Mary Worth 1,013

Aww, Drew has finally met his Aldo. What an ego rush.

Note: Blogspot is having some problems with comments. You may not be able to post. I am hoping they fix it soon. I need to C U!

Mary Worth 1,012

Stabilized? Is that what medical professionals call reducing a fever?

Meanwhile, on the other side of the cafeteria...

Mary Worth 1,011

What caused it? I don't know, but he's probably sick... It's just a guess.

As you can tell by our beds, this is 1957, so we don't have any ibuprofen. Instead we hooked him up to two I.V. drips and pumped him full of oxygen, and that seems to have solved the problem.

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Mary Worth 1,010

I'd pretty much say there's reason for concern inside EVERY patient's room at Mountview Hospital.

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Mary Worth 1,009

We live in a cynical world, a cynical world... And who are we to criticize the Worthiverse...?



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Mary Worth 1,008

I'm starting to get really excited about this story. As soon as Liza's Borderline Personality Disorder starts to manifest its negative traits, Drew is totally NOT going to find the happiness his father thinks he deserves. Instead, he's going to find the misery the rest of us think he deserves. I want these two to get married so badly. Just no children, okay? Because that would not be fair to the innocent children.

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Mary Worth 1,007

Uh, he deserves it why? Because he's a jerk who had to flee the country to escape the emotional destruction he caused in his hometown?

But apparently, time has passed, if you can actually call it time, and Drew and Liza are dating. Liza has gotten what she wanted: a selfish, impulsive narcissist. Just like her. A perfect match. That was a really good story. Moving on...

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Mary Worth 1,006

I, too, remember how Drew emotionally destroyed Vera and ol' What's-Her-Name. But, Mary's right! It doesn't matter! Who cares? La-di-dah. Fiddle-dee-dee. Mistakes are how you grow. And Jeff, you are hilarious with your little joke: Drew's really made some whopper mistakes -- so he's grown an extra lot. Ha ha ha ha!

I'm glad to be back after taking the kids up to Boston to watch my brother, David, run in the Boston Marathon ( 3:04:03 ), so I'm very proud of him. It was a fun trip. On the way home, I punched in "Avoid Tolls" into the GPS and it routed us through Scranton, Penn., where we had dinner at the Steamtown Mall.

Mary Worth 1,005

Liza Scissorhands is ready to snip the head off her paper doll man.

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Mary Worth 1,004

It's really been a long time since I've been on a first date, since I've been married 18 years, but this is EXACTLY how I remember them.

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Mary Worth 1,003

"I saw my father's work... because with his obsessively long work hours keeping him away from the home for weeks on end, the only way I could see him was sneaking down to Mountview Hospital and hiding in his exam room. Once, when I was 15, they asked me if I wanted to help out in the O.R., and I jumped at the chance. I knew, right then and there, that's what I wanted to do. Plus, Dad was a complete chick magnet. Sadly, that led to his divorce, but have you seen his girl friend??"

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Mary Worth 1,002

Well, it isn't surprising to discover that Liza hates her job, since we already know she blew off her 4:30 shift to take Drew to dinner. What is surprising is that they got so dressed up to eat at a place with napkin dispensers on the tables.

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Mary Worth 1,001

Drew trembles in anticipation as he awaits for his date to pick him up for dinner. It's 6:06 p.m. Only 24 more minutes until the beautiful Liza arrives! While he waits, he mentally explains to himself what is going on. "Liza asked me out. Liza asked me out. Wait. What does that mean? Will she be paying for dinner, or will I?" Meanwhile, at Liza's lair, Liza waits for Drew to pick her up. Society has neatly defined gender roles for a reason, people. You mess those up, and no one knows what is going on.

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Mary Worth 1,000

Dr. Drew Corey, M.D., I don't even recognize you any more. You're so humble and enriched after your time rebuilding clinics in Vietnam. You've completely transformed.

I feel the same way after my experience writing this blog. As was noted in yesterday's comments, today marks my 1,000th Mary Worth post on this blog. It's been incredibly humbling and enriching. I hope in some small way, my modest and humble efforts, have transformed the world. That may be too much for someone as humble and unassuming as me to hope for, but being so beneficent, I can hope for no less.

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Mary Worth 999

"I just want to ask you something important: Have you ever wanted to own your own business? Because someone with your attractive appreciation for happiness would be wonderful in my downline."

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Mary Worth 998

Another typical Mountview Hospital professional, completely ignoring the needs of her patients for the sake of love. If that's the proper word.

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Mary Worth 997

As Drew's soul politely excuses itself from the table, a tiny blue man seems to have taken an inordinate interest in this budding romance. Perhaps he is the mysterious Blue Man, feeling love:


Now, I want to tell you a true story. In 1991, I was interning in the business office of Manhattan Theatre Club in New York City. The offices and rehearsal studios at the time were on West 16th or 17th Street, and I would walk from my sublet on East 15th Street every morning. The theatre would sometimes rent its studio space out to other groups, and this new, avante-garde group called "Blue Man" was renting one of the studios. No one I worked with really knew much about them, but there was a bit of a buzz in town about them as they prepared a new show that would open in the Village. All I knew was that nearly every day, these guys would haul more garbage into the studio. I glanced in the studio one day and there were piles of trash... old toasters, a rusty old oven, mountains of scrap metal and lots of PVC pipe. At least, that's how I remember it.

One day, there was a huge typhoon that came through Manhattan and everyone arrived at the studios soaking wet. My lunch was in a paper sack that was thoroughly destroyed, so I bought something that I needed to heat up in the microwave in the small kitchenette. As I opened the microwave, I was surprised to find a pair of soaking wet Levi's neatly folded inside. I realized that someone had thought they could actually dry their jeans in the microwave oven (brass zippers and all).

I took the soaking wet, neatly folded denim out, which was kind of gross, especially since I needed to cook my food in the wet microwave.

I stood there for a moment and then opened the freezer and put the wet jeans on the ice tray.

Later that day, I checked on the jeans. They were rock hard. And soon I noticed a member of the Blue Man group dressed in his coveralls, looking for his pants. I didn't say anything, but I probably should have.

Only a member of the Blue Man group was imaginative enough to think he could dry his jeans in the microwave.

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Mary Worth 996

People are headed to the exit so fast, they're forgetting to bus their trays!

Mary Worth 995

"I'm enjoying every minute of it... I spent all day yesterday reading Men's Workout magazine, and the day before that I spied on my old girlfriend flying a kite with her dad, and today I thought I'd do some doctor stuff. Who KNOWS what will happen next!? It's crazy to live so spontaneously!"

Yesterday, faithful readers pointed out that Liza Colby is actually a character from the television soap opera All My Children. But here's a little tidbit that Mary Worth fans will be able to relate to. In 1994, Liza Colby looked like this.


But since 2009, Liza Colby has looked like this.


It's not really a big deal -- Here at Mountview Hospital, Liza Colby has already changed her face three times.

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Mary Worth 994

As far as I'm concerned, that exit door can't be too big to get me out of here fast enough.

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Mary Worth 993

Liza, completely discombobulated after Drew trades his doctor's lab coat for a swanky black suit with a name badge, gets all tongue tied and blurts out, "I can venture to say your travels agreed with you." But can't we all relate? I mean, who hasn't said something totally ridiculous when trying to impress members of the opposite sex?

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Mary Worth 992

This is what makes Drew such a remarkable doctor. He walks into the room, and everyone suddenly feels better.

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Mary Worth 991

Nothing like two years in 'Nam to make a guy irresistible, especially an already irresistible guy like Dr. Drew Corey, M.D.

Attention: In the coming months, you may hear me make snide remarks about Dr. Drew Corey, M.D. Please know that any such statements are made out of pure jealousy. What guy wouldn't want to have such captivating powers over such impressive women as Dawn, Vera and now Liza with a Z.

You can tell he's at Mountview Hospital because there is an arrow on the wall.

Oh, by the way, yes, we have a new airline sponsor: Pan Am. Their theme song is the newest song on the Jukebox in the column on the right. Thanks to faithful reader Charlie for helping make the arrangements. I think this will be a lucrative deal for both of us, and may just save Pan Am.

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