Thursday, March 31, 2011

Mary Worth 990

"I really just don't know how long I'll be here... I could decide to fly to Vietnam tomorrow, or a week from now, or maybe even in 12 years. There's just no saying what you'll do when you're a spontaneous international traveler with an unrestricted visa and a golden pass on [Product Placement Here] Airlines."

Note: Contact Mary Worth and Me to learn how your airline can receive valuable mentions on this blog.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mary Worth 989

Well, in the same two months it took me to read "Dawn Overcomes her Internet Obsession by Flying a Kite," I also read "David Copperfield" by Charles Dickens - I just finished it last night. Same length of time, but "David Copperfield" had about three billion more words. And was about three billion times better as well. GASP! I actually said something critical about Mary Worth? Yes. While I may be the strip's biggest fan, even I can see that this story was just not up to the normal, stellar level of other stories such as "Kurt and Wilbur go Fishing," and "Bonnie Goes Shopping." However, the one good thing that I can say about the "Dawn's Kite Addiction" story is that, if you count the little preface in January about whether or not Mary would like to use a Kindle, it did convince me to buy a Kindle, which is what I read "David Copperfield" on. So in a way, "Dawn Learns to Paint Kites" will be forever linked in my mind with the great literature of Charles Dickens.

Speaking of my Kindle, I can see that Jeff still hasn't set his down...

Perhaps Jeff will explain to Dawn's old boyfriend, Dr. Drew Corey, M.D., that he can subscribe to his Men's Workout comic book on a Kindle. Surely Drew is no Luddite.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Mary Worth 988

Worried for a while? Is that all it was? I thought it was forever.

But if anything would help me and my relationships, it would be spending more time with Wilbur.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, March 28, 2011

Mary Worth 987

Mary is bound and determined to find out why it is Dawn has more free time. Of course, now that Dawn is offline, she won't be able to complete half her assignments at Local University, forcing her to drop out and giving her even MORE free time. Maybe she'll be able to do more reading once she moves the sectional away from the bookshelf.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Mary Worth 986

All this talk about art reminds me that last week Mrs. Wanders and I went to see the Blinky Palermo exhibition at the Smithsonian Hirshhorn Museum of Modern Art. Boy! Talk about "honed over the centuries..."

Just stunning work... a blue board leaning against the wall, with a blue circle next to it, and a giant replica of the paint chip we brought back from Home Depot. Such vision. He also had some triangles. I was really taken aback, until I remembered I had seen Toby Cameron's even-more-time-honored work: Wilbur as Clown


Today's Full Strip

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Mary Worth 985

I must admit I didn't recognize Toby at first and thought Mary Worth was making a surprise pie delivery to Dawn's friend Cathy. However, I was quickly overjoyed to learn that Dawn would be taking painting lessons from Toby during her Saturday breaks from her online accounts.

Everyone needs a hobby. I enjoy reading and am quickly approaching the end of David Copperfield which I started last month when I bought the Kindle that Dr. Jeff Corey had recommended. What will you be doing when you take your break from your online accounts?

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mary Worth 984

And count me in, too! This is definitely going viral! In fact, I'm going to post this on Facebook! But not on Saturday because that would be hypocritical. Never underestimate the power and influence of this comic strip. Remember when the world stopped falling for phishing scams? Or the online dating industry tanked?

So make this Saturday your day of no cell phones (even though that's when your minutes are free), no television (even though the NCAA basketball regional finals begin that day), and no -- most evil of all -- no Interwebs. Instead, go online during the workweek and get paid for it.

(Note to my boss: This blog is meant to be ironic and satirical. I would never truly endorse wasting time at work.)

Today's Full Strip

Monday, March 21, 2011

Mary Worth 983

My, my, my, how these young people speak these days. One can barely understand what they're saying with all their hipster non-specific adjectives, and ├╝ber-cool, yet unnecessarily redundant, exposition.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mary Worth 981

Classic addict denial going on here. Her assurance that she's cured is so over the top that it won't be more than 24 hours before Dawn is online again! 24 hours! I mean only an addict would act like this, pretending everything is fine when she has no reason on earth to even think she's been cured. I'm sure Wilbur is on red alert. Tough love, Wilbur. Tough love. The Internet drove Dawn to the brink of absolute insanity. Even you aren't so dim as to think you've magically cured your daughter with your magic kite.

Today's Full Strip

Monday, March 14, 2011

Mary Worth 980

Because Dawn's addiction is so deep, she isn't quite ready to admit that frolicking and flying kites with Wilbur is actually better than endlessly staring at her texting machine. But kite flying is one of the best cures for online addiction out there. Just like buying someone a honeymoon in Bora Bora cures alcoholism, and a good house cleaning with Mary Worth solves a shopping compulsion.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Mary Worth 979

Oh my gosh! Mary Worth is REAL??? I had no idea. This is horrible. Just horrible! Maybe I should just go fly a kite in virtual mode!

By the way, Toots McGee, thanks for recommending "Kites are Fun." You may not realize this, but it's been on the Charterstone Jukebox for two years. However, today, I know that it finally belongs. I've moved it to the top of the stack.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Mary Worth 978

Whew! What a relief. I thought there might be a dead body in the trunk. Instead, they're simply going to build a wind turbine to power Dawn's texting machine.

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Mary Worth 976

I find that the best way to lose weight is to sit in my car and adjust the seat so that my huge gut is pressed through the steering wheel like Play-Dough. Yes, it obstructs my ability to steer the car, but that's what makes it so motivating.

Today's Full Strip

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Mary Worth 975

Dawn, a broken woman, finally gives in to her father's desperate pleas for daddy-daughter time.

Today's Full Strip

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Mary Worth 974

I know how Dawn feels. I can't stay present in anyone's company either! I keep trying to tell them about the current wonderful Mary Worth story, and they just sneer at me and walk away. Fortunately, I have my pictures and briefcase to keep me company late at night.

Today's Full Strip

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mary Worth 973

I'd be a little concerned if Dawn was calling the childhood friend of Mary Worth, but because of the shortage of WASP-worthy names, Cathy is also Dawn's classmate at Local U, last referred to in 2004. She's the only person Dawn has left to turn to, the only person not yet destroyed by Twitter. At two a.m., Dawn sent out a tweet for help, but everyone replied "@Dawn: Just give in to it. There is no escape."

Today's Full Strip

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mary Worth 971

Oh my gosh, she's using a MAC at one o'clock in the afternoon! Is there no limit to her obsession? I feel so confused inside right now.

Today's Full Strip

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mary Worth 970

How'd that work out for him, Iris? As many readers pointed out yesterday, Tommy ended up mopping floors in prison for selling marijuana and using drug related words like "leaf" and "gram." Perhaps Tommy wouldn't have strayed so far if you had meddled just a bit more in your son's life.

Today's Full Strip