Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mary Worth 695

Knowledge is very dangerous in the wrong hands. And Dawn knows a lot of dangerous stuff. She knows that Kurt is somebody else's baby. She also knows: Pie is yummy. Kitties are cute. Horse's can be smallish.

Now if anyone knows why Wilbur and Kurt suddenly got so dressed up, please tell me. Unless it will destroy our relationship.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Mary Worth 694

From the Desk of Joe Giella

Note to self: How in the world do I draw two adult men of vastly different ages who have 'bonded' enjoying one another's company without it coming across as a scene from "Brokeback Mountain?" ... Can't be done. Don't even try. Just go with the flow.

Today's Full Strip

Friday, February 26, 2010

Mary Worth 693

In case you were wondering, the song they're singing is called "Three Little Birds" and I just added it to the Charterstone Jukebox.

NOTE: "Three Little Birds" has been replaced with the theme song from "The Courtship of Eddie's Father."

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Mary Worth 692

For those of you who are new to Mary Worth, the woman on the right is a recurring character who sometimes appears in the strip drinking coffee. Her name is Mary Worth. She's not very interesting, but fortunately she doesn't appear in the strip very often.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Mary Worth 691

Because, you see, there is a blood shortage in Santa Royale, and the Mountview laboratory requires you to give blood before they give you the cheek swab.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, February 22, 2010

Mary Worth 690

"And after some more persuasion, he agreed to let me keep his heart in this old juice jar full of formaldehyde."

This plot development makes a lot of sense. We are all so familiar with Wilbur's methods of persuasion (nagging, whining and odd body odors), that Kurt's complete reversal of opinion is perfectly logical without our having to sit through any tedious action.

Read Today's Full Strip.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mary Worth 689

Do you know who I pitty? The motherless women. It seems the entire world is full of people who never had parents, spontaneously generating through some sort of spark in the ectoplasm of life. These children must come from the same place where Kurt's suit jacket suddenly materialized.



Look at me. Look how happy I am now. I have Glee written all over my face!






In fact, if you'd like, I'll put my fist against my forehead melodramatically as well. Then you will know for certain my sympathy is true, despite my inability to compare myself to you, despite the week-long comparison I've been making.


Read Today's Full Strip

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Mary Worth 688

"At fifteen, I couldn't stand the dysfunction anymore. I became a bit of a free spirit, with an uneasy restlessness. I moved from town to town, as a wandering minstrel. I tried to get into several Eastern colleges, Tate, McKinley, Taft... none would accept me. In a fit of desperation, I applied to Local University in Santa Royale, California. They accepted me, and so did Wilbur, allowing me to live in his apartment when I showed up on his doorstep refusing to take one of those untrustworthy DNA test."

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mary Worth 687

As Wilbur and Dawn continue to bounce from Bedroom to Kitchen to Study, Kurt wanders hopelessly through the mysterious dimension that is the Weston Apartment, looking in vain for some sort of exit.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Omaha World-Herald Loses Sense of Humor

Thanks to Willy who let us know that the Omaha World-Herald is "changing its approach to comics." Can you guess who's getting axed? But great news: they published the phone number and email address that you can use to let the editors know what you think! That's always fun.

Mary Worth 686

I had to phone someone so I picked on you
Hey, that's far out so you heard him too!


And thus we say good-bye to Helen Martin and her David Bowie accompaniment. I must mention how easy it has been to find appropriate David Bowie lyrics for every Helen Martin strip. And I must ask, do you think she really hung up on Dawn, or do you think she just said "Click" and is now listening quietly? Regardless, Dawn is having another one of those "!" thought balloons, which is helpful to those of us who don't really understand how shocked Dawn is. But most of us knew she was stunned when her eyes were jolted back to blue.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Mary Worth 685

My little China Girl
You shouldn't mess with me
I'll ruin everything you are
I'll give you television
I'll give you eyes of blue


"Also, I have a tattoo on my lower back that says 'JIM.' Now, is there any other personal information you'd like to trick me into disclosing while I'm so (parenthetically) drunk?"

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Mary Worth 684

I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years
Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years, gold
Golden years, gold whop whop whop


Is there any doubt that Helen Martin is a lonely old heiress who has seen more than her share of sadness brought on by her decadent life of leisure? Look at her eyes, and the anger masking a sense of deep longing. Her highball glass full of very red wine. Her porcelain princess phone and its classy but ultimately colorless design. Not to mention she has an embarrassing case of the (parenthetical) hiccups.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Mary Worth 683

Every once in a while, Mary Worth exceeds even my expectations and achieves greatness. This is one of those ... (hic) ... moments.

At first, I seriously thought Helen Martin was David Bowie, and I was so excited. I have a feeling I'm really going to like Helen Martin. Oh, I do hope, hope, hope that Helen Martin earns more than bit player status; we need to see a lot more of her. At the very least, please let me see how she hangs up that phone. Because that will be funny.

Hey man I gotta straighten my face
This mellow thighed chick just put my spine out of place


Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Mary Worth 682

This is what happens when you spend too much time surfing the Interwebs, Dawn. Your nose sucks into your face, your eyebrow hair falls out, and your finger develops the feint odor of Fanta grape soda.

By all means, give Martin's sister a call. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear from you and answer your questions about... about... just what do you intend to ask her? Did Martin like to fish? Maybe Martin's sister can give you some of her deceased brother's DNA.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, February 8, 2010

Mary Worth 681

Identity theft is not a joke, Dawn! Millions of families suffer every year!

By the way, I like your pencil collection. I think my collection has a little more variety, but your tenth grade ceramics project is a much better pencil holder than my 1990 Justice League of America mug.

Now, a little bit of housekeeping: There have been several requests for the song "Last Train to Clarkesville" by the Monkees to be added to the Charterstone Jukebox. I took this request to the Carterstone Condo Board for approval, but it was immediately rejected for the following reasons: "1) Quality. The low moral character, and inferior musical stylings of the song fail to meet the standards we hope to maintain at Charterstone Condominiums. 2) Relevance. We see no connection between the train to Clarkesville, and the Clarkville Resort chain in Florida. Your suggestion is forthwith denied!" If it were up to me, I'd say yes. I like the song. But it isn't up to me. The Condo Board has spoken.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Mary Worth 680

Where were you when Martin Clark died? I'll never forget it. I was a freshman at Tate College (His alma mater, by the way), and it was spring break. Me and some buddies had gone down to Florida and were staying at the Clarkville Resort, which was awesome. I was standing on the veranda, looking over the sparkling ocean, when Dan Rather's voice on the television inside said, "We interrupt this program with a stunning announcement: Martin Clark's private plane went down just minutes ago off the Florida Keys." The nation was shrouded in grief. Who could ever forget when Martin Clark's plane went down. And, yet, nobody really knows anything about him. I want to know more.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Mary Worth 679

I just don't know where to begin... I've been pondering today's strip as we unburied ourselves from last night's blizzard. I shoveled our driveway and our three neighbors' driveways, but I just don't know where to start...

  • Shall I comment on Dawn's lazy eye that just won't focus on her computer screen in either panel?
  • Or Tate College, which I haven't heard mentioned since Harold Lloyd's 1920's silent classic The Freshman (which I loved when I was in high school, by the way)?
  • Or the odd design of Dawn's computer - is it a laptop? If so, how does it close?
  • Or Wilbur's most excellent portrait, and why doesn't Dawn have a photo of Wilbur with her dead mother instead?
  • Or the lack of lumbar support from Dawn's desk chair?
  • Or should I focus on where this story might be headed instead? Will Dawn find Martin Clark and claim to be his daughter?
  • And how does a nasty rich kid from Florida survive the harsh Boston winters?
  • Has anyone stayed at a Clarkville Resort in Florida? Are they nice? Do they have HBO?
So why can't I figure out how to start this post? Is it because there are too many things to discuss, or is it that there's nothing worth discussing?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Mary Worth 678

Thank you, Dawn! As a former college rival, I am tired of being blamed for everything. Just because I was nasty and rich doesn't mean I stole your girl friend. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't like fishing. I can't help it if she was a free spirit!

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mary Worth 677

"If I could go back in time... then I could trick Martin Clark to fall in love with me, Dad could marry Abby, and I could prevent myself from ever being born into this miserable life."

This is gonna' be GREAT!

Today's full strip

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mary Worth 676

Why does Martin Clark sound familiar? I'll tell you why he sounds familiar: MartinClark.com

Clearly, he's a much better writer than Wilbur.

By the way, I've added a new song to the Charterstone Jukebox. See if you can guess why.

Read Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Mary Worth 675

"I couldn't stand him then, but I'm standing NOW. Look at me stand! I stand so tall, I can almost touch the SKY!"

Today's Full Strip

Monday, February 1, 2010

Mary Worth 674

"What was it about Abby? Thanks for asking. Well, first of all, she was a free spirit... Hey, here's an email from someone claiming to be my child who I never knew about before. Twice in one week. I'll invite him to move in."

Wilbur may want to stay off the Interwebs for a while.

Today's Full Strip