"Yes, tell me more about him, Mary. There's nothing I enjoy more than hearing you babble on and on about the love lives of complete strangers who I'll never meet or ever wish to. It helps me forget my own pathetic [air quotes]love life."
Mary and Jeff meander through a field of yellow irises. Jeff wishes they were in the poppy field from Wizard of Oz, so they would both fall asleep and he won’t have to hear Mary droning on about Keith. Unfortunately for him, Mary is more powerful than all the witches and nothing can stop her.
By the way, are we done with Keith, Kitty, and Sonia? It feels like we’re done.
Oh, Mary's clairvoyance is showing. "...her daughter". Why did she state it that way? She was there when Sonia said Keith was her father. And she has not been told otherwise.
Maybe this will be Mary's Waterloo with Jeff. Mary: Keith found true love accidentally. Jeff: (Thinking): Hmm, maybe it is not too late for me.) Mary: He was so alone and now he has a family. Jeff: Later, Mary. I have a life to get on with.
Darn it, we got the poppies, but they’re still awake and talking. (I looked up images of California Poppies, and they seem to be brightly colored for the most part. But there are no bright colors in the Worthiverse, and the hope of getting out of the Keith storyline grows dimmer, too.)
Harsh conditions, huh? That's what KM has been subjecting us to for way, WAY to many weeks.
I've been wondering why there are never any other people around when Mary and Jeff are on their excursions. It occurred to me today that normal people flee when they catch sight of them -- AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The Scene: Santa Royale Municipal Arena/Minor League soccer stadium. Searchlights sweep the sky, the Charterstone Limping Band plays Bohemian Rhapsody- Dr. Jeff, Dr. Jeff, will she do the Fandango? OMG, No, she never will do it. A lithe, slender figure wearing lavender satin strolls imperiously through the crowd, and… Mary Worth unlocks the door to the Charterstone meeting room…, turns on the lights, and the residents shuffle in and sit down on metal folding chairs.
A strange man enters with a beautiful woman, each one carrying a cardboard case on a shoulder. Mary (in a haughty tone): l’m sorry, sir, this room is for the exclusive use of the Charterstone Board of Directors. You’ll have to leave.
George Clooney: Chill out, Mary, I’m just delivering the two cases of Casamigos Tequila that some old dude with a phony Scottish accent ordered. Amal and I will be in the back room mixing up Margaritas for you all.
Mary: Sputter..sputter..well, hold the noise down, you two.
Ian: Okay, lad, me an’ my guid wife will have two double margaritas as quick as ye can!
George: Sure, Pops, hold on to your dirk, I’ll serve ye up in a Glasgow minute…..Here ye go!
Ian: Laddie, did ye not hear me? Two double margaritas for each of us! And don’t stint with th’ tequila!
Mary: Will the meeting please come to order. We are here to help our new friend Scott Hillend, and now we’ll have a lightning round of-
Attendees: WHO’S YER DADDY?
Mary: The names in the first round are Prince Harry, Conan O’Brien, Carrot Top, and Ed Sheeran. Does anyone have anything to say before we start?
Aye, ah’ll have another! Me, too. Hey, I didn’t even get the first one! Me, either- do you have any bourbon. How about a Heinekin? Do you have any elderberry wine? Seven and seven? Tom and Jerry? Rum and Coke? Old Fashioned?
Clooney and Amal reappear from the kitchenette. George’s face is bright red, and Amal pulls him out of the room before he says what he’s thinking.
Mary: We’ll, he doesn’t seem very nice. Let’s have a quick voice vote, and then Saul can slowly mix some more margaritas.
And so our saga of Keith Hillend and his faux family built on deceit concludes in a volcanic eruption of insipid platitudes. And the surrounding flora and fauna wither and die from the vapidity of it all.
I can't believe that the story will end like this. We've got football references, birds, clans and cards. If KM put in any more similes we'll have to see them tomorrow.
“Keith put his heart on hold because of dedication to his career”? Gag. Mary’s been overdosing on romance novels again. BTW, was Keith’s fling with Kitty an isolated incident?
“Botanic garden” makes my teeth hurt. Why not “botanical garden”?
What if there was a small, isolated earthquake? Just enough to open up a chasm directly under Mary and snap closed again. No flowers or cherry trees need to be harmed, and Jeff can just walk on, only noticing the sudden, blissful silence.
A little too fine a point there, Jeff, with your wondering if Keith misses his "work life" right after hearing Mary mention that you both had love in YOUR lives BEFORE meeting one another. Don't get your hopes up for romance, buddy, despite the presence of those hope-inspiring California poppies.
So how exactly does Mary KNOW Keith keeps busy with his family unless she's using those binoculars left at SRCC by Ian's stalker, whose name I can't remember? For her part, she's clearly so busy making up a storyline for her neighbor, she doesn't have time to stop and smell the flowers in front of her. I think Mary's crying for help...
The only way this dreck can improve is for Mary and Jeff to find Keith dining at the Bum Boat. He's sitting with a blonde and a brunette, drinking root beer floats.
"Hey, Mary! Great seeing you! You're not going to believe this, but let me introduce Ashlee and Shauna, Sonia's long-lost sisters! What are the chances, huh? Triplets!"
Jeff immediately recognizes Shauna and heads out through the kitchen.
Ah, to live in the Worthiverse, where relationship issues are never deeply examined and people behave as if they are Barbie dolls, well, before the Barbies got enlightenment in the real world...
At first I was kinda worried if Jeff could see out of those windows. Something seems to be wrong with the glass. Then I noticed that he doesn't have a license plate. Humph! The Santa Royale police will have something to say about that.
It's nice that you never have to make reservations at the Bum Boat, isn't it? They always have a table for Mary and Jeff. Of course, Barbie dolls don't actually eat much, do they?
Wait! Is that Jerry from Jerry’s Sandwich Shop? I guess he got tired of waiting for Tommy to clean up the mess in the restroom, locked the place up and bought the Bum Boat. I wonder what the restroom situation is like.
(Or I may be misrembering everything, because that plot line was several centuries ago in Worthiverse time.)
Today I realized something I have probably always known but repressed because the implications were too horrible. Mary controls time. The Mary-Jeff exchange of pleasantries and platitudes now seems to me to have been going on for months if not years. A small part of me, where there is still a glimmer of light, knows it’s really only been six or seven weeks, but even that is fading. Even as I write, I can no longer remember the beginning. And once you enter the Bum Boat, time ceases to exist at all.
And of course because Mary controls time, this means she can not be human. Possibly an extraterrestrial, but the chances of that seem so remote, that I’m guessing she’s a demon from the times of ancient Sumerian trying to make amends but still not quite getting how that works.
Jerry looks like a double for Chef Boyardee. Does the Bum Boat serve Italian sea food? Squid linguine? Frito Misto? Spaghetti alle Vongole? We have only ever seen salmon and surf and turf.
And they do have their own table! Or maybe no one else ever eats there.
This has been the LONGEST week, and it’s continuing.
I also wondered if Jerry is the former proprietor of Jerry’s Sandwich Shop. That was eons ago. Maybe Jerry gave up on that and hired on as the maitre d’ of the Bum Boat, a position that takes very little skill.
Now that you have unkindly insulted the professionalism of members of the MD’ATSTOA*, just try getting a good table at your local Olive Garden! Those guys (and women) have looong memories. Enjoy your men’s room adjacent two-top…and your single crouton salad.
Wow, Jerry has really gone all out with renovating the Bum Boat! I have to admit it does look a lot swankier with the huge plate glass windows everywhere (tastefully interspersed with pictures of the huge plate glass windows). Didn’t it use to be all shiplap and taxidermy fish? With the amount of surf & turf Jeff churns through I guess they can certainly afford Zaha Hadid’s retainer.
What is that? A tofu hotdog? A pink stick of butter? But we all know how much Mary enjoys eating spinach on a tiny fork. She's so excited she can't even look at Jeff. And Jeff is so excited by all the nature that he can't eat at all. If Norman Lear had given us any of these 'pleasures' we would have turned off the TV.
It’s obvious that Jeff’s dialog is being created by AI. “I was more delighted by the Botanic Garden today than I expected”, said no one ever. Next week, the Coneheads come to visit and Jeff and Beldar enjoy a bromance.
Another week with Mary and Jeff? The only excitement will be anticipating if Jerry brings one fork or two.
@meg, I meant no insult to the fine members of the MD’ATSTOA. I was just commenting on the Bum Boat. The past weeks have taken a toll on my snark ability.
Oh my g.... Can Moy drag this out any longer? What are we waiting for? One fork or two? Followed by a walk on the pier? Maybe they will be attacked? We can always hope.
Isn't it standard practice to read the dialogue balloons from left to right? Because it seems Dr Jeff says "great as always" before Jerry even has a chance to ask them how their meal was which seems kinda rude.
Panel 1: The way Mary’s grasping her teeny fork indicates she’s preparing to stab someone or something. Maybe Jeff? That would be exciting AND discomforting.
…and it’s only Wednesday. While we’re all being held hostage by KM’s abysmal writing, shall we discuss other things? Easter plans , anyone? How’s your Spring coming? It’s snowing here in NE Ohio. See, I can write boring dialog, too, and KitKat will testify that I can draw cartoons. I’ll go lie down, now.
Good suggestion fauxprof. We are going to a Nowrus party on Saturday (new years) hosted by my Persian d-i-l. Will be lots of fun. Nothing crazy of course, but 40 relatives and friends, there is bound to be something of interest.
Was that better than today's strip? Well, it was for me!
I went to the store today to get some battered cod, but they were all out. So I looked for some perch, but they didn't have that either. Luckily, they did have some tilapia, and so I got that, although I don't like tilapia as much. I also got some rice and cole slaw to go with it. It's not the real creamy kind of cole slaw, it's more zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
I went to the pharmacy today to pick up a prescription. When I got back to my car, some jerk had parked his pickup truck too close to me and I could barely get in. Let's see you top that, Karen Moy!
I confirm wholeheartedly that @fauxprof is a talented cartoon artist, with a special affinity for animals. Her animals are appealing, unlike the creepy one-eyed cats and slobbering French bulldogs in MW.
Today: So sharing that piece of pie with Jeff has Mary ready to upchuck. Isn't that hilarious? And there's Jeff helping Mary into her purple shroud. It's always a laugh a minute with these two!
If Gandhi and Desmond Tutu were still with us, I truly believe that they would band together to throw these two sanctimonious cretins off that footbridge, to heck with passive resistance!
Miss Scarlett, Don't lose hope. After every darkness is a dawn. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Keep your face toward the sun and shadows will fall behind you. What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. I am so sorry everyone, I slipped into the Mary zone. (Sort of like the Twilight Zone, but infinitely boring)
Gertrude Ederle was the first woman to swim across the English Channel. Gonna go out on a limb here and guess that she was way more interested in reaching her next stroke than the moon.
Now Bette Davis; there's someone I can see reaching for stars.
The two quotation slam idiots are still babbling and we haven't had a plot point in two weeks. Did KM go on spring break?
I got no snark left. Tomorrow morning I expect we’ll see two blank panels with the message “the comic strip you are trying to reach is no longer in service”,
Or Wilbur will be back. Pretty much the same thing.
Miss Scarlett- I seem to recall the demise of the former Mrs. Weston as well.
However- as a long time Nutmegger, I am thrilled to welcome Dawn back to the state! Dawn, here are a few things you need to know:
Most of the middle-aged men dress just like Wilbur- sweatshirt over tee shirt. Hot dog buns open from the top, not the side. Cheeseburgers are steamed. A college ‘teacher’ named Geno Auriemma is a minor deity. If you live west of the Connecticut River, you root for the New York Yankees; east of the river, the Boston Red Sox are your team. We eat our lobster rolls (on the aforementioned hot dog buns) cold, with mayonnaise.
Will we follow Dawn to Connecticut, or is this just a way to disappear her permanently? Maybe she’ll continue her educational journey while she’s there. Does Yale take walk-ins?
Incidentally, I had to read the dialog twice before it started to make sense to me. I really think that KM is using AI.
fauxprof, After your suggestion about AI, I went to ChatGPT and asked for a ten-line dialog in the style of Mary Worth. Please forgive me one and all:
Panel 1: Character 1: Good morning, Mary. How are you today? Mary Worth: Oh, I'm just fine, dear. And yourself?
Panel 2: Character 2: Morning, ladies. What's the buzz? Mary Worth: Oh, nothing much, just the usual small town chatter.
Panel 3: Character 1: Did you hear about Mrs. Johnson's cat getting stuck up a tree again? Mary Worth: My, that feline certainly has a knack for drama.
Panel 4: Character 2: Speaking of drama, did you see Mr. Thompson's new sports car? Mary Worth: Yes, quite the spectacle. But does he really need it at his age?
Panel 5: Character 1: I must say, I'm rather fond of it. Mary Worth: Oh, Helen, always the one with a soft spot for shiny things.
Panel 6: Character 2: Well, I heard the Petersons are selling their house. Mary Worth: Really? That's quite unexpected.
Panel 7: Character 1: Yes, they mentioned wanting a change of scenery. Mary Worth: Change can be refreshing, indeed.
Panel 8: Character 2: I wonder who'll move in next? Mary Worth: Only time will tell, my dears. Only time will tell.
Panel 9: Character 1: Oh, look at the time. I must be off. Mary Worth: Until next time, dear.
Panel 10: Character 2: Farewell, Mary. Take care. Mary Worth: You too, Helen. And remember, keep an eye out for each other.
Well, I guess Meg and I are the only ones, since KM has decided the former wife of Wilbur isn't dead. The Comics Curmudgeon kindly posted a history of Wilbur. Read it if you dare.
Looking at the picture of the lovely and pearls -wearing former Mrs. Weston, I couldn’t help thinking Why would a woman who looks like Grace Kelly marry a man who looks like Wilbur? Then I thought, wait a minute, Grace Kelly DID marry a man who looks like Wilbur!
Well, Scottie, how sure are we of Wilbur's reading skills?
And Meg, if Wilbur was a real, live king....even then it's tough to imagine.
Meanwhile, sounds like Wilbur will....miss her? The question is, will we get to follow Dawn to the Nutmeg state (fingers crossed) or stay with Wilbur in muffin land?
My sincere apologies to Grace, Rainier, and all the Grimaldis. Looking back at old pictures, I see than Rainier was both handsome and dashing when Grace married him. My teenaged memory had him pegged as a stout and stuffy geezer!
Three whole days and Wilbur has done nothing egregiously awful. Well, looking at his combover is disturbing, but I guess we can get used to that again.
I don't know @fauxprof. Maybe. But meanwhile, we still crawl in the slow lane. It's been 3 days of Dawn visiting her mother. OK, OK, we get it. Muffin eaten.
So, I'm AWOL with COVID (and assorted other acronyms) for awhile, and when I get back, here's Wilbur. Still puzzling over JB's choice to illustrate Dawn eating, not only a muffin, but apparently the muffin wrapper.. Ick. Perhaps the thought of visiting her mother in the Nutmeg State has her thinking "muffins", and how handy that her dealer (Mary Worth) has supplied her with a stash. Are these people EVER without muffins? And will Dawn gossip with her mom over Wilbur's swan dive off a cruise ship in an effort to win a new Mrs. Weston? Looking forward to it!
I'm hoping that Dawn's mother will not have aged at all well. She's now approximately the same weight as Wilbur, wears a really bad wig, and a bottle of purple scotch is sticking out of her handbag. Of course, this is probably another "get rid of Dawn" story so that we can focus on Wilbur, and we'll never even see Dawn's mother.
Yeah, @hmmmm, I'm kinda worried about that too. I don't think we are going to nutmeg land after all. I think we are gonna spend more time mired in Santa Royale. This has crawled along so slowly that I'm feeling little hope for a perky, fun story. Maybe Wilbur could do a swan dive off the roof into the pool? That would be fun. Remember when Mary rescued (?) that tummy-brained kid?
Good idea, Dawn. Maybe everybody should get out of town. Toby and Ian, Iris and Zak, Keith and his “family”, Mr. Allora, Dr. Jeff (especially poor Dr. Jeff). Just let it be the Mary and Wilbur show, muffins and scotch for all!
Wow, Miss Scarlet, you're right. I don't remember KM repeating a strip so exactly , with even the same dialogue and within a week of the original appearing. Sloppy. I'll say one thing for JBB, though. She does a good job of drawing overweight, balding dads. I wonder if she used to draw ads for "separates" on sale for Sears.
MissScarlet and LouiseF - Today's strip was accidentally first posted on the 25th. Someone over at Comics Kingdom noticed last Monday that the strip was dated 3/30 instead of 3/25. Oops...
"Temporarily" for a year, hmmm? Have Dawn and Mother had any contact over the past decade? Alarm bells are ringing, plus just wait until Dawn discovers she has two stepsisters - yikes.
How long is a year in Worthiverse time? 10? 25? A century? Or maybe a couple of weeks or thirty seconds. To quote Douglas Adams, time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
I'm a little surprised that Dawn is leaving the strip...but also still hopeful that maybe we will follow her to Connecticut and far, far way from Mary's muffins.
I wonder what the 3/25 strip was supposed to be. I doubt that we lost much, but it would be kind of interesting to know.
@fauxprof, for me, time in the Worthiverse is directly related to the character being spotlit. Wilbur and Jared are the worst (the longest); while Toby is always good for a laugh.
Is anyone surprised that this week opens with Wilbur? KM always goes for the boring option. In soap-opera fashion, maybe some day Dawn will return ten years older, newly single after a split from her ex, with a bratty child in tow.
Oh, dear, Wilbur is in “poor, poor, pitiful me” mode, which usually leads to destructive behavior on his part. Wait, that has the potential for being interesting!
Well, lets all hang on tight for another adventure into Wilbur's Wonderland. Today Wilbur seems bored. Perhaps it's time for karaoke? Or peeping into windows? Or maybe it's time to fall off the wagon? Never a dull moment with Wilbur, am I right?
Just as we feared, we are about to enter the Disappointing Denouement Zone. We will never see Dawn’s impeccably decaying mother, demanding that Dawn light her Pall Malls for her and mix her favorite “little drinky poo, a Scotch and Gin highball” (Connecticut-style, a triple with a twist), while elucidating Wilbur’s faults from 30 years ago.
We will never see Dawn’s vain attempts to guilt Maman over her neglect. We’ll never see any Connecticut houses or scenery, nor meet crusty old sea captains, or Yale professors, or casino-owning Native Americans. No yummy New England cooking like whipped turnips with carrots, or mashed potato pizza, or, er… other kinds of pizza.
What we will see is Wilbur, meeting another uninteresting woman who lives at Charterstone with her talking Mynah bird and her mother. (Stifles sob). Oh, I thought this time would be different, but once against Moy has moved the football.
I gotta give June credit -- that's a pretty good water distortion.
But for us to expect that the original Stellan and Willa are still alive is a bridge too far. I'm betting this is the 15th or 20th pair of S&W that Wilbur has sentenced to the Tank of Death. He's got a Gold Rewards Card down at the pet store.
Unbeknownst to Wilbur, Stellan and Willa have been plotting Wilbur's demise for months now. All they are waiting for is the arsenic laced mayo (special order- Piranha-Amazon.com) and then it's just a matter of time.
And that very evening, Wilbur found his drunken self on stage at STARS Karaoke establishment, singing his heart out about his true love….
“Swim, little fishes, swim if you can, And they swam and they swam right over the dam… Boop boop dit dem dat tum what-dem, Chu!”
Karaoke scat singing is a rare art, but Wilbur was up for the challenge. And the challenge was finding a way home after the bouncer retained his car keys.
Somebody better find Wanders' recycling bin. Yesterday's wobbly, waterlogged Wilbur and today's tiny salad fork panels were both recycled from the last time he and Estelle split up. I think June finally quit.
I find it odd that people who have been living in the grey netherworld of the Worthiverse, never-never-seen-again-land, are getting mentioned. First, Dawn’s mother, and now Adrian and her husband. I sense a disturbance in the Force.
"But Mary! You KNOW I need a designated driver! Maybe you and Jeff could pick me up after you're done visiting? I'll be there until closing time. Unless they kick me out again. Tell you what -- I'll call you around 1:30 to see if you can make it."
I doubt seriously that Mary has plans with Jeff to see people we haven't heard from in years. But on the other hand, I don't blame Mary for wanting to get out of Karaoke with Wilbur either.
I think he's starting to sing "I Will Survive". That song has nothing to do with Eric Carmen. And really, nothing to do with Wilbur either. Personal strength has never been his forte. Now sandwiches, however...
Boffo zinger today, Scottie! That sums up Wilbur to a T.
Mary didn’t mention Adrian’s children, just her husband. In her haste to come up with an excuse, maybe she forgot the kiddos. Then again, maybe KM forgot about them. It’s been years, after all.
Please be advised that you are in violation of one of the DVoA’s most stringent regulations and will be subject to de-memberment upon any further violation.
Reg. A 12.6 “No vet may appear in public looking like an undignified doofus.”
Bob Hugdawg, DVM President, Dignified Veterinarians of America
For crying out loud, pets in a baby stroller????? A new low.
But perhaps it's excusable, because Dr. Harding looks like he's so jacked up on Thorazine that he doesn't know where the hell he is or what the hell he's doing.
Scottie - I actually have seen small dogs riding in a baby stroller before but a cat in a forward-facing baby carrier? Um... I think it's June who's on Thorazine or perhaps worse.
June has outdone herself! Probably the instructions from KM said “Wilbur runs into Estelle and her boyfriend”, but our June decided to take it to the most ridiculous place possible.
Wilbur, I have a suggestion. Take a good look at ‘Stell and her posse, burst out laughing and continue to guffaw and snort as you gesture toward them. You’ll feel much better and they’ll feel much worse. With any luck, everyone in the vicinity will be laughing at them. No, wait, don’t do that. All five of them might show up at the karaoke bar some evening just as you’re singing a few choruses of Who let the dogs out.
I realize that the takeaway here is for Estelle to throw into Wilbur's face, the fact that SHE now has this lovely family. However, the sight of Estelle and Ed parading their furry children down the street would make me sigh in huge relief, realizing that I'd just dodged a very big bullet. Although I wouldn't mind if tomorrow, we see Wilbur's thought balloon in which he's toting Dawn around on his chest in a Baby Bjorn carrier.
OK, that’s one-eyed Libby in the baby bjorn, and Pierre the French bulldog in the pram. Someone refresh my memory on the little white critter, presumably belonging to Ed. Dog or cat? Does it do yoga? (Obviously, I find the animals far more interesting than the people.)
@fauxprof, I think the cat in the pram is Ed’s cat, Odin (if memory serves me right).
I’ve seen pet strollers, but never a front-facing carrier like the one Estelle is wearing. Good grief! If Estelle trips and falls forward, it will not be pretty.
“Boyfriend”?? Ed’s way too old to be called a boy, and Estelle left her girlhood in the 20th century.
Coming soon: Wilbur appears with a tank containing Stellan and Willa strapped to his belly.
I did used to respect Estelle, but that ship has sailed, and as for Dr. Ed, I hope they have a support group for Those Who Cannot Comprehend that Animals (especially cats) Get NOTHING from so-called "Outings".
I would like to see Wilbur with a pot-bellied pig in a backpack….or a duck-billed platypus strapped to his front. And maybe an eagle perched on his head.
Ugh, more Wilbur drama on the horizon. Why did Estelle have to open her big mouth? She can't possibly be interested in spending time with Wilbur, regardless of how big a dud of a boyfriend Ed may be. Maybe she just likes to torture him.
And why is Wilbur accepting?
This story is starting to shape up as worse than I imagined it would be, which is saying something.
I would like to think Estelle is being polite and Wilbur is saying, "Sure" to reciprocate. However, I see a long, disastrous trip to the Karaoke bar. Perhaps Mary will show up just in time to stuff muffins in everyone's mouth staving off Wilbur or Estelle singing.
Tonight, at Klub Karaoke, Wilbur sings Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me. And every dog in town will howl, And every woman cry, And every man will think, I wish this guy would die.
Could “hero veterinarian” be foreshadowing a calamity at Charterstone? And Wilbur will have to rush into the building to rescue Libby, Pierre, and Odin, while the hero and Estelle are too whacked out on ketamine to save their animals? Or am I once again succumbing to the lure of false hopes? (Don’t answer that, please).
Next up: Wilbur spies a SALE on superhero capes in a nearby store and has to parachute out of Charterstone with Estelle's pets due to a fire set off by "Hero Veterinarian" Ed burning some toast...
Wilbur’s heroism is finally on full display (I wonder what Joseph Campbell would have to say about these story arcs?)
I guess I could be down for another painfully humiliating sing-off with Stell and Ed, but it appears Wilbur had found his calling in jostling kids onto the pavement and perhaps interviewing them later about how he saved their life (that coulda been me!)
If this happened anywhere other than the Worthiverse, at least 27 people would have filmed and uploaded the incident to social media within seconds. The kid is likely savvy enough to be rolling around on the sidewalk, screaming in "pain" so several of those witnesses would have dialed 9-1-1. Attorneys hired by the kid's parents could easily track down Wilbur through the pet store because he's carrying one of their boutique shopping bags with their logo and phone number on the side. But yeah, this IS the Worthiverse, so... yeah. Wilbur's a hero.
Oh for Pete's sake! That kid looks like he and his bouncy ball stepped out of 1957. His name is likely Jimmy, Billy, Tommy, or Joey. All that's missing is a pair of lace-up PF Flyers. A rift in the space-time continuum? June venturing into the past in the Wayback Machine?
Ah, but what we won't see until tomorrow is that Estelle and Dr. Ed had just stepped out of the pet store and witnessed the entire incident! Estelle will drop her shopping bag, toss Libby to Ed, and barrel down the street to embrace Wilbur, sobbing and telling him that he's her hero! Catching up, Ed will say something to the effect of "For crying out loud, Stell. It's only a stupid kid. It's not like Wilbur saved a Pomeranian!" And... before we know it, Estelle and Wilbur are back together.
Feeling body-shamed, Wilbur vows to get in shape and have a physique like Zak's.
The very next day, he signs up for a year-long membership in a health club and hits the gym. For the next three hours, he does multiple reps of crunches, squats, dead lifts, pull-ups, curls, pulls, and presses. He goes home exhausted but elated. That night he sleeps soundly.
The next morning he is so sore he is unable to move. He lays in bed like a beached whale and curses Zak.
He remains sore for the rest of the week. The gym won't give him his money back, so he eats pie. Lots of pie.
These two are clearly no longer newlyweds. So much self-effacing. And Wilbur, quizzing them about their workout habits. Perhaps he is about to write a column on "Workout Habits of My Exes and their New Partners. I'd read that.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, only you can save us now! We must not be subjected to the coming plot line in which Wilbur frolics around in skimpy workout garments, building his body to superhero proportions, so that he can attract women.
I would never have thought that Moy would entertain marijuana in this strip. But it is legal in California, and one look at Wilbur’s eyes confirms that he is celebrating 4/20. MissScarlett
Thunderheels? No. Apparently, everyone else is more polite than me. Today's strip aggravated me to no end. Enough, Auntie June. Enough. It might have been funny for one day but you need to let it go!
Imagining the meeting between KM and JB re: illustrating this plot. "I think Zak needs to look unpleasant." "There's a new 'Planet of the Apes' film coming out this summer. How about referencing that with Zak?" "Perfect! I can probably get the studio to kick me some residuals for inserting the ape image! I'd like Wilbur to look like a superhero though. Can you do that?" "Only if I get to draw him in a superhero costume at karaoke..."
Fast food powerhouse McDonald’s has served a restraining order on a Santa Royale man who is said to have unlawfully used the McDonald’s logo on his undershirt.
Here’s a statement from McDonald’s headquarters: “It has come to our attention that Mr. Milbur Meston has misused our intellectual property on his clothing, thereby creating confusion….What? Weston? …Never mind.”
OK, ok, we get it. Wilbur has no clue that being polite, conscientious, kind, considerate, helpful and sober are the real qualities of heroes. But Wilbur does have a lot of experience with hero sandwiches.
I suppose tomorrow we'll see that same kid, who's chased after a new ball that's bounced into the deep end of a pond. The kid can't swim and is sinking beneath the surface, waving frantically for help. Once again, Wilbur won't notice the kid as he's managed to trip on the laces of his sneakers and has fallen backwards into the same pond. Fortunately for the kid, this causes enough water displacement that now the water only comes up to the kid's knees.
2,595 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 2595 Newer› Newest»"Yes, tell me more about him, Mary. There's nothing I enjoy more than hearing you babble on and on about the love lives of complete strangers who I'll never meet or ever wish to. It helps me forget my own pathetic [air quotes]love life."
-- Scottie
Mary and Jeff meander through a field of yellow irises. Jeff wishes they were in the poppy field from Wizard of Oz, so they would both fall asleep and he won’t have to hear Mary droning on about Keith. Unfortunately for him, Mary is more powerful than all the witches and nothing can stop her.
By the way, are we done with Keith, Kitty, and Sonia? It feels like we’re done.
Oh, Mary's clairvoyance is showing. "...her daughter". Why did she state it that way? She was there when Sonia said Keith was her father. And she has not been told otherwise.
Cue the eerie music.
Maybe this will be Mary's Waterloo with Jeff.
Mary: Keith found true love accidentally.
Jeff: (Thinking): Hmm, maybe it is not too late for me.)
Mary: He was so alone and now he has a family.
Jeff: Later, Mary. I have a life to get on with.
@Thunderheels
Ha haaaa, you've hit on something!
After Jeff gets his hand slapped away during their tiptoe through the botanicals, he bursts into a Stevie Wonder classic:
Yester-you /
Yester-me /
Yesterday!!!
-- Scottie
P.S. @fauxprof
I hear ya, but that's what I thought last week.
Darn it, we got the poppies, but they’re still awake and talking. (I looked up images of California Poppies, and they seem to be brightly colored for the most part. But there are no bright colors in the Worthiverse, and the hope of getting out of the Keith storyline grows dimmer, too.)
This is making me want to barf. It really is a shame these aren't the same kind of poppies as found in Oz.
Keith doesn't even seem to like Sonia. He just wants her mother. He clearly has a serious disdain for her vegan diet and environmentalism.
California poppies are orange, darn it!! And very bright!!
I swear, Jeff is so desperate to get laid he is talking about Keith. Move on or move over.
Harsh conditions, huh? That's what KM has been subjecting us to for way, WAY to many weeks.
I've been wondering why there are never any other people around when Mary and Jeff are on their excursions. It occurred to me today that normal people flee when they catch sight of them -- AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The Scene:
Santa Royale Municipal Arena/Minor League soccer stadium. Searchlights sweep the sky, the Charterstone Limping Band plays Bohemian Rhapsody- Dr. Jeff, Dr. Jeff, will she do the Fandango? OMG, No, she never will do it.
A lithe, slender figure wearing lavender satin strolls imperiously through the crowd, and…
Mary Worth unlocks the door to the Charterstone meeting room…, turns on the lights, and the residents shuffle in and sit down on metal folding chairs.
A strange man enters with a beautiful woman, each one carrying a cardboard case on a shoulder.
Mary (in a haughty tone): l’m sorry, sir, this room is for the exclusive use of the Charterstone Board of Directors. You’ll have to leave.
George Clooney: Chill out, Mary, I’m just delivering the two cases of Casamigos Tequila that some old dude with a phony Scottish accent ordered. Amal and I will be in the back room mixing up Margaritas for you all.
Mary: Sputter..sputter..well, hold the noise down, you two.
Ian: Okay, lad, me an’ my guid wife will have two double margaritas as quick as ye can!
George: Sure, Pops, hold on to your dirk, I’ll serve ye up in a Glasgow minute…..Here ye go!
Ian: Laddie, did ye not hear me? Two double margaritas for each of us! And don’t stint with th’ tequila!
Mary: Will the meeting please come to order. We are here to help our new friend Scott Hillend, and now we’ll have a lightning round of-
Attendees: WHO’S YER DADDY?
Mary: The names in the first round are Prince Harry, Conan O’Brien, Carrot Top, and Ed Sheeran. Does anyone have anything to say before we start?
Aye, ah’ll have another! Me, too. Hey, I didn’t even get the first one! Me, either- do you have any bourbon. How about a Heinekin? Do you have any elderberry wine? Seven and seven? Tom and Jerry? Rum and Coke? Old Fashioned?
Clooney and Amal reappear from the kitchenette. George’s face is bright red, and Amal pulls him out of the room before he says what he’s thinking.
Mary: We’ll, he doesn’t seem very nice.
Let’s have a quick voice vote, and then Saul can slowly mix some more margaritas.
HARRYCONANCARROTOPED…KEITH?
Okay, it’s Keith, let’s party!
Galileo, Galileo, Figaro, Magnifico.
And so our saga of Keith Hillend and his faux family built on deceit concludes in a volcanic eruption of insipid platitudes. And the surrounding flora and fauna wither and die from the vapidity of it all.
-- Scottie
Meg, whatever you are drinking, I want some.
I can't believe that the story will end like this. We've got football references, birds, clans and cards. If KM put in any more similes we'll have to see them tomorrow.
GAAAAAA, it won't go away!
-- Scottie
P.S. "What do you mean WE?"
"Then why not end this talk of Hillend?"
Quoth the muffin, "nevermore".
OH NOOOO! KM’s still tap dancing for time - augh.
“Keith put his heart on hold because of dedication to his career”? Gag. Mary’s been overdosing on romance novels again. BTW, was Keith’s fling with Kitty an isolated incident?
“Botanic garden” makes my teeth hurt. Why not “botanical garden”?
What if there was a small, isolated earthquake? Just enough to open up a chasm directly under Mary and snap closed again. No flowers or cherry trees need to be harmed, and Jeff can just walk on, only noticing the sudden, blissful silence.
Hands up! Who thinks Jeff is really wondering if he misses his sex life?
🙋
A little too fine a point there, Jeff, with your wondering if Keith misses his "work life" right after hearing Mary mention that you both had love in YOUR lives BEFORE meeting one another. Don't get your hopes up for romance, buddy, despite the presence of those hope-inspiring California poppies.
As she does with everything, Mary drains all the life and color from the flowers.
So how exactly does Mary KNOW Keith keeps busy with his family unless she's using those binoculars left at SRCC by Ian's stalker, whose name I can't remember? For her part, she's clearly so busy making up a storyline for her neighbor, she doesn't have time to stop and smell the flowers in front of her. I think Mary's crying for help...
My goal is to live through this story line.
All this and the Bum Boat too? Come on KM - this story is over.
The Bum Boat. What a surprise! Time for the salmon entree, with a mixing bowl full of kale, a tiny fork, and much more talk of Keith.
The only way this dreck can improve is for Mary and Jeff to find Keith dining at the Bum Boat. He's sitting with a blonde and a brunette, drinking root beer floats.
"Hey, Mary! Great seeing you! You're not going to believe this, but let me introduce Ashlee and Shauna, Sonia's long-lost sisters! What are the chances, huh? Triplets!"
Jeff immediately recognizes Shauna and heads out through the kitchen.
Yeah! The Bum Boat! Can the end be far behind? Behind....Bum....never mind.
Bum Boats are good.
She called him "Dear"! That's the most affection I can remember her ever showing him. What a hussy.
-- Scottie
Ah, to live in the Worthiverse, where relationship issues are never deeply examined and people behave as if they are Barbie dolls, well, before the Barbies got enlightenment in the real world...
At first I was kinda worried if Jeff could see out of those windows. Something seems to be wrong with the glass. Then I noticed that he doesn't have a license plate. Humph! The Santa Royale police will have something to say about that.
It's nice that you never have to make reservations at the Bum Boat, isn't it? They always have a table for Mary and Jeff. Of course, Barbie dolls don't actually eat much, do they?
"We're both hungry for your always excellent fare!"
"I am glad that you experience enjoyment consuming the foodstuffs that we prepare for sale here."
"Yes, we do find most satisfactory sustenance in our exchange of monetary assets for the products and services you provide."
Yeccch.
-- Scottie
Mary's thinking "How can I insert Keith into this conversation".
Wait! Is that Jerry from Jerry’s Sandwich Shop? I guess he got tired of waiting for Tommy to clean up the mess in the restroom, locked the place up and bought the Bum Boat. I wonder what the restroom situation is like.
(Or I may be misrembering everything, because that plot line was several centuries ago in Worthiverse time.)
Today I realized something I have probably always known but repressed because the implications were too horrible. Mary controls time. The Mary-Jeff exchange of pleasantries and platitudes now seems to me to have been going on for months if not years. A small part of me, where there is still a glimmer of light, knows it’s really only been six or seven weeks, but even that is fading. Even as I write, I can no longer remember the beginning. And once you enter the Bum Boat, time ceases to exist at all.
And of course because Mary controls time, this means she can not be human. Possibly an extraterrestrial, but the chances of that seem so remote, that I’m guessing she’s a demon from the times of ancient Sumerian trying to make amends but still not quite getting how that works.
Meant Sumeria, not Sumerian. Could also have been from the times of the Akkadian empire, but nothing to do with Wisconsin.
Jerry looks like a double for Chef Boyardee. Does the Bum Boat serve Italian sea food? Squid linguine? Frito Misto? Spaghetti alle Vongole? We have only ever seen salmon and surf and turf.
And they do have their own table! Or maybe no one else ever eats there.
This has been the LONGEST week, and it’s continuing.
I also wondered if Jerry is the former proprietor of Jerry’s Sandwich Shop. That was eons ago. Maybe Jerry gave up on that and hired on as the maitre d’ of the Bum Boat, a position that takes very little skill.
KitKat:
Now that you have unkindly insulted the professionalism of members of the MD’ATSTOA*, just try getting a good table at your local Olive Garden! Those guys (and women) have looong memories. Enjoy your men’s room adjacent two-top…and your single crouton salad.
*Maitre d’s and table showers to of America
Hey! Wanna know who minds how predictable you are? Me! That's who!
Wow, Jerry has really gone all out with renovating the Bum Boat! I have to admit it does look a lot swankier with the huge plate glass windows everywhere (tastefully interspersed with pictures of the huge plate glass windows). Didn’t it use to be all shiplap and taxidermy fish? With the amount of surf & turf Jeff churns through I guess they can certainly afford Zaha Hadid’s retainer.
What is that? A tofu hotdog? A pink stick of butter? But we all know how much Mary enjoys eating spinach on a tiny fork. She's so excited she can't even look at Jeff. And Jeff is so excited by all the nature that he can't eat at all. If Norman Lear had given us any of these 'pleasures' we would have turned off the TV.
It’s obvious that Jeff’s dialog is being created by AI. “I was more delighted by the Botanic Garden today than I expected”, said no one ever. Next week, the Coneheads come to visit and Jeff and Beldar enjoy a bromance.
Another week with Mary and Jeff? The only excitement will be anticipating if Jerry brings one fork or two.
@meg, I meant no insult to the fine members of the MD’ATSTOA. I was just commenting on the Bum Boat. The past weeks have taken a toll on my snark ability.
@meg, you’re on to something here. Perhaps all the dialog is being created by AI.
Oh my g.... Can Moy drag this out any longer? What are we waiting for? One fork or two? Followed by a walk on the pier? Maybe they will be attacked? We can always hope.
Isn't it standard practice to read the dialogue balloons from left to right? Because it seems Dr Jeff says "great as always" before Jerry even has a chance to ask them how their meal was which seems kinda rude.
Panel 1: The way Mary’s grasping her teeny fork indicates she’s preparing to stab someone or something. Maybe Jeff? That would be exciting AND discomforting.
"It's comforting and exciting to be with you. I'm a lucky lady."
"So, do you think tonight we could finally . . . "
"No, Jeff. Let's not spoil it."
-- Scottie
it would appear that Jeff is really just "Ken" and has no clue how humans are supposed to behave. Mary is definitely grateful for that.
…and it’s only Wednesday. While we’re all being held hostage by KM’s abysmal writing, shall we discuss other things? Easter plans , anyone? How’s your Spring coming? It’s snowing here in NE Ohio. See, I can write boring dialog, too, and KitKat will testify that I can draw cartoons. I’ll go lie down, now.
Good suggestion fauxprof. We are going to a Nowrus party on Saturday (new years) hosted by my Persian d-i-l. Will be lots of fun. Nothing crazy of course, but 40 relatives and friends, there is bound to be something of interest.
Was that better than today's strip? Well, it was for me!
Great idea fauxprof,
I am going to have to get my lawn mower ready and mow this weekend.
Later I may take a nap.
@fauxprof
I went to the store today to get some battered cod, but they were all out. So I looked for some perch, but they didn't have that either. Luckily, they did have some tilapia, and so I got that, although I don't like tilapia as much. I also got some rice and cole slaw to go with it. It's not the real creamy kind of cole slaw, it's more zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
-- Scottie
I went to the pharmacy today to pick up a prescription. When I got back to my car, some jerk had parked his pickup truck too close to me and I could barely get in. Let's see you top that, Karen Moy!
What news is Mary watching?
Are we having fun yet?
I confirm wholeheartedly that @fauxprof is a talented cartoon artist, with a special affinity for animals. Her animals are appealing, unlike the creepy one-eyed cats and slobbering French bulldogs in MW.
Today: So sharing that piece of pie with Jeff has Mary ready to upchuck. Isn't that hilarious? And there's Jeff helping Mary into her purple shroud. It's always a laugh a minute with these two!
My garlic crop here in St Louis is really starting to kick off after its long winter rest!
If Gandhi and Desmond Tutu were still with us, I truly believe that they would band together to throw these two sanctimonious cretins off that footbridge, to heck with passive resistance!
Mary and Jeff were startled when Gandhi attacked them. But when the Archbishop gave them the bum’s rush, Mary sputtered, “Et tu, Tutu?”
(I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.)
June, you need to light a fire under Karen. This tedious pap is killing trillions of our brain cells.
-- Scottie
@meg, for the win!
fauxprof: Mother Teresa would have kicked their sorry duffs right off the boardwalk, too.
I'm losing hope. It's so bad I'm starting to miss Wilbur.
Miss Scarlett,
Don't lose hope. After every darkness is a dawn. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Keep your face toward the sun and shadows will fall behind you. What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
I am so sorry everyone, I slipped into the Mary zone. (Sort of like the Twilight Zone, but infinitely boring)
Gertrude Ederle? I guess, who am I to argue with Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, or whatever source KM culls her inspiration from.
However, I could have sworn that was a Bette Davis line from “Now Voyager”, one of my all-time favorite movies.
Gertrude Ederle was the first woman to swim across the English Channel. Gonna go out on a limb here and guess that she was way more interested in reaching her next stroke than the moon.
Now Bette Davis; there's someone I can see reaching for stars.
The two quotation slam idiots are still babbling and we haven't had a plot point in two weeks. Did KM go on spring break?
Jeff: I wonder if it's true that emergency responders are busier during a full moon.
Mary: How would I know? Maybe you could ask someone who works at a hospital. Oh, right.
I got no snark left. Tomorrow morning I expect we’ll see two blank panels with the message “the comic strip you are trying to reach is no longer in service”,
Or Wilbur will be back. Pretty much the same thing.
Bring on the Kracken!
You people called it - it’s Wilbur and Dawn, and what threatens to be another family story. Excuse me while I slam my head against the table.
Note that Wilbur clarifies it’s DAWN’S mother.
[Groan. It's them again.]
"Your mother? What did she say?"
"She wanted to know if you're still a loser tub of goo. I told her 'yes.' She laughed."
-- Scottie
I guess we all knew it was coming. Weirdly, though, I thought Dawn's mother had died some time ago. Does anyone else remember that?
Miss Scarlett- I seem to recall the demise of the former Mrs. Weston as well.
However- as a long time Nutmegger, I am thrilled to welcome Dawn back to the state! Dawn, here are a few things you need to know:
Most of the middle-aged men dress just like Wilbur- sweatshirt over tee shirt.
Hot dog buns open from the top, not the side. Cheeseburgers are steamed.
A college ‘teacher’ named Geno Auriemma is a minor deity.
If you live west of the Connecticut River, you root for the New York Yankees; east of the river, the Boston Red Sox are your team.
We eat our lobster rolls (on the aforementioned hot dog buns) cold, with mayonnaise.
Let me know if you need any more information.
Meg ( nut)
Will we follow Dawn to Connecticut, or is this just a way to disappear her permanently? Maybe she’ll continue her educational journey while she’s there. Does Yale take walk-ins?
Incidentally, I had to read the dialog twice before it started to make sense to me. I really think that KM is using AI.
fauxprof,
After your suggestion about AI, I went to ChatGPT and asked for a ten-line dialog in the style of Mary Worth. Please forgive me one and all:
Panel 1:
Character 1: Good morning, Mary. How are you today?
Mary Worth: Oh, I'm just fine, dear. And yourself?
Panel 2:
Character 2: Morning, ladies. What's the buzz?
Mary Worth: Oh, nothing much, just the usual small town chatter.
Panel 3:
Character 1: Did you hear about Mrs. Johnson's cat getting stuck up a tree again?
Mary Worth: My, that feline certainly has a knack for drama.
Panel 4:
Character 2: Speaking of drama, did you see Mr. Thompson's new sports car?
Mary Worth: Yes, quite the spectacle. But does he really need it at his age?
Panel 5:
Character 1: I must say, I'm rather fond of it.
Mary Worth: Oh, Helen, always the one with a soft spot for shiny things.
Panel 6:
Character 2: Well, I heard the Petersons are selling their house.
Mary Worth: Really? That's quite unexpected.
Panel 7:
Character 1: Yes, they mentioned wanting a change of scenery.
Mary Worth: Change can be refreshing, indeed.
Panel 8:
Character 2: I wonder who'll move in next?
Mary Worth: Only time will tell, my dears. Only time will tell.
Panel 9:
Character 1: Oh, look at the time. I must be off.
Mary Worth: Until next time, dear.
Panel 10:
Character 2: Farewell, Mary. Take care.
Mary Worth: You too, Helen. And remember, keep an eye out for each other.
Well, I guess Meg and I are the only ones, since KM has decided the former wife of Wilbur isn't dead. The Comics Curmudgeon kindly posted a history of Wilbur. Read it if you dare.
https://joshreads.com/2022/08/wilbur-origins/
Looking at the picture of the lovely and pearls -wearing former Mrs. Weston, I couldn’t help thinking Why would a woman who looks like Grace Kelly marry a man who looks like Wilbur? Then I thought, wait a minute, Grace Kelly DID marry a man who looks like Wilbur!
Why does Wilbur put some of the books in his bookshelf upside down? And what on earth is that picture on the wall?
Meanwhile, Dawn falls in love with one of Mary's GigantoMuffins.
-- Scottie
Well, Scottie, how sure are we of Wilbur's reading skills?
And Meg, if Wilbur was a real, live king....even then it's tough to imagine.
Meanwhile, sounds like Wilbur will....miss her? The question is, will we get to follow Dawn to the Nutmeg state (fingers crossed) or stay with Wilbur in muffin land?
My sincere apologies to Grace, Rainier, and all the Grimaldis. Looking back at old pictures, I see than Rainier was both handsome and dashing when Grace married him. My teenaged memory had him pegged as a stout and stuffy geezer!
Three whole days and Wilbur has done nothing egregiously awful. Well, looking at his combover is disturbing, but I guess we can get used to that again.
I don't know @fauxprof. Maybe. But meanwhile, we still crawl in the slow lane. It's been 3 days of Dawn visiting her mother. OK, OK, we get it. Muffin eaten.
So, I'm AWOL with COVID (and assorted other acronyms) for awhile, and when I get back, here's Wilbur. Still puzzling over JB's choice to illustrate Dawn eating, not only a muffin, but apparently the muffin wrapper.. Ick. Perhaps the thought of visiting her mother in the Nutmeg State has her thinking "muffins", and how handy that her dealer (Mary Worth) has supplied her with a stash. Are these people EVER without muffins? And will Dawn gossip with her mom over Wilbur's swan dive off a cruise ship in an effort to win a new Mrs. Weston? Looking forward to it!
Note that Dawn is assiduously avoiding eye contact. What's she not telling him?
-- Scottie
Dawn’s mother had a heart transplant?Ah, that explains it.
What about that dorkie boyfriend of Dawn's who drives the junker car, ol' what's his face? Maybe he'll join her.
At this rate, Dawn is going to be well into middle age or beyond by the time she finishes her degree.
Wilbur thought balloon: "Aaaah, now I can sit around in my underwear all night drinking purple scotch and watching rasslin'!"
-- Scottie
Meanwhile, Dawn’s mom prepares to meet her at the airport with a big can of root beer and a 23andme DNA collection kit tucked into her purse.
I'm hoping that Dawn's mother will not have aged at all well. She's now approximately the same weight as Wilbur, wears a really bad wig, and a bottle of purple scotch is sticking out of her handbag. Of course, this is probably another "get rid of Dawn" story so that we can focus on Wilbur, and we'll never even see Dawn's mother.
Yeah, @hmmmm, I'm kinda worried about that too. I don't think we are going to nutmeg land after all. I think we are gonna spend more time mired in Santa Royale. This has crawled along so slowly that I'm feeling little hope for a perky, fun story. Maybe Wilbur could do a swan dive off the roof into the pool? That would be fun. Remember when Mary rescued (?) that tummy-brained kid?
Good idea, Dawn. Maybe everybody should get out of town. Toby and Ian, Iris and Zak, Keith and his “family”, Mr. Allora, Dr. Jeff (especially poor Dr. Jeff). Just let it be the Mary and Wilbur show, muffins and scotch for all!
Wait a minute! I thought Dawn didn't even like Jared. He liked her (and his Star Wars figures). But by all means, go Dawn, go now, quickly please.
Dawn and Wilbur pull each other close and engage in the loving left-shoulder-to-left-shoulder hug. [*sniff* it's so touching]
-- Scottie
Maybe while she’s gone, Dawn will let her hair grow out, or get it restyled…doesn’t matter, we’ll probably never see her again.
Today's strip is an exact copy of the Monday strip. I can't believe Moy and Brigman get paid for this stuff.
Wow, Miss Scarlet, you're right. I don't remember KM repeating a strip so exactly , with even the same dialogue and within a week of the original appearing. Sloppy. I'll say one thing for JBB, though. She does a good job of drawing overweight, balding dads. I wonder if she used to draw ads for "separates" on sale for Sears.
MissScarlet and LouiseF - Today's strip was accidentally first posted on the 25th. Someone over at Comics Kingdom noticed last Monday that the strip was dated 3/30 instead of 3/25. Oops...
"Temporarily" for a year, hmmm? Have Dawn and Mother had any contact over the past decade? Alarm bells are ringing, plus just wait until Dawn discovers she has two stepsisters - yikes.
Joshreads has the correct Monday strip on the site in his Monday post.
How long is a year in Worthiverse time? 10? 25? A century? Or maybe a couple of weeks or thirty seconds. To quote Douglas Adams, time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
I'm a little surprised that Dawn is leaving the strip...but also still hopeful that maybe we will follow her to Connecticut and far, far way from Mary's muffins.
I wonder what the 3/25 strip was supposed to be. I doubt that we lost much, but it would be kind of interesting to know.
@fauxprof, for me, time in the Worthiverse is directly related to the character being spotlit. Wilbur and Jared are the worst (the longest); while Toby is always good for a laugh.
Is anyone surprised that this week opens with Wilbur? KM always goes for the boring option. In soap-opera fashion, maybe some day Dawn will return ten years older, newly single after a split from her ex, with a bratty child in tow.
Oh, dear, Wilbur is in “poor, poor, pitiful me” mode, which usually leads to destructive behavior on his part. Wait, that has the potential for being interesting!
Well, lets all hang on tight for another adventure into Wilbur's Wonderland. Today Wilbur seems bored. Perhaps it's time for karaoke? Or peeping into windows? Or maybe it's time to fall off the wagon? Never a dull moment with Wilbur, am I right?
Just as we feared, we are about to enter the Disappointing Denouement Zone. We will never see Dawn’s impeccably decaying mother, demanding that Dawn light her Pall Malls for her and mix her favorite “little drinky poo, a Scotch and Gin highball” (Connecticut-style, a triple with a twist), while elucidating Wilbur’s faults from 30 years ago.
We will never see Dawn’s vain attempts to guilt Maman over her neglect. We’ll never see any Connecticut houses or scenery, nor meet crusty old sea captains, or Yale professors, or casino-owning Native Americans. No yummy New England cooking like whipped turnips with carrots, or mashed potato pizza, or, er… other kinds of pizza.
What we will see is Wilbur, meeting another uninteresting woman who lives at Charterstone with her talking Mynah bird and her mother. (Stifles sob). Oh, I thought this time would be different, but once against Moy has moved the football.
I gotta give June credit -- that's a pretty good water distortion.
But for us to expect that the original Stellan and Willa are still alive is a bridge too far. I'm betting this is the 15th or 20th pair of S&W that Wilbur has sentenced to the Tank of Death. He's got a Gold Rewards Card down at the pet store.
-- Scottie
I’d forgotten about the stupid fish. But I did enjoy the image of water-wobbly-Wilbur. Nice one, June!
Unbeknownst to Wilbur, Stellan and Willa have been plotting Wilbur's demise for months now. All they are waiting for is the arsenic laced mayo (special order- Piranha-Amazon.com) and then it's just a matter of time.
And that very evening, Wilbur found his drunken self on stage at STARS Karaoke establishment, singing his heart out about his true love….
“Swim, little fishes, swim if you can,
And they swam and they swam right over the dam…
Boop boop dit dem dat tum what-dem, Chu!”
Karaoke scat singing is a rare art, but Wilbur was up for the challenge.
And the challenge was finding a way home after the bouncer retained his car keys.
On a good note, those two fish have more personality than Dawn.
Therapist Mary appears in this new “plot” in record time. Wilbur couldn’t even go a week before consulting her about his empty nest?
The zucchini quiche has been cooling on the counter for five hours. It’s also eighteen inches wide and a nausea-inducing shade of green — yuck.
Guess the fish weren't all that interested in what Wilbur had to say after all.
Well, at least it's not muffins.
Somebody better find Wanders' recycling bin. Yesterday's wobbly, waterlogged Wilbur and today's tiny salad fork panels were both recycled from the last time he and Estelle split up. I think June finally quit.
Ah, Wilbur, how easy you make it for us to despise you. Let the pity party begin.
We’ll see whether, “we’ll see.”
I didn't realize Mary went to the trouble of coordinating her clothing, chairs and vases. Wow! She's quite the decorator.
Karaoke. What could possibly go wrong?
I find it odd that people who have been living in the grey netherworld of the Worthiverse, never-never-seen-again-land, are getting mentioned. First, Dawn’s mother, and now Adrian and her husband. I sense a disturbance in the Force.
"But Mary! You KNOW I need a designated driver! Maybe you and Jeff could pick me up after you're done visiting? I'll be there until closing time. Unless they kick me out again. Tell you what -- I'll call you around 1:30 to see if you can make it."
-- Scottie
I doubt seriously that Mary has plans with Jeff to see people we haven't heard from in years. But on the other hand, I don't blame Mary for wanting to get out of Karaoke with Wilbur either.
Maybe we should call the police now and give them a little heads up. Wilbur "pulling in the ladies" is a class one misdemeanor, at least.
Later that evening, this swinging bachelor is arrested for solicitation.
-- Scottie
After the tedium of Keith, I’m kinda looking forward to whatever cringey disaster Wilbur is about to unleash.
That's not going to be a crowded room much longer with Wilbur in there singing.
I think he's starting to sing "I Will Survive". That song has nothing to do with Eric Carmen. And really, nothing to do with Wilbur either. Personal strength has never been his forte. Now sandwiches, however...
"Bawl by myself /
That's what I do . . .
-- Scottie
Boffo zinger today, Scottie! That sums up Wilbur to a T.
Mary didn’t mention Adrian’s children, just her husband. In her haste to come up with an excuse, maybe she forgot the kiddos. Then again, maybe KM forgot about them. It’s been years, after all.
"Wow...he's pretty good" said no one ever.
@KitKat, I forgot about them too!
Dear Dr. Ed Harding:
Please be advised that you are in violation of one of the DVoA’s most stringent regulations and will be subject to de-memberment upon any further violation.
Reg. A 12.6
“No vet may appear in public looking like an undignified doofus.”
Bob Hugdawg, DVM
President, Dignified Veterinarians of America
PS Can’t…stop…laughing…hawhawhawhahaha.
Estelle has a new boyfriend? Who is that?
For crying out loud, pets in a baby stroller????? A new low.
But perhaps it's excusable, because Dr. Harding looks like he's so jacked up on Thorazine that he doesn't know where the hell he is or what the hell he's doing.
-- Scottie
Scottie - I actually have seen small dogs riding in a baby stroller before but a cat in a forward-facing baby carrier? Um... I think it's June who's on Thorazine or perhaps worse.
June has outdone herself! Probably the instructions from KM said “Wilbur runs into Estelle and her boyfriend”, but our June decided to take it to the most ridiculous place possible.
Panel of the Century?
At the last panel, I let out a laugh, and off it went far over the horizon, perhaps never to be heard from again when visiting the Worthiverse.
Wilbur, I have a suggestion. Take a good look at ‘Stell and her posse, burst out laughing and continue to guffaw and snort as you gesture toward them. You’ll feel much better and they’ll feel much worse. With any luck, everyone in the vicinity will be laughing at them. No, wait, don’t do that. All five of them might show up at the karaoke bar some evening just as you’re singing a few choruses of Who let the dogs out.
@Meg. Totally agree. Panel of the century!
MissScarlet
I realize that the takeaway here is for Estelle to throw into Wilbur's face, the fact that SHE now has this lovely family. However, the sight of Estelle and Ed parading their furry children down the street would make me sigh in huge relief, realizing that I'd just dodged a very big bullet. Although I wouldn't mind if tomorrow, we see Wilbur's thought balloon in which he's toting Dawn around on his chest in a Baby Bjorn carrier.
OK, that’s one-eyed Libby in the baby bjorn, and Pierre the French bulldog in the pram. Someone refresh my memory on the little white critter, presumably belonging to Ed. Dog or cat? Does it do yoga? (Obviously, I find the animals far more interesting than the people.)
@fauxprof, I think the cat in the pram is Ed’s cat, Odin (if memory serves me right).
I’ve seen pet strollers, but never a front-facing carrier like the one Estelle is wearing. Good grief! If Estelle trips and falls forward, it will not be pretty.
“Boyfriend”?? Ed’s way too old to be called a boy, and Estelle left her girlhood in the 20th century.
Coming soon: Wilbur appears with a tank containing Stellan and Willa strapped to his belly.
@KitKat -- a fish tank strapped to his belly! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Excellent!
Estelle slides the knife cleanly between Wilbur's ribs, and then give it a few firm twists.
I've got a feeling that Wilbur is going on a bender tonight.
-- Scottie
OMG..even the purple people are laughing. This is so very sad.
I did used to respect Estelle, but that ship has sailed, and as for Dr. Ed, I hope they have a support group for Those Who Cannot Comprehend that Animals (especially cats) Get NOTHING from so-called "Outings".
I would like to see Wilbur with a pot-bellied pig in a backpack….or a duck-billed platypus strapped to his front. And maybe an eagle perched on his head.
Why is Estelle asking for trouble? Does she have a memory problem? And poor Dr. Ed seems to be emulating his patients by becoming mute.
Miss Scarlett
Ugh, more Wilbur drama on the horizon. Why did Estelle have to open her big mouth? She can't possibly be interested in spending time with Wilbur, regardless of how big a dud of a boyfriend Ed may be. Maybe she just likes to torture him.
And why is Wilbur accepting?
This story is starting to shape up as worse than I imagined it would be, which is saying something.
-- Scottie
I would like to think Estelle is being polite and Wilbur is saying, "Sure" to reciprocate. However, I see a long, disastrous trip to the Karaoke bar.
Perhaps Mary will show up just in time to stuff muffins in everyone's mouth staving off Wilbur or Estelle singing.
Guessing Estelle's invitation is to show off her happiness so she can rub Wilbur's face in it, I'm fully supportive if that's her intention.
I love the look on Pierre's face.
Tonight, at Klub Karaoke, Wilbur sings Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me.
And every dog in town will howl,
And every woman cry,
And every man will think,
I wish this guy would die.
There are so many reasons to despise Wilbur, not the least of which is his insistence on being a one-man pity party.
Hero veterinarian? Wilbur, after her experience with you, she would pick a carnival sideshow attraction over you.
-- Scottie
Could “hero veterinarian” be foreshadowing a calamity at Charterstone? And Wilbur will have to rush into the building to rescue Libby, Pierre, and Odin, while the hero and Estelle are too whacked out on ketamine to save their animals? Or am I once again succumbing to the lure of false hopes? (Don’t answer that, please).
Next up: Wilbur spies a SALE on superhero capes in a nearby store and has to parachute out of Charterstone with Estelle's pets due to a fire set off by "Hero Veterinarian" Ed burning some toast...
Wilbur’s heroism is finally on full display (I wonder what Joseph Campbell would have to say about these story arcs?)
I guess I could be down for another painfully humiliating sing-off with Stell and Ed, but it appears Wilbur had found his calling in jostling kids onto the pavement and perhaps interviewing them later about how he saved their life (that coulda been me!)
"That coulda been me" said no kid ever. More like "That jerk made my ball get smooshed."
Wilbur, the reluctant, unknowing, unaware “hero”. Is that even a thing?
MissScarlett
If this happened anywhere other than the Worthiverse, at least 27 people would have filmed and uploaded the incident to social media within seconds. The kid is likely savvy enough to be rolling around on the sidewalk, screaming in "pain" so several of those witnesses would have dialed 9-1-1. Attorneys hired by the kid's parents could easily track down Wilbur through the pet store because he's carrying one of their boutique shopping bags with their logo and phone number on the side. But yeah, this IS the Worthiverse, so... yeah. Wilbur's a hero.
Oh for Pete's sake! That kid looks like he and his bouncy ball stepped out of 1957. His name is likely Jimmy, Billy, Tommy, or Joey. All that's missing is a pair of lace-up PF Flyers. A rift in the space-time continuum? June venturing into the past in the Wayback Machine?
"SPLOOF," said no destroyed ball ever.
-- Scottie
Mopey dopey. That’s our Wilbur.
Moy evidently wants us to believe that being in the way when a kid accidentally runs into you is somehow heroic.
Man, the drivel never ends, does it?
-- Scottie
Ah, but what we won't see until tomorrow is that Estelle and Dr. Ed had just stepped out of the pet store and witnessed the entire incident! Estelle will drop her shopping bag, toss Libby to Ed, and barrel down the street to embrace Wilbur, sobbing and telling him that he's her hero! Catching up, Ed will say something to the effect of "For crying out loud, Stell. It's only a stupid kid. It's not like Wilbur saved a Pomeranian!" And... before we know it, Estelle and Wilbur are back together.
I suppose it's too much to hope that Wilbur has walked his way to Connecticut.
Well, he must have spotted Iris. What will it be?
Will she be crying while moving back to Charterstone because she and Zak have broken up? Hope not.
Will she be lovingly locked arm-in-arm with Zak and giggling like a schoolgirl? Hope so.
-- Scottie
I apologize, KM! I was so wrong! Bring back Keith, please.
I’m sure it’s too much to ask that it would be his ex-wife? Dawn wants to show her Santa Royale. That could be fun.
But it’s Dawn’s exes! Jared, Hugo, and Dave walk toward Wilbur, singing a little number from the Wizard of Oz…
A brain…a heart…the nerve…
Wilbur at Karaoke doing "We Don't Need Another Hero"... Apologies to Tina Turner.
Sure Zak is built like a super hero, but can he elbow a kid to the ground without even knowing it?
@MissScarlet, you win the interwebs today with your comment!
Tomorrow, Iris and Zak prevail on Wilbur to join them on a side excursion to Piccadee Falls, where things for Wilbur really go downhill.
Wilbur, maybe it’s time to go find that tiki bar near the beach you washed up on after your swan dive off the cruise ship.
Somebody please call me when Wilbur is finished with his bodybuilding. Don’t want to see him in a singlet.
Or a doublet.
Feeling body-shamed, Wilbur vows to get in shape and have a physique like Zak's.
The very next day, he signs up for a year-long membership in a health club and hits the gym. For the next three hours, he does multiple reps of crunches, squats, dead lifts, pull-ups, curls, pulls, and presses. He goes home exhausted but elated. That night he sleeps soundly.
The next morning he is so sore he is unable to move. He lays in bed like a beached whale and curses Zak.
He remains sore for the rest of the week. The gym won't give him his money back, so he eats pie. Lots of pie.
-- Scottie
These two are clearly no longer newlyweds. So much self-effacing. And Wilbur, quizzing them about their workout habits. Perhaps he is about to write a column on "Workout Habits of My Exes and their New Partners. I'd read that.
I kinda love Wilbur today!
@meg, I have to agree. June has really outdone herself with this amazing Planet of the Apes crossover!
Zack reveals his secret identity as Prime8 from the X-men’s seldom-mentioned farm team.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, only you can save us now! We must not be subjected to the coming plot line in which Wilbur frolics around in skimpy workout garments, building his body to superhero proportions, so that he can attract women.
Panel of the Year. Reminds me of Wanders.
I think that Moy and Brigham have gone completely over to the SnarkSide.
If people in the Worthiverse could just get in touch with their subconscious...
Brigman, that is.
Walter Mitty here tries to use his laser heat vision to pulverize Zak but succeeds only in giving himself a headache.
-- Scottie
I would never have thought that Moy would entertain marijuana in this strip. But it is legal in California, and one look at Wilbur’s eyes confirms that he is celebrating 4/20.
MissScarlett
June Brigman saves us again. <3
Do not bring Neil Gaiman into this mess! (He probably would not be insulted, but I take umbrage on his behalf!)
I am so sorry. Today's strip actually made me laugh. Is there any hope for me?
Thunderheels? No. Apparently, everyone else is more polite than me. Today's strip aggravated me to no end. Enough, Auntie June. Enough. It might have been funny for one day but you need to let it go!
Thanks for the reality check, hmmm.
Moy and Brigman love to be weird, don’t they?
Imagining the meeting between KM and JB re: illustrating this plot. "I think Zak needs to look unpleasant." "There's a new 'Planet of the Apes' film coming out this summer. How about referencing that with Zak?" "Perfect! I can probably get the studio to kick me some residuals for inserting the ape image! I'd like Wilbur to look like a superhero though. Can you do that?" "Only if I get to draw him in a superhero costume at karaoke..."
Fast food powerhouse McDonald’s has served a restraining order on a Santa Royale man who is said to have unlawfully used the McDonald’s logo on his undershirt.
Here’s a statement from McDonald’s headquarters: “It has come to our attention that Mr. Milbur Meston has misused our intellectual property on his clothing, thereby creating confusion….What? Weston? …Never mind.”
Zak's exercise routine evidently includes an unnatural contortion of his lower body. Looks painful.
-- Scottie
OK, ok, we get it. Wilbur has no clue that being polite, conscientious, kind, considerate, helpful and sober are the real qualities of heroes. But Wilbur does have a lot of experience with hero sandwiches.
I suppose tomorrow we'll see that same kid, who's chased after a new ball that's bounced into the deep end of a pond. The kid can't swim and is sinking beneath the surface, waving frantically for help. Once again, Wilbur won't notice the kid as he's managed to trip on the laces of his sneakers and has fallen backwards into the same pond. Fortunately for the kid, this causes enough water displacement that now the water only comes up to the kid's knees.
Wilbur soothes his depression with a visit to Mr. Hero, where he sits down and eats six Romanburgers.
-- Scottie
Post a Comment