Mary Worth 491

The week started out very promising. In so many ways, Mary Worth reminds me of the most brilliant television show of all time: LOST on ABC. Monday's strip was no exception as I believed we were going to be treated to a few weeks of flashbacks of Jeff and Sam's glory days, and how fate began to lay the groundwork for their children to grow up and marry. If Mary Worth teaches us anything, it is that fate controls us all and we do not have Free Will, which is the major philosophical question on LOST.

But it turned out that Dad's stories were going to have to wait if Adrian and Scott were going to keep their reservation at La Rosa! La Rosa is the most romantic restaurant on earth. It is, of course where Mary and Ron used to skip out behind Jeff's back. I'm sure Adrian bringing it up in front of them both must have opened a lot of sores.

At this point I started to wonder if perhaps Scott might actually be Sam, something like Ageless Richard on the LOST Island. And I wasn't surprised to hear Sam had been a hero, because I notice that Superman and Batman never seem to get old either.

Charity work? Did he say charity? That is perfect, since Jeff has a daughter who is a total charity case when it comes to men. And if that doesn't work out, he can still make an impressive pledge to the Peace Village. At the very least, let's hope the Hewletts are good for the $50,000 Adrian handed out to the first man who called her "Queenie."

That's the great thing about women, isn't it Jeff? They want to believe anything. All it takes is knowing the secret combination of words to rob them of their heart, will and money. Jeff read about it in an e-book he ordered online.

But let's leave the Bum Boat for a minute and see what's going down over at La Rosa.

I loved this strip because clearly Adrian mistook Scott taking care of the bill with Scott taking care of her. Plus, her booster seat nearly ejected her from the table when Scott made his move.

As Jeff and Mary discuss Free Will vs. Predetermination...

... Adrian and Scott enjoy two soft serves. Sadly, Adrian is once again stuck with vanilla frozen yogurt while Scott gets to enjoy strawberry ice cream. Adrian longs for strawberry, or even a chocolate twist, but fate has another plan for her. Vanilla. Vanilla. Vanilla.

Mary Worth 490

It's been a crazy week in Santa Royale, California, and when it was all said and done, I only had one thought: "I miss Ted."

The week began with the startling revelation that Mary is actually a walking, talking Winkie Doll™. Just pull her pearl necklace and she snoops.

A lot of readers speculated this week about the one-story Man Cabin's mysterious upstairs floor. Believe me, you don't want to know what goes on up there. But remember, Adrian is a doctor of sorts. The important thing is that Adrian has been so traumatized by Ted that she cannot speak, thus desperately trying to claim the privilege of opening the door by thinking as loudly as she can.

I must first credit dear reader pandagrandma with the wonderfully poignant comment: "I used to have a printer named Hewlett. I wonder if you're related..." We've all been eagerly awaiting this guy's pedigree. Thank you Karen Moy for making sure we understood that he was not some trust fund descendant of Bill Hewlett.

Upon learning of the death of Scott Hewlett's dad, Jeff can only utter one thing. I mean, it is the only thing anyone could say when learning of the death of someone's parent:


Jeff is doing a much better interrogation of Scott than he did of Ted. Or is he? Scott's con makes Ted look like a complete sucker. "Scott, I knew a wonderful man named Sam." "That was my dad's name!" "Did he go to Brockdale in 62?" "Of course!" "Gosh, he was great!" "Yes, salt of the earth." "I only want my daughter to date men who like pizza." "I love pizza!" Not really much different then "Would you make a pledge to Peace Village?" "What a coincidence: I already have!"

Well, if you say you're Sam Hewlett's son, you must be a great guy! No need for me to do a background check on you!

Wait a minute... I don't think Sam looks like Scott at all!

What I'm hoping is that after Adrian drives off with Scott, Jeff runs to the store for a can of Sanka and bumps into Sam Hewlett. Now that would make some mighty fine story telling.

Mary Worth 489

It's been a crazy week in Santa Royale, California, where Dr. Adrian Corey was full of conflicting emotions and feelings about accepting a dinner invitation with a local lawman.

Fortunately, Mary had shown up at the Mountview Hospital after she finished her shift as a desk clerk at the Santa Royal Qantas Inn. She had lots of great perspective to offer Adrian on how she will definitely marry this guy. I mean, he is the law after all.

Sadly, though, after her experience with bigamist deadbeat dad Ted, Adrian has a court order that she can't date without her father's approval. But Adrian's okay with that; she knows it's for her own good. Also, she's under house arrest and has to live with her dad again. Because, although she's a doctor and stuff, emotionally, she's like in the eighth grade.

So, Adrian decides to accept the date, but first she has to convince father that it'll be okay.

"It's okay Dad. I'm going out with an officer of the law. We're going to a restaurant of quality where the servers of food will bring us salads of the house and specials of the night. Then we'll go to the house of the movies to see a picture of motion."

But Dr. Corey isn't easily persuaded...

Sadly, for Adrian, Detective Scott Hewlett is going to have to dance a merengue with Jeff to prove his worthiness. Next week is going to be quite a week I'm sure!

Mary Worth on the Big Screen

If you haven't caught ComicBooth's xtranormal film adaptations of Mary Worth, get started here. And get ready to DANCE!

Mary Worth 488

It's Mother's Day in the United States -- except, that is, in Santa Royale, California. After the Dharma Initiative suffered its mysterious "Incident," no one could have anymore children. In fact, there are no mothers in Santa Royale (unless you count Mrs. Good who stole her husband via email, but what kind of mother is that?). Sad really. Especially when we spent the entire week watching Dr. Adrian Corey's biological clock furiously ticking away. Ever since her fiance Ted turned out to be a bigamist delinquent on his child support, she's been suffering from a lot of self doubt and gorging herself on a lot of cupcakes.

In a desperate effort to help his daughter lose her appetite, Jeff Corey suggested that she join Mary and him at the Bum Boat for dinner. Despite Adrian's attempts to dodge that bullet, Mary showed up at the hospital eager to meddle.



Finally, Adrian had no choice but to insinuate that she had other plans. She didn't exactly lie; she simply grasped onto another desperate romantic fantasy. Of course, living in Crazyland is better than another dinner at the Bum Boat.

Mary Worth 487

I know I'm trying to stay true to the weekly format, but how could I ignore today's abuse of our Constitutional protection of a free press. I have edited the image because we're family friendly here. Unlike, apparently, Mary Worth.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 486

It's been a crazy week in Santa Royale, California...

It all started when Dr. Adrian Corey's bigamist boyfriend was hauled away to the hoosegow by Detective Scott Hewlett after trying to skip town with $50,000 and a really bad mustache. Dr. Corey was so distressed that she couldn't stop touching her face! She touched it as she proved to Detective Hewlett that she was indeed betrothed...

She touched it after dropping her tear-saturated tissue on Detective Hewlett's desk...

She touched it as Detective Hewlett read to her from the Book of Ted with removable rap sheets...

She touched it as she added Vicki + Lydia + Queenie Gomez + Queenie Corey = The Dumbest Doctor in Santa Royale...

She touched it as she subtly played the sympathy card...

... which quickly produced the desired results.

It turns out that Detective Hewlett may not require one of Jeff's famous background checks in order to date his daughter. But does he really want to go out with such a loser?

Sarasota Florida Hates Mary Worth!

That's right! Sarasota, Florida, is a grumpy, grumpy city and they're taking it out on Mary Worth. Read more here.

Mary Worth 485

SPOILER ALERT!

YES! YES! YES! Those cops DO have a steering wheel in the back seat of their car. It is the latest gadget in criminal justice technology. This way, the criminals think you're driving away when you're actually chasing them. Which is ultimately what did Ted in. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

It's been a crazy week in Santa Royale, California. Adrian arrived in the seedy, dark side of town just in time to find her fiance running off with his car tucked under his arm. His excuse? His sister needed him right away.

When luring the big con, you want to pick a sucker who is clueless enough to take the bait, but not so clueless that she pulls you out of the boat and into the lake. Even now, Adrian can't fathom why Ted could possibly be getting out of town as fast as possible.

Ultimately, it is her final pleading face touch that delays Ted's departure just long enough for two of Santa Royale's Finest to show up with their really cool lapel badges and read Ted's rap sheet in public. "Hey, listen everybody! Dr. Corey is dating a bigamist!"

Not only is he a liar, a thief and a bigamist, but he's also a DEAD BEAT DAD!

Take him away, boys!

Earth Day 2: The Return of the Pod People

Last year, Mary Worth celebrated Earth Day by chatting on her lithium-powered cellular telephone to a mysterious stranger about a tree she claimed to have planted. But this year she's actually doing something for Earth Day: Touching roses. Something she does on a daily basis already. Oh, and she is also lecturing us. Something she also does on a daily basis. But that's Mary. To her, every day is Earth Day.