This is what happens when you become completely dependent on others telling you what to do. When you try to do something on your own, without Mary Worth or your husband's beard there to show you how, you make decisions that will absolutely ruin your life for years to come. We've been screaming at you all week, Toby, but you aren't listening. Just think what'll happen when Professor Chinbeard finds out he's got no credit, he's in debt up to his eyeballs, his condo goes into foreclosure, his car is repossessed, and he's kicked off the faculty at Local University. Then he gets his DVD. Yup, he's going to be very pleased with his smart, resourceful soon-to-be ex-wife. This is going to be hilarious!Today's Full Strip
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It will turn out that Mary was already aware of internet scams, yet failed to warn Toby of the evils "out there" on the internet. This will not deter Mary from voicing platitudes and aphorisms as Toby withers beneath Mary's well-practiced "Armegeddon Glare" when this story arc concludes.
I think this is all a cautionary tale about what happens when you make decisions without checking with Mary Worth first. If only Mary had accepted Toby's invitation to join her in shopping for the gift for Ian! Then, when Toby suggested she might look online, Mary could have said, "You're going shopping on the Internet? I hear that's very risky!" And Toby would have said, "Wow, I guess you're right," and then Mary would have helped her pick out a nice sweater or a beard-trimmer.
Now that I think about it, Mary's "paperwork" might have been a pointed reminder: responsible citizens do their work on paper, not by filling out some imaginary "page" on the computer. As someone once said, "Computers are dangerous!"
Wait - where has Mary found the time to become all-knowing about computers, internets, and other new-fangled technological concepts? My mother just got copying and pasting down after about 4 years of using a computer and she only meddles about 1/10 the amount that Mary does.
What have we all really learned?
It's that Toby can't blow her own nose without in-depth guidance from an obese know-it-all spouse and some old lady neighbor who smells like meddling and casserole.
Toby will spend Ian's birthday weeping, in the way that only the truly simple and pathetic can weep. There will be pity. There will be loathing. There will be mascara and tears staining that 'two-hearts' shirt/abomination.
And there will be smug.
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