Bet the sheets in Mary's guest bedroom haven't been changed in years. Bet they have that musty old lady-smell like the ones in my grandmother's house. Man, I can still remember what they smelled like. Phew! That'll make Toby reconcile with Ian pretty quick! Clever Mary.
Well, maybe not an entirely new husband, but an improved, renovated one. Mary loves a fixer-upper opportunity the way an HGTV host loves an outdated rec room. Just rip out that shag carpet and knotty pine paneling. (Metaphorically, think green jacket and chin beard.). While she's at it, perhaps she can rehab Toby, too.
Let's recap: Toby's husband has a sweeta#s job at the university, where he is likely tenured and therefore has a job for life. If he's anything like our college professors, he maybe teaches three classes, has some office hours, and then does research yet gets paid five times more than me! (No, I'm not bitter...why do you ask?). Because of this handsome salary, Toby does not have the pressure of having a job of her own. She doesn't have to get up out of bed, drive somewhere, spend time with people she doesn't necessarily like, deal with supervisors, and then drive home completely exhausted. Instead, she can hang out in a lovely California condo with her old biddy friends and just be relaxin. In her free time, she can be an "artist", go to artist events, network, get her stuff at galleries, find an agent at conferences(you know, the things we wanna be artists can't afford/don't have time to do). And...she's mad because her husband was late to her gallery show?
Seriously, I could relate more to Olive and her make believe flower fairies than I can to this broad.
Mary's passive-aggressive comment of the day: "There, there, dear. Have a nice rest tonight, and don't forget to redo the sheets with hospital corners in the morning! By the way, I can read minds, and I most definitely CAN find you another husband! Too bad Sean Hastings is already taken ... And Aldo Kelrast is no more ... Let's see ..."
"Hmmm, when should I humblebrag to Ian that Toby came to me in her time of need? Shall I slip across the hall when she falls asleep, or wait until morning and accidentally bump into him in the hall?"
New husband? How about Dr. Jeff Corey? Mary has turned him down so many times (to his relief, probably), why not pass him on to Toby? When Jeff's not online "fundraising for Peace Village" (yeah, right), he can help Toby schlep her gray clay creations to art galleries. I can just see Toby's blonde locks being tousled by the wind on Jeff's ancient cabin cruiser. "Love is lovelier the second time around...."
Why yes, Mary. How about one of your famous foot rubs? (Take advantage while you can, Tobster, because she'll already be pressuring you to go home by breakfast time tomorrow.)
Mary's passive-aggressive comment of the day: "There, there, dear. You're my friend and I care about you ... you're welcome to be her as long as you need! By the way, I just laid out the 'for rent' and 'roommate wanted' sections of the Santa Royale Daily News next to your plate of hard scrambled eggs. There's no rush, but maybe you can find a new place to live by this afternoon?"
10 comments:
Bet the sheets in Mary's guest bedroom haven't been changed in years. Bet they have that musty old lady-smell like the ones in my grandmother's house. Man, I can still remember what they smelled like. Phew! That'll make Toby reconcile with Ian pretty quick! Clever Mary.
Well, maybe not an entirely new husband, but an improved, renovated one. Mary loves a fixer-upper opportunity the way an HGTV host loves an outdated rec room. Just rip out that shag carpet and knotty pine paneling. (Metaphorically, think green jacket and chin beard.). While she's at it, perhaps she can rehab Toby, too.
Let's recap: Toby's husband has a sweeta#s job at the university, where he is likely tenured and therefore has a job for life. If he's anything like our college professors, he maybe teaches three classes, has some office hours, and then does research yet gets paid five times more than me! (No, I'm not bitter...why do you ask?). Because of this handsome salary, Toby does not have the pressure of having a job of her own. She doesn't have to get up out of bed, drive somewhere, spend time with people she doesn't necessarily like, deal with supervisors, and then drive home completely exhausted. Instead, she can hang out in a lovely California condo with her old biddy friends and just be relaxin. In her free time, she can be an "artist", go to artist events, network, get her stuff at galleries, find an agent at conferences(you know, the things we wanna be artists can't afford/don't have time to do). And...she's mad because her husband was late to her gallery show?
Seriously, I could relate more to Olive and her make believe flower fairies than I can to this broad.
Really, I'm not bitter.
Mary's passive-aggressive comment of the day:
"There, there, dear. Have a nice rest tonight, and don't forget to redo the sheets with hospital corners in the morning! By the way, I can read minds, and I most definitely CAN find you another husband! Too bad Sean Hastings is already taken ... And Aldo Kelrast is no more ... Let's see ..."
"Hmmm, when should I humblebrag to Ian that Toby came to me in her time of need? Shall I slip across the hall when she falls asleep, or wait until morning and accidentally bump into him in the hall?"
New husband? How about Dr. Jeff Corey? Mary has turned him down so many times (to his relief, probably), why not pass him on to Toby? When Jeff's not online "fundraising for Peace Village" (yeah, right), he can help Toby schlep her gray clay creations to art galleries. I can just see Toby's blonde locks being tousled by the wind on Jeff's ancient cabin cruiser. "Love is lovelier the second time around...."
Toby had too much Kelk for dinner and rips a big one at 3AM. Ian, next door wakes and recognizes the odor and scent. Lost wife story over.
Why yes, Mary. How about one of your famous foot rubs? (Take advantage while you can, Tobster, because she'll already be pressuring you to go home by breakfast time tomorrow.)
Mary's passive-aggressive comment of the day:
"There, there, dear. You're my friend and I care about you ... you're welcome to be her as long as you need! By the way, I just laid out the 'for rent' and 'roommate wanted' sections of the Santa Royale Daily News next to your plate of hard scrambled eggs. There's no rush, but maybe you can find a new place to live by this afternoon?"
That panel is terrifying.
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