The 2010 Worthy Awards

Yes, dear readers, it's time once again for the annual Worthy Awards. I'm pleased to announce that the Condo Board has done an excellent job of selecting this year's nominees just in time for Christmas, and now it is your turn to choose the winners! So make your selections before January 8, 2011. The awards ceremony will be held on January 10, 2011.

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Mary Worth 925

It's Christmas Eve, and I have a special DOUBLE FEATURE BONUS for you as a gift. Today, we get Jill's story... AND Mary's lecture!

Jill's Story
JILL: I’m going to tell you a story, Mary… and then YOU can tell ME what’s wrong with it! I warn you, though! It DOESN’T end with “Happily Ever After”!… Seven years ago, I was engaged just like Adrian!… I was high on a cloud with the man I loved! In my mind, Jordan and I were going to get married and live happily ever after!…

MARY: But that’s not what happened… was it?

JILL: Isn’t it something how things in life turn out differently than we expect?

MARY: So years ago you were engaged, but didn’t end up getting married?

JILL: Sadly, true… I still remember waiting in the church with all our guests in attendance…

MARY: Do you want something to eat?

JILL: I don’t need to! The coffee is helping… and SO ARE YOU! Seven years ago my wedding was scheduled for a day in December too! I waited for Jordan to show up. But he never did! My heart was broken and my dreams SHATTERED! I relive that awful day of waiting and then being disappointed over and over again! The events leading to Adrian and Scott’s wedding triggered bad memories for me… resulting in things I CAN’T CONTROL!

The end

That was an excellent story, but now why don't you take a little break, pour yourself a glass of eggnog, and come back for the sequel:


Mary's Lecture, No. 7,842
MARY: Jill, I’m sorry about what happened to you… but it’s unfair for Adrian to be affected by it! Especially now when she’s FINALLY found happiness. You’re traumatized by a disappointment that happened years ago, Jill… and it must be hard to process…

JILL: Hard? It was devastating being dumped by my fiance at the altar! I’ll NEVER get over it!

MARY: Adrian’s a good person… and after all she’s been through, she’s FINALLY found happiness! Why deny her that?… Because of what happened in your past? The past only exists by how you remember it! Why not keep what’s good for you and forget the rest? You can never really live in the present… if you’re dwelling in the past! Adrian’s found happiness and you will too… if you allow it in! Adrian asked you to be part of her wedding party because she didn’t want you to feel left out! Don’t pay her back with bad behavior on your part! She deserves better! What you went through was rough, but now it’s time to put it behind you!

JILL: I feel bad… and I’m so embarrassed! I need to make it up to Adrian!...

I love Mary's horrified skepticism and Jill's reckless look of determination in this panel. Well, Mary...this should teach you not to meddle. There's no way a psychopath like Jill won't make things completely worse by trying to make things up to Adrian. This should be the best wedding ever!

Mary Worth 924

I'm sorry, I've been so busy with Christmas preparations, that I really haven't had much time to blog about Jill or this strange old lady who has decided to lecture her. I wonder who she is?

Oh, and I've also been helping with the Condo Board's preparations for the 2010 Worthy Awards. The nominees will be announced Christmas Day, so get ready to vote for your favorites.

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Mary Worth 923

I'm still struggling with how a bride gets left at the altar... What kind of father walks his daughter down the aisle when there isn't a groom at the other end (as phoebes in santa fe asked yesterday). I completely blame the dad. I mean, even though Jill is the one with all the wedding planning experience and all, I would think her dad would at least have a little bit of common sense.

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Mary Worth 922

There, written in Bic ballpoint pen on Mr. Black's hand, it says very plainly, "Confirm groom has arrived, and THEN march Jill down the aisle."

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Mary Worth 921

Several thoughts on Jill's story so far...

• It looks like Jordan may have escaped from this disastrous situation just in the nick of time.

• Jill is still so drunk that she's started to suck her thumb... or she thinks she's still holding a bottle of booze.

• Mary's arms must have retracted into her chest. Otherwise, where are her elbows?

I still have no idea how this story got started...

JILL: My fiance left me stranded at the altar.
ADRIAN: So you have wedding planning experience...?

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My Compulsion to Help Others, revisited

To the anonymous poster who wanted to know more about Mary's compulsion to help others, perhaps the most-read entry on this blog is the compilation of Mary's entire story. It's a great read, and sure to get you excited as you anticipate where Jill's story may lead.

You can read the entire story here at Post 161.

And if you want to revisit Mary's story about her true love, here it is at Post 603.

And Lynn Griffin's Christmas Play, "Ice Castles" can be found at Post 397.

And Bonnie Johnson's thrilling story can be found at Post 741.

Mary Worth 920

This has been the best Christmas ever. Thank you Mary Worth. I thought Jill making a scene at the rehearsal dinner was as good as it could get, but now a story?! I love stories! Here are four of my favorites:

"Why Bonnie Compulsively Shops"

"The Man Who Got Away"
(or, "Why I Date Your Father")

"Why I Faint When I Skate"

"My Compulsion to Help Others"

Each a classic in its own right. Each a story I return to again and again. I'm sure "Why I Drink Heavily" will be every bit the classic we expect it to be.

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Mary Worth 919

Jill! We thought you'd driven off in a cab, but here you are, back where you belong: With us! And now Mary is going to help you sort this out. It's always best to help someone solve their life's problems while they're totally hammered.

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Mary Worth 918

That's right! Because this is a rehearsal dinner for those who can handle their liquor. What right does she have to show up if she can't manage a little booze? What kind of wedding would it be if the wedding party showed up without a hangover? Now someone get me another gin.

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Mary Worth 917

And with that, Adrian Corey restores order to the Worthiverse. The dinner show is over. Enjoy your meal. Bland is once again on the menu. Oh, and if any one else is thinking of walking out with a $74 bottle of wine, the bar is officially closed. Thank you for your attention.

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Mary Worth 916

As Jill squeaks out one last comment, Moy and Giella squeak out one last nominee for the 2010 Worthy Awards.

And after Maude's comment yesterday, we may need to create a new Worthy Award category: Post of the Year.

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Mary Worth 915

In her alcohol-fueled rage against the holiest of unions, Jill finds the strength of seven men, enough to easily withstand being forcefully removed by her assailants, Crippled Cop and Mr. Wobbly Knees, as she declares to the world that she isn't finished yet! Awesome! I for one look forward to this tirade continuing throughout the holiday season. Thank you Karen Moy for this delightful Christmas present.

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Mary Worth 914

While Scott and Jeff quietly escort the maid of honor out of the restaurant to drive herself home, I just want to recommend to everyone John Gary's Christmas Album. It's one of my all-time favorites, and very soothing after watching Jill make such a scene at the rehearsal dinner-slash-reception-slash-wedding.

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Mary Worth 913

And with one swift karate chop to Scott's throat, the marriage is off.

Unfortunately, for Jill, she's spilled her silver goblet and is going to have to suck the rest of her wine out of the table cloth.

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Mary Worth 912

I get a little chuckle from today's strip because this used to be one of Mrs. Wanders' catch phrases: "What a crock." But I asked her to stop. In my mind, there are too many scatological implications to the phrase. I can't help but picture a large crock pot, sitting on our kitchen counter... simmering... Oh, it's just too disgusting. I'm not chuckling anymore, Jill; I'm gagging. Thanks for ruining breakfast.

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Mary Worth 911

Say what you want: Jeff may have confused the rehearsal dinner with the reception; he may have confused the rehearsal dinner with the actual wedding; and he may have confused "father of the bride" with "best man" or even "minister." But he's the only one who figured out how to get Jill to stop drinking.

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Mary Worth 910

I worry about all the frat boys who read Mary Worth who may be misled by the medical staff at Mountview Hospital who seem absolutely convinced of the magical sobering properties of food. Normally, I'd stand by the expertise of such a distinguished team, and never dream of seeking a second opinion after being diagnosed by one of these fine doctors. However, I feel it is my ethical responsibility to clarify for the frat boys that in this case the Mountview Hospital staff do not know what they are talking about. Food does not sober you up.

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Mary Worth 909

I think Jeff is having trouble dealing with the fact that a young, attractive woman has thrown herself at him. It must have been all of her imbibing. Because otherwise it doesn't happen.

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Mary Worth 908

I hope that Adrian hasn't invited anyone else from the hospital to the rehearsal dinner. Especially anyone from human resources.

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Mary Worth 907

The name's Jill, Dr. Corey, and I'm an administrator at the hospital. Where you work. But you've never noticed me. Not once. After all the times I've stood up for you and your daughter (hic), you've continued to ignore me. But by Grabthar's hammer, you're going to notice me tonight!

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Mary Worth 906

Adrian may feel calm and happy, but Jill is still looking for that strange buzzy feeling, which she hopes to find in a second Long Island Iced Tea. After all, she's got two hands. It would be a shame for one not to have a drink in it.

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Mary Worth 905

A father and daughter marrying their significant others in one event? It sounds awesome! I mean, just saying such an awkward sentence makes everything else in the world seem intelligent and glorious. If only Jill would approve.

Wanders recommends: Classic Holiday Radio.com

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Mary Worth 904

I think all Jeff was trying to propose was that they see other people. Another desperate, failed attempt to escape the grasp of the puppet master.

Mary Worth 903

To quote Mary Worth: "!"

In fact, I'll even go so far as to say, "! !"

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Mary Worth 902

Nothing will delight me more than a watching Mary Worth and Jeff Corey dance for the next few weeks. I am not a huge fan of the dancing shows on television, "Dancing With the Stars," "So You Think You Can Dance," and the like. Basically, I don't think TV does justice to the art form. You lose so much of the beauty and immediacy of dance through the medium of television. But a comic strip? I can't think of a better venue for watching two old people practice dancing.

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Mary Worth 901

My knees? Well, the right one is fine, but ever since my bumbling daughter amputated my left leg, I've got a ghost itch that is driving me crazy.

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Mary Worth 900

I don't know if it counts for anything, but it certainly Accounts for a lot. I imagine it started with Jill approving all of Adrian's absences when she realized the hospital was better off the less Adrian was around.

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Mary Worth 899

I love when people use the phrase "with all due respect" to mean "you do not deserve my respect, so I'm going to say this now." And Mary Worth would be right to say it because Adrian is a moron. It's like her only defining character trait is that she's absolutely incapable of judging a person's character. Mary needs to dump that left over pasta on Adrian's head. It might wake her up, and at the very least it will cover that horrible case of ringworm on her scalp.

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Mary Worth 898

I pity the man that ever went through divorce proceedings with Jill.

Husband: Honey, I want a divorce.
Jill (sarcastic): Oh, goody.
Husband: I want full custody of the children.
Jill (sarcastic): Of course. They're so 'wonderful.'
Husband: Just sign the papers.
Jill (sarcastic): Ha Ha Ha Ha.

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Mary Worth 897

Negative? Jill's been negative? I hadn't noticed. I did notice that she tried to choose the dress. I did notice that she tried to choose the invitations. I did notice that she tried to break up Adrian and Scott. But I hadn't really noticed a negative 'spin.' I just assume, come the wedding day, it will be Jill walking down the aisle with Adrian's dad who will give her away, and Jill just wants to make sure everything is ready for the big day. Is that so negative?

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Mary Worth 896

A few weeks? Your boring and uninspired wedding announcements aren't even back from the printer yet. You two are way behind schedule. Plus, Adrian needs to dye her hair again. Her blond roots are showing.

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Mary Worth 895

I think Mary Worth just found her new pupil. Over the coming months, Mary will mentor Jill in the finer subtleties of meddling. Jill will transform from whiny criticizer to evil persuader, able to instill her will on any victim. But will the transformation be soon enough to make sure Adrian doesn't look like a joke when she walks down the aisle?

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Mary Worth 894

Thank heaven for hospital administrators like Jill Black, who feels so passionately about keeping things exciting and inspired that she's willing to use one of her three wishes to destroy any vestige of happiness to which these two losers cling.

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Mary Worth 893

Score! I'm so glad Adrian brought a man along to put Jill in her place! Of course, Jill is going to go home now and kill herself since Scott has obviously opened the wound that cannot heal.

Speaking of wounds that cannot heal, that bullet that grazed Scott's head has left a nasty, hairless scar.

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Mary Worth 892

No, Scott doesn't like anything that is too busy. That's why he's marrying Adrian.

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Mary Worth 891

I'm convinced that Adrian is just bringing Jill along for the laughs. "Scott, you have to be there. Jill is hilarious. It's like her brain has no filters. And she gets Mary Worth all worked up, so it's twice the fun!"

The stationary store's interior design is as low-key as their cards.

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Mary Worth 890

I'm sorry, I really shouldn't blog about things I don't understand, and today is just one more proof that I really don't understand "Mary Worth." Adrian pulls into Charterstone to drop off Mary, and then proceeds to drive over a mountain before getting to Mary's parking lot. Charterstone is much bigger than I thought.

The comic above is much bigger than you think as well. Click on it for the full image. If you dare.

Mary Worth 889

Ah, the traditional Santa Royale honeymoon. A classic destination for lovers of all genres. Dagwood and Blondie. Elly and John Patterson, the parents in For Better or For Worse. I think even Fred and Wilma Flintstone honeymooned there in 10,000 B.C.

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Mary Worth 888

Puppet Master: 1

Jill Black: 0

It's amazing how masterfully Mary Worth has convinced Adrian that she's making up her own mind. In the meddling game, we call this the "Double Dip."

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Mary Worth 887

We all need a friend like Mary to tell us what to do when we have a really hard choice to make. Things I don't know what to do about:

• The government says I must pay taxes. I don't know what to do.
• The air is polluted. Should I breathe it?
• I'm wearing my seat belt. Do I have to crash my car?

I want to thank everyone for continuing to read this blog. It's easier to be open about my love for Mary Worth when I know others share my disease. If you're new to Mary Worth & Me, don't forget to read your secret messages by holding your cursor over each image. And if you're new to this strip, stop reading it now, while you still can.

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Mary Worth 886

What is it about rational Adrian on Sundays, but emotionally insecure Adrian on weekdays? All week she's been doubting herself because of Jill's manipulative statements: Your dress is old fashioned. I don't want to be a joke walking down the aisle. You're marrying below yourself. He is only a cop, and I'm a doctor. But last Sunday, Adrian was all Let's not worry about the dress, and now today: Lemon meringue pie is for losers. People can say what they want.

I hope Scott works hard all week but gets Sundays off. That's probably the best chance for their marriage.

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Mary Worth 885

Well, the lemon meringue pie has arrived. Just a note to Beatrice Chestnut, fifth grade color artist: This is what a slice of lemon meringue pie looks like:


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Mary Worth 884

Mary Worth, you lying little sneak. You just told Jill Black that you didn't want dessert, but the moment she leaves, you order lemon meringue pie. Back stabber!

Still, you can't blame Mary; she looks like a lemon meringue pie. Her hair is the meringue.

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Mary Worth 883

I know Mary is excited to have chin napkin back, and Adrian is depressed that her little tyrannosaurus arms keep her from using a glass properly, but if Jill gets away unscathed, this lunch is entirely for naught.

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