Mary Worth Adventures #431

So, Mary has just spent the last 15 minutes telling Jeff the entire Frank and Lynn Griffin story. If only Karen Moy had been so succinct. Now Jeff seems to have some news of his own. And we'll have to wait 24 hours to find out what it could be. How will I get anything done today?

Mary Worth Adventures #430

It just wouldn't be an interesting story if a dysfunctional elderly rage-aholic didn't make a move on Mary Worth. Let's face it, when Toby had her identity stolen, no one picked up on Mary Worth, and that story wasn't interesting at all. It's a formula I'll never get tired of and hope to see it many more times.

And thank you, Mary, for reiterating the FREEDOM of ice skating once again. It's the greatest freedom of all. It's better than the freedom of walking, or the freedom of biking, or even the freedom of retiling the kitchen floor.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth Adventures #429

Actually, Frank, it's not like riding a bicycle at all. Trust me on this.

I'd like to thank Karen Moy for telling us all about the endless freedom of ice skating. Rather than showing us. Perhaps tomorrow the choreographer will stand on the sidelines and narrate for us: "Mary is skating with a sense of FREEDOM I've never seen before! The wind is in her hair as she skates over the flow of ice! Her grace is remarkable. For a woman of advancing years, she looks as though she's twenty again! She must have been quite a skater in her youth!" But I don't blame Karen Moy for treating her readers like idiots. What else would explain why we read this strip?

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As close as Bush v. Gore.

The Kalamazoo Gazette ran a poll to kill a comic strip. Even though Apartment 3-G scored a whopping 44 percent, Mary Worth beat it with 45 percent! However, the Gazette is reconsidering there polling model and relaunching the poll. Maybe a recount can save Mary! There current poll results total about 700 percent, so this is a much better polling model. Read about it here.

Mary Worth Adventures #428

Well, well, well. What do you know. Every once in a while, Moy pulls it off. This ought to be good. Suddenly, my expectations for the week have improved. I can't wait to see some of this old pair's moves. Especially in the Toast Sweater and the Anorexia-hiding layered T ensemble.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 427

I better get back home before I waste away to nothing on this "Ice Rink Coffee Machine" addiction I've developed.

Mary Worth 426

Yes, Mary Worth, as soon as you spoke to her, the childhood loss of her mother, the tragic car wreck that crushed the life out of her best friend, and years of verbal and emotional abuse from her own father, were just magically lifted. Thanks, Mary Worth. You're the best!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 425

"You hear that little girl! You don't have a chance against Vicky and Lynn and me! So quit it with the 'V-for-Victory' formation. Try lowering your left arm, and it's the 'L-for-Loser' formation. Because you're a loser!"

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Mary Worth 424

Actually, overcoming your rage addiction will take much more than just a few concessions, Frank. Try years of therapy. But at least you're making progress. That sweater has completely emasculated you, so that helps.

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Mary Worth 423

I guess I got confused. I thought we already had the nationals. This story is just barely getting started. But don't worry: There is no better way to enjoy figure skating than watching it rendered two panels a day by Joe Giella.

Today's Full Strip.