Mary Worth 1766

Chin Napkin in his most dramatic role to date.

Mary Worth 1765

And another child grows up cherishing her fond memories of eating out at the Bum Boat.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1764

For gosh sake, Jeff. Keep that menu away from the open flame!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1763

"Yes, one person thought I was so wonderful he asked me to stay in New York with him. If the winters weren't so cold, of course I would have said yes."

I think its interesting the Mary is sparing Jeff's feelings by not telling him all about her tryst with Broadway Legend Ken Kensington. Since when has she ever spared Jeff's feelings?

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1762

When I decided to propose to my wife and surprise her with an engagement ring (we had had a few discussions so I knew what she wanted), I did a lot of research and selected a jewelry store outside of Cincinnati where we were both graduate students. On the way to the jewelers, my car broke down along the freeway during a freezing cold January rush hour. A nice man with a car phone stopped and let me use his phone to call a tow truck. The tow truck came and hauled my car away, leaving me to wander down the embankment to a gas station with a pay phone. As I wandered, I thought to myself, "I need someone to come pick me up? Who should I call?" Then it dawned on me: I have a girl friend! I'd never had to rely on her in a crisis before, and it was this really new and novel feeling. When I called and explained that I was stranded (I didn't tell her I was going to pick out her a ring), she was happy to come get me. Happy to. Since then, I've always thought that the measure of a relationship is how you work together in times of distress.

Mary and Jeff, your relationship has thus been measured.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1761

Old people complain about the weather a lot. Because they're old. Apparently they don't complain about getting mugged or being run over by a taxi, perhaps because they can't remember those things so well. Because they're old. They may also not remember dating someone else while they were away from their gentleman friend because they are old, which is very convenient.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1760

Mary Worth is not the only one who just got home today. I got home as well. And, yes, I too brought home a mug, only mine was from Disney World, and I drink liquid from it, not mashed potatoes. We had a wonderful time, but two of us came home with a really horrible chest cough, and that combined with the Eastern storm made getting home quite an adventure. And not the fun kind of Jungle Cruise Adventureland adventure either. It's good to be home.

Today's Full Strip

The 2013 Worthy Awards

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sixth Annual Worthy Awards!

Thousands of your votes have been tabulated! The citizens of Santa Royale have walked the fuschia carpet, and are now ready to congratulate themselves for their wonderfulment. They've taken their seats for what promises to be an evening of glamour, embarrassing acceptance speeches and political controversy.

So without further adieu, it's time for an opening number:

Here's a special encore performance of Broadway Legend Ken Kensington singing his classic "Some Enchanted Mugging!"

It's time to present our annual Aldo Kelrast Award. This coveted prize is awarded each year to a character who dies. And this year's winner is Eleanor Dill!

Congratulations Eleanor! We were lucky to have you as long as we did. Sorry we couldn't attend your funeral. We had better thangs to do.

And now onto our first Worthy Award!

The nominees for Outstanding Use of a Prop are:

Mary Worth for Yoga Matt-Ress.

Shelly Cohen for Bagels, Onions and Lox.

Mary Worth for Soup Pot.

John Dill for Cake Topper.

And the Worthy winner is:

John Dill for Cake Topper.

John Dill was unable to attend tonight's awards ceremony because he is in New York City studying with Chef Pierre. His trophy will be mailed to him. And as a special tribute to John Dill, his trophy is made out of pink sugar.

The nominee for Outstanding Floating Head are:

Beth Kinley for Nightmare.

Mary Worth for Beach Ball Head.

Tom Harpman for All Around Greatness.

The Girls of Pax for the Girls of Pax.

Mary Worth for Mary in the Sky with Dill.

Jeff Cory, M.D., for Heavy Matter.

Mary Worth for Patron Saint of Owed Favors.

And the Worthy winner is:

Mary Worth for Mary in the Sky with Dill.

Mary Worth was unable to attend tonight's awards because she is in New York City secretly dating Broadway Legend Ken Kensington. Her trophy will be mailed to her. And as a special tribute to Mary Worth, her trophy is made out of pink sugar.

The nominees for Outstanding Guest Character are:

Aggie

Shannon Brown

Dr. Milton Smith

Elinor Kinley

Central Park Troll

Ken Kensington

And the Worthy winner is:

Dame Elinor Kinley

Dame Elinor Kinley is too sick to attend tonight. Her trophy will be mailed to her. As a tribute to Dame Kinley, her trophy is made out of pink placebo sugar.

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Regular Character are:

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Wilbur Weston

Toby Cameron

And the Worthy winner is:

Mary Worth

Well, this is embarrassing. Mary Worth still hasn't arrived... We will mail... yada yada yada... pink sugar.

The nominees for Most Beautiful Use of Nature:

The Beauty of Nature Cake

The Beauty of Nature Park

The Beauty of Nature Wellness Center

And the Worthy winner is:

The Beauty of Nature Cake

Accepting the award for his cake would be John Dill if he were here... ::sigh::

The nominees for Panel of the Year are:

Better than Carrie Underwood, but not as good as Julie Andrews.

Prestigious Names

Mary Relives Aldo's Death

Mary Never Spills

And the Worthy winner is:

Better than Carrie Underwood, but not as good as Julie Andrews.

And... accepting the award isn't Mary Worth... But I'm sure she's pleased. So far, we've got an auditorium full of losers.

The nominees for Best Hug are:

Mary Worth and John Dill

Shannon Brown and Mary Worth

Shelly Cohen and Mary Worth

Shelly Cohen and Dr. Milton Smith

Tom Harpman and Beth Kinley

And the Worthy winners are:

Tom Harpman and Beth Kinley

I don't believe it! Tom Harpman is actually here to accept this award! His wife couldn't be here tonight because she's home taking care of her sick mother. This is a new award category, and just goes to show that the Citizens of Santa Royale love awkward touching! Congratulations to the Harpmans!

And now, the moment we've all been waiting and waiting and waiting for: The nominees for Story of the Year are

The Widow June

Tom Harpman Gets a Wife

The Beauty of Cakes

Shannon Brown Means to Help

And the winner is:

The Beauty of Cakes

Thank you for voting and selecting this year's winners. Okay, okay... so we didn't have a lot of acceptance speeches tonight. But I'm sure we are all very happy for the winners! And who knows, maybe next year's Worthy awards will be held in New York City! Don't you just HEART New York? But its cold there this time of year, so I'm headed to Disney World. I'll see you in a week!