land. There is something seriously wrong with BradHat. Sonia doesn't see this, right? So, she must be even dumber than Kitty (who doesn't even notice a rat on her head!).
OMG! Shades of Chekhov’s gun! Kitty says, “drop of a hat”. Brad wears a hat. What happens when he removes it? Sonia is grossed out by his early onset male pattern baldness? ORRRRR… Is he recovering from chemo, and Sonia is revealed to be both compassionate and loyal. Even big tuff Keith will be touched. A Christmas miracle! Kisses under the mistletoe for everyone!- except Dr. Jeff. And Wilbur. And Mary. And Dawn. And Mr. Allora.
"Stand in my way? Stand in my way?!! Listen, meathead, so far I haven't even given you permission to stand on my porch, never mind in my way. So, in the meantime while I'm thinking about it, why don't you go out and buy yourself a balaclava to cover up that ridiculous, outdated moustache, and maybe I'll consider it. The porch, dude... not in my way."
Keith, that something inside you that came alive was your microbiome’s reaction to Sonia’s dinner. Your gut is oso accustomed to McRonald’s, so it was bound to happen.
Worthiverse friends, we’re approaching a thousand comments on this post from June (the month, not the artist). Looks like Wanders has made his retirement permanent. I still miss him (sigh).
What I want to know is- will Mary put leaves in her dining table, or will it still be the same pathetic sixsome scrunched together at the far end? C’mon, Mary, throw another muffin-stuffed bird in the oven! Make it a December to remember- who knows where you’ll be this time next year? Dum-de-dum-dum…
You better not stand in her way. She's about to upchuck that vegan meal.
-- Scottie
Oh, Keith, that "something coming alive" Kitty remembers all too well.
Sonia thinks she loves Brad, Brad’s chasing Kitty, and Kitty is clueless. Yes, the three of them will be very happy together.
Meanwhile, at Mary’s tomorrow, it’ll be a rerun of Thanksgiving, with Toby and Chinbeard, Dawn and Wilbur, and Jeff grinning at Mary’s culinary skills. No Iris and Zak celebrating their first married Christmas, no Estelle and Ed and their cats and dog, etc. etc.
Happy Christmas, Worthiverse friends!
That's very big of Musclehead not to stand in the way of someone he just recently met after 20-some years. How Plutarchian of him.
I too wish a very Merry Christmas to everybody here in the snark tank!
-- Scottie
Brad is looking for a mother figure. For many years he lived with his grandmother, a muffin-baking old biddie who was interested in everyone else’s business- everyone but Brad’s that is. She never attended any of his tap dancing recitals, nor his theremin concerts, nor his pottery demonstrations. Nor any of his anti-meat meetings. One day Brad disappeared, and his grandmother assumed he had gotten married (or kidnapped). Brad had actually settled in the neighboring city of Taft and was supporting himself by being a hat model. Will there be a happy Christmas reunion? Oh, hell no.
Merry Christmas to all. You too Wanders.
It is such a gift to read all of your brilliant takes on MW.
...aaannnddd Keith heads off to the local leather bar for some real meat.
Merry Christmas everyone! The past year has been a delight reading and responding to your fabulous posts. Perhaps Santa will give us the gift of Wanders return for the New Year.
It is great to be part of such an interesting family.
Yesss! For the 8th holiday in a row, Karen has phoned it in! Way to go, Karen! What’s your motivation? Is it lack of time, or money? Just what drives you to disappoint your fans this way?
Karen: I guess I just can’t resist sticking it to those suckers!
Me: Oh, well, okay. Just so we know…
Well gee willikers, was I wrong! Mary’s spending Christmas with her favorite person, herself, gazing into the sky and watching the star come to rest over Santa Royale.
Thanks for the gift of your pithy and hilarious comments, everyone! God bless us, and Wanders and his family,, everyone!
Mary waits for the mothership to return her to her home.
Mary didn’t feel like cooking this year. Jeff and all the rest are happily eating takeout Chinese food at Zack and Iris’s place.
Merry Christmas to all of us. Wanders, if you’re checking in from time to time, we miss you.
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